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I Finally Gave Up

reddragon588

By reddragon588
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

Posted
Posted
Well, I'm very surprised, but she did respond.

 

"idk I just am not sure... not to be mean or anything but like I feel like it would just be kinda awkward for us. Obviously I want the best for you and everything but I just don't know what seeing each other would accomplish. I just feel like it would be too hard."

 

I think it may be best for me to either just say, "I understand and thank you." or to just leave it alone.

 

Either way, I'm going to leave it alone till tomorrow either way.

 

My opinion, one of two responses:

 

1. No response.

2. You're right, it would be hard.

 

Your response is too emotional. Mine says you agree that it would be hard. And you leave it open ended. No emotion as opposed to her response.

  • Like 1
MrBossMan Established Member

MrBossMan

Posted
Posted

I feel your pain, Red, but don't worry. You'll get through. And one day, you'll get to a place where you'll be so in love with someone else that even if she (the ex) showed up to your door crying, you'd say, "I'm flattered by your offer, but I have someone. You'll find someone new. There, there." lol

 

You may have times when the pain comes back, but just stay focused on you and improving yourself and it will pass. You've been doing great, so I'm sure you'll be fine, brother.

  • Like 1
crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

Posted
Posted
I've come a long way in the 6 months since my breakup on June 7. The first few months, all of June really, I could not function like a normal human being. I couldn't sleep for literally the first 5 days until I finally was so tired I collapsed and slept for over 12 hours. I cried endlessly, I suffered at work and I was a useless human being.

 

Around the end of the month, I took steps forward. I started going to a therapist. I joined LA Boxing and set up a regular workout schedule for myself. I forced myself to go out with friends even though I didn't want to. I was miserable still but I was functioning again.

 

In July, I told my ex we couldn't be friends anymore. I laid out my full truths and said that I still loved her, and if she wanted to try again then I would welcome her presence in my life but I couldn't see her as just a friend and it would only hurt me if she remained in my life in that capacity. Doing that set me back emotionally, and when I saw her one final time to drop her things off, I literally collapsed when I returned home I was so emotionally drained.

 

In August, I was still miserable. Even though I had told her we couldn't be friends, she still dropped me breadcrumbs. Then came her birthday early in the month. The day of her birthday was the worst day of my life, even worse than the day we broke up. I didn't reach out to her and that hurt me so much I actually threw up from the stress. I couldn't take it anymore. After two straight days of nightmares on her birthday and the day after, I finally pulled the plug and deleted and blocked her from my social media. It was sooo hard and so painful and I cried afterward. It was silent for a few days, then she threw a hissyfit over texts to me about it. I should have ignored, but I explained to her I still had feelings for her and seeing her on social media hurt me. That was the last I had heard from her, on August 28. She blocked me on Facebook, deleted pictures of us on Instagram and a bunch of other things I know about because I still snooped on her pages, even though I shouldn't have.

 

September was NC for me and the real start of healing. I traveled, to San Francisco, to Las Vegas, to San Diego. I joined meetup.com and met new friends. I called old college friends and reconnected with them. I doubled down on my workout schedule and lost weight, are better made a whole fitness plan. I was so busy I literally had no free time between when I woke up and went to bed.

 

October was more of the same, only with a bigger emphasis on the new friends from meetup. I continued to see my therapist and also emphasized working in my faults, my struggle with sharing emotions, my lack of self confidence, and my authoritativeness. I wanted to be a happier, healthier, more confident me. I wanted to draw that happiness and confidence from myself, instead of being co-dependent on someone else.

 

November has been a bit of a blur. I traveled a bit, to Los Angeles and Las Vegas. I continued with what I had been doing with my therapist and workouts. I focused on family, talking to my parents and my grandmother who is now in her late 90s.

 

I'm the happiest I've been in a while. I'm so much more confident in myself. I'm able to really be a better friend, and I'm so much more open about myself. My friends, family and co-workers have all mentioned this to me, that they've noticed it.

 

But I've still struggled with giving up that last hope she is coming back. It was a fantasy I just couldn't get out of my head. It didn't affect me in my life much other than emotionally. But it wouldn't leave my head and could be very stressful for me at times. My therapist finally told me, I had to rip the final bandaid off. She said with her OCD patients, they have to experience the extreme of their fear to finally overcome it. She told me I needed to face my fear, feel the pain, and is finally get rid of these last obsessive thoughts.

 

Last Sunday, I called my ex, ending three months NC. We chatted, and I asked her to get coffee this week after the Thanksgiving holiday. She said maybe. I didn't hear from her over the past week. Last night I texted her to set a time to meet. She responded this morning "I don't know if that's a good idea." I stupidly responded "ok. I just wanted to do something casual." She hasn't responded and I honestly don't expect her to.

 

It hurts so much. I know that this is the answer I need. There is no more fantasy. I know it's over forever. It hurts goddamn it but I now know it's done. I finally have up that last hope. I sit here knowing she will never be in my life again, in any capacity.

 

I had a few things left that I held onto with that hope. I felted the voicemails on my phone. I deleted some old texts. When I get home tonight, I will finally be removing the framed pictures and repurposing them with pics of my family and friends (they were in the closet but still had pics of Us in them). I will be getting rid of all the physical remnants of hope to match my emotional release.

 

I hurt a lot, but I know that this is it. This is where I finally give up hope, and it's over. I feel free as much as I feel sad and hurt. But this is also the best I've felt since the breakup, as weird as that sounds. I'm ready to move on with the rest of my life. The chapter of my relationship is over, and so is the chapter on my breakup.

 

I know you have been helping a lot in my posts , so many thanks.your read is very good , somewhere our though on post waiting matches.First of all, Glad that you have come so far. 6 months is long time to keep hopes up of someone coming back. I don't have that patience. As you know my story, many of you have told me to stay NC but i kept breaking it over and over while thinking that may be this time it will work out ,may be he will see my constant effort and give another go. But have been rejected twice. Last try hit me very hard but everytime it made me felt that i gave my 100% and i can't change anything now. It's out of my hands. Nothing i will do can change his mind. dwelling over and over will make me look crazy and foolish in his eyes. When i just wrote him " hate email" after sending it i reread it i felt so foolish. As expected he didnt respond and he must be laughing at me. More so at the end of email i ended up writing " feelings will be always there , now you know there is someone in world who will go out of their way to pursue you.Miss you so much " WTF , hate and love at same email. But alas he is ignroing me , and not saying anything . I am done and accepted it. Dropped plan of further pursuing. Honestly , after this hate email and with NC , my studies have improved , putting my all as i used to before i start dating. I just want to pursue now great career and great body to show him what he has lost. He has gone to one of top schools of United states , has great career. I want follow same path. I am not planning on dating any one right now i am just happy being single. When time is right everything will fall in place. But i must tell you sooner or later we will definiteltly hear from our ex once in life for sure. Saying from my experience from my previous ex. But that time you will already have moved on and will be with someone new . It wont matter any more. Whatever is case, I wish you best things in life. Hope you meet someone caring , lovely person very soon.

  • Like 1
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Red you have helped me so much over these months. Just reading you posts makes me feel better. I know how hard this is and i am grateful to you for making the path a little smoother. You got a friend in London. Take care.

  • Like 1
kindofsad Member

kindofsad

Posted
Posted

Reddragon, I have always found your posts very helpful. I am glad to hear of your breakthrough and wish you well for your continuing journey. It is inspiring to read the positive progress of others :)

  • Like 1
headinthecloud Established Member

headinthecloud

Posted
Posted
Well, I'm very surprised, but she did respond.

 

"idk I just am not sure... not to be mean or anything but like I feel like it would just be kinda awkward for us. Obviously I want the best for you and everything but I just don't know what seeing each other would accomplish. I just feel like it would be too hard."

 

I think it may be best for me to either just say, "I understand and thank you." or to just leave it alone.

 

Either way, I'm going to leave it alone till tomorrow either way.

 

If indifference is there then responding should not be a problem, you're just being polite and closing the discussion you began.

 

Forget the thank you, but maybe something to the effect of, "Ok. Be well."

  • Like 1
cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

Posted
Posted

Woo hoo. Keep on going. Indifference here you come. Once you really give up hope it gets muuuch easier.

 

PS im not sure it is necessary to break NC and get rejected again to give up hope. In fact i advise againt it. But if you feel better that is what you needed. :)

  • Like 2
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reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Sorry to bump my thread, but I'm very pleased to say that I haven't texted her back, and I've gone 24 hours without looking at her limited profiles on social media for the first time (since I deleted her 3 1/2 months ago I only have limited viewing). I know it sounds small but I'm pretty proud of it.

  • Like 1
ynabna New Member

ynabna

Posted
Posted
I've come a long way in the 6 months since my breakup on June 7. The first few months, all of June really, I could not function like a normal human being. I couldn't sleep for literally the first 5 days until I finally was so tired I collapsed and slept for over 12 hours. I cried endlessly, I suffered at work and I was a useless human being.

 

Around the end of the month, I took steps forward. I started going to a therapist. I joined LA Boxing and set up a regular workout schedule for myself. I forced myself to go out with friends even though I didn't want to. I was miserable still but I was functioning again.

 

In July, I told my ex we couldn't be friends anymore. I laid out my full truths and said that I still loved her, and if she wanted to try again then I would welcome her presence in my life but I couldn't see her as just a friend and it would only hurt me if she remained in my life in that capacity. Doing that set me back emotionally, and when I saw her one final time to drop her things off, I literally collapsed when I returned home I was so emotionally drained.

 

In August, I was still miserable. Even though I had told her we couldn't be friends, she still dropped me breadcrumbs. Then came her birthday early in the month. The day of her birthday was the worst day of my life, even worse than the day we broke up. I didn't reach out to her and that hurt me so much I actually threw up from the stress. I couldn't take it anymore. After two straight days of nightmares on her birthday and the day after, I finally pulled the plug and deleted and blocked her from my social media. It was sooo hard and so painful and I cried afterward. It was silent for a few days, then she threw a hissyfit over texts to me about it. I should have ignored, but I explained to her I still had feelings for her and seeing her on social media hurt me. That was the last I had heard from her, on August 28. She blocked me on Facebook, deleted pictures of us on Instagram and a bunch of other things I know about because I still snooped on her pages, even though I shouldn't have.

 

September was NC for me and the real start of healing. I traveled, to San Francisco, to Las Vegas, to San Diego. I joined meetup.com and met new friends. I called old college friends and reconnected with them. I doubled down on my workout schedule and lost weight, are better made a whole fitness plan. I was so busy I literally had no free time between when I woke up and went to bed.

 

October was more of the same, only with a bigger emphasis on the new friends from meetup. I continued to see my therapist and also emphasized working in my faults, my struggle with sharing emotions, my lack of self confidence, and my authoritativeness. I wanted to be a happier, healthier, more confident me. I wanted to draw that happiness and confidence from myself, instead of being co-dependent on someone else.

 

November has been a bit of a blur. I traveled a bit, to Los Angeles and Las Vegas. I continued with what I had been doing with my therapist and workouts. I focused on family, talking to my parents and my grandmother who is now in her late 90s.

 

I'm the happiest I've been in a while. I'm so much more confident in myself. I'm able to really be a better friend, and I'm so much more open about myself. My friends, family and co-workers have all mentioned this to me, that they've noticed it.

 

But I've still struggled with giving up that last hope she is coming back. It was a fantasy I just couldn't get out of my head. It didn't affect me in my life much other than emotionally. But it wouldn't leave my head and could be very stressful for me at times. My therapist finally told me, I had to rip the final bandaid off. She said with her OCD patients, they have to experience the extreme of their fear to finally overcome it. She told me I needed to face my fear, feel the pain, and is finally get rid of these last obsessive thoughts.

 

Last Sunday, I called my ex, ending three months NC. We chatted, and I asked her to get coffee this week after the Thanksgiving holiday. She said maybe. I didn't hear from her over the past week. Last night I texted her to set a time to meet. She responded this morning "I don't know if that's a good idea." I stupidly responded "ok. I just wanted to do something casual." She hasn't responded and I honestly don't expect her to.

 

It hurts so much. I know that this is the answer I need. There is no more fantasy. I know it's over forever. It hurts goddamn it but I now know it's done. I finally have up that last hope. I sit here knowing she will never be in my life again, in any capacity.

 

I had a few things left that I held onto with that hope. I felted the voicemails on my phone. I deleted some old texts. When I get home tonight, I will finally be removing the framed pictures and repurposing them with pics of my family and friends (they were in the closet but still had pics of Us in them). I will be getting rid of all the physical remnants of hope to match my emotional release.

 

I hurt a lot, but I know that this is it. This is where I finally give up hope, and it's over. I feel free as much as I feel sad and hurt. But this is also the best I've felt since the breakup, as weird as that sounds. I'm ready to move on with the rest of my life. The chapter of my relationship is over, and so is the chapter on my breakup.

 

I recently broke up with my bf, actually we are breaking up.. i'm in horrible horrible pain. But, your thread about how you went through gave me a hope to overcome my journey to erase my bf. i know it will be hurt and painful, but hopefully i will end up like you. Hope everything goes well with you and god bless you :)

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