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Etiquette for saying final goodbye after 2nd date?

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LookUp

LookUp

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I don't want to hurt anyone. This girl and I went on two dates (seen each other 3 times). All of the dates were great! But she and I aren't compatible long term. What's the morally right next step, considering that she and I are still texting.

 

1) Ease down texting and not answer her eventually.

2) say goodbye through text or phone call? If so, how?

3) Her birthday is coming up. I thought about taking her out on one final meet up, having a good time, and saying goodbye. (This is an option I would like to do. She's very sweet and deserve happiness, just like we all do, and I just want both of us to have one good lasting impression, and a final goodbye)

I'm so confused. I feel lost. Society talks about how to hook up, how to make a first impression, but very little is concentrate on how to properly say goodbye. :(

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ja123

ja123

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Your last comment is very apt.

 

 

I wouldn't do #3.

 

 

Since you find the situation confusing, then I think #1 isn't a good option for you.

 

 

That leaves option #2.

 

 

So, I would just tell bye in a text or email. Something along the lines of, "Hey, though I enjoyed meeting you, I'm looking to date someone with whom I could have a relationship, so I'm going to bow out of future texts. Wish you well."

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NoMoreJerks

NoMoreJerks

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I wouldn't use that line above. "someone I could have a relationship with" -- might be interpreted as saying that she's not relationship material in general. I'd be more explicit and say you two are not compatible in your view, and that you wish her the best.

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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Thank you. I will send a text. I'm evil and I feel terrible.

 

Oh, puleeeze…. At least have the courtesy to CALL her and talk to her.

 

Texting is just rude.

 

]She's sweet, and I hope this doesn't mess her up.

She will survive. But at least show a little class and TELL her.

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Keenly

Keenly

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Oh, puleeeze…. At least have the courtesy to CALL her and talk to her.

 

Texting is just rude.

 

 

She will survive. But at least show a little class and TELL her.

 

Its a generational thing. Phone calls are not really as important as they used to be.

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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Its a generational thing. Phone calls are not really as important as they used to be.

 

Completely disagree. By maintaining a relationship via texting, it DOES diminish its importance and lowers one's expectations of a intelligent and forthright connection.

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StanMusial

StanMusial

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Texting a break up is the cowardly approach. Any hopes of a none resentiful break go out the window by doing this. It is just disrespectiful

 

He's only seen her 3 times. Its not like its the romance of the century.

 

Just be quick and courteous about it. Don't feel guilty, just think, most girls would cut you down the same way if the situation was reversed (if that helps).

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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He's only seen her 3 times. Its not like its the romance of the century.

No, but the title of the thread is about ETIQUETTE and politeness would dictate that a simple phone call would be best.

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acrosstheuniverse

acrosstheuniverse

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I would honestly just ease back on the texting a little, and if she asks you out again be honest, and just say that you don't see you guys working out romantically but that she's a great girl and you'd love to be friends (you don't actually have to try and initiate a friendship but it's good to know somebody thinks you're a decent person worthy of knowing even if they don't want to date you). You don't need to agonise over all of this, you've been on a couple of dates!

 

I had a first date with somebody I met online arranged for Sunday night, on Saturday I got a text 'I won't be able to make tomorrow, you seem like an awesome girl but I've met somebody on Thursday night and I really like her and don't want to mess her about. If you're on facebook though it'd be cool to add you and keep in touch'. I really respected the honesty and him not wasting either of our times, wished him the best with her and that was that :)

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acrosstheuniverse

acrosstheuniverse

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Definitely do NOT arrange to meet her again (on her birthday of all days!) only to tell her that you don't see it working out. It will be supremely awkward, and she won't have the option to react in privacy if it bothers her. The rest of the meet-up will be really weird, and she'll likely have been anticipating it as though it was a date and as though things are going well.

 

I'd be way more pissed if a guy arranged to meet me after two dates only to tell me face to face he didn't want to see me again. I'd be like, two dates? It's okay, I can handle it, all the best... and I could have been doing something so much better on that night! To be honest it'd come across a little like the guy was a tad egotistical, thinking that I'd be really upset he didn't want to date anymore as though he's such a great catch I'm going to be devastated or something like that.

Edited by acrosstheuniverse
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NoMoreJerks

NoMoreJerks

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I had a first date with somebody I met online arranged for Sunday night, on Saturday I got a text 'I won't be able to make tomorrow, you seem like an awesome girl but I've met somebody on Thursday night and I really like her and don't want to mess her about. If you're on facebook though it'd be cool to add you and keep in touch'. I really respected the honesty and him not wasting either of our times, wished him the best with her and that was that :)

That's classy -- I wouldn't mind that at all!!! I wish the guy who asked me out last week would've been decent enough to cancel on me , because he had met some other chick on the airplane the week before our date. Instead, he went out with me, sabotaged the date, was rude and disrespectful throughout the date, then told me he wasn't looking for a relationship because he was still licking his break-up wounds, but would like to get to know me , and when I told him I wasn't looking for new friends or a pen pal, and wished him good luck, he told me there was some other woman he had met a week before our date and that he'd like to be good friends with me (!) which is why he was honest (only after lying to me 3 times and giving me 3 different stories/reasons as to why he didn't want to see me lol!).. pathetic, disgusting, rude... people seriously don't know proper etiquette? And this guy wanted to be my friend (he was insistent on it, it's not like he just said it to let me down gently!) even though I had spent exactly 2 hrs with him and didn't know him from before lol (we met through OLD). WTF!

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NoMoreJerks

NoMoreJerks

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I would prefer if a rejection is done to me by text or email, to be honest, unless it's someone I know well enough already (like, break-up with boyfriend, in which case, I think people owe each other a decent, face-to-face breakup). I usually feel pretty annoyed when I am rejected and can blurt out stupid stuff, so it really saves me the embarrassment of an unwanted/bad reaction.. and i don't like the bullsh*t lines that are obviously not true, like "it's not you it's me, I am still getting over my ex." It's insulting to my intelligence. Just say that you're not interested in me -- I can handle it.

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ITw

ITw

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I don't want to hurt anyone. This girl and I went on two dates (seen each other 3 times). All of the dates were great! But she and I aren't compatible long term. What's the morally right next step, considering that she and I are still texting.

 

1) Ease down texting and not answer her eventually.

2) say goodbye through text or phone call? If so, how?

3) Her birthday is coming up. I thought about taking her out on one final meet up, having a good time, and saying goodbye. (This is an option I would like to do. She's very sweet and deserve happiness, just like we all do, and I just want both of us to have one good lasting impression, and a final goodbye)

I'm so confused. I feel lost. Society talks about how to hook up, how to make a first impression, but very little is concentrate on how to properly say goodbye. :(

 

 

I don't mean to sound harsh but you sound like a complete tool. There have only been 2 dates and you two are not friends. Why on earth would you take her out "on one final meet up, having a good time, and saying goodbye". You sound like you have an ego and are just playing games. Just call her and end it politely and act like a man. You hope this won't mess her up? Get over yourself and do not go on any more dates with her. Hope I wasn't too hard on you but really come on.

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LookUp

LookUp

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Keenly brought up a good point about phone calls being a generational gap. Personally, I can do either phone call or text. Doesn't matter to me. What matters is that she doesn't get too hurt in the process.

There are some factors to consider, such as our busy and contrasting schedule (phone calls would cause us to play phone tag all week long). And due to the fact that she is somewhat of a shy and emotional girl, saying bye through voice would probably be uncomfortable for her. What if she has some emotional outburst? With texting, even if she has a emotional response, she could still hide it and not be embarrassed.

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LookUp

LookUp

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I don't mean to sound harsh but you sound like a complete tool. There have only been 2 dates and you two are not friends. Why on earth would you take her out "on one final meet up, having a good time, and saying goodbye". You sound like you have an ego and are just playing games. Just call her and end it politely and act like a man. You hope this won't mess her up? Get over yourself and do not go on any more dates with her. Hope I wasn't too hard on you but really come on.

 

One thing I wanted to leave out from this thread was her history of depression. I don't want it to end so badly where she falls back into it. I'm not a tool. I'm a decent guy, and we both had a very good time.

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BikerAccnt

BikerAccnt

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First, I'd call her.

Second, it's only been 2 dates. Don't over think this.

 

I've had to do this on more than a couple of occasions. I just call, tell them I enjoyed going out with them and enjoyed their company, but that we're just gong to keep it at those two dates (or however many it's been).

 

I haven't said anything along the lines of ..I don't see a future..we're not a match...blah blah blah.. I just basically say that I am not planning on asking them out anymore. This way, she' isn't left wondering what happened to me, and I close the loop.

 

Not once have I had someone act heartbroken, or try to talk me into going out with them again. Not once.

 

It was only 2 dates after all.

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winny

winny

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The minute you tell her you aren't interested you are going to feel like you lost her and be interested again..

 

LOL :D

I know!!! And then back on this forum on how to get her back ;-)

 

Jokes apart.

Just put it in black and white. No need to take her out n stuff.

 

Say something on below lines -

 

Hey I have been thinking about us and unfortunately I don't feel this is going to work out in the long term. It would be bad if I still keep talking to you and lead you on.

Have a good life, good luck and take care.

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acrosstheuniverse

acrosstheuniverse

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LOL :D

I know!!! And then back on this forum on how to get her back ;-)

 

Jokes apart.

Just put it in black and white. No need to take her out n stuff.

 

Say something on below lines -

 

Hey I have been thinking about us and unfortunately I don't feel this is going to work out in the long term. It would be bad if I still keep talking to you and lead you on.

Have a good life, good luck and take care.

 

Yeah OP, I think it's actually kinder to text... having someone ring me after two whole dates to tell me they didn't want to see me again would probably make me feel very on the spot, if she really likes you and will be even mildly disappointed then I think it's the nicer option to send a text so that she has the space to digest it and respond how she wishes to. It's perfectly fine to offer a follow-up call if she has anything to say or any questions but for the initial contact I would just leave it at a text.

 

I wouldn't necessarily say 'it would be bad if I still keep talking to you and lead you on' as that would make me as a 'dumpee' feel like the guy didn't even like me enough to want to be friends. It would probably go down better if you sad 'you're a great person and I'd love to keep in touch as as friends', it softens the rejection and leaves the ball in her court. I never accepted my non-date on facebook as I keep it for close friends but it was nice of him to suggest we stay in touch, if essentialyl meaningless.

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