blind_otter Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 I am so excited. I have a date to-mo-rrow! He invited me out tonight, but he's going out of town to celebrate NYE, and I think itwould be too awkward. I have been skitish...we've tried to get together approx. 2 times already and I chickened out. We talked on the phone for 2 hours yesterday. I haven't done that in ages. Well, with a guy at least. I could bitch about my ex on the phone all day to my friends if given the opportunity. I am trying to distract myself, in all honesty. I'm still hung up on my ex and it's not fair of me to start seeing someone right now. But it's just a date, it's not a committment or anything. I keep telling myself this, but I tend to just sorta "fall" into relationships. Like I look up and realize I've been hanging out with this person every day for a month, that kinda thing. Anyways, I am nervous I haven't had a real date date in so long I don't know what to say. I feel like an old fuddy duddy. But I feel cheerful for the first time since I had my miscarriage. There's that, at least.
Merin Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Yay for you! Don't worry about what to say.. be yourself and you'll be good to go! OF COURSE.. we will want all the 411 of how it went being the nosey sh*ts we all are Have fun
alphamale Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 woo hoo! go out and buy a new outfit for the date.
RowanRavyn Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 YAY you! Wow, I agree with AlphaMale twice in one day. Go get yourself something that makes you feel beautiful! Have FUN!!
Barby Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 YEEEAH! I'm so happy for you! I agree just be yourself, relax, and have fun! Let yourself have a good time! Baby steps in the right direction will get you on the right path.
Author blind_otter Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 I haven't been this anxious about going on a date since I first started dating! I've known this guy for a coupla years, on and off. We have been just casual friends for a while, always in relationships with other people. He is a real gentleman. I think that's why I'm so nervous. I'm so used to being around dirtbags , I don't know how to react. I get startled easily. I forgot to say - he has a psych degree, too. Maybe that's why we can talk for so long. Now we can battle each other with over-analysis. Game on!
Barby Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Totally cool! I'm so excited for you. I can understand you being anxious but hey it can only be a good thing! I sooooooo can't wait to hear how it goes!
Author blind_otter Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 What is the deal? I totally thought this guy was a gentleman. He seemed nice, goofy, good looking in a jock kinda way. I'm not really attracted to jocks. He played baseball and rugby in college. He has a job and scholarships and goes to school. He is determined and studious. He was a bizarre mix of nice guy and total a$$. He spent a ton of money on me, which was nice because I'm used to spending money on the losers I have continually dated. I got the feeling, though, that he felt like since he spent hundreds of dollars on our afternoon and evening together that he assumed he was going to get some booty. Now, admittedly, I am very flirtatious. I wear provocative clothing, sometimes (especially on dates), nothing really showy, just clothes that show off my attractive parts. I'm not into bearing clevage or wearing really short skirts, just things that fit well and show off my figure. Occassionally I wear belly shirts, that kind of thing. But how does that lead to someone thinking I'm ready to f*ck? I kept saying, the whole night, how hurt I was about my ex, and the baby, and how everything was just really tumultuous in my life and I wanted to date casually without feeling the pressure to be in a relationship. Now, I try to only have sex with people I am involved with. He kissed me early in the evening and I just sorta sat there, and I kissed him back a little, I just didn't want him to get mad, I didn't want to spoil that good time we were having. We went out and met my friend Raquel at a nice upscale little bar, and went out for a few drinks, and since my date "does not dance", Raquel and I danced together. I suppose that could be provocative. Raquel said she thought my date was nice, blah blah blah. Then, my date and I went back to my house and I had a fire going in the fireplace and we were (I thought) just going to talk and get to know each other better. He kept touching my a$$ and I kept trying to manuever away from him....I should have been more assertive and just told him to leave me alone, but I felt that all too familiar fear of making "Him" upset. But nooooo, he grabbed me and put me on his lap (I am very petite) and started kissing me and this time I did NOT want to do that so I kept turning my face away and saying, "Please, not now" and he kept trying until I just started crying all of a sudden and I put my hands over my face. Then he got all nice and tried to make me feel better but I was overcome with repulsion and couldn't even stand to touch him anymore. I asked him to go and he said he didn't want to leave on a bad note, so I was just kind of trapped there. I ended up making nice and smoothing things over just to get him to leave. I swallowed my panic and made myself stop crying and wiped off my face and smiled and made nice but I did NOT let him get near me. I let him hug me before he left and he said that he was there for me if I needed to talk and that he would leave it up to me to call him. I haven't called him yet. Yuck. I am so disappointed.
tiki Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 WHAT THE F*CK? What a prick. Sorry your rebound guy had to be sh*tty. That's so not cool. He could've at least respected you and your wishes. NEXT!
Merin Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Damn! I'm sorry girl.. You know I think a couple of things here.. one this guy was over the top with his hands.. it's one thing if it was all okay with you.. but obvioulsy it wasn't.. so he was either dense and didn't get it.. or he didn't care and just went with it.. honestly because he tried to "smooth it over" I'm going to say he was/is dense. Secondly.. maybe it was just too soon to try a romantic outing? I know you've just come out of things with your EX and the loss of your baby has been emotionally (understandably so) stressful and emotionally draining on you.. so perhaps this was just bad timing to much to soon? Hang in there sweetie.. give yourself more time.
RowanRavyn Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 AAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW. That sucks. I am so sorry that he was thinking with the "empty head". What is up with some guys? Don't let yourself fall into old patterns like that. You are a beautiful, strong woman and you do not need to make nice with some jerk to get by!! Take care of you.
Barby Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Agreed ....I hope you stop blaming yourself for not being "assertive" enough, I mean geez turning your head away from him and telling him "not right now" is a sign clearly that you're not into making out with him... Hopefully the next time things will be better (I wouldn't reccomend going back out with him).....
Author blind_otter Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 He may very well have been clueless. I just couldn't see why he didn't understand the "Please not now" comment. Also, I was in the middle of telling him how I lost my baby, and I was just kind of flabbergasted. It may very well be too early to date. I just wanted some companionship and something to distract me, I didn't want to have sex or even get really intimate on the first date. But since this is something you risk when you go out with anyone, it would probably be better to sit back and let myself heal properly.
Merin Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter He may very well have been clueless. I just couldn't see why he didn't understand the "Please not now" comment. Also, I was in the middle of telling him how I lost my baby, and I was just kind of flabbergasted. It may very well be too early to date. I just wanted some companionship and something to distract me, I didn't want to have sex or even get really intimate on the first date. But since this is something you risk when you go out with anyone, it would probably be better to sit back and let myself heal properly. how insensitive of him! ugh! Regardless of circumstance.. he should've understood NO.. so yeah.. I understand the need for distraction.. thats all okay girl, don't be so hard on yourself.. Tiempo doll
Author blind_otter Posted January 3, 2005 Author Posted January 3, 2005 I am such a nutball. I had a bad experience on my date last saturday, so what do I do? Agree to go on a date with this other guy who I met recently for this saturday. I am a glutton for punishment. But I did tell him the story of my date last week and how awful it was. He said he doesn't believe in sex on the first date anyways, so that's good, I guess. Ah well. I am a sucker.
Barby Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Just cuz you meet a couple (or a bunch) of sleeze balls doesn't mean that's all you'll continue to meet. Hopefully this date will go much better, I can't say I blame you for trying again.....Good luck and again ya gotta let us know how it goes.
Author blind_otter Posted January 5, 2005 Author Posted January 5, 2005 God. I become single, cry, bitch, and rage, and become boy crazy again. I definatley don't want to jump into a relationship... But when I'm involved I don't scope out the scene and check out boys. I guess I must put out a vibe that says "don't approach me" When I'm involved with someone I hardly ever get any random male interest. Now, though, I have an active dating life again and I am getting hit on by all these adorable young boys at the university I work at (even though I wouldn't date them - that would be awkward, having to deal with a student I dated). Then again I am Beaming! today. I feel lighter and happier than I have in many many months. I'm taking Spock's advice and looking as good as possible, lost weight, paying more attention to my clothes and makeup, went and got "my hair did". No more moping around the office with bags under my eyes. That's probably more attractive than anything else. Hah, next week I may be moping again but I have to enjoy the little things, for now.
alphamale Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Then again I am Beaming! today. I feel lighter and happier than I have in many many months. I'm taking Spock's advice and looking as good as possible, lost weight, paying more attention to my clothes and makeup, went and got "my hair did". No more moping around the office with bags under my eyes. That's probably more attractive than anything else. gimme a call baby, the # is 248-760-xxxx
Stone Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 You should continue to date. Date many and date often but don't sleep with them And even though this guy was your friend he should have come in polietly and just chilled out. I wouldn't invite any more men inside your house untill a couple dates later... Or you can do what I do, I'll strait up tell them. " you can come and and we can hang out but your not getting any budy" they usually laugh, come in and expect nothing. and after that if they try I'd throw them out.
Hund1976 Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 I agree with the last post, don't bring somebody into your house on the first date if you aren't down for some boots-knocking. Whether this is good or not a lot of guys will take the invitation as a sign that you're up for some hanky-panky. Kiss him good-bye at the door and do some talking on your next date. If the guy really likes you he'll want to go out with you again. If he was just after some action and never calls then you're better off anyway.
Author blind_otter Posted January 5, 2005 Author Posted January 5, 2005 Well I have another question, now. He wants to go out to dinner and a movie, that's cool, but he also has a pool table at his house and wanted me to come over and shoot pool afterwards....should I do that, or should I say no? Maybe I should, but make it clear that I don't want nookie. I'll probably be on my period by that time anyways.
SoleMate Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 ...he also has a pool table at his house and wanted me to come over and shoot pool afterwards... Pool tables are also available in public places. This is his code question, meaning "Can I get you alone with me so I can try again to get into your panties?" The answer is NO. And if a man misbehaves, he needs to be swatted with a rolled-up newspaper and left alone to stew in his disappointment. Wait. Is this the NEW guy? Oh. Well, still don't go over to his place. Or do what Stone said. But better yet, keep it public until he has proved he knows how to behave.
Stone Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 I'd tell him you would rather go to the pool hall, tell him you are not comfortable going to his house yet, if he insists then tell him he isn't getting any ( in a laughing serious way, alot of men like blunt chicks anyway.) You've been thru alot lately, I wouldn't want you to get in a situation where you are alone in some dudes house and he's trying to get some. you COULD be vonerable right now...
Author blind_otter Posted January 6, 2005 Author Posted January 6, 2005 Every guy I've ever dated has always called me back the day I call them. But this guy always waits 1-2 days to call me back. Course my emotions aren't just on my sleeve - they are in a huge billowing cloud around my body. I hate pretending that it doesn't bother me. But I'm not used to, like, following rules...Heck my ex and I would have entire conversations in 5 minute spurts. Argue. Hang up. Call Back. Argue. Hang up. Call Back. etc etc etc. Oh, WAIT! Maybe he has Healthy Boundaries. God I've never encountered that before.
Author blind_otter Posted January 7, 2005 Author Posted January 7, 2005 Well screw it, that guy has to suddenly do something with his parents or something I don't really know. Whatever. Anyways....I've been hooking up with my friend lately. He ended my dry spell with a bang. Or three. or five. whatever. So, we hang out as well, and I met this cute boy last night at someone's house after the bars closed....he was the roommate...but my friend totally cockblocked. I guess I need to NOT use my FWB as a wingman.
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