RDawg Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Sorry no contact nazis but I must confess I had a look at her facebook profile last night.. and yes it did mess me up a bit. What I found strange is that she has been active on it recently, posting about her birthday celebrations, and also asking her friends to help her find new accomodation but she hasn't changed her relationship status or taken any of our pictures down.. I know it's none of my business but why would she leave all that stuff up there - pictures of our holidays together, posts about how much she was missing me when she was away with work etc. If I dumped someone I would take that stuff off. I found it very strange. I kinda feel she is obliged to take it down, I'm not her man any more, why is she pretending that I still am? Those photos of me actually have no place there any longer. Am I being unrerasonable to be thinking like this?
elbe Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 What was she wearing last night? Did she have anything good for dinner? You get my point I think... Ironically I deleted my FB last night. I'm just not that curious what my highschool class mates are doing these days.
Author RDawg Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Yeah I get your point, painful as it is! It really shouldn't matter, but I still feel it would be decent of her to take all references to me off her face book, I think my new girlfriend will really appreciate it too (hypothetical new girlfriend.)
elbe Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Yeah I get your point, painful as it is! It really shouldn't matter, but I still feel it would be decent of her to take all references to me off her face book, I think my new girlfriend will really appreciate it too (hypothetical new girlfriend.) Why would you want that? You want your name wiped from history because your relationship didn't work out? Keep in mind if other girls know you had a relationship they may gain respect for you. Just gotta keep that chin held high, brother.
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 RDawg Everybody moves at their own pace. For her maybe taking that down is the last thing. Maybe she didn't realize that she didn't change them. Most people don't live & die by what their FB status says. You physically injured this woman. Whether she changes her status on FB doesn't mean the relationship is still alive.
LoveBoat242 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I'll just vent with you on this thread instead of making a new one. I check my Ex's profile last night as well ( she cheated on me ) She now has a thing with the guy she cheated on me with and he's flirting with her on all the photos, break up wasn't even 2 weeks ago... She's a bitch. Who understands what goes on in her head . And Yes sorry NV nazi's i Re-Blocked her again
Logan oO Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Sorry no contact nazis but I must confess I had a look at her facebook profile last night.. and yes it did mess me up a bit. What I found strange is that she has been active on it recently, posting about her birthday celebrations, and also asking her friends to help her find new accomodation but she hasn't changed her relationship status or taken any of our pictures down.. I know it's none of my business but why would she leave all that stuff up there - pictures of our holidays together, posts about how much she was missing me when she was away with work etc. If I dumped someone I would take that stuff off. I found it very strange. I kinda feel she is obliged to take it down, I'm not her man any more, why is she pretending that I still am? Those photos of me actually have no place there any longer. Am I being unrerasonable to be thinking like this? First of all *Slap* Bad RDawg! Ok, my best mate, he was cheated on by this girl who he was with a year, she has a kid of her own before they ever got together, that surprised me that my best friend would take on a kid too. Anyway he bonded with the kid too. So yeah she cheated on him, then didn't wanna be with him, then got with the guy she cheated on him with. (And later on cheated on him i heard too) So my mate was devastated, BUT, to this day a few years later, he has always had the pics of them on his fb, the days out, the holidays abroad. It was not to hold onto her, he is just 'that' strong, yeah he got hurt, but he just moves on and accepted it. He is wayyy stronger than i'll ever be. He is happy and single / seeing a girl now btw My point is, some people pictures mean nothing more than that. PICTURES. she may look at them at some point and think 'oh i miss that weather' or that place etc. You need to let go of any and ALL hope! it's dangerous playing 'Snoopy Doo' as the only person playing is you, so you are the only one who can get hurt man. Block her, it'll take everything you have to do, but do it! - Once you have, after a few days, you'll start to realize you don't need to know what she's doing, because what really matters now is, 'what you're doing!' Hope i make sense dude. We are all on this site trying to get help and somehow managing to try to give it too
BC1980 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 My ex kept our pictures at his house and kept all the stuff I gave him. I immediately got rid of everything. People are just different I guess. He thought my reaction was weird, but I felt the same about his. I think the moral if the story is don't snoop, and don't read too much into things. I was lucky that my ex didn't do social media at all because I know it has caused a lot of problems for people.
Author RDawg Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Yes you're right, maybe she is still getting round to taking them down when she is ready. I think it would help her move on if she did. I did not interpret it as the relationship still being alive in her mind, the two of us have spent enough time discussing the finality of our failed relationship in the weeks subsequent to the BU for me to understand her position quite clearly and for her to understand mine.
Haydn Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 No friend you are looking for hope in everything on her fb. Best thing i did was block her. No more forays to see what shes up to. Do it my friend and do it right now! This can only hurt you. haydn 1
Author RDawg Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 I can't Haydn I am too weak, I want to be able to look in a couple of months time again. ok? I actually dont have a proper facebook page, the one I use is a dummy account I created years ago to snoop on a previous ex. Lordy I am one sick puppy! Off for coffee and a smoke, it's all that helps!
Haydn Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Ok, have a smoke, then delete your dummy account!!!! You are not weak! What you dont know cannot hurt you! Just a few clicks and you are done with this ....I have been where you have been and it will just prolong the pain mate. Do not do this! Got to go now but be back later and i want you to tell me you did this! Talk later, have another smoke and do it! Take care. haydn
Logan oO Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I can't Haydn I am too weak, I want to be able to look in a couple of months time again. ok? I actually dont have a proper facebook page, the one I use is a dummy account I created years ago to snoop on a previous ex. Lordy I am one sick puppy! Off for coffee and a smoke, it's all that helps! :/ Really....thats your excuse... Dude, do you not realize, it is only you! and only going to be YOU getting hurt, by snooping. You have to block her. I'm not some guy who is happy and loved up. I'm in recovery too, Blocking my ex took everything i had, and not unblocking her took that too. But i did it, and now i don't even give a **** what she's doing and who with. Think of it like No Contact. Block her for 24 hours to start. No Matter what, no matter how badly you wanna check, keep it blocked for 24 hours, If you can make 24 hours, then you can make another 24 hours. This may sound like torture, but what you are doing, is standing still waiting for the day something you dont like to pop up on her facebook and then BAM you will be crippled with agonizing pain. Take my advice, take Haydns. take everyones. We are all trying to help eachother. 1
TylerDurdenn Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 My ex kept us in a relationship on facebook for a month after she ended it. Then she set herself as single.
strive Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 You'll never know the feeling of profound relief after blocking your ex from fb. Do it! Block her! *\o/* 1
barky2 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 No one can tell or make you either stop snooping or delete your fb. It took me burning my hand in the fire for a loooooong time before I said screw it. And once I did it was liberating. Yes it's detrimental to your healing and mental well being , but you have to be the one to make that conscious decision. Just like no contact. Both YOU have to be ready for... You have to be sick and tired of the pain. You're not there yet, understandable. But you will. Barky
Author RDawg Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 How about I don't block her but I promise not to look.. for another month? This is the first time in two years that I have looked at her account, like I said I don't even have one, I just use this dummy one for snooping on exes. Geez I wish I was a bit further down the line in this whole process.. It's amazing how we cling cling cling, until like Barky says you go f...it I'm through with this nonsense. This recent breakup has made me realise that sex and love and intimacy come at one heck of a price.. and what do we do? We get healed up and then we go looking for it again.
BC1980 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 It's amazing how we cling cling cling, until like Barky says you go f...it I'm through with this nonsense. It took me 7 months to stop clinging to that hope. It also took me getting bashed over the head multiple times to figure it out. Maybe I'm more stubborn than most. However, I did remain in LC for 4 months, and my ex would make vague statements that gave me hope. I should have gone NC much sooner.
BC1980 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 This recent breakup has made me realise that sex and love and intimacy come at one heck of a price.. and what do we do? We get healed up and then we go looking for it again. So true. We are made for companionship I guess, but it comes at a steep price. I'm so distrustful of relationships now. My ex was a person who I trusted completely. He did all the right things, and he was always honest to a fault. I keep thinking, if he could fool me and my family, who can I trust? It's an awful feeling. You have this sick feeling of being tricked in a way. I've never felt worse than when I realized I placed by trust in a pack of lies.
Author RDawg Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 I think my ex feels like you do BC1980: she thought I was Mr Right and I ended up getting drunk and hitting her. Men and dogs: never to be trusted!
barky2 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 How about I don't block her but I promise not to look.. for another month? This is the first time in two years that I have looked at her account, like I said I don't even have one, I just use this dummy one for snooping on exes. Geez I wish I was a bit further down the line in this whole process.. It's amazing how we cling cling cling, until like Barky says you go f...it I'm through with this nonsense. This recent breakup has made me realise that sex and love and intimacy come at one heck of a price.. and what do we do? We get healed up and then we go looking for it again.[/QUO It's a sick game isn't it? Lol And you bargaining with me about deleting it shows you're not ready, so nothing I say or anyone else says will register, until you're ready. But soon enough, you'll see something that hurts, and then you'll be ready. It's happened to all of us snoopers. Barky
Zahara Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I know it's none of my business but why would she leave all that stuff up there - pictures of our holidays together, posts about how much she was missing me when she was away with work etc. If I dumped someone I would take that stuff off. I found it very strange. I kinda feel she is obliged to take it down, I'm not her man any more, why is she pretending that I still am? Those photos of me actually have no place there any longer. Am I being unrerasonable to be thinking like this? Reading your post on the Abuse forum, it could possibly be that she hasn't come to terms with fully accepting and letting go of the break-up. You punched her on the face and she left. While she did the right thing by leaving, she probably still has to resolve her feelings for you. The dumping didn't happen because she wanted to leave, it's because she had to leave. Probably came out of nowhere for her. That doesn't change the fact that she probably still loves you and is struggling to come to terms with closing that chapter of her life. She'll progress and do it in her own time.
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 No need to be calling people Nazis on this forum. Personally, I could give a damn if you contacted your Ex or not. There's been several people come on here saying that they broke NC and, usually, my advice is "You aren't the first and you won't be the last." What burns peoples asses is when a person swears they're going into NC and they do! And you see the fantastic progress that they are making and then they say that they're feeling weak. We advise them NOT to break NC because they are doing so well. They break NC and now all the progress they they've made is thrown out the window because it's very obvious that they are back to square one. Thus! We have to start at square one with them. THAT'S what's frustrating! Doesn't mean that I'm an NC Nazis.... 2
Recommended Posts