lamaga Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 That's all there is to this question. What's the moral codex? Do you make myself less interesting to a man if you sleep with him that quickly, or does a man feel more attached quicker if you give him really good on the second date? Does it depend on the guy or is there a standard? Excited to hear your opinions!
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 It depends on the people involved. Some folks have sex on the 1st date. Others wait until marriage. Of course there is every option in between. You have to do what your values say & what feels right to you.
georgieg Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 My personal opinion on it is that two people should have sex when they feel like it's the right time. For some, that could be on the first date (though I do realize that in some/many cases, a guy who does that is only after sex, and not looking for anything serious). In other cases, it could be weeks or months. Just go with whatever feels like the right time. Or wait till you just absolutely can't stand it any longer. 2
JonesyDash123 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 My personal opinion on it is that two people should have sex when they feel like it's the right time. For some, that could be on the first date (though I do realize that in some/many cases, a guy who does that is only after sex, and not looking for anything serious). In other cases, it could be weeks or months. Just go with whatever feels like the right time. Or wait till you just absolutely can't stand it any longer. What this poster said.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Last time I had a break-up, I got over it partly by sleeping with a handful of guys (over the course of a few months). It was fun, I enjoyed it, had the best sex of my life at times. This time (got dumped a month ago) I'm just not interested at all in casual sex or being with anybody in that way. I think I'll wait until I'm in a relationship again. I'm pretty sure I'd just miss my ex were I to sleep with somebody I didn't have a particular connection with, and I'd rather go to be alone each night than wake up with somebody wishing they were gone. I think I've turned into somebody that sees sex as being more satisfying and exciting when it's with someone I am invested in, didn't see that coming. So probably many dates in, until we've decided on exclusivity at least. I was worried with my last relationship because I waited until we got together, and then the sex was just average. But it got better and better over the four/five months we were together until it was amazing, so I think that's possible to happen. People should do what they feel like they want to do though and I'd never judge anybody for how long they choose to wait. I just can't imagine going on date one, getting to know somebody, scratching the very surface of their personality and assessing how I feel about them and somehow ending up with them inside me at the end of the night lol. The past year or so I've even had times when it's been third date before a kiss. And the handful of guys I slept with last year were all people I knew to a decent extent already so trusted them... can't imagine it being satisfying at all to go home with a randomer.
Author lamaga Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Last time I had a break-up, I got over it partly by sleeping with a handful of guys (over the course of a few months). It was fun, I enjoyed it, had the best sex of my life at times. This time (got dumped a month ago) I'm just not interested at all in casual sex or being with anybody in that way. I think I'll wait until I'm in a relationship again. I'm pretty sure I'd just miss my ex were I to sleep with somebody I didn't have a particular connection with, and I'd rather go to be alone each night than wake up with somebody wishing they were gone. I think I've turned into somebody that sees sex as being more satisfying and exciting when it's with someone I am invested in, didn't see that coming. So probably many dates in, until we've decided on exclusivity at least. I was worried with my last relationship because I waited until we got together, and then the sex was just average. But it got better and better over the four/five months we were together until it was amazing, so I think that's possible to happen. People should do what they feel like they want to do though and I'd never judge anybody for how long they choose to wait. I just can't imagine going on date one, getting to know somebody, scratching the very surface of their personality and assessing how I feel about them and somehow ending up with them inside me at the end of the night lol. The past year or so I've even had times when it's been third date before a kiss. And the handful of guys I slept with last year were all people I knew to a decent extent already so trusted them... can't imagine it being satisfying at all to go home with a randomer. Thanks for the post. My situation is a bit more elaborate. I have seen this guy in Uni for the past 3 months, and recently he started flirting with me at school and school events. I asked him out on a first date, where we innocently kissed. We then went on a second date. Both dates were really long (6-8 hours) and we had solo many great conversations. We click really well. First date was at a bar, second date was dinner at his house and then a bar and then back to his house - where we slept together. I feel very confused about it, but at the same time it feels not wrong. I just wonder if I maybe made a mistake by doing so. I have this anxiety about it.
MalachiX Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Some guys will judge you for sleeping with them too early. Those guys are d-bags and you shouldn't date them anyway. No decent guy is going to cool off because of sex too soon.
Author lamaga Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 Some guys will judge you for sleeping with them too early. Those guys are d-bags and you shouldn't date them anyway. No decent guy is going to cool off because of sex too soon. Just got a romantic message from him, so I think he definitely is not a douchebag yay!
paigej91 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 If it's casual/a hook up, 1-3. If you're going for a relationship, 3 months-ish. Granted, it really just depends when both people (but let's be honest, mainly the girl) feel ready.
Author lamaga Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 If it's casual/a hook up, 1-3. If you're going for a relationship, 3 months-ish. Granted, it really just depends when both people (but let's be honest, mainly the girl) feel ready. TO WAIT 3 MONTHS UNTIL SEX? And how do you know that you are 'going for a relationship' anyway? I mean, I've had a drunken festival hook up turn into a 2 year relationship once...
paigej91 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 TO WAIT 3 MONTHS UNTIL SEX? And how do you know that you are 'going for a relationship' anyway? I mean, I've had a drunken festival hook up turn into a 2 year relationship once... Female intuition I suppose. I know when I'm going for a relationship and when it's casual or a hook-up. Each to their own I guess.
Phoe Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Shortest wait was 1 month, longest was 6 months. 4 weeks is sufficient time for me.
SammySammy Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 aren't you judgemental? ive gone 47 years w/o sex. Please, tell us more. Are you male? Female? Where are you from? What are the reasons you haven't had sex in 47 years? In what ways do you feel not having sex has helped or hurt your life?
Keenly Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I'm not really sure. To me its not really time based, but event based. First this, first that, then getting comfortable with each other. Some where around 9-12 dates or 1 - 2 months?
Andy_K Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Typically 1-3 dates. Ironically, on the rare occasion a girl has waited longer than that we've tended to fizzle out very quickly. Still, I'm always open to the next one being different. 1
Author lamaga Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 I'm not really sure. To me its not really time based, but event based. First this, first that, then getting comfortable with each other. Some where around 9-12 dates or 1 - 2 months? So, you as a guy, if you would go for it on the first date and the girl refuses, and you go for it on the sec on the second date and the girl is in, would you lose interest? generally speaking? or would you still want to see her, given that you both are incredibly into each other and get along wonderfully. (this is happening over here... had sex on the second date, there's going to be a third one later this week and i wonder by now if this is only about sex of if he really likes me)
OpheliaSong Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I go with my intuition. I don't think it is based on how many dates. I have had relationships where the feelings were just huge ad it spiraled into something great. I don't have any moral hang-ups on sex and while I am very careful about not dating players, I also wouldn't want to date a guy who judged me based on how much sex I have had. Guys like that are usually controlling and jealous and that is a huge turn off to me. If I don't feel like having sex after a month or so, I probably friendzoned him in my mind and will just move on.
OpheliaSong Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I don't know. I have never done that. most guys are applauded for having sex, not vilified. Most of my friends like a guy who is experienced but not a player. I wouldn't think it would matter to me if the guy was fun and engaging and trying to figure himself out is the reason he hadn't had sex yet.
Emilia Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Just got a romantic message from him, so I think he definitely is not a douchebag yay! I think it's different when you've known someone for a while even if not that well. They can still surprise you but it's very different from starting to date a complete stranger.
OpheliaSong Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 that's what most girls want, experienced but not a player. though players often disarm girls with their charm and find their way into bed with a girl whos sworn up and down no players. ive seen players rejected plenty though. ive seen girls reject guys for not having enough experience too, its a huge turnoff to most. I just want a man who is genuine, and if that is someone who hasn't had sex, then that is who he is. I am only 23 so I don't expect guys my age to have tons of experience. Girls who diss guys for being inexperienced are usually very experienced themselves and they may just be having sex for recreation.
Imported Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 How many dates until sex? 3 OP. The magical number is 3.
Imported Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 wrong. its 5. Pfft, you probably have an iphone 4. If you had an iPhone 5, it'd be 3.
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