aliceinthebox Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 My ex had blocked me from facebook after the break up and dated someone soon after I broke up with him. It's a year later and he facebook friended me. Why?! I receive alerts on my phone and it appeared around 4 o'clock in the morning. I didn't respond and hid it away until I could fully process it. I couldn't stop thinking about it all day, but finally deleted it tonight. We have had no contact since the break up basically. SON OF A B^%$. Even after I deleted it I cant stop thinking about it. I haven't dated anyone since (not because of the break up, but as a choice) and was missing the companionship and did think about him over the fall break, but I really thought I would never hear from this guy again.... Is this what you would call a bread crumb or a truce? Is he f-ing with my mind? I broke up with him and he replaced me in 3 weeks so I consider us even.... I was moving on fine I thought....
2fargone Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Perhaps he was drunk, or lonely, or both, or none of the above. Disregard it. One event by itself doesn't mean anything. 1
Logan oO Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 My ex had blocked me from facebook after the break up and dated someone soon after I broke up with him. It's a year later and he facebook friended me. Why?! I receive alerts on my phone and it appeared around 4 o'clock in the morning. I didn't respond and hid it away until I could fully process it. I couldn't stop thinking about it all day, but finally deleted it tonight. We have had no contact since the break up basically. SON OF A B^%$. Even after I deleted it I cant stop thinking about it. I haven't dated anyone since (not because of the break up, but as a choice) and was missing the companionship and did think about him over the fall break, but I really thought I would never hear from this guy again.... Is this what you would call a bread crumb or a truce? Is he f-ing with my mind? I broke up with him and he replaced me in 3 weeks so I consider us even.... I was moving on fine I thought.... So, you broke up with a guy. In order to move on and let go, he started dating someone else. A 'Year' later, when he has overcome his feelings and moved on, he feels ready to try and be friends with you. You feel anger at him for this??? You DUMPED him. He had every right to date someone the DAY after if he chose, hell i would of done the same. the dumper doesn't get to smash their ex partners heart to bits and then decide when an appropriate time for them to start dating again after the break up is. Of course, i don't know the details of your break up, whether he cheated, lied, or you cheated, or you both just grew apart, fell out of love etc. Still you also have every right to be friends or not be friends with who you choose. I just don't understand why you'd be angry about it, a year after you decided you no longer want him in your life. you even go as far to refer to him as a 'son of a bitch' in symbols lol. 1
r321148 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Agree with Logan. You weren't together and he was trying to move on from someone who dumped him. It's your choice now. If you don't want to be friends with him then don't! Delete the request and go back to no contact. It's my guess that he won't try to contact you again unless you reciprocate.
Author aliceinthebox Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 (edited) So, you broke up with a guy. In order to move on and let go, he started dating someone else. A 'Year' later, when he has overcome his feelings and moved on, he feels ready to try and be friends with you. You feel anger at him for this??? You DUMPED him. He had every right to date someone the DAY after if he chose, hell i would of done the same. the dumper doesn't get to smash their ex partners heart to bits and then decide when an appropriate time for them to start dating again after the break up is. Of course, i don't know the details of your break up, whether he cheated, lied, or you cheated, or you both just grew apart, fell out of love etc. Still you also have every right to be friends or not be friends with who you choose. I just don't understand why you'd be angry about it, a year after you decided you no longer want him in your life. you even go as far to refer to him as a 'son of a bitch' in symbols lol. I know you don't understand the circumstances of the break up, but we were on break and the relationship was falling apart before I pulled the trigger. I feel like I have every right to feel angry when I also had to go through the process of moving on. I might have been the "dumper" but my feelings are as legitimate as a dumpee. Just because I broke it off doesn't mean he was the only one crushed. The fact that he moved on so quickly meant everything we had was simply replaceable in 3 weeks. He has no right to be my friend or to contact me because I am still in a position where I need to move on with my life. I mentioned we were even because I might have crushed him when I finally ended it, but he did the same when he replaced me. He knowingly knew I would be crushed and posted it publicly. Yes I dumped him, but the relationship was over before I did anything. Edited December 3, 2013 by aliceinthebox
r321148 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Maybe if you detail some reasons why you broke up it might help people to understand? From reading it at the moment you don't seem to have much justification to your anger. You dumped him, he moved on and you didn't. So he got into a rebound relationship...it happens. He isn't the first and won't be the last. He waited a year and then thought he'd get in touch. Maybe he wanted to try to be your friend? Maybe he wanted to get back together? Maybe he wanted to apologise for the way things went? Maybe he was lonely/bored etc? Who knows it could be any number of reasons. It doesn't really sound like he's done a lot wrong. How is he to know you haven't moved on after dumping him? I might have been the "dumper" but my feelings are as legitimate as a dumpee. I agree. I've been a position where I broke up with someone and it really hurt.. so I do understand that feeling. What you're not seeing here is that it doesn't matter. You weren't together. Whether you are the dumper or dumpee you have no say in the other persons life anymore. How you/they deal with the break up is up to them. He was quite within his rights to get into another relationship as were/are you. Yes I agree that by doing that he's probably damaged his chances of reconcilliation...but maybe he doesn't want a second chance. The fact that he moved on so quickly meant everything we had was simply replaceable in 3 weeks No it doesn't. It means he was trying to move on. Rebounds are pretty common. It doesn't replace what you had. You can't replace an emotional bond developed over a long time with someone so quickly...but a lot of people try. He has no right to be my friend or to contact me because I am still in a position where I need to move on with my life If you don't want to hear from him then ignore it and block him on social media. Go back to full no contact and just keep moving on. Again he does have a right to do what he wants (unless it gets to stalker levels in which case you can report it). How is he to know you haven't moved on yet? People assume their dumpers move on the day after! It's not always the case but most dumpees assume the dumper will move on quickly. 1
Logan oO Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I know you don't understand the circumstances of the break up, but we were on break and the relationship was falling apart before I pulled the trigger. I feel like I have every right to feel angry when I also had to go through the process of moving on. I might have been the "dumper" but my feelings are as legitimate as a dumpee. Just because I broke it off doesn't mean he was the only one crushed. The fact that he moved on so quickly meant everything we had was simply replaceable in 3 weeks. He has no right to be my friend or to contact me because I am still in a position where I need to move on with my life. I mentioned we were even because I might have crushed him when I finally ended it, but he did the same when he replaced me. He knowingly knew I would be crushed and posted it publicly. Yes I dumped him, but the relationship was over before I did anything. See i'd say around 90% of the time, the story goes, Dumper Breaks up with Dumpee, but Dumper already mourned the relationship whilst in the relationship. So Dumpee should do whatever they feel necessary to move on. Your story sounds quite rare, and i'm sorry you felt that way. I'm used to the version above, i get dumped and the dumper just carries on like i didn't exist from day 1, even after several years together. I think deep down you are hurt because you expected him to put up more of a fight for your broken relationship, and i'm guessing he didn't. Then when you thought you'd put your feelings to rest for that, his friend request popped up, and the hurt came rushing back. And instead of just being sad, you've gotten angry. (it's a stage of break ups, it happens) I don't know if you want to be his friend, or you just hate him for moving on after getting dumped, but honestly he did the right thing. He was dumped, he had two choices, 1) mope around and mourn the loss of someone who doesn't want him, or 2) accept it's over and find someone new to get to know / date. Unless you've kept an eye on that relationship he got into, then for all you know it lasted a day, he broke down and couldn't do it because he was still 'in love with his ex' and went on being single. If you feel ready, maybe you could talk to him about it. He obviously wants to be friends for some reason 1
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