Thedafox Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 So since my ex gf and I of almost 3 years broke up on October 22nd, I've gone out on a few dates (nothing serious) since then. The dates generally go great, go out to a nice restaurant, maybe catch a movie, if not then we just find a park and take a stroll through it. It's all fun but when I get home I just feel even more upset that I went on one and still feel a tad guilty for going on one so soon. Should I just avoid going out on dates right now or what should I do?
Philosoraptor Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 If you are enjoying going out on dates you should continue to do so. What you need to work on is this guilt that is plaguing you afterwards. You owe your ex nothing and your only allegiance needs to be with yourself. You happiness is important, not an ode to the past. 1
elbe Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 You are simply not over your ex and are concerning yourself with how she might feel if she knew. Keep going on dates because it's healthy. You might find a girl that makes you forget all about the ex. Think how emotionally unwell you are right now. You need to focus on yourself only.
d0nnivain Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 The guilt is misplaced. You have nothing to feel guilty about. However, it is an indication that you aren't emotionally ready to date. Keep doing what you are doing if you like but don't lead anybody else on & give them the false impression that you are more invested than you have the ability to be right now.
Simplysimon Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 So since my ex gf and I of almost 3 years broke up on October 22nd, I've gone out on a few dates (nothing serious) since then. The dates generally go great, go out to a nice restaurant, maybe catch a movie, if not then we just find a park and take a stroll through it. It's all fun but when I get home I just feel even more upset that I went on one and still feel a tad guilty for going on one so soon. Should I just avoid going out on dates right now or what should I do? Your doing exactly the right thing. Don't contact her either. These girls, one of them will click with you and as for your ex you will eventually stop thinking about her. That's the time she will call you again. No guilt your free. Enjoy
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 You're going out with the wrong attitude. You need to tell yourself that it's just a night out on the town and you happen to have a cute girl accompanying you. And that you're just going out to have fun! No strings attached, no expectations...nothing! Maybe you might be able to let go of those guilty feelings and just understand that you're not a hermit and deserve a night out every once in a while.
lauri Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 (edited) Keep it up. Like everyone has said, don't feel guilty as you owe your ex nothing. Trust me, it'll work out for the best if you keep enjoying yourself and meeting new people. And think of it this way, if your ex was to find out it'll only help bc you seem like you have moved on and are wanted by other people . When my ex found out I was dating around it drove her insane...compared to when I was sitting around all depressed it only drove her away. Anyways do this for your own benefit and keep putting yourself out there! Edited December 3, 2013 by lauri
Mariposa10 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 How long have you two been broken up? This thread is very interesting because I will be doing this myself and a little part of me still feels like cheating, sooo pathetic I know
Author Thedafox Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 How long have you two been broken up? This thread is very interesting because I will be doing this myself and a little part of me still feels like cheating, sooo pathetic I know We've been broken up since October 22nd and FINALLY went on NC since mid November. And I've been trying to keep an open of a mind as possible, I don't feel that I'm emotionally ready to be in another relationship since I know I can't dedicate myself wholly to a woman since I know I'm not fully over my ex but I will continue trying to go on dates and hopefully it will get easier. The guilt I'm feeling is not aimed at my ex, at least I don't think, I'm not sure WHY I feel so guilty and feel so down after a date. This is also my first major breakup so I'm not sure how to handle most things and what's a healthy way of dealing with it.
Mariposa10 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 We've been broken up since October 22nd and FINALLY went on NC since mid November. And I've been trying to keep an open of a mind as possible, I don't feel that I'm emotionally ready to be in another relationship since I know I can't dedicate myself wholly to a woman since I know I'm not fully over my ex but I will continue trying to go on dates and hopefully it will get easier. The guilt I'm feeling is not aimed at my ex, at least I don't think, I'm not sure WHY I feel so guilty and feel so down after a date. This is also my first major breakup so I'm not sure how to handle most things and what's a healthy way of dealing with it. I seriously recommend you take the rest of the year off to focus on yourself!! My ex and I broke up in July and I'm barely feeling ready to date, just date. I don't want to be in a serious relationship just yet... I was in one for four years... My advice is to take some time off, good luck. 1
bobby326 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I've been trying the online dating scene since my BU which happened in the end of August. I have been on about 9 dates, I'll admit, they are awkward most of the time, uncomfortable, I don't think I am ready to date because I still think of my ex everyday and am still hurt, I think taking time off, not nec a year but just stop trying to find someone will be healthy, maybe you should do the same. I don't know your life situation but I am pretty active, go out with friends a lot so if I am going to find someone I'd rather it be the old fashioned way and just let it happen when I don't give two ****s about whether or not I am going to "hook up" or meet someone that night, that's my opinion at least.
Author Thedafox Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 I've been trying the online dating scene since my BU which happened in the end of August. I have been on about 9 dates, I'll admit, they are awkward most of the time, uncomfortable, I don't think I am ready to date because I still think of my ex everyday and am still hurt, I think taking time off, not nec a year but just stop trying to find someone will be healthy, maybe you should do the same. I don't know your life situation but I am pretty active, go out with friends a lot so if I am going to find someone I'd rather it be the old fashioned way and just let it happen when I don't give two ****s about whether or not I am going to "hook up" or meet someone that night, that's my opinion at least. I tried making a P.O.F and an OkCupid account but that brought out the shallowness in me and the people I messaged were also shallow so I deleted those fairly quickly. I agree with you, I love finding someone spontaneously.
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