mylife13 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Hey…thanks for reading. I would really appreciate some advice here. I dated a 44 y/o Russian doctor, 14 years divorced, one grown son---I am much younger than her, never married, doctoral student. She initiated contact on a dating site. She was the more aggressive party---in terms of wanting to talk on the phone/Skype every night, wanting to go out on dates (she felt it took me too long to ask her out), wanting me to express more affection, and so on. But I made a few mistakes. For one, I jokingly called her a “prostitute” (in another language that I speak). She wanted to cut off all contact with me. I called her and apologized---we made up. Then, I promised to Skype with her one night and left her waiting---I accidentally fell asleep. She canceled our date the next morning and wanted to stop dating---because of that and also because I took too long to confirm plans for our date. I apologized and promised her I wouldn’t let that happen again. We made up and she wanted us to go out that day---we did. Her interest went all the day up---very physical on the date, insisted on me calling her afterward when I got home (I did). It continues like this through the week---“I miss you”, “I was thinking about you”---all of this constantly coming from her. I tend to play it cool, but she kept pressuring me to show more affection---when I did this a little bit, bowing to her pressure, she said that she just wanted me to ease up to make sure I wouldn’t move too fast so she wouldn’t be hurt. Obviously I was taken aback---I told her I was partly feigning that because of her insistence. She continued Skyping me the next few days and all the verbal affection, but I guess I got a little colder. She got upset when I had to end a Skype conversation early one day due to my studies. Then, I did not speak to her for one day---I was partly busy, and partly just pulling back---again, as per her request. I contact her the day before our planned date (once again I failed to finalize plans) just to say hey and chat. She then said “I was going to ask you to cancel” our date. I simply said “k.” I logged off of Skype shortly after. I didn’t log back in or contact her at all for five days. She blocked me on Skype on that fifth day (I know because we were still contacts the day before). She cut me off completely. She blocked me on Skype, she blocked my phone numbers. I’ve contacted her a few times through other mediums (over the course of two weeks), but she is not budging. I didn’t realize how much this would hurt. Is there anything that I can do to salvage this?
CrystalCastles Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Hey…thanks for reading. I would really appreciate some advice here. I dated a 44 y/o Russian doctor, 14 years divorced, one grown son---I am much younger than her, never married, doctoral student. She initiated contact on a dating site. She was the more aggressive party---in terms of wanting to talk on the phone/Skype every night, wanting to go out on dates (she felt it took me too long to ask her out), wanting me to express more affection, and so on. But I made a few mistakes. For one, I jokingly called her a “prostitute” (in another language that I speak). She wanted to cut off all contact with me. I called her and apologized---we made up. Then, I promised to Skype with her one night and left her waiting---I accidentally fell asleep. She canceled our date the next morning and wanted to stop dating---because of that and also because I took too long to confirm plans for our date. I apologized and promised her I wouldn’t let that happen again. We made up and she wanted us to go out that day---we did. Her interest went all the day up---very physical on the date, insisted on me calling her afterward when I got home (I did). It continues like this through the week---“I miss you”, “I was thinking about you”---all of this constantly coming from her. I tend to play it cool, but she kept pressuring me to show more affection---when I did this a little bit, bowing to her pressure, she said that she just wanted me to ease up to make sure I wouldn’t move too fast so she wouldn’t be hurt. Obviously I was taken aback---I told her I was partly feigning that because of her insistence. She continued Skyping me the next few days and all the verbal affection, but I guess I got a little colder. She got upset when I had to end a Skype conversation early one day due to my studies. Then, I did not speak to her for one day---I was partly busy, and partly just pulling back---again, as per her request. I contact her the day before our planned date (once again I failed to finalize plans) just to say hey and chat. She then said “I was going to ask you to cancel” our date. I simply said “k.” I logged off of Skype shortly after. I didn’t log back in or contact her at all for five days. She blocked me on Skype on that fifth day (I know because we were still contacts the day before). She cut me off completely. She blocked me on Skype, she blocked my phone numbers. I’ve contacted her a few times through other mediums (over the course of two weeks), but she is not budging. I didn’t realize how much this would hurt. Is there anything that I can do to salvage this? Is there something funny about calling someone a prostitute? Because I fail to see the humour in that joke. If someone called me that, they'd be gone.
Author mylife13 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Is there something funny about calling someone a prostitute? Because I fail to see the humour in that joke. If someone called me that, they'd be gone. We were kidding around speaking to each other in different languages (hers being Russian, mine being a second language that I speak). Yes, it was juvenile. I expressed my contrition and I moved on. It seems the matter is deeper than just that.
mrs rubble Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 She sounds like hard work!! I'd be looking for someone less hot/cold and more your own age if I were you. 1
Janesays Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 No, you cannot salvage this. If someone regularly plays hot and cold with me and then very randomly get cold and then cuts off all contact with me for days, I walk too. I don't tolerate that sort of disrespect. Your entire post, I was thinking you weren't into her based on both your behaviour and you repeatedly saying you felt pressured. I was legitimately shocked at the end of your post when you said you were hurt by the relationship ending. My advice going forward is if you like a woman, ACT LIKE IT. Dont act like she's no more than gum on the heel of your shoes and then be surprised when she ends it. 1
Author mylife13 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Thanks for all of the replies, guys. I hear what you all are saying. But I figure at this point there must at least be something that I can do.
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