Really need some guidance from you guys

[turkeyman]

Long story as short as I can make it;

 

 

I was with a girl for 3 years. We had a horrible breakup and after a few months, I thought I was ready for another relationship. I knew a girl that I had always been attracted to, so I asked her out. We are both college graduates, both have good jobs, and she is 24 and I am 29.

 

 

We went out a few times and everything started rather quickly. We started going out of town together every weekend, pretty much like we had been together for years, but we were only together for about 3 months.

 

 

Well, her job relocated her 70 miles away, which was fine. We would still drive to see eachother pretty much every single weekend, but on the weekdays, I would go out with my friends and continue to party like I was still single. I never did anything wrong, she just didn't trust me out at the bar with my friends and other girls around. I just wasn't completely ready to be in another serious relationship.

 

 

Well, she finally has enough, and after I acted like an idiot one night, she ended it. By act like an idiot, I mean I made her jealous by being drunk and stupid one night and telling her I was going to go hang out with a friend of mine who happens to be a girl that she absolutely hates. I never did go hang out with the girl, and went home and went to bed.

 

 

I didn't talk to my girlfriend for around a week. Like a fool I never called her, I would text to apologize. I was just seriously under the impression that I needed to give her as much space as possible.

 

 

When I finally realized it was over, I only contacted her maybe 3 times. twice through text, once through email.... And this stuff would only happen after I had been drinking. I was simply too cocky to admit that I had made a huge mistake.

 

 

Well fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I haven't seen the ex girlfriend in over 3-4 months, but I'm invited to be a girl's date to a birthday party. The girl is only a friend, but the ex-girlfriend ends up at the same party. We sit and talk on the couch for over 45 minutes, and she's explaining to me everything I did wrong. I was very nice and told her I understood, but it was very obvious that she was drunk. I had been drinking, as well, but was not drunk.

 

 

The girl that brought me to the party finally decides that she needs to go home, as it was a work night. I said, that's fine and I head towards the front door when I hear the ex-girlfriend yell towards me "Oh Ok, well have fun on your date!" You might say that she was just being nice, but that was not the tone. She was legitimately very jealous. I ignored her and left the house.

 

 

The next day I shoot her a text and talk with her for a bit. Just all small talk, but it was good talk. Nothing serious. She knew what she said the night before, and apologized, but that was the end of it. It didn't really bother me in the first place.

 

 

Ever since then, I've sent her 2 texts. I said "Happy Thanksgiving" on Thanksgiving Day, and I asked her what she was doing one night. Both of those texts got nothing but crickets. I know I didn't do a single thing wrong, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since the party.

 

 

Should I call her one day after work, and put it all out there, tell her how I really feel? Is that what she is waiting for? I know I wasn't ready to be a good boyfriend when we were together, and I want another chance. I just don't understand if I'm supposed to make the next move even after getting no response from those 2 text messages.

 

 

What do you guys think I should do?

[Canadiangirl78]

Why would you go out of your way to make her jealous? Sounds pretty mean to me, but what do I know. I think you should leave her alone. It doesn't sound like you treated her as you should have and she probably wants nothing more to do with you. Learn from it, and I hope you do. But ya, don't contact her anymore, if she wants to come to you she will.

[Logan oO]

Long story as short as I can make it;

 

 

I was with a girl for 3 years. We had a horrible breakup and after a few months, I thought I was ready for another relationship. I knew a girl that I had always been attracted to, so I asked her out. We are both college graduates, both have good jobs, and she is 24 and I am 29.

 

 

We went out a few times and everything started rather quickly. We started going out of town together every weekend, pretty much like we had been together for years, but we were only together for about 3 months.

 

 

Well, her job relocated her 70 miles away, which was fine. We would still drive to see eachother pretty much every single weekend, but on the weekdays, I would go out with my friends and continue to party like I was still single. I never did anything wrong, she just didn't trust me out at the bar with my friends and other girls around. I just wasn't completely ready to be in another serious relationship.

 

 

Well, she finally has enough, and after I acted like an idiot one night, she ended it. By act like an idiot, I mean I made her jealous by being drunk and stupid one night and telling her I was going to go hang out with a friend of mine who happens to be a girl that she absolutely hates. I never did go hang out with the girl, and went home and went to bed.

 

 

I didn't talk to my girlfriend for around a week. Like a fool I never called her, I would text to apologize. I was just seriously under the impression that I needed to give her as much space as possible.

 

 

When I finally realized it was over, I only contacted her maybe 3 times. twice through text, once through email.... And this stuff would only happen after I had been drinking. I was simply too cocky to admit that I had made a huge mistake.

 

 

Well fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I haven't seen the ex girlfriend in over 3-4 months, but I'm invited to be a girl's date to a birthday party. The girl is only a friend, but the ex-girlfriend ends up at the same party. We sit and talk on the couch for over 45 minutes, and she's explaining to me everything I did wrong. I was very nice and told her I understood, but it was very obvious that she was drunk. I had been drinking, as well, but was not drunk.

 

 

The girl that brought me to the party finally decides that she needs to go home, as it was a work night. I said, that's fine and I head towards the front door when I hear the ex-girlfriend yell towards me "Oh Ok, well have fun on your date!" You might say that she was just being nice, but that was not the tone. She was legitimately very jealous. I ignored her and left the house.

 

 

The next day I shoot her a text and talk with her for a bit. Just all small talk, but it was good talk. Nothing serious. She knew what she said the night before, and apologized, but that was the end of it. It didn't really bother me in the first place.

 

 

Ever since then, I've sent her 2 texts. I said "Happy Thanksgiving" on Thanksgiving Day, and I asked her what she was doing one night. Both of those texts got nothing but crickets. I know I didn't do a single thing wrong, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since the party.

 

 

Should I call her one day after work, and put it all out there, tell her how I really feel? Is that what she is waiting for? I know I wasn't ready to be a good boyfriend when we were together, and I want another chance. I just don't understand if I'm supposed to make the next move even after getting no response from those 2 text messages.

 

 

What do you guys think I should do?

• 
  

 

Let it go bro - holding on for any reason just stops you living your life. They don't give a **** about you when they break your heart into nothing but dust! Why should you care!

 

Also there is something my dad told me several times during my last relationship but i never took it in.

'Some women don't want you! but they don't want anyone else to have you! either'

 

So don't think that jealousy is necessarily anything other than her discontent at the inability to control and influence you any further.

 

Believe me, my ex has been in contact recently, but i'm not going to tell her anything like i used to when she'd previously dumped me, how i was miserable without her blablabla she was my everything blablabla.

 

Let it go mate. Don't hold yourself back.

 

If it's meant to be, then it will be.

 

Surely you as we have all learned by now, the more you try! to force anything the worse off YOU are / get.

[turkeyman]

Thanks guys, I just thought that I needed to tell her how I really feel since I never really have before.

[Qqq]

Just to clarify, is the girl you are speaking about your ex of three years or the ex of three months?

[turkeyman]

Oh yea, Sorry guys.

 

 

It's the ex of 3 months. The ex of 3 years is long gone and I'm not in the least bit worried about her

[2fargone]

If you're willing to get a 'no' for an answer, then by all means go for it and tell her how you feel. And I mean that in a good way.

 

 

Sometimes you just got to risk it all. Looks to me that for you, now is as good a time as any.

[todreaminblue]

Thanks guys, I just thought that I needed to tell her how I really feel since I never really have before.

 

 

i think you should tell her.......even if it doesnt work ou t...you might be surprised.....what honesty can do ........you will know you never hid it for one is actually liberating.............you let her know.....theres a guy( my grandfather actually) who todl me "always debs tell someone how you feel about them" ...he made me promise that i would do that he was terminal ....and we had months to talk about my life time.........he died when i was young......i made that promise as a little girl and all my life no matter how scared i am .....i kept my promise to him.......glad i did ...i have honored him by doing so..tell her....from em to you ....honor and respect your own feelings...then be honest with them...deb

[turkeyman]

2fargone,

 

 

That's exactly how I feel right now. I'm not trying to be cocky, but I've never had problems getting girls. This girl just feels like the one though, and I don't want to forever regret not trying to get her back.

[Crila16]

Wow...you kinda got in the way of yourself and sabotaged your relationship. Ok...well. It's been a while. It sounds like you both obviously have feelings for each other. She's ignoring your texts most likely in the hopes of driving you crazy...and it's working.

 

Stop with the games. You like her. Why are you ruining it for yourself? You need to man up, grow up and take the bull by the horns. She's not going to chase you, so you might at well do it or lose it forever. Eventually she will find someone else, fall in love and marry. In life, couples either breakup or they get married. It's usually one or the other. You might as well put your ego and pride away, because they're not helping to make you happy at all. They're actually hindering you.

 

Call her. Tell her you like her and make her happy. Then you can both be together and be happy. She likes you...she's just sick of you not committing and playing games with her emotions, and I honestly don't blame her. Just call and ask her out. No little baby games...just say "Hey...if you're around Fri or Sat, would you want to go to dinner with me?"

[todreaminblue]

Wow...you kinda got in the way of yourself and sabotaged your relationship. Ok...well. It's been a while. It sounds like you both obviously have feelings for each other. She's ignoring your texts most likely in the hopes of driving you crazy...and it's working.

 

Stop with the games. You like her. Why are you ruining it for yourself? You need to man up, grow up and take the bull by the horns. She's not going to chase you, so you might at well do it or lose it forever. Eventually she will find someone else, fall in love and marry. In life, couples either breakup or they get married. It's usually one or the other. You might as well put your ego and pride away, because they're not helping to make you happy at all. They're actually hindering you.

 

Call her. Tell her you like her and make her happy. Then you can both be together and be happy. She likes you...she's just sick of you not committing and playing games with her emotions, and I honestly don't blame her. Just call and ask her out. No little baby games...just say "Hey...if you're around Fri or Sat, would you want to go to dinner with me?"

 

 

classic and simple....so easy........perfect suggestion perfect post...on repeat for emphasis..deb

[BN1990]

Sounds a bit simular to my situation that you dont know what you have until its gone... i dont know what to say but you need to assess how exactly do you feel and will this happen in the future..that you will take her for granted? i think at the moment the dust needs to settle and if you contact her when she seems a little angry, she might'n be thinking right and wouldn't be good to start a relationship on them foundations?

[LostConfused123]

Can I ask why you wanted to make her jealous. . . Telling her you were hanging out with the girl she doesn't like if you had no intentions of doing so and just going home to go to bed.

 

I'm NOT going to bash you (promise)

It's just that something similar happened to me. I think I may be able to give you some insight on her feelings. . . I mean I can at least share how I felt when something similar happened to me. I can't read her mind obviously but I am a woman and can tell you that it probably did hurt her deeply but the thing most men don't know about us is

WOMEN WANT TO FORGIVE!!!!

Really!!!

[MoooOinkBaaa]

You want to forgive? But you can't?

[LostConfused123]

You want to forgive? But you can't?

Good point.. . . . wanting to and doing it are two different things.

 

Or maybe that was an inappropriate generalization and it's just me

Could be age too. . . the older I get, the more I want to forgive. Maybe because I know I'm not perfect, maybe because life is so short, maybe because I know not forgiving someone only hurts you and forgiving them sets you free.

And maybe, just maybe because it would release me of this horrible pain.

 

But yeah, that's true. . . wanting to do it and finding the strength to do it are two different things.

 

I just think this guy may have a chance with her. (Hope so anyway)

He seems to have forgiven HIMSELF which I find pretty awesome and could definitely benefit from doing the same.

 

Peace and ((hugs))

[MoooOinkBaaa]

This guy didn't do anything extreme like cheating so I don't see what the problem is myself. I must be too laid back because my ex ignored me for over a week before and I was just like "oh hi glad you're back".

 

I can forgive easily unless it's really serious but it depends on how much the offender cares. It's easy to find the strength to forgive if it's someone understanding and special.

 

Well I only wish my ex was the same. She told me she doesn't want to spend anymore months being upset in a relationship with me and dumped me. We wasn't really talking much. That doesn't mean you have to throw it all down the drain though...

[LostConfused123]

This guy didn't do anything extreme like cheating so I don't see what the problem is myself. I must be too laid back because my ex ignored me for over a week before and I was just like "oh hi glad you're back".

 

I can forgive easily unless it's really serious but it depends on how much the offender cares. It's easy to find the strength to forgive if it's someone understanding and special.

 

Well I only wish my ex was the same. She told me she doesn't want to spend anymore months being upset in a relationship with me and dumped me. We wasn't really talking much. That doesn't mean you have to throw it all down the drain though...

True (throwing it down the drain)

I think a lot of problems could be fixed if people put in a little effort. It almost feels like I'm disposable and so easily replaced. Crappy feeling for sure. But I'm the dumpee. Of course I'm thinking like that . . . LOL!!

Best of luck!

 

Peace and ((hugs))

[turkeyman]

Thanks for the feedback guys!

 

 

I shot her a text yesterday asking if it was ok for me to call her sometime this week and she never has responded, so I guess that's that.

 

 

Oh well, at least I tried.

[turkeyman]

Thanks for the feedback guys!

 

 

I shot her a text yesterday asking if it was ok for me to call her sometime this week and she never has responded, so I guess that's that.

 

I really would like to tell her how I feel, regardless if she wants to give me another shot or not. I just feel like she deserves to hear how I feel.

 

 

Oh well, at least I tried!

[LostConfused123]

Thanks for the feedback guys!

 

 

I shot her a text yesterday asking if it was ok for me to call her sometime this week and she never has responded, so I guess that's that.

 

I really would like to tell her how I feel, regardless if she wants to give me another shot or not. I just feel like she deserves to hear how I feel.

 

 

Oh well, at least I tried!

Cmon! Shooting her one text is not trying.

This is only my opinion but I think you should tell her how you feel.

I am really rooting for you! Not sure why. . . haha! I guess maybe because I have been in her shoes.

I really hope it works out with you guys

[me85]

Duuuude, maaaan....put more effort into it.

 

It's impersonal to text or email about matters of the heart. I get it, you're testing the waters before diving in but have you actually CALLED her? This would be the way to go to test the waters before showing up at her door with flowers (which is freaking insanely sweet and all girls would be flattered I don't care what they say!)

[turkeyman]

I get what you guys are saying, I really do.

 

But don't you think that if she was willing to hear anything I have to say that she would actually let me know that it's ok to call her?

 

Usually when I completely ignore someone, it means I don't want anything to do with them(although I would never ever ignore someone like this)

[LostConfused123]

Duuuude, maaaan....put more effort into it.

 

It's impersonal to text or email about matters of the heart. I get it, you're testing the waters before diving in but have you actually CALLED her? This would be the way to go to test the waters before showing up at her door with flowers (which is freaking insanely sweet and all girls would be flattered I don't care what they say!)

You're so right!!! Showing up with flowers only happens in the movies. . . if you did that I GUARANTEE she would at least hear you out. Also shows an EFFORT!!!!

[LostConfused123]

I get what you guys are saying, I really do.

 

But don't you think that if she was willing to hear anything I have to say that she would actually let me know that it's ok to call her?

 

Usually when I completely ignore someone, it means I don't want anything to do with them(although I would never ever ignore someone like this)

No!!! She's ignoring you because your text (in her mind is breadcrumbs)

Read about those here on LS. Lots and lots of threads on those. . . and almost everyone says the same thing in those threads. . . IGNORE!! Don't you see, she's not ignoring you to be mean. She's scared of getting hurt again. . . I don't blame her. I promise, show a genuine effort. She could be scared you're just bored, want a booty call, putting her on the backburner, and can't really blame her for being scared.