hrtblds2ez Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Well I've posted my situation here before. Long story short my gf thought things were moving too fast and wanted some space. We never really talked about it before. Its been a month or more now. She says she's ready to talk about things. I am uncertain of how to approach this. Do I throw my feelings all out and on the line or try to ease into it with a couple of meets if that's even a possibility. Let me know your thoughts!!
momo81 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I reckon, ease in to it. See what she has to say. Be positive with what you say and show her the good parts of you. Don't be too hasty. Good luck 1
2fargone Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Since she is the one who wanted some space and now wanting to talk, how about letting her talk and see what she has to say. Don't say too much yourself, just wait and see what happens instead of making a whole plan upfront without actually knowing what direction this might take. 1
Author hrtblds2ez Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Yeah. I really have to be careful about haste. I'm really eager to dump all my emotions but I know that probably wouldn't be the best idea. I also keep trying to plan the talk like I'm giving a speech or something. Guess it's best in this case to play things by ear and see what direction it takes. Thanks! 1
me85 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 My ex sent me an email a couple of days ago. It was around noon & he goes to church, so I'm assuming it was right after church ? I only mention that because it's better than him sending it late at night when he could have been drinking or something. lol Anyway, he wants me back and I have no idea how to respond because I have started moving on and accepted that it was over and done for good. Now he has changed his mind about us...AGAIN. In like a week! Ugh. A part of me wants to be like, "you don't have what it takes to work hard for me and this RS because you totally bailed on me and got into some ridiculous rebound RS and you're totally screwed up right now and I don't want to deal with this crap anymore because I'm an adult!! I don't want petty highschool BS drama in my life." Another part of me wants to see how serious he is. I'm struggling with how to respond. The only thing I emailed back was that "I'm getting my thoughts together about it" which I sent yesterday early morning. Should I just send back "actions speak louder" ... "words mean nothing to me" ?? UGH! I want to keep it short because I deserve more than a flipping EMAIL after all he's put me through.
Author hrtblds2ez Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Well now its different. Though she says she wants to talk, it seems as though it is a hassle. She says she's nervous, extremely when it comes to serious conversation but good with small talk. And the fact that she is going to have to find time when she doesn't have kids and when we are off (we work together). I guess once again I'll leave the ball in her court. Although I thought about reaching out and texting "lets just get together for some small talk first". But I haven't been initiating contact, although in this case I don't think it'd be bad, just to try to take some pressure off.
organizedchaos Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 My ex sent me an email a couple of days ago. It was around noon & he goes to church, so I'm assuming it was right after church ? I only mention that because it's better than him sending it late at night when he could have been drinking or something. lol Anyway, he wants me back and I have no idea how to respond because I have started moving on and accepted that it was over and done for good. Now he has changed his mind about us...AGAIN. In like a week! Ugh. A part of me wants to be like, "you don't have what it takes to work hard for me and this RS because you totally bailed on me and got into some ridiculous rebound RS and you're totally screwed up right now and I don't want to deal with this crap anymore because I'm an adult!! I don't want petty highschool BS drama in my life." Another part of me wants to see how serious he is. I'm struggling with how to respond. The only thing I emailed back was that "I'm getting my thoughts together about it" which I sent yesterday early morning. Should I just send back "actions speak louder" ... "words mean nothing to me" ?? UGH! I want to keep it short because I deserve more than a flipping EMAIL after all he's put me through. Wow, I didn't know that happened! With all you've been through this is an interesting development. Tread carefully...
organizedchaos Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Well now its different. Though she says she wants to talk, it seems as though it is a hassle. She says she's nervous, extremely when it comes to serious conversation but good with small talk. And the fact that she is going to have to find time when she doesn't have kids and when we are off (we work together). I guess once again I'll leave the ball in her court. Although I thought about reaching out and texting "lets just get together for some small talk first". But I haven't been initiating contact, although in this case I don't think it'd be bad, just to try to take some pressure off. Leave it all to her. Don't push. And when you see her, be cool. Treat it as you would a first date.
Author hrtblds2ez Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 Leave it all to her. Don't push. And when you see her, be cool. Treat it as you would a first date. Thanks for the reinforcement as that's what my gut tells me to do. I have been cool with her all along, respecting her boundaries. I'm starting, maybe even trying to get into the mindset of **** it, she knows how I feel, if that's the respect I get in return then what is the worth. I've tormented myself for over a month and feel ridiculous at times. Problem is, I can think that way til I see her at work then I'm mush again.
2fargone Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Well now its different. Though she says she wants to talk, it seems as though it is a hassle. She says she's nervous, extremely when it comes to serious conversation but good with small talk. And the fact that she is going to have to find time when she doesn't have kids and when we are off (we work together). I guess once again I'll leave the ball in her court. Although I thought about reaching out and texting "lets just get together for some small talk first". But I haven't been initiating contact, although in this case I don't think it'd be bad, just to try to take some pressure off. Do NOT offer her anything. No relieve, nothing. And don't go the 'treat it like a first date' route. Just let her say what's on her mind. If anything, don't even respond, if there is something worth thinking about then say you need to think about it (even though you might not have to). You can say 'whenever you are ready' but don't offer 'small talk' :S
Author hrtblds2ez Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Yesterday we worked together. She was talking with someone about the remark I made about marriage, a remark I deeply regret and what I want to talk about with her. I texted her about overhearing and that I regretted the statement. She replied "the damage is done, it's going to take an act of God to make me change my mind". That's fine, I just want to make amends about the statement and everything. I'm wondering if that statement from her is because she's in a defensive mode or if one statement can really do that much irreversible damage? Any thoughts??
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