I drove by his house [updates]

[TanTry]

Do not feel bad, it is hard to keep NC but just get straight back to it, do not reply if he answers x

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Was it funny ? I sound like an idiot,,but I couldn't help it...

 

Thing is, I have kids at home, it's difficult for me to get out as much as I'd like. But I agree it may be something for my ego,,because my ego is shattered.

 

No. I've done worse. Stick to it. Stay mad and don't reply/email him ever again. I will go read your email sweetie, I look forward to us getting through this together!! <3

[barky2]

Was it funny ? I sound like an idiot,,but I couldn't help it...

 

Thing is, I have kids at home, it's difficult for me to get out as much as I'd like. But I agree it may be something for my ego,,because my ego is shattered.

 

Lol the " masterbating" dig was a little funny, can't say I haven't used something similar.

 

And it doesn't mean you have to run out tonight, plan something out, maybe in a week or two, go all out

 

I'm sure someone close wouldn't mind babysitting one night so you can let loose.

 

 

 

Barky

[Just smile]

Thank you. I feel like a bigger jerk why don't I just take everyone's advice about the no contact thing. But when I saw he updated the ticket sale and lowered the price from 65 to 50 it just spoke to volumes to me. He's trying desperately to get rid of my ticket, instead of calling and saying , " you know what I ****ign love you" I'm sorry .. Nah, it's all a figment of my imagination. And yet as sure as I'm breathing I KNOW he will reach out with his tears. At some point.

 

Here I sit, miserable with complete inertia.

[TanTry]

I understand how you feel

 

I myslef broke NC two days in by answering a call, it wasnt an awful convo but I am still in the same place, he doesnt want me back

 

I think we need to gain some self confidence, we have lost it along the way, we gave so much of ourselves to our ex's that we left nothing here for ourselves.

 

See it this way, if you knew you had a hard winter coming with limited supplies and you had a friend who asked for help would you

 

a) Give some of your food to others who need it but keep some to get you by too

 

b) Give the other person everything you have so that when winter comes you starve

 

Im assuming it is answer a? This is how we should have handled the relationship. Give enough but look aftet ourselves too

 

Unfortunately we didnt save ourselves anything so we feel shattered right now. But do not let this upset you as if anyine can pick you back up it is yourself

 

Forget the email, he deserved it anyway.

 

Forget the ticket, would you want to go to a show with someone who doesnt even want to be there with you? Would you really?

 

Focus on you

 

Right now in this moment, focus on you.

[Just smile]

I swear I do not know what I would do without this forum..

 

Your words inspire me, and as I sit here with loads of laundry to finish, and a tree to put up for my kids, I need to muster up the energy to pull myself out of this mess.

 

I feel the EXacttttt same way I felt this time last year. Absolutely nothing has changed, he always comes back it lasts for months and months and then. Bam all over again. Funny thing, is I blame myself saying, oh if you only kept your mouth shut the argument wouldn't have ensued and everything would be peachy ..

 

He disposes of me all the time, he's not afraid of losing me, until he THINKS I'm gone! then boom he resurfaces. Same old.

[Just smile]

Yep yet another stupid move, thankfully he didn't see me, but I drove by, for what ? Do not know. Really don't.

 

Tonight is the night of the show we were supposed to see, I feel awful like I have the flu awful. I had a dream last night of him,,that he was angry with me , in my dream he was angry with me.

 

I'm praying for strength right now, because I almost broke NC yet again. It's almost like I want to torture myself , to hear him tell me " I can't give u what u want , what u need and deserve "....

 

My mentality as of early this morning, is if you really really love someone, NOTHING could keep you away. He obviously doesn't feel these feelings... Or if he does and when the fog clears out of his head, it will be too late for me.

 

I'm so sick of the cycle,

[elbe]

If you are in the right state of mind those memories can be a positive thing - without thinking you're going to die without them in your life.

 

Fact is; your mind's imagination of that person is a total fantasy. That's not who he actually is. You filled in a lot of gaps when you are thinking about contacting him. Try to remember you broke up for a reason.

[Just smile]

Maybe instead of focusing on how very much I miss him, maybe I should focus on how I was alone for Christmas and new year last year while he went off to Florida and visited his ex girlfiend. And again this year without him on thanksgiving. Again in Florida

And he didn't even call me to say happy thanksgiving. I need to change the way I think, I keep thinking about how he may find someone else or date , and not miss me,

 

Ugh

[elbe]

The holiday's are rough, but many of us will be spending them alone as well. Keep it in mind that you are not alone with that. Think about the negative but do not dwell on it. Be outwardly focused. Find someone who deserves your energy.

[RDawg]

He went to visit his ex over the holidays? There is hope for us exes!!

[Just smile]

This is an old high school girlfriend. !!!! She must weigh 225 . ( not being mean) but come on.

 

He ALWAYS had a friendship relationship with her , during out entire relationship. We even went to her going away party, so yea last year he drove to see his family, then drove two hours to see her fat ass. All the while I was here crying. Yea it's ****ed up.

[Logan oO]

This is an old high school girlfriend. !!!! She must weigh 225 . ( not being mean) but come on.

 

He ALWAYS had a friendship relationship with her , during out entire relationship. We even went to her going away party, so yea last year he drove to see his family, then drove two hours to see her fat ass. All the while I was here crying. Yea it's ****ed up.

 

This particular reply made me laugh.

 

It's ok to be angry, but 'she' isn't at fault. You'd be putting the blame on her because of him! He is the one you want to hate.

 

Anyhoo, it's amazing, it really is how we dumpee's go so crazy and do the stupidest things after a break up. Looking back at how i acted when i've been dumped several times by my last ex, i should of saved my breathe. BUT i have no regrets. I'm stronger and more experienced in life now because of it.

[Just smile]

I wasn't dumped. I dumped him. Ironic though. Right after I did it I regretted it although I know it was in my best interest to cut it off. In the past HE always cut me out or off. Always. He always broke up with me, this time after he told me he extended his trip I flipped out and told him I couldn't do this anymore. But then we met for a drink to talk about it and that's when he made a fool out of me I. Front of about 50 odd people yelling at me in my face. He humiliated it, and that sort of sealed the deal for me.,then HE said , it's over,my our right it's over. I don't wanna see you I don't love you etc blah blah. He has said this millions of times

[RDawg]

You should have thrown a brick through his window.

[d0nnivain]

RDawg -- advising somebody to throw a brick through an EX's window is not healthy.

 

JustSmile -- Your head knows why you are apart. Your heart will catch up. He had one foot out the door last year. You just shoved him all the way through this year. I'd rather be alone & single at the holidays then in a relationship feeling abandoned b/c my BF chose to spend it with another woman.

 

Everybody has done the drive by at least once in their life. You did it on a night you two had plans to do something special that got cancelled because of the break up. OK it's not the most mature / healthy thing in the world but it's not like you actually threw a brick through his window as suggested. Don't do it again. Hang in there. You will get through this.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Yep yet another stupid move, thankfully he didn't see me, but I drove by, for what ? Do not know. Really don't.

You drove by because you needed your fix. You know he is coming back, but you are curious of when. You are lacking attention right now and you are trying to fulfill it. Doing so, you are not giving yourself a chance to heal. Feel the pain, get through it. You can't go around it. You gotta keep me moving forward, quit those urges of contact (including a drive by).

 

Tonight is the night of the show we were supposed to see, I feel awful like I have the flu awful. I had a dream last night of him,,that he was angry with me , in my dream he was angry with me.

Did you go to the show?! You better have you and better have frickin enjoyed yourself too! you know why? Because you deserve it! you did nothing wrong, don't imprison yourself for his mistakes. Next time hit the gas and not the brakes while driving by...

 

I'm praying for strength right now, because I almost broke NC yet again. It's almost like I want to torture myself , to hear him tell me " I can't give u what u want , what u need and deserve "....

This is what you need to do, write down everything ill-hearted about him! Every nasty thing he did to you and don't forget how he left you again for the gazillionth time. Remember these things, forget the good stuff. Your remembering the good stuff because there was so little to cling onto, you are hanging on to a frayed string right now of good things. Let it go, you will feel so much better. You need to find what makes you angry about him and hold onto that thick bundle of quality rope.

 

My mentality as of early this morning, is if you really really love someone, NOTHING could keep you away. He obviously doesn't feel these feelings... Or if he does and when the fog clears out of his head, it will be too late for me.

No, no dear. If you really love someone you don't need to dump them and leave them and come back and leave them again. That is not love. Love is not coming back after you continually hurt that person knowingly. Love is staying together, working it out when you have your problems, love is NOT leaving when you get scared or you are mad or confused. Love is talking to that other person openly, letting them know your qualms and issues and working TOGETHER to sort it out. Love is giving things a chance, not a break.

 

He is incapable of feeling anything. This is not your fault. Only his. He will be like this with the next poor woman. Just so you know. But YOU, you will find a quality man. So don't you worry about that!

 

"Or if he does and when the fog clears out of his head, it will be too late for me."

 

No it won't. You would take him back an in instant and you know it, he even knows it! You taught him that little fact about yourself which is why he keeps leaving. Prove him wrong this time, prove yourself wrong. Don't take him back. Be a confident woman who loves yourself and doesn't take anything less than she deserves!

 

I'm so sick of this cycle

If you were...you'd be so happy to be done with it. It's over, it's in your hands. Don't you understand that? You don't have to stay in this cycle. You know where the door is. Open it, walk out, and never look back. Edited December 3, 2013 by BlessYourCottonSocks

[acrosstheuniverse]

My mentality as of early this morning, is if you really really love someone, NOTHING could keep you away. He obviously doesn't feel these feelings...

 

That's exactly right. I agonised a lot after my recent breakup, what if he's awake upset, what if he's changing his mind, what if he wants to sort things out but he can't talk it over first because I initiated NC... it didn't help that the night he broke up with me he called me in tears saying he was scared he'd made a mistake and would 'probably come begging' urgh. I told him that evening that I couldn't help him with this and not to get in touch with me unless he wanted to try make it work, and that even then who knows how I'd feel.

 

We broke NC a few days later because I felt like until I knew for sure how he felt, I wouldn't be able to move on. And he basically said that he couldn't tell where the sadness and missing me ended and the regret began, and unless he was 100% sure he'd made a mistake he didn't want to mess me about by being on the fence and trying again. I realised then that he blatantly wasn't 100% sure about being with me, that I was only an option, that he doubted our compatibility, and decided to stop being prepared to be second best to a guy that didn't have faith in us. So I went full NC, that was three or four weeks ago, and I intend to stay that way permanently. We were never friends, we met and started dating, there's nothing to salvage.

 

I am nervous of if/when I bump into him (small city and don't live too far away), I think it'll make me want to be sick. But that possible pain is just something one day I will have to face up to, it's either wait for that or initiate pain now by getting in touch to 'clear the air' and 'meet for coffee'... I just don't think any of it would help or make a difference. I need to know every day that I have no part in his life nor he in mine any more, that I won't hear from him, I need to have time and space to forget that he exists and wipe away the mental memories. It does happen, eventually. I got over a two year serious relationship with someone I was living with so I'm sure I can keep on moving past this five month relationship.

 

Anyway once I made myself drive down my serious ex's street because I had a delivery to make down there with my job I just couldn't avoid making. It was a bit painful but nothing too bad. My most recent ex, my friend lives down his street and I'd have to drive past his house to go there. I've been putting off going to see her because I know it's going to make me feel terrible down there

[reddragon588]

My exes' parents love about a half mile down the road from me. I have to drive past it every day on my way to work. Although she has since moved out, it is where all out memories were. It was incredibly tough for me at first. I finally got over it by just ignoring it and pretending it didn't hold any meaning for me. After a while that pretend became real.

 

I know this was an impulse reaction for you, but you need to control it. This is only seeking out more pain. Think of it that way- acting out these impulses is actively seeking out more pain. When you frame it this way, it's easier to control them.

[flight E]

Gf u have to get a hold of yourself. This guy treated you badly by your own admission and do you know y. Becos you were his doormat. He could see all the puppy luv in your eyes even while you were breaking up with him. You have no other way. You must leave this one forever. The feelings will wear off eventually

[cavalier99]

Drive bys are unhealthy. This is seeking behavior and can be very painful. It is the same as when someone dies and you think you see them or search for them i a crowd.

 

It is normal but shoud be avoided. just like doing NC. I did this afew times driving by her office and it sucked. You need to stop yourself and it gets easier. A lot of people think this is stalking but it isnt. Its you trying to be close to him. Now if you drive by and stop..that is more worrysome Cav

[Just smile]

Drive bys are unhealthy. This is seeking behavior and can be very painful. It is the same as when someone dies and you think you see them or search for them i a crowd.

 

It is normal but shoud be avoided. just like doing NC. I did this afew times driving by her office and it sucked. You need to stop yourself and it gets easier. A lot of people think this is stalking but it isnt. Its you trying to be close to him. Now if you drive by and stop..that is more worrysome Cav

 

Yes that's exactly why I did it,to feel close. And I did as I was doing it, I could see his shadow ep walking throughout his house, and I panicked. Such a crappy feeling. Tonight he's going to that show.,with the other couple we were going with and as far as I know alone, but can't help think he found someone else to join him, and my heart hurts.

 

I miss him, and a piece of me wants everything to go back to how it was one week ago today, just fine...

 

But. I also wasn't happy .wasnt getting what I needed from him, and the end as much as it pains me to admit was enevitable at some point and time.

 

I highly doubt I will ever feel the way I felt for him for anyone else.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Yes that's exactly why I did it,to feel close. And I did as I was doing it, I could see his shadow ep walking throughout his house, and I panicked. Such a crappy feeling. Tonight he's going to that show.,with the other couple we were going with and as far as I know alone, but can't help think he found someone else to join him, and my heart hurts.

 

I miss him, and a piece of me wants everything to go back to how it was one week ago today, just fine...

 

But. I also wasn't happy .wasnt getting what I needed from him, and the end as much as it pains me to admit was enevitable at some point and time.

 

I highly doubt I will ever feel the way I felt for him for anyone else.

 

This isn't love, this is attachment.

 

There are SOOO many books and articles about this, read up!!

 

It's hard to accept this feeling, but I don't think this is love for you. You are attached to the drama, the games, the back and forth, the high of breaking up and then getting back together. Because when you are together something lacks in your relationship and in order to get that high and excitement again someone breaks up.

 

It's like an addiction. You gotta get away from it. And in order to do that you have to be uncomfortable and in pain for awhile. Break that addiction.

[Jules78]

Yes that's exactly why I did it,to feel close. And I did as I was doing it, I could see his shadow ep walking throughout his house, and I panicked. Such a crappy feeling. Tonight he's going to that show.,with the other couple we were going with and as far as I know alone, but can't help think he found someone else to join him, and my heart hurts.

 

I miss him, and a piece of me wants everything to go back to how it was one week ago today, just fine...

 

But. I also wasn't happy .wasnt getting what I needed from him, and the end as much as it pains me to admit was enevitable at some point and time.

 

I highly doubt I will ever feel the way I felt for him for anyone else.

 

 

One time I Google mapped my ex's house just to look at it in "street view" but I was really probably just trying to see if I could catch a glimpse of him, see what car was there. LOL Those photos are taking months or a year prior. I've done way too much seeking/stalking (luckily mine is in a different city so no drive-bys - just internet lol). It's insane! He made me insane.

 

Anyway - you are not crazy or insane or alone in this. We have all been there or are currently there now. I am not 100% out of the woods yet but I am getting there. And you will too!! You don't think that now, but you will.

[Jules78]

 

You are attached to the drama, the games, the back and forth, the high of breaking up and then getting back together. Because when you are together something lacks in your relationship and in order to get that high and excitement again someone breaks up.

 

 

Preach it! That is the truth!