Just smile Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Here I am again. Back again after several break ups. Thanksgiving he had a trip planned to Florida which as usual I'm never invited. Ever.i flipped when I heard he extended the trip even longer. When we met for dinner that evening, I saw a woman whom he had hired to sell his home, and she supposedly screwed him out of money somehow,,so when I noticed this woman, I whispered to him, she was there, and he turned to me in a blind rage, and SCREAMED in my FACE " what the **** are you doing here? I was stunned. Humiliated and so embarrassed. And I quietly walked away and left. When he left , he saw me outside and told me I'm done with u, don't wanna see u anymore, don't call me, text me, or email me. Ever , again. ( same **** different day) and off he goes on his plane first class to Florida until Tuesday, last year when he went to Florida he took the time to visit his old flame whom he drove two hours to go see. Mind you, never ever does he attempt to drive to see me, I live 15 minutes away from him. I do all the legwork , go to him, drive to him , meet him etc. I have no reason why in gods name I hang on to this man, he is unavailable most of the time to me, especially during times when I really need him. He never ever comes to my home, never. He does take me to nice dinners,vacations, etc. family times yes I'm included in,,but never times when he travels to Florida where his bratty older daughter lives whom he supports still. I'm exhausted from this. Yea, I blocked his numbers etc. but it is a vicious cycle and I know he will without a doubt call me at some point. Sometimes it's less than 3 days, sometimes a week, sometimes longer, but it ALWAYS happens. Last year when he came back he came back with a gigantic diamond ring to plant on my finger. Everything was blissful for MONTHS. My self esteem is beaten, I feel the ball has been and always will be in my court but for some reason I always allow this person to come back. What's it gonna take ? I'm sad. Ugh.
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 This dude sounds like a complete douche. I think you dodged a bullet, big time. Find yourself a man who will treat you with some respect. This guy has none!! 4
Author Just smile Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Yea. Douche is an understatement, thing is im the bigger idiot because this wasn't the first time, he just stunned me this time I guess into reality. When he comes back from Florida I'm sure he will call , I need to just ignore.
SerCay Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 OP, There's one thing I'd like to know, you guys went for dinner together right? Why would he get angry and ask you what you are doing there?
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Yea. Douche is an understatement, thing is im the bigger idiot because this wasn't the first time, he just stunned me this time I guess into reality. When he comes back from Florida I'm sure he will call , I need to just ignore. Hey not to worry. Feeling extremely naive and foolish is one of the hardest things I've had to process during this BU. And I'm 42, and no rookie in romance
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Huh isn't that an act he put on infront of the other woman? Sounds like he's seeing her and got caught red handed, wanted to sink into the ground or get out but couldn't didn't know what to do and freaked out in panic? 1
crederer Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 You're the other woman and any time he gets caught, he publically blames you for being "crazy". Get someone else. This can't be all you're worth, can it? Not saying you are crazy, btw, just saying he paints you to be that way to cover his ace. 2
Author Just smile Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Let me clarify been dating for five years on and off - yes he asked me to meet him during this meeting it was not a pleasant conversation we were having - I was voicing my unhappiness about covstantly being on the back burner regarding his Florida trip etc. he recently had hired an old high school friend to sell his house and she couldn't sell it and when he asked her to release herself fromThe listing she said no and somehow he paid cash to get out of the agreement! She screwed him over big time - so when I saw her I was just trying to give him a heads up that she was there and he freaked the **** out on me! I still have no idea why ?! It was bizarre but he interpreted it as your girlfriend realtor friend . I never said that - I said your realtor friend is across the bar - and he lost it and went into this macho rage where he humilAted me in front of at least 50 people or more . Strange yea I thought so too
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 He doesnt respect you. Why? Because you've been the one carrying the relationship. Chasing him pursuing him. Ingratiating. Men dont respect women who dont "hold their own". Respect yourself and he will respect you. Silence is your solution. Long, self respecting silence. I hope you detach yourself from him. He will suck you dry...cus he can...cus you let him. 5
Author Just smile Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 I know in my mind what you say is totally right. I'm not a dumb person, I'm 45 and for some reason, as dumb as I claim not to be , I've been very very foolish. I do not know how to end this once and for all. Every single time he comes back I cave. I listen to what he has to say, I cry, I feel relieved when he finally calls and gives me his bull**** excuses as to why he behaved the way he did. Or sometimes he will call and say it's all my fault, I'm too jealous, I'm too good, I'm this , I'm that, .. This time after the breakup he says " I don't love you". I can't give you what u want and what u deserve and need. ( he said that MILLIONS of times) and yes, it's true. Totally true. Thinking back last weekend he looked me dead in the eye and out of no where said to me, " why are u with me?" I feel awfully sad today.
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 You need to stop going back to this guy every time he comes crawling back with his tail between his legs. He clearly has no respect for you, clearly. You are only going to keep bashing your own self esteem by hanging out with this abuser. Make a clean break and if he comes back don't give him the opportunity. He's not taking your relationship seriously in any way. 1
Author Just smile Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 So when he makes his usual call? Do I take the call or just give my silence .. I know it's time to end the cycle . Why in gods name do I love this man?
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 So when he makes his usual call? Do I take the call or just give my silence .. I know it's time to end the cycle . Why in gods name do I love this man? We all want what we can't have, you can't have this guy. Don't answer his call. If you give him anything in return he will continue to pry. Find a nice guy who won't spontaneously treat you like **** when some other girl is around. 1
Author Just smile Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Thank you. Thank you for making me feel slightly better...I've blocked his phone numbers and emails but he usually creates another email when he wants to reach out, or he shows up at my door crying..... He humiliated me, and then turns around and says I'm jealous. Wtf. I never felt like I could trust him although he's never ever given me a reason not to.. I'm told I'm attractive, fit, he is ten years older than me, bald, overweight, and yet there is something that draws me to him. And ps. I've always believed he was a narcissit ... He has battered my self esteem to the ground, literally. 2
Author Just smile Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 After going back and reading all my posts from the beginning when my ex started doing this, I really can't believe I keep going back to this toxicity of a relationship, over and over and over again. Same exact pattern, same lines, same return, same **** different day. I believe this is like an addiction for me, im unsure why I get a high everytime he comes crawling back , everytime I hear, " oh babe, I can't let you go, your the most beautiful woman I've ever been with. I will try to make this work, I need you ... Blah blah blah. It's an addiction. I need to follow steps to unattach my self to this craziness. This man has done nothing but drag me in the dirt with him. He does what he needs to do,,and then comes crying back when he realizes I'm gone, or moved on. It's a bad bad pattern that I need to figure out how to end,once and for all.
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 All I can say is that this is going to end at some point whether it's tomorrow or 30 years from now. I recommend the band-aid method and rip it off swiftly. 3
LadyM Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 It's amazing how we do this to ourselves. Keep going back, or wanting to go back, to the one who hurt us beyond all imaginable pain. Our hearts want to believe and trust them, but our heads know exactly how much they are not to be trusted. They don't have our best interests at heart. They ONLY care about themselves. They will continue hurting us for as long as we let them. Part of the whole "getting back together" is the heightened sense of drama it creates. There IS excitement in that. There IS renewed passion. Short-lived as it may be, but it's there for a minute and it feels good. Feels good until the inevitable crash. You don't need to live your life this way. You have a choice. He is NOT the last man on the planet for you. People quit their addictions all the time and if they can do it, I have every confidence you can, and will, too! 7
AnyaNova Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I wonder if some of you even have hearts. Considering the number of us on here after having our hearts broken (and yes, many of us had our hearts broken by men who weren't cheaters, abusers, or otherwise *******-ic, I would say the answer is yes. Some of us actually got our hearts broken by "nice guys." 3
Under The Radar Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 If you have not read the book "How To Break Your Addiction To A Person" by Howard Halpern, I'd recommend checking it out. It is not a miracle worker, but it might give you some valuable insight as to why to keep going back to a toxic relationship. 3
ponchsox Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Biggest mistake I ever made was staying in a bad relationship hoping it would get better. I put 100% into my last relationship while she put in maybe 20%. In the end, I felt like I had just waisted a year and a half of my life. Never again. 9
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I wonder if some of you even have hearts. I think most of us on here have had our hearts broken and now we are wise to make the difficult decisions.
Logan oO Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I too fell to the ex who would toss me aside, bang someone else, and then realize other men didn't want her for anything other than sex, so she then turned to me with the same 'i can't be without you' and 'i can't NOT talk to you' and 'we are meant to be' ... Heh, if i had the sight i have now, back then i could of saved myself quite a bit of time and heartache, but everything helps us grow into who we are supposed to be. My advice tell that piece of trash, that you are nobodies second choice, and he can keep his temporary declarations of love for some other fool, because you are done being stepped on everytime that twat decides he wants a bit of the 'grass is greener elsewhere' My ex is a piece of trash, and so is yours It gets better, it may not feel like it, but we all know it. TIME is the only thing that helps. 4
Author Just smile Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 I've wasted five years of my best years in a dead end. Up n down, hot n cold, love, hate, want, don't want. Constant tug o war. This man has managed to ruin every holiday, pretty much almost every birthday. Never had my back , and more importantly never around when I need him. The thanksgiving trip to see his family wasn't a horrible deal breaker so to speak, but it's his callous disregard for my feelings. And let's not forget lack of respect. He spends five days a week in a local pub playing darts ( I'd say 3 hours a day). Drinking scotch n soda. Five days a week! He's 55 and a successful business man.Total fuctioning alcoholic ... Three weeks ago I was hospitalized for stress with high blood pressure out of nowhere... He came when I was admitted stayed there and held my hand and professed he was aroused, ?? Huh??? This guy has erictle dysfunction, low testostorne and basically having sex with him was like pulling teeth, ( very infrequent) but now,,I'm in a hospital bed with a gown on and an iv and heart monitor and he's aroused??? Can u say ****ed up????? Then... Never came back to see me, and never sent flowers. I've done all the leg work in the relationship, he never comes to my house, I have to go to his, he never picks me up, I have to meet him. He doesn't spend any time with my kids,,yet I have to be subjected to his children on occasion who disrespect me ... I'm exhausted , yet I miss him, and cry, and beat myself up because here I am yet another holiday time miserable, with no energy. I'm in the middle of a court battle with a crazy ex husband who doesn't pay me child support, and if have four kids to support. I'm broke, unemployed at the moment. And struggling to survive. This man, is financially secure and pays his ex wife over 3 k a week in support for his two grown kids , one of which he completley supports still at age 24. He never offered to help once, and I've never asked either. Never. He is selfish, and self absorbed and it drove me crazy. And yet here I am. And he is in sunny Florida basking his fat ass in the sun. Oh the irony. 1
Haydn Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Yep i wasted 3 years in a toxic relationship doing all the running and taking handouts. I was a slave to the woman. Really all my own fault looking back. I should have left her..........But i went back again and again. She even said i only let you back because.........How sad i was to accept and take. yes i miss her sometimes it was an addiction and she was quite a dangerous woman. But i realised she was not as dangerous as unpaid credit card bills and earthquakes and volcanos! Good luck everyone on his tricky subject. 2
Author Just smile Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 It's funny as I re read what I write I sound absolutely insane . If I was reading this from someone else , I would be shaking my head in disbelief .... He won't be home until Monday,,and Tuesday we were supposed to go see a concert together, I keep thinking and secretly foolishly hoping he will,call , offer the tickets as a olive branch of hope, and if I accept , I mideswell get a shovel out and dig my ****ing grave.
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