brandnew2 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 4 years ago, I was a boy fresh out of high school who never really had any luck with girls. I was shy, insecure, and reserved which is never a good combination for attracting women. And I always longed for a relationship where I could be with that one person. I dreamed about having a date to take to family parties, waking up next to someone, having great sex with a partner who loved me, etc. But I was a mess and in no position to attract the girls I wanted. Someone would loan me a pencil in school and I would obsess over them for the rest of the day, wondering if they could be the one for me. It was pathetic. I eventually signed up for this site (under an account that has since been terminated) and asked for help. I was told to try online dating if I wasn't half bad looking. Oh, what fateful advice! I signed up for the free sites and began working on my profile. I talked to a few girls and started learning the ropes of the OLD world. I'm a pretty good looking guy who is articulate with the written word so I was able to get some conversations going. Eventually it led to meeting a girl I really liked. We had sex on the first date (my first time) and I was hooked on her. After being strung along for a few months, I realized she actually had a boyfriend the entire time and I was too foolish to notice the signs. So back on the online dating sites I went. I recreated my profiles and started talking to more girls. I met another one who I fell for but this time decided not to delete my profiles so hastily. Before long, she 'faded away' and lost interest in me. Again I was crushed, but I went back to the grind. This cycle continued with girls having momentary interest in me but it fizzling out rather quickly. I learned to focus on more than one girl at a time to help absorb some of the heartache when things fell apart. And this is what started the change. Slowly, I didn't truly want that relationship anymore. I was meeting beautiful women and having good sex, but I lost sight of why I wanted to be exclusive. There were so many other women out there on PoF and OKCupid just waiting to talk to me. Over the years, I became the one who would flake out on girls when they wanted a relationship. I would be the one to string them along and manipulate them to get what I wanted. Things started to spiral out of control. There were days when I would have three to four dates in one night. There were nights where I would have sex with 2 different girls within a few hours of each other. And that's not to say they all were having their hearts broken by me. Many of them grew bored of me and stopped responding / making time for me. But that was okay for me too because I was constantly replenishing the system. I lost track of the number of women I've slept with but it is well over 70 at this point. And yet I still can say I've never had an exclusive girlfriend. It finally caught up to me when one of the women I had been with told me they were pregnant a year ago. Any of you who may be feeling disgust towards my lifestyle... understand that this was certainly payback for me. I stopped dating completely and started to focus on becoming a father. This woman turned out to be psychotic and took me through hell. The paternity test came back a month ago and revealed that I wasn't even the father. All of the time and money I spent preparing for this child was for nothing, and I was just a placeholder until the mommy could find a Mr. Wonderful to take over. So here I am, and I know I am very fortunate considering my lifestyle in the past. I am STD free and child free. I am still very young and about to graduate college. And yet, I've never had a girlfriend. I am beginning to wonder, how will I be able to at this point? Is the damage already done?
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 You sowed a few more wild oats than many & some of it came back to roost. If you have mastered the art of making friends, eventually you should be able to maintain a real relationship. You just have to stop looking for the next thing & focus on the woman you are with. Meanwhile, once you confirm the child is yours, deal with your responsibilities to your son. Bonding with your child should also help you learn to have a relationship.
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