...letting him go

[ynabna]

Hello guys, i've been looking at this site for couple days... writing my story and delete it like more than 5 times now. I'm currently breaking up with my boyfriend of 2years. We lived together in the beginning of our relationship which was the worst idea ever. However, we were very good together everyone around us admire our love and care given by each other. Yes, i remember that "passionate love" is a chemical in our brain which makes a person feel crazy love feeling.. but this chemical only stays in 28 months. I guess we see each other everyday and do every little things together for 2 years made us tired. Whenever we fought, our claws hurt each other so bad, now we became numb to our claws..

 

So, we decide to break up. We are in progress of breaking up like... since we shared almost everything. you guys probably able to guess it from my grammars, i'm not from US so i'm by myself without family. He's going back to his brother's place and i will be looking for new place to stay or just staying in current place.

I asked him to leave the house at least couple days so i can be sure with my decision.. I know i will so sad and regret, but there is nothing else we can fix.

He says he doesn't feel love towards me anymore.. he feels responsibility and worry about me.. more like a sister, not a lover. so do i, i don't feel crazy passion or love to him. more like a necessity and i'm not sure...

I wonder if our feelings are parts of love or if it really is.. showing our relationship is finished. haha... i don't know what i'm typing right now.

I'm acting very calm and strong as possible, but honestly i'm crashing so bad.

I thought it will be okay and i thought i kind of wanted to break up...

i don't know why i'm so sad and painful. And so does he, he has very resentful face and feels like hes trying to say something but he keeps himself from saying it??? im not sure... yesterday, i was very drunk so my friend told me to sleepover at her place, since my bf was still at home. I decided to stay at her place b/c i didn't want to make any mistake. i fell asleep at like 10ish (start drinking at 7 ..) i was literally DEAD-drunk, and woke up at 5am today and checked my phone. He texted and called me until 3am when he had to go to work the next day. I went home around 8am and he asked where i was and that he worried about me so much, couldn't go to sleep. I was very confusing... if we are finished and, if we are done like he said why does he keep acting like my bf... it makes me confusing. so i asked him for a favor to go to his brothers place.. after all these, he looks sad and confusing too..

he wrote me a letter on the day we broke up saying "he wish he's doing the right thing. but what is a right thing in a relationship. who gets to be right or wrong in a battle of love or at the tiring finish? Have we exhausted each other? loved too fast and too much? have we found each other's faults too fast? then what made us love in the first place? is love a trend? destined to come and go as it pleases? have we hurt each other so much that we are numb from each other's claws? what are we looking for outside of us? we are seeking other's lovely pain. will love from elsewhere be better than what we have? i really dont know. mistakes mistakes mistakes again and again. Why are frequent mistakes considered intentional? blames! Why? where to? where are we going? where am i going? to where. i am ..." He was very drunk when writing this.. so.. yea.. sorry guys, i'm just very tired need some one to talk to... i don't know what to do.. my best friend committed suicide because of her bf about couple months ago. and now, i understand why she did that..

i seriously don't know what to do... where to start and where to end..

where to go and where to seek help that i need. ...Thank you for listening to me.. Thank you.

[beautyofspeed]

If you are having any thoughts of suicide, call a hotline. In the US it's 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

 

My dad committed suicide and it scars your family and friends.

 

I'll write more in a few mins.

[beautyofspeed]

I'm not sure exactly the right thing to say either, but it sounds like you're going through alot of pain. I've been there. I'm sorry, it can get better : )

 

Just because you two take a break doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship. You two can get back together again after you've had some time and space to calm down from the craziness and think about things.

 

You are right about the brain chemicals with love, etc. After the in-love feeling wears off comes the part you're going through now I guess where you're evaluating whether to continue or not. You can read about the stages of love or stages of relationships. I can't remember them exactly.

 

A couple of related books I know about are "Why Him? Why Her?" and "Why We Love" by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher. She talks about the neurochemical? parts of love.

 

If you'd rather watch a video there may be something on YouTube. Helen Fisher was in a documentary talking about long-term relationships so you may be able to find something helpful there.

 

Best to you and take care : )

[LadyM]

People seem to be so disposable these days. Spend a couple years together, boredom sets in, see each other faults and it's time for someone new. But like beautyofspeed said, this could be a temporary break. Our feelings never stay constant for anyone and there are always ups and downs.

 

Don't even be thinking about suicide. You're not going to do anything foolish just because one guy out of billions of men on this planet rejects you. Think of what you would tell your daughter if she came to you with this problem. Think of how lovingly you would reassure her. Now, reassure yourself that you know everything is going to be alright. There are too many people who would be devastated and unable to function for the rest of their lives if you did something harmful to yourself. So, that is out of the question.

 

I just ordered these two books from Amazon. Both got great ratings. Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan J. Elliott and How to Get Over the Loss of a Love by Harold Bloomfield. Could be very helpful reading to try and get your head and heart in a better place.

 

Unfortunately, everyone here understands your pain only too well. We've all been where you are and a lot of us are in a better place now than when we started. Give it time and I KNOW you'll be okay!!!

[yorkie]

Hello guys, i've been looking at this site for couple days... writing my story and delete it like more than 5 times now. I'm currently breaking up with my boyfriend of 2years. We lived together in the beginning of our relationship which was the worst idea ever. However, we were very good together everyone around us admire our love and care given by each other. Yes, i remember that "passionate love" is a chemical in our brain which makes a person feel crazy love feeling.. but this chemical only stays in 28 months. I guess we see each other everyday and do every little things together for 2 years made us tired. Whenever we fought, our claws hurt each other so bad, now we became numb to our claws..

 

So, we decide to break up. We are in progress of breaking up like... since we shared almost everything. you guys probably able to guess it from my grammars, i'm not from US so i'm by myself without family. He's going back to his brother's place and i will be looking for new place to stay or just staying in current place.

I asked him to leave the house at least couple days so i can be sure with my decision.. I know i will so sad and regret, but there is nothing else we can fix.

He says he doesn't feel love towards me anymore.. he feels responsibility and worry about me.. more like a sister, not a lover. so do i, i don't feel crazy passion or love to him. more like a necessity and i'm not sure...

I wonder if our feelings are parts of love or if it really is.. showing our relationship is finished. haha... i don't know what i'm typing right now.

I'm acting very calm and strong as possible, but honestly i'm crashing so bad.

I thought it will be okay and i thought i kind of wanted to break up...

i don't know why i'm so sad and painful. And so does he, he has very resentful face and feels like hes trying to say something but he keeps himself from saying it??? im not sure... yesterday, i was very drunk so my friend told me to sleepover at her place, since my bf was still at home. I decided to stay at her place b/c i didn't want to make any mistake. i fell asleep at like 10ish (start drinking at 7 ..) i was literally DEAD-drunk, and woke up at 5am today and checked my phone. He texted and called me until 3am when he had to go to work the next day. I went home around 8am and he asked where i was and that he worried about me so much, couldn't go to sleep. I was very confusing... if we are finished and, if we are done like he said why does he keep acting like my bf... it makes me confusing. so i asked him for a favor to go to his brothers place.. after all these, he looks sad and confusing too..

he wrote me a letter on the day we broke up saying "he wish he's doing the right thing. but what is a right thing in a relationship. who gets to be right or wrong in a battle of love or at the tiring finish? Have we exhausted each other? loved too fast and too much? have we found each other's faults too fast? then what made us love in the first place? is love a trend? destined to come and go as it pleases? have we hurt each other so much that we are numb from each other's claws? what are we looking for outside of us? we are seeking other's lovely pain. will love from elsewhere be better than what we have? i really dont know. mistakes mistakes mistakes again and again. Why are frequent mistakes considered intentional? blames! Why? where to? where are we going? where am i going? to where. i am ..." He was very drunk when writing this.. so.. yea.. sorry guys, i'm just very tired need some one to talk to... i don't know what to do.. my best friend committed suicide because of her bf about couple months ago. and now, i understand why she did that..

i seriously don't know what to do... where to start and where to end..

where to go and where to seek help that i need. ...Thank you for listening to me.. Thank you.

 

 

 

hey first off how are you now? please please don't even contemplate suicide I know how you are feeling and I to nearly went through with it around the 2/3 week mark. I made a noose and hung it outside my back door I even was standing on the chair with it around my neck on the phone to my ex! I was in a really ****ed up state please don't do anything like that. in the end I didn't do it because I didn't want my kids or love ones even my ex seeing me in that state I was so close to doing it. yes it been hard since then but things do get better! if you need to talk your more than welcome to pm me please don't do that though.

[Haydn]

PM like Yorkie says. Any of us, but take those thoughts away. Now!

[Logan oO]

Uh....

Look, i know all too well how much it can hurt ok.

 

I'm not perfect right now, but i'm ok. You will be too. You and your ex partner are still 'friendly' there is no hatred between you. Most relationships end like wars!

 

There will always be times when things seem like they've disappeared, but that's normally because the part of the relationship where you go out having fun together, or laughing together has reduced dramatically. So you end up feeling like two friends sat next to eachother on a sofa watching tv.

 

You can get love back.

 

It is upto the both of you whether you draw a line in the sand, and start over, and try to re-ignite that spark between you, or you both let it go.

 

Onto the suicide thing.

 

There is way too much in this world to actually live for, to ever contemplate hurting yourself. There is more to do and see, than any of us will ever experience, there are more people to meet than you could ever hope of meeting in your life time.

 

The world can be cruel and painful, but it can also bring happiness, joy and is filled with beauty. THIS is coming from someone who has NEVER left the UK. so if i can say that, anyone can understand it.

 

I'm a guy in a box looking out at the world, but still smiling from inside my box

 

Never hurt yourself over a relationship. You'd be stopping yourself from being truly happy in the future.

[AHeavyHeart]

People seem to be so disposable these days. Spend a couple years together, boredom sets in, see each other faults and it's time for someone new. But like beautyofspeed said, this could be a temporary break. Our feelings never stay constant for anyone and there are always ups and downs.

 

Don't even be thinking about suicide. You're not going to do anything foolish just because one guy out of billions of men on this planet rejects you. Think of what you would tell your daughter if she came to you with this problem. Think of how lovingly you would reassure her. Now, reassure yourself that you know everything is going to be alright. There are too many people who would be devastated and unable to function for the rest of their lives if you did something harmful to yourself. So, that is out of the question.

 

I just ordered these two books from Amazon. Both got great ratings. Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan J. Elliott and How to Get Over the Loss of a Love by Harold Bloomfield. Could be very helpful reading to try and get your head and heart in a better place.

 

Unfortunately, everyone here understands your pain only too well. We've all been where you are and a lot of us are in a better place now than when we started. Give it time and I KNOW you'll be okay!!!

 

To the OP: Please don't even entertain the idea of suicide! There is someone out there for each and every one of us. Life and love goes on and we must remain strong, as with anything else in life. I feel for you, for I'm trying to deal with a breakup of my own, having moments of depression, despare, and uncertainty along the way. However, I know that I'll get through this and love will come back into my life again. My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and I fell deeply in love with her...we had our ups and downs after the initial 8-9 months of pure bliss. However, it was too much for her to handle and I always told her in the past when we would have an argument, that she would have to be the one to end it, for I wouldn't have the strength...well, she pulled the trigger and I'm trying to do the best I can to be happy again. I'm focussing on the positives and for me, that is what needs to be done in order to move forward and feel good about myself. It sucks big time, but we'll all get over the loss eventually.

 

LadyM, I have been cruising the forum for the past couple of days and finaly decided to sign up. I have seen some of your previous posts and you sound like a very down to earth and well adjusted individual. I may look into these books. Thanks for the reference.

 

By the way, are you currently going through another breakup? I thought that you had broken up with your ex over a year ago. Are you still having a hard time dealing with the breakup? I'm doing the best I can, but I loved and still love her big time. It's been over a month now and she texts me from time to time and we have spoken a couple of times. She has stated before that if it's meant to be, then the universe will bring us back together. She's making the breakup hard, by contacting me from time to time...the last time was from the airport before going out of the country for work (I think she was just lonely). I agreed to be available to her in a limited capacity (emergency or if she wants to talk about reconciliation). I am working on myself and am in therapy and she is very supportive of it, but I sometimes feel as if she's just stringing me along, with no true intention of getting back together (even though she eludes to the fact that it could happen when we talk). She is very emotional and cries when we have spoken over the phone, telling me she still loves me.

 

I don't know, but logic would tell me to go completely NC. However, I feer that she would get the wrong idea and think that I don't care anymore.

 

Sorry for the long post...it's my first.

 

I wish everyone the best and am glad I found this site.

[ynabna]

Hello guys, i didn't expect this much but you guys really helped me alot.

I am doing what i can to put myself together.. yesterday night my ex and i

still sleep together (of course facing opposite side, no touch or words) but

.. weirdly he came right next to me and hugged. so i thought he did it accidentally or he didn't even know he did since he was sleeping. However, when i tried to put his hand back to his body, he just hugged me harder...

so i just slept like that... we slept like what we used to do.. but, in the morning i refused to talk about it so i left home very early (had to go to work), and came back home but he doesnt mention anything and i dont so it just passed like that.

Yea guys. we are just being very stupid... but i'm looking forward and getting ready to face whatever is coming. My ex will go to his brother's place tomorrow for couple days, not sure how long b/c i told him he can stay there as long as he wants. I will try best not to let myself down or... thinking about negatives.

Once again, thank you so much for you guys' care and advice, i will definitely come back to write if i need you guys... please come back and talk with me

it will be very appreciated and i will be very happy

[ynabna]

People seem to be so disposable these days. Spend a couple years together, boredom sets in, see each other faults and it's time for someone new. But like beautyofspeed said, this could be a temporary break. Our feelings never stay constant for anyone and there are always ups and downs.

 

Don't even be thinking about suicide. You're not going to do anything foolish just because one guy out of billions of men on this planet rejects you. Think of what you would tell your daughter if she came to you with this problem. Think of how lovingly you would reassure her. Now, reassure yourself that you know everything is going to be alright. There are too many people who would be devastated and unable to function for the rest of their lives if you did something harmful to yourself. So, that is out of the question.

 

I just ordered these two books from Amazon. Both got great ratings. Getting Past Your Breakup by Susan J. Elliott and How to Get Over the Loss of a Love by Harold Bloomfield. Could be very helpful reading to try and get your head and heart in a better place.

 

Unfortunately, everyone here understands your pain only too well. We've all been where you are and a lot of us are in a better place now than when we started. Give it time and I KNOW you'll be okay!!!

 

I will love to try those two books please visit my thread time to time, i will love to hear from you more... Thank you for kind reply.

[ynabna]

I'm not sure exactly the right thing to say either, but it sounds like you're going through alot of pain. I've been there. I'm sorry, it can get better : )

 

Just because you two take a break doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship. You two can get back together again after you've had some time and space to calm down from the craziness and think about things.

 

You are right about the brain chemicals with love, etc. After the in-love feeling wears off comes the part you're going through now I guess where you're evaluating whether to continue or not. You can read about the stages of love or stages of relationships. I can't remember them exactly.

 

A couple of related books I know about are "Why Him? Why Her?" and "Why We Love" by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher. She talks about the neurochemical? parts of love.

 

If you'd rather watch a video there may be something on YouTube. Helen Fisher was in a documentary talking about long-term relationships so you may be able to find something helpful there.

 

Best to you and take care : )

 

Thank you so much. It's very hard to admit that.. love is actually just a brain chemical.. wish it lasts more than 28months. I will love to try Helen Fisher's books as well, please visit my thread time to time

[ynabna]

hey first off how are you now? please please don't even contemplate suicide I know how you are feeling and I to nearly went through with it around the 2/3 week mark. I made a noose and hung it outside my back door I even was standing on the chair with it around my neck on the phone to my ex! I was in a really ****ed up state please don't do anything like that. in the end I didn't do it because I didn't want my kids or love ones even my ex seeing me in that state I was so close to doing it. yes it been hard since then but things do get better! if you need to talk your more than welcome to pm me please don't do that though.

 

thank you, yorkie. Every relationship has "end." But it's just too hard to accept it... i will keep in touch with you if you don't mind ...

hopefully, i get better after some space and time from my ex..

[ynabna]

Uh....

Look, i know all too well how much it can hurt ok.

 

I'm not perfect right now, but i'm ok. You will be too. You and your ex partner are still 'friendly' there is no hatred between you. Most relationships end like wars!

 

There will always be times when things seem like they've disappeared, but that's normally because the part of the relationship where you go out having fun together, or laughing together has reduced dramatically. So you end up feeling like two friends sat next to eachother on a sofa watching tv.

 

You can get love back.

 

It is upto the both of you whether you draw a line in the sand, and start over, and try to re-ignite that spark between you, or you both let it go.

 

Onto the suicide thing.

 

There is way too much in this world to actually live for, to ever contemplate hurting yourself. There is more to do and see, than any of us will ever experience, there are more people to meet than you could ever hope of meeting in your life time.

 

The world can be cruel and painful, but it can also bring happiness, joy and is filled with beauty. THIS is coming from someone who has NEVER left the UK. so if i can say that, anyone can understand it.

 

I'm a guy in a box looking out at the world, but still smiling from inside my box

 

Never hurt yourself over a relationship. You'd be stopping yourself from being truly happy in the future.

 

Thank you for a warm advice. I'm trying to put myself together.. and yea,

like i mentioned above.. hopefully i get better, after my ex goes to his brother's place and have my own time and space.

[ynabna]

To the OP: Please don't even entertain the idea of suicide! There is someone out there for each and every one of us. Life and love goes on and we must remain strong, as with anything else in life. I feel for you, for I'm trying to deal with a breakup of my own, having moments of depression, despare, and uncertainty along the way. However, I know that I'll get through this and love will come back into my life again. My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and I fell deeply in love with her...we had our ups and downs after the initial 8-9 months of pure bliss. However, it was too much for her to handle and I always told her in the past when we would have an argument, that she would have to be the one to end it, for I wouldn't have the strength...well, she pulled the trigger and I'm trying to do the best I can to be happy again. I'm focussing on the positives and for me, that is what needs to be done in order to move forward and feel good about myself. It sucks big time, but we'll all get over the loss eventually.

 

LadyM, I have been cruising the forum for the past couple of days and finaly decided to sign up. I have seen some of your previous posts and you sound like a very down to earth and well adjusted individual. I may look into these books. Thanks for the reference.

 

By the way, are you currently going through another breakup? I thought that you had broken up with your ex over a year ago. Are you still having a hard time dealing with the breakup? I'm doing the best I can, but I loved and still love her big time. It's been over a month now and she texts me from time to time and we have spoken a couple of times. She has stated before that if it's meant to be, then the universe will bring us back together. She's making the breakup hard, by contacting me from time to time...the last time was from the airport before going out of the country for work (I think she was just lonely). I agreed to be available to her in a limited capacity (emergency or if she wants to talk about reconciliation). I am working on myself and am in therapy and she is very supportive of it, but I sometimes feel as if she's just stringing me along, with no true intention of getting back together (even though she eludes to the fact that it could happen when we talk). She is very emotional and cries when we have spoken over the phone, telling me she still loves me.

 

I don't know, but logic would tell me to go completely NC. However, I feer that she would get the wrong idea and think that I don't care anymore.

 

Sorry for the long post...it's my first.

 

I wish everyone the best and am glad I found this site.

 

I don't know what to tell you but if i was in her shoes, i will probably need to feel that I am the one who break our love not you. so i recommend you to go NC for at least a week... Because it seems like she doesn't get how serious it is to be away from you. And thank you for your warm words, hopefully everything goes well with you as well

[LadyM]

To the OP: Please don't even entertain the idea of suicide! There is someone out there for each and every one of us. Life and love goes on and we must remain strong, as with anything else in life. I feel for you, for I'm trying to deal with a breakup of my own, having moments of depression, despare, and uncertainty along the way. However, I know that I'll get through this and love will come back into my life again. My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and I fell deeply in love with her...we had our ups and downs after the initial 8-9 months of pure bliss. However, it was too much for her to handle and I always told her in the past when we would have an argument, that she would have to be the one to end it, for I wouldn't have the strength...well, she pulled the trigger and I'm trying to do the best I can to be happy again. I'm focussing on the positives and for me, that is what needs to be done in order to move forward and feel good about myself. It sucks big time, but we'll all get over the loss eventually.

 

LadyM, I have been cruising the forum for the past couple of days and finaly decided to sign up. I have seen some of your previous posts and you sound like a very down to earth and well adjusted individual. I may look into these books. Thanks for the reference.

 

By the way, are you currently going through another breakup? I thought that you had broken up with your ex over a year ago. Are you still having a hard time dealing with the breakup? I'm doing the best I can, but I loved and still love her big time. It's been over a month now and she texts me from time to time and we have spoken a couple of times. She has stated before that if it's meant to be, then the universe will bring us back together. She's making the breakup hard, by contacting me from time to time...the last time was from the airport before going out of the country for work (I think she was just lonely). I agreed to be available to her in a limited capacity (emergency or if she wants to talk about reconciliation). I am working on myself and am in therapy and she is very supportive of it, but I sometimes feel as if she's just stringing me along, with no true intention of getting back together (even though she eludes to the fact that it could happen when we talk). She is very emotional and cries when we have spoken over the phone, telling me she still loves me.

 

I don't know, but logic would tell me to go completely NC. However, I feer that she would get the wrong idea and think that I don't care anymore.

 

Sorry for the long post...it's my first.

 

I wish everyone the best and am glad I found this site.

 

AHeavyHeart....Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm not going through another break up - still the same one and I'm embarrassed to say it did take me a year to turn the corner to feel like my old self. I didn't join this site until then, but I sure wish I had found LS earlier as it likely would have hastened the painful process.

 

My heart goes out to you because it's so hard to be dangling in limbo as you are. She gives you little bits of hope here and there and hopefully, you will reconcile soon. But if not, we are here for you and I'm also glad you found this site.