iceisles Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 So, I met this incredible girl for dinner last night and was really happy with how things went. Even though it was only a dinner date, she invited me to go shopping with her afterwards, and then she accepted my invitation to catch a movie after that. The movie was the best part, as we cuddled up to each other, held hands, etc. At the end of the night, she said she had a great time, gave me a giant hug, and allowed me to give her a kiss on the cheek. When I got home around 1AM, she left me an IM to make sure I got home safely and to tell me once more how much fun she had. Some other positives of note: She was supposed to meet up with some of her friends after our dinner date, but completely "forgot" about them when she accepted my movie invitation (which she did instantly, with no hesitation). She didn't even call to tell them she wasn't coming, which she normally would do. She just turned off her phone and came along with me. Another positive: She did a lot of little things that were really thoughtful, like locking my car doors when I forgot, or remembering some obscure things I mentioned to her when we first started talking weeks ago. The negatives list is short, but make me a little nervous. For one, she is going to a New Year's party tonight that her friends are throwing and she didn't mention anything about me coming. Second, she mentioned (a few days before our date) that she was thinking of asking this guy to it that she's had a crush on for awhile. Obviously, I'm a little worried about that, but there's probably not much I can do. I will try to not read into the negatives too much - it's possible she just wants to party with her friends, something her last ex wouldn't let her do. Plus, she just met me and it's possible she may not feel comfortable introducing me to all her friends just yet. As for the other guy, she probably wouldn't have cuddled, flirted, etc. with me if she was 100% hell-bent on him. She probably wouldn't even have met me for dinner to begin with. I just worry because I have not fared well in situations where there is someone else in the picture. As for me, I tried to be the best gentleman I knew how. I paid for dinner, the movie/snacks, opened all the doors for her, listened far more than I spoke, lent her my jacket when she got cold, and showed a genuine interest in her. I left feeling that the only reason I wouldn't get a second date is if she wasn't attracted to me. I was glad that she told me several times that she had a good time and that things went so smoothly. I told her that I had a wonderful time also and would love to see her again. I suggested this weekend, but she said she probably has to work. If things didn't go well, I may have assumed that was an excuse, but I believe that she was genuine in saying that she will be busy. I would appreciate some objective analysis from anyone who was willing to read this post. Do you think things look good for a second date? Should I be worried about the party or the other guy? And how should I proceed from here? My guess is that I should continue to show interest in her without coming on too strong too fast. If there are any additional details you need to help form an opinion, just ask and I'll fill you in. Thanks so much, everyone!
alphamale Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles At the end of the night, she said she had a great time, gave me a giant hug, and allowed me to give her a kiss on the cheek. Some other positives of note: She was supposed to meet up with some of her friends after our dinner date, but completely "forgot" about them when she accepted my movie invitation (which she did instantly, with no hesitation). She didn't even call to tell them she wasn't coming, which she normally would do. The negatives list is short, but make me a little nervous. For one, she is going to a New Year's party tonight that her friends are throwing and she didn't mention anything about me coming. Second, she mentioned (a few days before our date) that she was thinking of asking this guy to it that she's had a crush on for awhile. I told her that I had a wonderful time also and would love to see her again. I suggested this weekend, but she said she probably has to work. it is hard to tell from what u wrote. and it is only the first date. you are overanalyzing here. I have some observations: 1) a kiss on the cheek with a hug is not a good sign, a deep kiss on the lips is good 2) the plans she had to meet friends was an out so that she could split if the date was going badly. women don't generally "forget" to call their friends esp when they have plans 3) i would not worry about NYE. you either go with someone special or go alone and you are not special yet after 1 date 4) i would worry about the other guy. if women are into you they rarely mention someone else they like or want to be with.
Merin Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Alpha makes some good points... She didn't "forget" to call her gf's.. she had that as an "out" incase the date wasn't going well.. obviously it went better than she had expected so she was good with not calling in her "excuse" NYE is cool.. but again like Alpha said.. this was a first date.. so yeah I wouldn't trip about her going with her friends for NYE.. The kiss on the cheek.. I don't know.. thats kind of iffy at best.. Her telling you about another guy she has a crush on.. that is never a good sign:( HOWEVER.. from what you've said, it seems she may have got to see you last night in a different light.. you gave her something to think about (and it was allllllll good!) Chances for a second date.. I say they are very good;) Don't hold on to tight or trip.. she gave you some good signs of her interest.. so go with that for now. Good Luck;)
Author iceisles Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 Thanks for the observations. I have a few comments for each: Originally posted by alphamale 1) a kiss on the cheek with a hug is not a good sign, a deep kiss on the lips is good * Lots of girls don't kiss on first dates, much less a deep kiss on the lips. She's pretty conservative (due to her religion), so I was surprised that she let me kiss her at all. She told me that she wouldn't have had sex with her last boyfriend except that they were engaged. And what about the cuddling with her? She even let me rub her legs, etc., at the theater without showing any signs of being uncomfortable. 2) the plans she had to meet friends was an out so that she could split if the date was going badly. women don't generally "forget" to call their friends esp when they have plans * I agree with this. Even if I didn't have backup plans, I would probably say I did. I think that some of her friends accompanied her to the restaurant where we met, but they quickly scattered when I arrived. That may have been her backup plan, for sure. 3) i would not worry about NYE. you either go with someone special or go alone and you are not special yet after 1 date * I also agree with this. If I was throwing a party with all my friends, would I invite her? Yes. But I would feel a little awkward about it. Plus she doesn't get to see her friends much, so I think she is looking forward to just hanging out with them. 4) i would worry about the other guy. if women are into you they rarely mention someone else they like or want to be with. * Well, I am a little worried. Her general words were, "I remember saying to myself last year that if I was single, I'd want him to ask me out." But she told me this before our date. Hopefully I made a good impression. And again, why would she get so close with me if she already made up her mind who she wanted to date?
Author iceisles Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by Merin Alpha makes some good points... She didn't "forget" to call her gf's.. she had that as an "out" incase the date wasn't going well.. obviously it went better than she had expected so she was good with not calling in her "excuse" NYE is cool.. but again like Alpha said.. this was a first date.. so yeah I wouldn't trip about her going with her friends for NYE.. The kiss on the cheek.. I don't know.. thats kind of iffy at best.. Her telling you about another guy she has a crush on.. that is never a good sign:( HOWEVER.. from what you've said, it seems she may have got to see you last night in a different light.. you gave her something to think about (and it was allllllll good!) Chances for a second date.. I say they are very good;) Don't hold on to tight or trip.. she gave you some good signs of her interest.. so go with that for now. Good Luck;) Hey Merin - thanks for the post. The date clearly went better than she thought, I am not too concerned about the kiss right now, but I am worried about that other guy. Should I even (carefully) bring him up to try and gauge her interest in him, or do I just have to sit on my hands and see what happens? If history holds, I'll probably lose out to him, which will suck because she's a lot of fun and I definitely see some potential there. I left her a brief voicemail this morning thanking her for last night and will probably send a simple New Year's e-card later today. If she is choosing between two, I'd like to at least be on her radar.
alphamale Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles I left her a brief voicemail this morning thanking her for last night and will probably send a simple New Year's e-card later today. If she is choosing between two, I'd like to at least be on her radar. I forgot to add point #5 in my post. It was do not come off as desperate. And the above is totally and utterly desperate. You went out on one date and you're already calling her and sending her e-cards. Very very bad idea. How about you don't contact her in any way whatsoever and then call her in about five to seven days and tell her you had fun last Thursday and would like to get togeter again about a week later (after the call). Why do you have to see her again in 2 days. Cannot you wait for 10 or 14 days???
Merin Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles Hey Merin - thanks for the post. The date clearly went better than she thought, I am not too concerned about the kiss right now, but I am worried about that other guy. Should I even (carefully) bring him up to try and gauge her interest in him, or do I just have to sit on my hands and see what happens? If history holds, I'll probably lose out to him, which will suck because she's a lot of fun and I definitely see some potential there. I left her a brief voicemail this morning thanking her for last night and will probably send a simple New Year's e-card later today. If she is choosing between two, I'd like to at least be on her radar. You're welcome The date went well Dave.. so don't stress. She liked you.. chances again I say for a second date are very good. DON'T ask her about this other guy.. sit on your hands on that.. IF she brings him up again.. then yeah not a good thing.. but if she doesn't, then you don't either okay?! Nice touch to have left the voicemail.. BUT DON'T send the Ecard.. IF she doesn't get in touch with you within the next few days then by day 3 give her a call and see how her NYE was.. then ask her out again. Yay for you! LOL go slow.. have confidence;)
alphamale Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by Merin DON'T ask her about this other guy.. sit on your hands on that.. IF she brings him up again.. then yeah not a good thing.. but if she doesn't, then you don't either okay?! Excellent point MERIN. A man who is confident does NOT ask or inquire about the competition. At least not at this stage of the "game". If she brings up this other dude again just shrug it off and ignore it.
Author iceisles Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale I forgot to add point #5 in my post. It was do not come off as desperate. And the above is totally and utterly desperate. You went out on one date and you're already calling her and sending her e-cards. Very very bad idea. How about you don't contact her in any way whatsoever and then call her in about five to seven days and tell her you had fun last Thursday and would like to get togeter again about a week later (after the call). Why do you have to see her again in 2 days. Cannot you wait for 10 or 14 days??? Ok, I won't do the e-card. I thought it was harmless, but I guess there is a fine line between showing interest and desperation. I have no problem not contacting her for a few days, but I'm pretty sure she will either e-mail, call, or IM me in the next couple days. If she does, what should I say? Should I just casually toss out the idea of getting together again? I definitely want to do this right. I have good intentions but questionable execution at times. FYI, I wanted to see her this weekend because I have a 4-day weekend with no plans. It's also the last extended weekend I get for some time, not that there's anything wrong with hanging out on a normal two-day weekend.
Author iceisles Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by Merin You're welcome The date went well Dave.. so don't stress. She liked you.. chances again I say for a second date are very good. DON'T ask her about this other guy.. sit on your hands on that.. IF she brings him up again.. then yeah not a good thing.. but if she doesn't, then you don't either okay?! Nice touch to have left the voicemail.. BUT DON'T send the Ecard.. IF she doesn't get in touch with you within the next few days then by day 3 give her a call and see how her NYE was.. then ask her out again. Yay for you! LOL go slow.. have confidence;) I'll try not to stress. Lol. It's just that I get so few opportunities like this and I don't want to squander them. I left the voicemail because I told her last night that I would call this morning - so I was just keeping my promise. I'll try to not let the other guy get to me - all I can do is the best job I can with my image, etc., and I totally agree that bringing him up wouldn't be a good idea. If for some reason I don't hear from her by then, I'll give her a ring on Monday. it does seem like she likes me, though, which means that we'll at least be friends (though I never like settling for that). Do you agree with me that nothing serious is in motion with the other guy if she let me hold her hand, etc., at the movies?
alphamale Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles but I'm pretty sure she will either e-mail, call, or IM me in the next couple days. If she does, what should I say? Should I just casually toss out the idea of getting together again? if she calls you then tell her you had fun and would like to get together again (but don't set a date just yet). Tell her you'll call her in a few days and then you can set a date. Then you call her maybe 3 or 4 days afterwards and make a date. You were on a date, not a job interview. There is no need to send a thank=you note the next day.
Author iceisles Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale if she calls you then tell her you had fun and would like to get together again (but don't set a date just yet). Tell her you'll call her in a few days and then you can set a date. Then you call her maybe 3 or 4 days afterwards and make a date. You were on a date, not a job interview. There is no need to send a thank=you note the next day. She did. When I got home, she left my a few IM's, saying that she hoped I got home safely, she had a great time, and thanked me for everything. Since she had signed off when I got those messages, I had to at least acknowledge that I got them. BTW, first dates do feel like job interviews. Lol.
Merin Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Yeah.. I don't think there is much (if anything) going witht the other guy she mentioned.. so good to go there. IF she does IM you or Call.. then yeah of course speak with her.. BUT let her kind of "guide" so to speak where she is going with this.. The Ecard.. yeah.. the call was nice, you kept your word so cool.. but the Ecard is overkill. The thing to keep in mind here Dave is this.. what reason would she have NOT to want to date you? Be confident that you're worth spending time with okay? People can sense this.. I hope you have an excellent New Years Eve;)
alphamale Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles I'll try not to stress. Lol. It's just that I get so few opportunities like this and I don't want to squander them. yes, and you are coming off to her like you get few opportunities, this is bad. I left the voicemail because I told her last night that I would call this morning - so I was just keeping my promise. Why did you have to call? You would not break any law by not calling even when you said you would. It would have been better to leave her alone for a week or so. it does seem like she likes me, though, which means that we'll at least be friends (though I never like settling for that). you WILL be settling for friendship if that is your mindset. You should be more worried about whether you like her than if she like you. You are the catch here, not her. Do you agree with me that nothing serious is in motion with the other guy if she let me hold her hand, etc., at the movies? this means nothing whatsoever. she is not having your baby or anything.
Author iceisles Posted December 31, 2004 Author Posted December 31, 2004 Originally posted by Merin The thing to keep in mind here Dave is this.. what reason would she have NOT to want to date you? Be confident that you're worth spending time with okay? People can sense this.. I hope you have an excellent New Years Eve;) This is true. As always, I appreciate your help and I will keep you updated on how things progress. I hope that you have a great New Year's and I'll talk to you soon.
Author iceisles Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 Anyone else other than Alphamale and Merin have some thoughts? I know a lot of this is open to intrepretation and I would like to have a few more viewpoints from both men and women. Thanks.
Three of Swords Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 [i Why did you have to call? You would not break any law by not calling even when you said you would. It would have been better to leave her alone for a week or so. A quick [font=times new roman]light[/font] phone call the next day when you had already said you would call is what I would call good courtesy. After all you did say you would call. Keeping it light is definately the right thing. And also OK not to set a date then and there. But if you are interested in the girl definately call her in a few dates to set the date. NOT calling when you say you would is not breaking the law - true - but from a female viewpoint, I would be pi$$ed off if you told me you would call and then don't bother to do so for a week or more.
Author iceisles Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by Three of Swords A quick [font=times new roman]light[/font] phone call the next day when you had already said you would call is what I would call good courtesy. After all you did say you would call. Keeping it light is definitely the right thing. And also OK not to set a date then and there. But if you are interested in the girl definitely call her in a few dates to set the date. NOT calling when you say you would is not breaking the law - true - but from a female viewpoint, I would be pi$$ed off if you told me you would call and then don't bother to do so for a week or more. What makes this so hard is that I know some girls won't offer to hang out - they kind of wait on the guy. I have initiated most of the conversations with her, so how can I tell if she's wanting me to say something? I have no problem waiting a few days as long as she doesn't think I'm not interested.
VirginiaBob Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 "If for some reason I don't hear from her by then, I'll give her a ring on Monday" Dude, I'd probably hold off from giving her a ring. It's only been one date, probably a little early to be thinking of marriage (Sarcasm intended). Seriously though, don't worry about her too much. I know you just got out of a relationship and you probably should just be dating a lot of women right now rather than settling on one. Take you time with you search and don't try to win the girl, let her win you.
alphamale Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob "If for some reason I don't hear from her by then, I'll give her a ring on Monday" Dude, I'd probably hold off from giving her a ring. It's only been one date, probably a little early to be thinking of marriage (Sarcasm intended). Seriously though, don't worry about her too much. I know you just got out of a relationship and you probably should just be dating a lot of women right now rather than settling on one. Take you time with you search and don't try to win the girl, let her win you. VirginiaBOB is correct.
XNemesisX Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Hey Dave! Well I would definitely say that there is a VERY good chance for a second date from what I hear. Everything sounds like its going really well and that is awesome! VirginiaBob: don't worry about her too much. I know you just got out of a relationship and you probably should just be dating a lot of women right now rather than settling on one. Take you time with you search and don't try to win the girl, let her win you. I do agree with this! You are a great person and I wouldn't worry so much either about knocking her socks off. Just play it cool and maybe even see other girls too! I wouldn't stress too much...I think you have this under control. The real question is do you REALLY want to get into another relationship just yet? I would just play it casual for now. Haste makes waste, right? Alphamale: Why do you have to see her again in 2 days. Cannot you wait for 10 or 14 days??? Whoa Alpha, that is WAAAAY too long! I can tell you from previous experience. I once had this date with this REALLY hot guy that I was very into and attracted to and he did not call me back until 7 days later for another date and by then I was so irritated that he waited so long to call that I told him I was busy and I never returned his calls again after that! I was completely turned off that it took him so long to call me. 10 or 14 days is just way too long....do you really wait that long to call alpha? Does it actually work for you??? I would say that the call at the end of the night was good. She left you im's saying what a good time she had...no problem there! I would probably give it a few days before I would call again. I am going to go with what the others said about it not being good to ask for another date right then and there. Just kind of chat for a bit and see what kind of vibe you get from her and then go from there. All sounds well but don't forget to keep your options open! And remember focus on what you think about HER and not so much on what she thinks of YOU per se. I'm glad you are doing better and able to feel ready to date again. You are definitely progressing and moving on and that is great!
Author iceisles Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob Dude, I'd probably hold off from giving her a ring. It's only been one date, probably a little early to be thinking of marriage (Sarcasm intended). Seriously though, don't worry about her too much. I know you just got out of a relationship and you probably should just be dating a lot of women right now rather than settling on one. Take you time with you search and don't try to win the girl, let her win you. Dating a lot of women? It's not like there is a line of them ready to knock down my door. Lol. I know it's only been one date, but there is a lot of potential there. We have similar personalities with tons of stuff in common, so that's why I sound so enthusiastic. I know you say "let her win you", but as I asked in a previous post, how can I be sure that she doesn't want me to make the next move? Btw, Happy New Year, all!
Author iceisles Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 Hey Nemesis - thanks for the post! I'm not really trying to knock her socks off, I just want to make sure she knows that I am interested in getting together again. I will definitely see other girls if I get that opportunity, and I would say that I am ready to get into another relationship. I have realized that my ex wasn't the perfect match for me and that we are better broken up. I know there are girls out there who are much better for me. I will stick to casual conversation right now, though I get the feeling that she may take that as a lack of interest - something I really don't want happening, especially if she is interested in more than one person. Do you all think that neutral e-mails are safe? By neutral, I mean e-mails that just ask how she's doing, tell her what I've been up to, but don't mention anything about getting together? It's always nice when folks take the time to write me and I would like to write her now and then. Would there be anything wrong with that? Thanks for the help.
_Saffy_ Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 As for me, I tried to be the best gentleman I knew how. I paid for dinner, the movie/snacks, opened all the doors for her, listened far more than I spoke, lent her my jacket when she got cold, and showed a genuine interest in her sigh, a guy that knows how to treat a gal is a rare find.......!!
Author iceisles Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by _Saffy_ sigh, a guy that knows how to treat a gal is a rare find.......!! Hey Saffy. What's your take on neutral e-mails? Are they ok, or will they be likely to annoy her?
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