Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Okay so long story short, I met a guy and we went on a casual afternoon date. The date ended up lasting over 5 hours because of just talking. Well it's been about a week and we've had several texting conversations (sometimes he initiated sometimes I did). Anyways, we were talking today and talked about how my birthday is this week and he said that if I didn't have plans that he would like to cook dinner for me if I was interested. I didn't have plans so I said yes. But after thinking about it, I'm very skeptical. It seems to be a pattern for me that I find that dbag guys that are out for sex. So, my train of thought is that he is expecting sex since he is inviting me over for dinner rather than taking my out to a restaurant for my birthday. Am I wrong? Right? Thoughts?? 2
NoMoreJerks Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 The gesture itself is nice, but IMO too early. He either played it wrong, or his intentions are sex.. if this were , say, a 5th or a 6th date or something, then yeah.. but IMO too soon for you to be going to his place or for him to be cooking for you, birthday or not... though it doesn't necessarily mean he has bad intentions or wants sex... to be honest, i wouldn't go, if only out of safety concerns.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Do you live somewhere warm? Can you turn it into a picnic? Are you a strong enough person to get up & leave after dinner or at least suggest an out of his house activity so there is not temptation? 1
clia Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 It's impossible to know what he is thinking, but typically when a guy invites you over to his house to cook for you, there is at least the feeling in the back of the mind that it might lead to sex. You should proceed with caution. I personally wouldn't go to a guy's house on a second date. It's too soon -- not only because of the sex thing, but from a safety perspective. You don't even know this guy. Let him take you out for your birthday. 1
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I can definitely resist the temptation with this guy. I'm attracted to him, but I don't feel much sexual attraction to him (though I know it would come in time). The problem is I don't want to put myself in a position where he expects more to happen than just dinner. Also, I don't want to start to like him more if he is only after sex.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I think you need to break the date then. But it's gonna sound bad because you will come across like someone who wants a more expensive date rather than the personal gesture of a home cooked meal. He might not understand that it's a safety issue & a way on your part of avoiding early sex. Although those are valid concerns your second thoughts, risk coming across as rejection to him. I'm not saying you should go. Just understand what changing your mind looks like. 1
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Well if the consensus is that it is a bad idea, how do I go about telling him? He invited me over, he didn't say anything about taking me out so I don't want to push him to. What should I do?
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I don't want to come off high maintenance and I certainly don't want him to think I'm rejecting him, how can break the date but without making myself look bad or hurting his feelings? 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I would just tell him that you appreciate the gesture but that you would like to get to know him better first , and would feel more comfortable if you two went out to dinner or some other activity (so that he doesn't think you want a fancy dinner at an expensive resto for your birthday).
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I'm blunt so I'd put it out there. I like you & was so touched when you offered to make me dinner that I said yes without thinking it through. It's a little early for my tastes for us to be alone in your home. I'm just not that kind of girl. Would you mind if we just met for a drink instead? By scaling it back to drink. . . you are letting him off the hook for an expensive meal. If he's a quality guy, he may offer a dinner date but at least you put it out there that it wasn't expected & you're not a gold digger.
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I'm blunt so I'd put it out there. I like you & was so touched when you offered to make me dinner that I said yes without thinking it through. It's a little early for my tastes for us to be alone in your home. I'm just not that kind of girl. Would you mind if we just met for a drink instead? By scaling it back to drink. . . you are letting him off the hook for an expensive meal. If he's a quality guy, he may offer a dinner date but at least you put it out there that it wasn't expected & you're not a gold digger. Before I read this post I sent him a text saying that I wouldn't be able to do dinner after all, expecting him to ask so that I could try to explain, but all he said was ok no worries what??
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Before I read this post I sent him a text saying that I wouldn't be able to do dinner after all, expecting him to ask so that I could try to explain, but all he said was ok no worries what?? He only wanted sex. Sorry.
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 You don't think he might feel a little disappointed or rejected? Or is just trying to play it cool? you really think he just wanted sex? 2
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I don't know. He could be having a similar conversation with his buddies who assured him that you would cancel because you thought he only wanted sex. He could just be laid back. Let's see what he does next. If a different date is offered even if it has nothing to do with your birthday, he probably has good intentions. If you never hear from him again, he only wanted sex. You started this by saying you typically attracted d-bags & never talking to you again would definitely be a d-bag move.
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Well I went ahead and texted him back and said that it was a really nice gesture and that I appreciate it but I didn't quite feel comfortable being at his place, that I'm just not that kind of girl. So far it's been 10 minutes without a reply, and he's usually pretty quick. I guess if he doesn't say anything back, then that's my answer, unfortunately.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Thank him for the offer, and say you'd like to see him, for a drink / dinner / some other public activity.
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I did thank him for the offer. Although I didn't suggest another activity. As sweet as I think it is that he offered to cook me a birthday dinner, considering we have only been out once, I really would not be very comfortable being at his house, only because I have no idea what his intentions with me are yet. So that is why I was honest and told him that I didn't feel comfortable going to his place yet, though I probably should have left out the "not that kind of girl part" especially since that implies that I assume he's a dbag only looking for sex. But even though I added that embarrassing last part, I really wish he would respond. I'm feeling really stupid, embarrassed, hurt, etc.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 You live & learn. I will tell you that when I suggested you "say" that I meant verbally so he could hear the teasing note in your voice. If I understood that you were going to text him to discuss this delicate subject I would have shouted at you to pick another form of communication, preferably one that contains context. Whatever negative emotions you are feeling, they are still better than being date raped or a ONS if that isn't want you wanted.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 You seem to be getting very emotional over this. You've only been on one date with him and are just getting started. You don't even know if you're a good match yet. RELAX, and get ready to enjoy your upcoming birthday 2
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Well he did respond with "that's fine, I respect that" but didn't offer another date. I would really like to go out with him again, especially on my birthday. I just don't want a one night stand damnit lol 1
Mascara Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Well I went ahead and texted him back and said that it was a really nice gesture and that I appreciate it but I didn't quite feel comfortable being at his place, that I'm just not that kind of girl. So far it's been 10 minutes without a reply, and he's usually pretty quick. I guess if he doesn't say anything back, then that's my answer, unfortunately. What's your answer? That he was just after sex? Yes it could be that. It could also be that he didn't appreciate the assumption that he was only after sex. The text you sent would annoy me hugely if I was a man. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 i also think it is a lovely gesture./........doesnt necessarily mean sex......deb 1
Author Bindi33 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I wrote back and played that text off in a joking context. We joked a bit, then I told him that if he'd like to take me out for a drink that could be done. He wrote back and said that he would have asked that to start with but he's been thinking about not drinking for awhile but said it was my bday so one drink would be good. Then asked if he could take me to get a drink.. Thoughts? 1
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Go. You have spent enough time on here agonizing. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I wrote back and played that text off in a joking context. We joked a bit, then I told him that if he'd like to take me out for a drink that could be done. He wrote back and said that he would have asked that to start with but he's been thinking about not drinking for awhile but said it was my bday so one drink would be good. Then asked if he could take me to get a drink.. Thoughts? Perfect. And you could always do something other than have a drink. It's your birthday. Think of something fun and befitting a second date. Good luck!
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