Haydn Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 You are not insane, been there and bought the tickets. As for digging yourself deeper, dont buy a shovel buy a small trowel that way it will take much longer for you to dig. Or you could just say `how about i do something with someone else and stand him up for the concert? Might give you a boost? It's funny as I re read what I write I sound absolutely insane . If I was reading this from someone else , I would be shaking my head in disbelief .... He won't be home until Monday,,and Tuesday we were supposed to go see a concert together, I keep thinking and secretly foolishly hoping he will,call , offer the tickets as a olive branch of hope, and if I accept , I mideswell get a shovel out and dig my ****ing grave.
Author Just smile Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 I like the way you think ! If I can only muster up the courage to pull a stunt like that, u wanna hear something funny? Last year when he pulled this **** with me, I went on match.com. ( stupid yea, I know) anyway a friend of his ( who I didn't know) contacted me, recognized me and asked me out knowing I was his friends ex. Well , when my guy found out he went nuts , and called me up in a rage. I never answered that call, but the little prick came crawling back begging me to forgive him, saying he can't lose me. I'm guessing the thought of me with someone else drove the jerk nuts. But he never valued me enough to keep me around. Still doesn't , not much has changed.
letsplaygofish2 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Sometimes we attract and invite people into our lives because there is something that we crave in our life. It can be subconscious, but it is unhealthy to put any expectations into someone who (you might know) can't give you what you want. It's like expecting him to be your knight in shining armor when he really isn't capable of being knight. I hope you start to feel better soon! Have you thought about journaling? It has helped me see how crazy I sound sometimes... hahah 2
Woggle Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 It's up to you to end this vicious cycle. How much more time will you waste on this. 1
LadyM Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Yep i wasted 3 years in a toxic relationship doing all the running and taking handouts. I was a slave to the woman. Really all my own fault looking back. I should have left her..........But i went back again and again. She even said i only let you back because.........How sad i was to accept and take. yes i miss her sometimes it was an addiction and she was quite a dangerous woman. But i realised she was not as dangerous as unpaid credit card bills and earthquakes and volcanos! Good luck everyone on his tricky subject. I LOVE your last line!! It puts everything in proper perspective. All this agonizing heartbreak we all feel? If there was a REAL disaster in our lives, we wouldn't be giving so much thought to these people who don't even care about us anymore.
LadyM Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I like the way you think ! If I can only muster up the courage to pull a stunt like that, u wanna hear something funny? Last year when he pulled this **** with me, I went on match.com. ( stupid yea, I know) anyway a friend of his ( who I didn't know) contacted me, recognized me and asked me out knowing I was his friends ex. Well , when my guy found out he went nuts , and called me up in a rage. I never answered that call, but the little prick came crawling back begging me to forgive him, saying he can't lose me. I'm guessing the thought of me with someone else drove the jerk nuts. But he never valued me enough to keep me around. Still doesn't , not much has changed. No, it wasn't stupid that you went on match.com. You clearly understood that this was an unhealthy relationship for you and was seeking someone of a better fit for you. Not stupid, rather, a smart move in the right direction. He cavalierly plays games with your heart. This isn't what real love looks like. This is a man who will NEVER be able to love you as you desire. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Sometimes we attract and invite people into our lives because there is something that we crave in our life. It can be subconscious, but it is unhealthy to put any expectations into someone who (you might know) can't give you what you want. It's like expecting him to be your knight in shining armor when he really isn't capable of being knight. This is co-dependence and many of us here suffer from it!! Very common
headinthecloud Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 (edited) As we get older, the fear of loneliness often makes us do and accept things we normally wouldn't dream of considering, let alone do. Forgive yourself. And be kind to yourself, you did nothing wrong. You love him, but the cost of loving this man is your happiness and future. Is he worth your happiness? (...the answer is no, btw ). Edited December 1, 2013 by headinthecloud 1
Author Just smile Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Today I woke up with a feeling of pain in my heart and chest. What always amazes me is how he hasn't found a way to contact me, to apologize for his behavior, to say you are the one for me, I love you, I need you,,, but he is busy, he is in Florida having a GREAT time. Then, when the plane touches down tomorrow most likely. My phones and emails will be going off. ( I've blocked him) but he creates accounts. Or just shows up.. I'm hurting bad. I'm 45 years old and never expected my life to be this way at this point and time. I keep thinking " omg what am I gonna do when I hear he is dating someone " or sleeping with someone. Or just moving on.. Better yet, what will I do when the dreaded I miss u call comes. Or please come see me ... I'm weak . And so so so foolish to have these ridiculous feelings.
Author Just smile Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 After all this time, all the ups n downs and in again off again with this man, my friends are sick of seeing me in this constant vicious cycle. My sons who are 17 and 20 literally say, " mom he is playing with your heart" get rid of him. Do I believe this man loved me? Probably not. Real love doesn't go off on a trip and not miss or care for the other person for five days.. Real love doesn't disrespect. Real love wants to be with the other person, not just once in awhile, ALL the time. When the mood arises and he felt he wanted to spend time with me, then it was time for me to be with him, when I wanted to be with him, it was always an issue or inconvenient for him. Been this way for years and years... Up until 2 years or so ago, he would still go out with his ex wife and kids, to the city to see a show, or oddly enough the ex wife would be at his house for bbqs and I wouldn't be invited. It was rather odd behavior and I stood around and put up with that unacceptable behavior. And here I am with him again pulling this **** while he is sitting on a beach probably with his ex girlfriend ( again) and here I sit , depressed, angry, and have this inability to even move. I've lost a sense of myself, I feel horribly insecure . ( and I've always been a very confident woman ). I want to cut it off like a tumor. But it is very very hard. I walked away from an abusive, 17 year marriage without blinking an eye, I walked away with four kids in tow, although it took me many years to build the courage to leave my ex husband , I did it, and never looked back- yet I eat **** and stay in this rat cage and go back every single time for more abuse. I'm working on this. I'm trying.
headinthecloud Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 The thing about abusive relationships is that they brain wash the victim into thinking its ok for people to treat them badly. You really must try to control your thoughts and start valuing yourself. You are a wonderful person who deserves to have someone love you as much as you love them. It will feel artificial at first but why not try to act on your sons's suggestion and kick him to the curb because you deserve to be treated properly. You are loved by your kids, and I'm sure others love you too. You must start pushing negative thoughts (eg. Any thought of this loser ex) out of your mind. They are addictive so be careful. You must rebuild your self esteem. You can do this. Start believing in yourself and the value you bring to this world. You are important and loved. Learn to love yourself and instill the same in your kids so they don't fall victim to the same circumstances that you did. Strive to be happy. 1
destroyed4sho Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Thank you. Thank you for making me feel slightly better...I've blocked his phone numbers and emails but he usually creates another email when he wants to reach out, or he shows up at my door crying..... He humiliated me, and then turns around and says I'm jealous. Wtf. I never felt like I could trust him although he's never ever given me a reason not to.. I'm told I'm attractive, fit, he is ten years older than me, bald, overweight, and yet there is something that draws me to him. And ps. I've always believed he was a narcissit ... He has battered my self esteem to the ground, literally. When I first read your OP I could tell.that he was a narcisisst. My ex was one too and she would of reacted the exact same as above. He is very disturbed and needs prifessional help. Aswith you, you need to RUN as fast as you can away from thia relationship bc it will leave u exhausted and alone. It happened to me...you can read my posts with my ex for a whole year. It took me a long.time to get over her bc I was just cincentrating.on the good times when they make u feel so good. Pick up a copy of How to break your addiction to someone. READ it from first to last page. Go NC and get rid of him now. He will dump u eventually en he gets bored or/ and finds N supply elsewhere. Ita been more than a year and I actually feel at peace and regret ever meeting my ex. GOOD LUCK! 2
destroyed4sho Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Today I woke up with a feeling of pain in my heart and chest. What always amazes me is how he hasn't found a way to contact me, to apologize for his behavior, to say you are the one for me, I love you, I need you,,, but he is busy, he is in Florida having a GREAT time. Then, when the plane touches down tomorrow most likely. My phones and emails will be going off. ( I've blocked him) but he creates accounts. Or just shows up.. I'm hurting bad. I'm 45 years old and never expected my life to be this way at this point and time. I keep thinking " omg what am I gonna do when I hear he is dating someone " or sleeping with someone. Or just moving on.. Better yet, what will I do when the dreaded I miss u call comes. Or please come see me ... I'm weak . And so so so foolish to have these ridiculous feelings. Honey, he will NEVER apologize NEVER.
Author Just smile Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Tomorrow we were supposed to see a show together which obviously is not going to happen and I saw today he is selling my ticket for the show . I am so incredibly hurt and although this pattern continues it still isn't any easier . My first reaction wanted to call and scream at him and ask why he is so callous . I know the answer so tell me why do I continue to hang on to this ? Why can't I be like him ? I just want to feel strong and confident . I don't , I feel weak , sad, hurt and alone. Please offer any advice to me . 1
Simplysimon Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Tomorrow we were supposed to see a show together which obviously is not going to happen and I saw today he is selling my ticket for the show . I am so incredibly hurt and although this pattern continues it still isn't any easier . My first reaction wanted to call and scream at him and ask why he is so callous . I know the answer so tell me why do I continue to hang on to this ? Why can't I be like him ? I just want to feel strong and confident . I don't , I feel weak , sad, hurt and alone. Please offer any advice to me . Sorry to hear you feel broken but you know all the answers. You love him still whereas your boyfriend has lost his feelings. Can I just say that there is no easy way to get over someone. You have to cry it out like the rest of us and let time heal. If you want advice do not contact him ever under any circumstances unless it's over family matters or to get your stuff back. The bad thing about contact is it puts you back to the beginning each time. Each time they hurt you more, you hope they will say sorry I was wrong, I love you but it never happens like that. Go and find your new life forget him. If he changes his mind and wants you back he has your number, but by that time you will be in a much better place to say no..... Good luck 2
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Tomorrow we were supposed to see a show together which obviously is not going to happen and I saw today he is selling my ticket for the show . I am so incredibly hurt and although this pattern continues it still isn't any easier . My first reaction wanted to call and scream at him and ask why he is so callous . I know the answer so tell me why do I continue to hang on to this ? Why can't I be like him ? I just want to feel strong and confident . I don't , I feel weak , sad, hurt and alone. Please offer any advice to me . Although it hurts, it wouldn't be wise to go together to the concert because expectations would be involved and if he were distant with you at the concert you would be miserable and hurt. My ex and I had Xmas planned this year at my mom's. As much as I want him to go still, I have to accept it's over. It will be painful there without him. I already had his xmas gift too, so now I have to return it. But I know it's best that he doesn't go because we can't pretend forever. We can't be like them because we were the ones who wanted it to work. I don't think it's easy for them though either. It's easier, but it's still hard for them. They feel guilt and remorse too, just not in the extent we do. It's okay to feel weak and sad and hurt and alone. I do too. It's painful, but we went through an awful thing and now we have to learn how to heal from it. How long were you two together? 1
Author Just smile Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Five years on and off . Five... This exact same scenario has happened gazillions of times - so much I've lost count - no matter what has happened he continually walks back into my life - sometimes it's 3 days sometimes a week and it's been as long as 13 days . I either receive a text from another number expressing his pain, how much he misses me etc.... Or a random crying phone call . It has always been this way . And it's slowly killing me
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Five years on and off . Five... This exact same scenario has happened gazillions of times - so much I've lost count - no matter what has happened he continually walks back into my life - sometimes it's 3 days sometimes a week and it's been as long as 13 days . I either receive a text from another number expressing his pain, how much he misses me etc.... Or a random crying phone call . It has always been this way . And it's slowly killing me Oh dear! My ex broke up with me once before and I took him back and he left me again recently, only now I live with him so it's hard moving on. Been together for 3 years. I can't imagine the pain you are in having to go off and on for 5 years!!!! What made you come back each time?? Did you think he would change? I won't take my ex back again. He got his second chance and he blew it. You have to have confidence in yourself and dignity. The reason he keeps leaving you is because you let him back in. He knows you will always be there! You are his doormat. Don't be that. If I were to EVER take back my ex he would literally have to crap out a chocolate sundae with a cherry on top. I don't give second chances often and I don't believe in leaving when things get hard because that means he would suck at marriage. In relationships, you have to find someone who will work just as hard as you do at maintaining that love, because love is hard work. Please block him. Why don't you email me: [email protected] We can talk, I will be there for you! 3
reddragon588 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Five years on and off . Five... This exact same scenario has happened gazillions of times - so much I've lost count - no matter what has happened he continually walks back into my life - sometimes it's 3 days sometimes a week and it's been as long as 13 days . I either receive a text from another number expressing his pain, how much he misses me etc.... Or a random crying phone call . It has always been this way . And it's slowly killing me I have good news for you though.. You are in control! You have the power to break this cycle! It's all up to you! Your move.. 4
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I have good news for you though.. You are in control! You have the power to break this cycle! It's all up to you! Your move.. I can relate to how hard it is. I took back my ex once when everyone cautioned me and said he wouldn't change. And I took that risk and he didn't change! :-( But never again. He lost any other chances with me. Doesn't make it hurt any less unfortunately. But I think it all boils down to how much a person loves themselves and respects themselves. If you don't have that, you will continue to allow a person to abuse you. It's a sad misfortune, but she should really start reading self help books and try her hardest to break these ties with him. NO CONTACT. I guess I can't say much since I took back my ex, but like I said, he got his second chance, I have nothing left to give him. He hurt me and I will not let him do it again. 2
barky2 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 So instead of sulking and being sad you're not going to that show... Treat yourself to something else. Make some kind of memory like "oh I was suppose to go to the show...but I did this instead, god it was so much more fun" And every time it pops in your head, " oh I was suppose.." It turns into " damn that was fun" Get it? Best medicine is to replace hurt memories with great smiling and happy memories. Barky 6
Author Just smile Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 In a complete and utter lack of judgment I sent an email, ( soooo stupid) it read , instead of selling your ticket, why not shove it up your pathetic ass. Then, I wrote the next time you masturbate please stop fantasizing of me, fantasy of someone else. ( he used to always say,when we were apart he would fantasize about me). Am I ridiculous or what? Then, I said. Do what u please with my belongings, do not bag them and dump them at my door step like you've done in the past. I'm truly justified with the relationship ending, and although I'm reaching out with my email, I am disconnecting any and all forms of Contact with you as I'm finished with the drama you bring to my life. I wish u find someone who brings you happiness. And that is my sick stupid way of feeling somewhat better... Jesus. 1
Author Just smile Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Oh dear! My ex broke up with me once before and I took him back and he left me again recently, only now I live with him so it's hard moving on. Been together for 3 years. I can't imagine the pain you are in having to go off and on for 5 years!!!! What made you come back each time?? Did you think he would change? Everytime he begged and came back, he sounded extremly sincere . Hey we aren't kids , he's 55 years old. Very successful business man and highly manipulative and calculating. He knows just what to say to me. He knows me. And I know him. The reality is I wanted to beleive it would work every time, and every time it did, for a little bit, but there were always doubts in my mind about our relationship... During important moments he was never available to me. Not always,,but most of the time, not there. Especially if I was experiencing something and needed him. Truly not around... That was a constant. We can talk, I will be there for you! Thank you, I've emailed you.
barky2 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Was childish and stupid, sure. But was a little comical. Get dressed up to the nines now, grab a girlfriend and go hit the bar or club, go get hit on , have someone but you a few drinks,dance and generally enjoy yourself. You won't believe what it does for you, your head, and your confidence. Barky 3
Author Just smile Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Was it funny ? I sound like an idiot,,but I couldn't help it... Thing is, I have kids at home, it's difficult for me to get out as much as I'd like. But I agree it may be something for my ego,,because my ego is shattered.
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