_Saffy_ Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 well in my opinion...... if she wants to hear from you then she will welcome it, if she doesnt then its gonna annoy her. logical huh? maybe drop her a line after shes been to the party (cant remember when the party was now so she may have already been), perhaps tomoro would be good, tell her you had a great time, hope her party went well and that you'd love to go out again sometime soon dont see the point in dragging something out over a few weeks myself, if she wants you, then why bother?
Author iceisles Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ well in my opinion...... if she wants to hear from you then she will welcome it, if she doesnt then its gonna annoy her. logical huh? maybe drop her a line after shes been to the party (cant remember when the party was now so she may have already been), perhaps tomoro would be good, tell her you had a great time, hope her party went well and that you'd love to go out again sometime soon dont see the point in dragging something out over a few weeks myself, if she wants you, then why bother? My thoughts exactly. At the very least, I would like to wish her a Happy New Year, as I did not speak to her yesterday. I don't see what's wrong with a light, casual e-mail saying I hope she had a great time, etc. There are so many girls on here who complain that guys just "disappear" after a date or two, and I don't want to be one of them. I'd rather be rejected for showing too much interest than be rejected for being viewed as indifferent to her. Besides, it goes against my nature not to ask how someone is doing - I really do care about all of my friends, and I don't see why I should handle her any differently just because I'm looking for more than a friendship.
_Saffy_ Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 well go for it, a nice friendly email aint gonna hurt. and at least she can either accept or blow you out, and you aint gonna spend the next two weeks wondering whats going on.
littlelaxer Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 hey...ive been reading up on ur post...and from my point of view i see that the date went really well. I believe this because first of all you were only suppose to go on a short dinner date but things cointued to go to shopping and then a movie. If dinner didnt go very well she would of said "hey i better get goin, nice to meet/hang out". Also if shopping was a flop she would of done the same about a movie. About the movie if she didnt want to cuddle like u took her hand, she would of found some way to move away from you. I know from experience if i didnt want the guy touchin me i would like reach down to get my handbag and make it look like i had to get something and then adjust myself away from him. I know it sounds mean but that is just a sign. As for the date going well i really think u just need to see what she does next, of course the waiting is horrible but i guess u got to wait for what you want sometimes. The crush she has could be a flop or it could be a winner at this point we do not know. I would also reccomend never bringing up the crush because she might be embarrassed nothing happened between them, when she wanted there to be soemthing. And its just a crush so we dont know how the other person feels.....u really just have to see. I would say when u see her on see if she says anything.............maybe after awhile say hi try to spark things, becuase u never know she mihgt be like "well hes the guy i want him to do the work" kinda thing. But when ur talkin and she is very quiet and distant u might want to take that as a sign and lay off. THis is all just my opinion............anyone else have any other ideas to this whole thing? id say u have alright chances..............................but u really just have to see what happens, its tough cause u want it now, but ya just gotta wait.
Author iceisles Posted January 2, 2005 Author Posted January 2, 2005 I got an e-mail from her late last night and all it said was "I hope you had a Good New Year's. I didn't get home until 2 AM. Talk to you soon." Sitting around and doing nothing, I decided to give her a call this morning. Of course I woke her up, something I have a bad habit of doing to folks. Thankfully, she didn't mind and was happy to talk to me. When I called, I thought she would be getting ready to go to church (or on her way there), and she said that she just overslept. She told about me about her Near Year's Eve, for which there were some funny stories we laughed over. She ended up staying there with her friends and came home yesterday afternoon and slept most of the day. We spoke for about 25 minutes, and at the end of the conversation I asked her if she'd like to do something. She responded that she has to work tomorrow morning, but if she gets her cleaning/laundry done early enough today, she would "definitely like to do something." Her main concern was not being out late tonight, and I said that we wouldn't stay out that late if she wanted to get together. Before she hung up, she said she was going back to sleep for a little while but to give her a call this afternoon. I joked and said something to the effect of, "I don't want you to strangle me if I wake you up again" to which she laughed and accepted my offer to have her call me later on. I apologized several times for waking her up, and she said that she wouldn't have picked up if she didn't want to talk to me. Apparently there are a few folks that she doesn't like wake-up calls from, but I'm not on that list, which is good. Although the e-mail didn't say much, I was happy to speak with her this morning. Unless I am being overly optimistic, it sounds like she will want to get together again when she can find the time. Despite waking her up, she was more than happy to speak with me, and was really friendly. I'm sure if she wanted to blow me off, she wouldn't have answered, or wouldn't have asked me to call her later on. I still may give her a call tonight if she doesn't get back to me, though that won't involve anything about getting together - it will just be a straightforward "how are things?" call. I can bring up getting together again later next week. As an aside, she mentioned that she is so glad she isn't with her ex anymore because he never would have let her be around all those guys at a party. Of course, I used this opportunity to gently reinforce that I'm not the possessive or controlling type, and I think she really appreciated that. She has apparently lost a lot of faith in guys, and I feel bad about that. Hopefully she will enjoy spending more time with me, though. Just wanted to pass this along. As always, your thoughts are appreciated. Thanks!
VirginiaBob Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Looks like things are going good, but don't get too excited yet. A girl is not even worth thinking about until the 3 month point.
Author iceisles Posted January 2, 2005 Author Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Looks like things are going good, but don't get too excited yet. A girl is not even worth thinking about until the 3 month point. I will definitely try to keep an even keel on this. I was wondering - after how many dates is it generally "safe" to give her flowers, etc., when you get together? I'm definitely a romantic but don't want to do too much too soon. BTW, I hope you made it through the night ok. I know you've been going through a lot.
alphamale Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I apologized several times for waking her up, and she said that she wouldn't have picked up if she didn't want to talk to me. As an aside, she mentioned that she is so glad she isn't with her ex anymore because he never would have let her be around all those guys at a party. Of course, I used this opportunity to gently reinforce that I'm not the possessive or controlling type, and I think she really appreciated that. She has apparently lost a lot of faith in guys, and I feel bad about that. You are coming off as way too NICE and DESPERATE. Her history is to date guys that don't treat her too well. Being too nice = becoming friends. If you continue on this track then you will most likely become her friend. Sorry man but that is the way it is. Ask her more about all her ex b/f and what they were like, this will tell u what she is attracted to.
Author iceisles Posted January 2, 2005 Author Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale You are coming off as way too NICE and DESPERATE. Her history is to date guys that don't treat her too well. Being too nice = becoming friends. If you continue on this track then you will most likely become her friend. Sorry man but that is the way it is. Ask her more about all her ex b/f and what they were like, this will tell u what she is attracted to. So how should I proceed to make sure I don't become just her friend? I'm sure at this point, she still knows that I am very interested in her. I don't believe that she looks to date guys that don't treat her well - in fact, that's why she broke up with him! He was controlling, possessive, rude, did not like her friends, and so on. From what I can tell, her ex was very much like me up until he had some radical attitude shifts that destroyed the relationship.
VirginiaBob Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 Yea, got though the night okay. Passed out on beer so I wouldn't remember it. Glad that milestone is over. Now for the honeymoon time period to be over. That's the last one. Good thing that I don't even remember the engagment date. Could look at the reciept for the ring, but I choose not to. Well, my advice on when to give flowers, etc. and what I actually have done in the past are 2 different things. I'd wait at least a couple of months before you give flowers and will try to stick to this rule in the future. In the past, I actually brought gifts to a girl on a 2nd or 3rd date. Despite all the advice I am giving you now, I'd probably be the one looking desperate in the past. What a sucker I am. But I'm changed. If anything, this "learning experience" (what everyone calls it) has taught me to not be so nice to women. To make them fight for me rather than the other way around. Sure, the courting process still has to take place, but just play the game and don't really get attached. One thing I have to say in my past experiences, is that the more of a jerk I was in past relationships, the more the girl loved me. This last one, I was the nice guy and she never loved me. Should have played the jerk.
Author iceisles Posted January 2, 2005 Author Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Yea, got though the night okay. Passed out on beer so I wouldn't remember it. Glad that milestone is over. Now for the honeymoon time period to be over. That's the last one. Good thing that I don't even remember the engagment date. Could look at the reciept for the ring, but I choose not to. Well, my advice on when to give flowers, etc. and what I actually have done in the past are 2 different things. I'd wait at least a couple of months before you give flowers and will try to stick to this rule in the future. In the past, I actually brought gifts to a girl on a 2nd or 3rd date. Despite all the advice I am giving you now, I'd probably be the one looking desperate in the past. What a sucker I am. But I'm changed. If anything, this "learning experience" (what everyone calls it) has taught me to not be so nice to women. To make them fight for me rather than the other way around. Sure, the courting process still has to take place, but just play the game and don't really get attached. One thing I have to say in my past experiences, is that the more of a jerk I was in past relationships, the more the girl loved me. This last one, I was the nice guy and she never loved me. Should have played the jerk. Thanks for the reply, and I'm glad you made it through okay. I will never be a jerk, though. It's not my nature, and it's not right to treat people that way. I can play a little hard to get, though. I will hold off on flowers for awhile. In the past, I have given flowers, stuffed animals, etc. on second or third dates, and it went over well. However, I see the benefit of not doing that so quickly.
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