JohnWill69 Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 Ok, one for the ladies again... If you are dating someone that you really like, would you offer to pay for you own drinks and meal? I ask because, I recently dated a lady that was offering to buy me drinks, dinner and/or go even on drinks and dinner. But she broke things off because I was suppose to say 'Hell no', I will pay for EVERYTHING. It was as if she was testing me... And here I thought she really likes me. But I do know for sure she did like me, she told me in 2 page letter.
Groovy Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 The gal has issues, forget her. I want someone to pay for me out of tradition, appreciation and courting. I'm old fashioned and just think it's a nice gesture. Most of my girlfriends like it and some won't ever call a man who doesn't pay. But to offer to pay and then go off on you that she shouldn't have to? People are different and how are you supposed to know what she wants, because some women today do like to lead? I find it a lot more wrong she was saying one thing, wanting another and was setting you up leaving blame for what she asked for. Sorry you had to go through that....
Lonestar Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 I always offer to pay my half, or I get the next date if he'll let me. If he insists on paying, then I let him, but I wouldn't not see him again just because he took me up on my offer. That's a little screwy.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 31, 2004 Posted December 31, 2004 As for me, when I was dating I'd at least offer to pay with full knowledge and acceptance that if I did - it was perfectly ok. If the guy paid, then that's ok too. I wouldn't dump a guy unless I knew he was leeching off of me. Then I would definitely dump him.
Amy22 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 I always offer to pay. I don't have any problem paying. Usually if we go on a couple dates we take turns. He will pay one meal for both of us and the next meal I will pay. I try to keep it even.
Groovy Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 I can't believe I am the only one who likes the tradition of being courted. All my friends do, and I am 32....not too old. Only once did I date someone who didn't pay and I was not impressed. Put an effort in to show me you want to be with me, make it a date- not just any social event. My advice to men is offer to pay, because no one is offended by that.
RowanRavyn Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 First off, I think she is batty. She definitely set you up. You don't need that drama. I like being courted, but I also like my independence and don't want to feel that I am "obligated" to anything. So, first dates, were always 50/50. Its not an issue anymore.
Groovy Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 I have to confess, if a man doesn't pay for me on the first few dates I have an issue with it. If he has no money take me for a walk on the beach, bake me cookies or whatever. But if you ask me to dinner, pay. It's like men opening a car door. I don't need it to happen but it just makes me feel good.
allen10981 Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Honestly, The man is supposed to pay for everything, everytime. I dont believe in that bullcrap that the girl takes the guy out on a date and pays for it. Im a guy, and i have never let any of my girlfriends ever pay for anything. I have always payed for things, and thats the best way it should be Just my 0.02, if you dont care, ignore me.
moimeme Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 I always offer to pay. I don't have any problem paying. Usually if we go on a couple dates we take turns. He will pay one meal for both of us and the next meal I will pay. I try to keep it even. Me too! I'm quite happy to pay my half, or to treat. I think it's only fair. The man is supposed to pay for everything, everytime. Um. That's left over from the days when women didn't have jobs or had low-paying jobs. However as an independent human perfectly capable of earning my own keep, I think it's unfair for men to have to pay for me as though I'm some pitiful creature who can't manage to fend for myself. Now if it's done as a gift, that's great and I appreciate it, but I sure don't want any fellow feeling obliged to pay for me and then grumping about having to pay for dates all the time (as I've seen some do on this board). And, really, unless the guy's making much more money, how is it fair that he has to bear the entire financial burden of dating?
TotallyUsed Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 I must say, its nice to be treated and spoiled when you're dating. My husband and I still ask who is going to pay at the end of the night even when I don't work and we have a joint bank account! It just depends on who can be bothered to sign the slip! If/when I was dating and a guy asked me out for dinner I would assume he would be paying. I would probably offer to pay my half, and it would be ok if he said yes or no to that. It would also be ok if he brought it up in conversation about paying for dates and we agreed to pay half each. The only thing I think that was wrong in your situation was that she OFFERED but didn't mean it. Thats totally weird! Messy games. You're better off without that one!
Adunaphel Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 If you are dating someone that you really like, would you offer to pay for you own drinks and meal? I always offer to, even if I am absolutely delighted if the guy I'm dating insists to pay for everything (at least on the first date, or if we go out very seldom). I also like to treat occasionally. Anyway I have to admit that one of my pet peeves is people who insist to split the restaurant bill when they have eaten thrice as you did, and drink wine while you don't (they don't necessarily have to be dates). I ask because, I recently dated a lady that was offering to buy me drinks, dinner and/or go even on drinks and dinner. But she broke things off because I was suppose to say 'Hell no', I will pay for EVERYTHING. It was as if she was testing me... In fact she was. An extremely stupid test to do. As other posters said, she set you up.
ziggue Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by allen10981 The man is supposed to pay for everything, everytime. I would expect the man to pay for everything on the first date. After that I would offer to go halfs with him or take turns paying. That never would bother me. That's what I do with my boyfriend now. We take turns or go halfs on meals and other things.
Groovy Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Are the people who think the men don't pay are younger than me? Just wondering. It seemes the younger they get the less they care about how the pursuit is done. Don't get me wrong, I own a house and work a demanding job making good money. I don't look to use a man. But it seems some women just don't like being charmed anymore and expect nothing. I've dated 50 people or so in the past several years, only 1 guy didn't offer to pay. Yet all you people seem to have a regular habit of that. Can't quite figure that out.
kanga Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 I just debated this issue ad nauseum with a friend a few days ago. As a woman, I have no problem or objections to the guy paying for the first date or so. But guys really shouldn't insist on paying all the time unless they know that's what both he and the woman want. After a few dinners, I usually pulled out my wallet and grabbed cash and just gave it to him without even asking, "Sooo, what is my share?" The guy did not get nit-picky on the details of the cost if I didn't have the exact amount. He's never made a fuss about my contributing. I like to be treated, but I also like to split the cost. Before we went out, during a friendly convo, he did tell me that he always pays for the girl no matter if friend or more. That made it clear to me during our first meal out that I probably wouldn't have to worry the who-pays-for-what game. And I didn't. We went out this week and I offered to pay. He asked if I was sure. I said yes. And without a fuss, he let me. And it was the happiest feeling. It was super wonderful to treat him. I don't think there's anything wrong with any woman who thinks the guy should pay for all or any guy who wants to pay for it all. But it's really important for both people to be clear on that. Like all relationships, not knowing what the other wants is going to lead to confusion and resentment.
iceisles Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by kanga I don't think there's anything wrong with any woman who thinks the guy should pay for all or any guy who wants to pay for it all. But it's really important for both people to be clear on that. Like all relationships, not knowing what the other wants is going to lead to confusion and resentment. If someone definitely wants to pay, it's probably good to let them. My ex would actually get upset when I paid too much, and I eventually let her chip in now and then. It's probably good courtesy for each person to pick up the entire check now and then, unless one partner is in a financial bind. As kanga said, both people have to be clear, because I've certainly seen resentment arise from situations like this.
JohnWill69 Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 On the second date I ask her, out to a movie and dinner. I could tell she was a little surprise on much movies cost these days. When dinner was over she brings out her credit card to pay for it. I expected to pay for it, but I was little cool, she is 'independent'. When I ask if she wanted to get drinks she would bring out money to pay for hers. 'Okay.' But I did insisted on paying for some of the drinks. Third date, she rented a Blockbuster movie and we argue who was going to buy the treats during the movie, she won. Thereafter, when we went out she always wanted to stop at the ATM. I keep thinking, 'Wow, this girl is really independent.' Whenever, we sat down at the bar for drinks, she would bring her money out. But, now I just keeping thinking she was testing me to see if, I would say 'Hell no'.
alphamale Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 at the beginiing of a relationship my experience has been that when a woman offers to pay or does pay then she does not want to be indebted to the guy. and this is usually because she is just not that into him.
iceisles Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale at the beginiing of a relationship my experience has been that when a woman offers to pay or does pay then she does not want to be indebted to the guy. and this is usually because she is just not that into him. I think this is a very spotty generalization. A woman offering to pay could just mean that she is being polite. I don't think you can equate an offer to pick up the bill as a lack of interest. I realize that has been your experience, though. What about other folks?
alphamale Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I think this is a very spotty generalization. A woman offering to pay could just mean that she is being polite. I don't think you can equate an offer to pick up the bill as a lack of interest. I realize that has been your experience, though. What about other folks? you are extremely naive, most likely due to your age and lack of experience.
iceisles Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale you are extremely naive, most likely due to your age and lack of experience. And you are extemely rude, most likely due to your repeated rejection by women.
kanga Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 woman not wanting to be indebted so she pays? maybe for you. but definitely not the case for me. i never feel indebted if a guy picks up the bill. charmed? sometimes. but not indebted. if i'm indifferent, i let him pay once and don't go out again. for me, paying is a sign of caring. i pay as a gift to him. since there are so many different interpretations, it's probably best not not base any decisions on just one action.
moimeme Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 I think this is a very spotty generalization. A woman offering to pay could just mean that she is being polite. I don't think you can equate an offer to pick up the bill as a lack of interest. I completely agree. I offer to pay for me or to treat because I think it is fair not to expect the man to pay for everything because I earn my own bucks. you are extremely naive, most likely due to your age and lack of experience. If there's one thing I can't stand it's someone saying 'everyone who disagrees with me is an idiot'.
jellybean Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 In defense of alphamale........I've done that - offered to pay, when I wasn't that interested in a guy. And after reading alpha's many, many posts I've come to the conclusion that he is NOT a woman-hater, nor is he suffering from repeated rejections...likely the opposite is true. I think he speaks from loads of experience - but maybe just doesn't know the right way to put it into text sometimes, without offending anyone. just my 2 cents
iceisles Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean In defense of alphamale........I've done that - offered to pay, when I wasn't that interested in a guy. And after reading alpha's many, many posts I've come to the conclusion that he is NOT a woman-hater, nor is he suffering from repeated rejections...likely the opposite is true. I think he speaks from loads of experience - but maybe just doesn't know the right way to put it into text sometimes, without offending anyone. just my 2 cents Well, if that's true, he should work on not being so condescending to people when they ask for help. These are real people with legitimate problems, and his "shoot from the hip" methodology can be harsh for people in very fragile emotional states. He doesn't have to lie, and relating personal experiences is fine, but you definitely have to make an attempt to make the poster feel comfortable with the response. Maybe he isn't a woman-hater, but there is clearly a problem when folks start to view you that way.
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