gixx3r Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 So my gf broke up with me a little over a week ago ...her decision and even though it hurt I supported it and it was a smooth break up no hostility. Everyday since we broke up she has contacted me with normal things like she did when we were together such as telling me what she did over the weekend or that day...very few times has it been something important like her getting her stuff out of my house or something of that nature....I was set on NC from the very start of the break up but as much as I tried I couldn't bc she would blow my phone up till I finally said something....I kept it short as possible which mad her mad bc ii wasn't talking....she's continuing with the break up got her an apartment but I feel she's trying to not let me move on or not wanting to let me go.....one minute she says she can't see herself coming back for a year then the next day she says she just needs a little time to clear her head.....I've tried telling her that I think it's best if she just leaves me along till she figures out what her heart really wants then she throws that her still talking to me is a good thing....I still love her to death and want nothing more then her to give me another chance but if this constant conversation isn't gonna lead to that then I dont wanna put myself thru it......any input or advice would be greatly appreciated.....
StalwartMind Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Naturally an uneasy feeling and situation to deal with. She could be sincere but she could also just be taking advantage of your calmness in how you dealt with the breakup. Most likely she is just unsure of herself, doesn't really know what to do or for that matter knows what she wants at all from you/someone else/herself/life. I'm actually terrified at how few people actually know what they want from life, but i guess that's a rambling for another day. Not sure if this is much helpful but, you should probably make a pretty firm decision and tell her how exactly "you" want it, no contact or her agreeing to your conditions such as she needs to answer you what the heap she wants from you/herself, etc. Best of luck and hope for the best! 1
miffymars Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 So my gf broke up with me a little over a week ago ...her decision and even though it hurt I supported it and it was a smooth break up no hostility. Everyday since we broke up she has contacted me with normal things like she did when we were together such as telling me what she did over the weekend or that day...very few times has it been something important like her getting her stuff out of my house or something of that nature....I was set on NC from the very start of the break up but as much as I tried I couldn't bc she would blow my phone up till I finally said something....I kept it short as possible which mad her mad bc ii wasn't talking....she's continuing with the break up got her an apartment but I feel she's trying to not let me move on or not wanting to let me go.....one minute she says she can't see herself coming back for a year then the next day she says she just needs a little time to clear her head.....I've tried telling her that I think it's best if she just leaves me along till she figures out what her heart really wants then she throws that her still talking to me is a good thing....I still love her to death and want nothing more then her to give me another chance but if this constant conversation isn't gonna lead to that then I dont wanna put myself thru it......any input or advice would be greatly appreciated..... I understand how you're feeling right now because I am going through the same thing, you still love her but the reality is this: She ended it with you which should tell you that she no longer wants you in her life. This may be confusing because she is sending you all these messages and mixed signals (breadcrumbs) but I assure you it is most likely because she wants to keep you pining for her to boosts her ego. Truth is if she wanted to get back together she would make that happen herself. You are smart for initiating NC but you need to be more aggressive with it. I.E BLOCK HER. It took a lot for me to do this I know its hard but you need to for your own sake. If she really wants to get back with you she would as mentioned in the NC Guide apologize and ask YOU for another chance. Not you asking her for another chance. My dear I know its hard I've been dealing with the same thing he was talking to me like everything was normal and it was killing me. You deserve better than that. You need to cut her out of your life and start healing.
Author gixx3r Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Thanks you two...anymore advice is welcome
reddragon588 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 You did the right thing, and you just need to stick to it. If she gets upset about it, that's too bad for her. She lost the right to get upset about you not contacting her when you broke up. Just stick to NC. You already told her that she needs to stop contacting you, and she's not respecting that. Which means she's not respecting you. Just continue to go silent. Unless she says she wants to get back together with you, it's just noise. Filter it out. Stay strong and keep doing the right thing! You're on the right path my friend. 1
leafguy Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Miffy, I can tell you that I have been dealing with the situation you described for the past couple months. It started NC for a month, she broke down and simply wanted to stay in contact. I havent seen her in well over two months, but she still texts me every morning to say good morning and tells me how her day is going. Alot of old habits may linger indefinately. You control how much you talk to her. Your key is to do what is best for you. If you have to block her, then block her, as it could be months before she gets her crap together. 3 months after, she asks me today if I have moved on because she has a fear of me not needing her. If you do choose to keep in contact, keep it short and focus entirely on you. She needs to be a very distant person in your life right now until you are indifferent about it. Keep posting and update us.
TanTry Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Hi I am in the exact same position basically My ex has made small talk and I replied at first to his call but havent responded to his last message as it was something trivial At first I felt so bad for not replying as my instinct tells me to reply as he is my best friend But the truth is you have to move on first and you cant if you are having chit chat like nothing happened Focus on you, you dont want to end up looking forward to her replies or running to your phone if it rings as this is what will happen if you continue this I am trying myself to let go of these convos. It would almost be easier if he ignored me (I say that now) I think the next time she texts just reply saying that you cant talk to her atm you need time to yourself and stick to that I plan on doing that, I just hope I am strong enough Keep reading posts here, it helps x
TanTry Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I am also starting to think that the only reason they text etc so much at the moment is to relieve some guilt Noone likes being hated or seen in a bad light As they dumped us they automatically take on that role, they dont like it so they try to backtrack and maintain a friendship They can do this as they are over us. It also makes it easier for them to live, they can date other people and not feel bad Its all about them Do not give them the satisfaction Infact give it no thought, you should be so focused on work, gym, friends that you dont have time to text Stay strong
bubbaganoosh Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 My advice? Load her stuff up and take it to her new apartment and then she will have nothing to call and talk to you about. I'm not saying she's rubbing salt in the wound but IMO I think she's trying to let you know that in her life since the breakup is all fine and dandy and that you'll ask her to reconsider. Like I said, take her stuff to her apartment and your done. If she texts you keep it short and sweet and if it continues, don't be bashful. Tell her that she's the one who wanted the breakup and she got it so what more is there to discuss? She all her stuff so have a good life. Then tell her "Gotta go, have a date."
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