Choosing love over logic.

[JAmerlz]

I usually don't do these types of things, but I've been going through a break up that has been extremely hard to deal with and I've doing the whole Googling advice thing, but my situation is so different that I can't find any that really helps. I know this may be long and inconvenient to read, but like I said it is complicated and in order to get some helpful feedback I didn't want to leave anything out. But please..I really need some help.

 

 

So here is the situation: I had been with my boyfriend for almost exactly 2 years (we broke up a few weeks after our anniversary,) and he was the love of my life. He broke up with me back in June (so about 6 months ago,) and we both were really upset, and his reasoning was because he had just graduated from school for graphic design and he had always planned to move far off for a job and I guess he didn't see it working.

 

For the next month or so we couldn't seem to stay away from each other, we'd see each other..talk and flirt and at one point he said he realized he didn't want anyone else..made me dinner, got me flowers the whole thing, spent the weekend together and I ended up seeing a questionable text from a girl on his phone..and trying to keep myself from getting hurt I read it all and they were very flirty and he had still been texting her during the weekend we spent together. So I got upset and left and we didn't speak for a week. Again we ended up speaking again (he had that kind of hold on me,) and not long after he got an internship in New York for 2 months.

 

Before he left I told him that I needed to use that time to try to move on since he clearly wasn't sure what he wanted still. While he was away we started talking again and he told me that he missed me, that he made a huge mistake and while in New York he realized being far from home for a job wasn't worth it if he didn't have me and said he wanted to get a job here until I was finished with school. I told him that I was finally doing well on my own and that I did still love him but if he wanted me back he better be ABSOLUTELY sure because I didn't want to go through it a second time, and I told him I didn't want to 'date' right away because he lost some of my trust. When he got back from New York, we had never been happier.

 

For 3 months we spent so much time together, with our families and we were both so happy. The only thing that kept me from fully trusting him was that he still didn't want to put a label on us, which I tried to get over but I couldn't keep it from bothering me, because we were so happy and he had never been sweeter. About a week ago I decided I needed to give him the ultimatum, because I was sick of not feeling good enough. He didn't have much to say except 'sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted,' and said he was scared of the label because there was still a chance he could move for a job and he didn't want us to get too 'serious' (which we pretty much were, more than ever.) I hate not being with him, but I felt like he couldn't ever make a real decision because he always had me as an option, if he wanted to come back to me.

 

So now it has been a little over a week and I've never known what depression was until now. I told him not to contact me, but he has texted me a few times, I've responded once, but later i told him to please leave me alone because it makes it worse. Bottom line, I know that it is killing us both. His best friend told me that he called him the other day (and he's never one to confide his feelings into anyone, especially a guy friend,) and said that it sucks and he misses me and doesnt know what to do. His friend told him to try to get me back then and his response was 'i dont know, I feel like im doing whats best for her.'

 

I know that break ups are hard, but one's that you can't understand are even worse. We both love each other so much. He's my best friend, and I'm his. I was curious if anyone had been in a similar situation.. and if anyone thinks he will realize that he made a mistake, if he's already this upset about it too. I honestly..can not see myself with anyone else. He is my soul mate, and I know that we both know that. We are both young (24) and the only way I can understand it is that right now he's having to choose between me and a job and he knows that if he chooses me, that would need to mean that he will be with me for a long time and I think that commitment scares him.

 

It just really sucks, and it's so hard not to contact him but I'm really trying to stay strong. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated and thank you so much for reading.

Edited December 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[reddragon588]

Thing is, he already chose, and he chose wrong. And to be honest, the job thing is just an excuse. You already took him back once. Everyone should get a second chance. A third chance is too much. It is time for you to move on to someone who values you and won't leave you on the hook while he "chooses". What is there to choose? If he truly loved you, it would be a complete no-brainer. Remember, you are a prize and if he can't see that, then screw him , honestly.