libertybella7676 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Ok the run down: I am not ugly, a tad over weight, but nothing that keeps men away. Example, I have been separated from my abusive husband whom I never loved only since last week of March. BY April 10th, I had a new boyfriend who wanted to marry me, showered me with gift etc, he was too smothering and I had to cut that off. Was not what I was looking for..said wanted me, my kids the whole thing. He told his father about, introduced me to his cousins, etc. Ok, so I am not ugly etc. I meet guy number 2 (guy number 3 lives in another state, and loves me to no end) out on the outdoor tubing adventure. He's there w/ his son, and group of friends, friends etc. He doesn't hang w/ his friends, but attaches to my group. Helps me in and out of my tube (after someone, maybe him, I dont recall, pushes me off). Anyway, there was a lot of flirting going on. Next day, he has his friend contact my friend who set the thing up and asks if I am single etc. Fast forward now, it will almost be 4 months. I went to his extended families home for Thanksgiving. Him, me and his two kids in toe. It was a bit awkward for me as he wanted to spend all his time w/ the family since he has not seen them in a while. The woman hosting thanksgiving is his deceased mothers sister. I basically spent my time down in the basement playing games w/ kids..it was super fun. He did ask me a couple of times why I wasnt hanging w/ the adults and did send me a text message I later saw that asked what I was doing down there. We leave there at like 8:00pm...where there since noon. His aunt tells me it was very nice to meet me. His sister popped her head in to say, she is sure she will see more of more. We were tired upon believe..I sleep over as planned. Children go to their home where they live as planned. We have a small amt of intimacy, and go to sleep. I wake up at like I dont know 10:30, and I have been watching him sleep. Great, now I know I am in love. However, he told me for the first time maybe a month ago that he loves me, and I wasnt ready to say it. So a week before thanksgiving I had told him I loved him too. (Sorry, I thought that was important to mention) I basically wake him up, I want to be close to him. He doesnt seem overly into it- he is tired, but I rub his back etc, start rubbing him down there. For some reason he was sleeping naked from before I guess, I can't really remember. He is now excited w/ some coxing (which is usually not needed) . I said it's ok, I know you are tired, and he said " he is up now..." and then asked me to do him a favor and get a condom from the top drawer. We have sex, start w/ one position that feels amazing, he then asks me to get on the bed..I ask "how"? "Which way"? to switch he was said my name and said, just get on the bed. So missionary ok, got it..I dont know thought maybe wanted to get a different angle. Ok, have sex, we sit on the couch for a little bit after and I wind up ruining his couch cushion with my menstrual blood which I thought was a light flow. I try getting the stain out, its not working, he is like" you know what?"..., and turns the cushion over. (I think I was just making it worse)He falls back asleep. He does not cuddly w/ me, but never really has. But now that I love him I want that. Next morning he is up and on his cell phone on the couch. I am a light sleeper, I wake up at like 7:00 am. I am going to get my stuff and get ready to go, tells me he has not made my coffee yet. I said ok I am going to wash my wash etc. He said "is that your way of saying get my coffee now", I said " I would never tell you what to do". Anyway, I come out, its there and ready, and I am feeling I dont know, like I am not really wanted there. I thought I would have to leave right away, but find out I dont, so I then say im gonna hang out for a bit longer. He seems umcomfortable, searching his the web of random stuff..we are struggling for convo. About an hour and half later and 3 times of saying i was going to go, but didnt, he walked me out, told me he loved me, and I said "you better". Oh I forgot to mention I asked him what he was doing Saturday, he said he didnt know might have to work during the day, which I think is a lie. I said ok, well im going home to be all alone. I didnt hear much from him for the rest of the day, quick one word answers to two texts I send. I text him to call me this was at like 5:00 pm, and NOTHING. at 11, I texted "starting to get worried" close to midnight, I sent something like " well I hope you are alive lol. Have a good night a text or call to the girl you tell you love must have been a little too much" NOTHING until 6:00 am the next day (sat morning) that said "nothing to worry . If you were so worried you know how to find me". Now this message honestly pissed me off, so I never replied, not all day. He sent a text at 8:36 PM that said "nice to hear from you today. Hope all is well. Have fun tonite" ( u know the night I had asked him to hang out). I text back that we are having a communication break down and need to fix it. Almost 45 mins later, he sends nothing- I sent like two pics of myself out with my friend. Nothing so then I send a text that maybe we are both confused. We both dont want something serious? But want eachother? I said I have been drinking a taad but I know I dont want to share him". by 12:40 I still have no message, and I send him "u ****ed up" "u have a beautiful woman w/ men hitting no her n shes saying shes in love with you!!!" . 4:40 AM I get a message " how did I **** up. I didnt hear from you all day. You know where I am " 9:00 AM next morning I text " I think I deserve the respect of a phone call for the past few days. IF someting is wrongs lets discuss it before it gets worse. That was yesterday. So we are well over 24 hours - no good morning baby texts, no text at all, no call ..NOTHING. Can someone help me understand this.
Author libertybella7676 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I also was trying to get him to maybe have some morning sex...but he was just not into it. Like I wrapped my legs around him...got behind him on the couch, rubbing his back..something was 'off'
pteromom Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 It sounds like he just doesn't want the same level of connection that you want. Of course, your texts could also be putting him off. " well I hope you are alive lol. Have a good night a text or call to the girl you tell you love must have been a little too much" That isn't a text message that inspires someone to text back. Tell him that when you text him, it is important to you for him to take a few seconds and respond in some way within a reasonable time. If he feels differently or agrees then doesn't follow through, you have to decide whether you are getting enough of what you want in this relationship.
Author libertybella7676 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I really appreciate your honesty. I think you are right.
clia Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Well, you are four months into the relationship, said your "I love yous" about a month ago, and then this happened... I went to his extended families home for Thanksgiving. Him, me and his two kids in toe. It was a bit awkward for me as he wanted to spend all his time w/ the family since he has not seen them in a while. The woman hosting thanksgiving is his deceased mothers sister. I basically spent my time down in the basement playing games w/ kids..it was super fun. He did ask me a couple of times why I wasnt hanging w/ the adults and did send me a text message I later saw that asked what I was doing down there. Why didn't you hang out with the adults? It seems really, really strange that you effectively hid out in the basement with the kids rather than talking with the adults and your boyfriend upstairs for the entire day. This may have turned him off, or made him rethink how he feels about you. (Also, getting blood all over his couch isn't cool either...) Because, to me, your communication after Thanksgiving evening does not indicate a man who is crazy about you. Next morning he is up and on his cell phone on the couch. I am a light sleeper, I wake up at like 7:00 am. I am going to get my stuff and get ready to go, tells me he has not made my coffee yet. I said ok I am going to wash my wash etc. He said "is that your way of saying get my coffee now", I said " I would never tell you what to do". Anyway, I come out, its there and ready, and I am feeling I dont know, like I am not really wanted there. I thought I would have to leave right away, but find out I dont, so I then say im gonna hang out for a bit longer. He seems umcomfortable, searching his the web of random stuff..we are struggling for convo. About an hour and half later and 3 times of saying i was going to go, but didnt, he walked me out, told me he loved me, and I said "you better". Were your conversations and interactions with him always this awkward prior to Thursday? Oh I forgot to mention I asked him what he was doing Saturday, he said he didnt know might have to work during the day, which I think is a lie. I said ok, well im going home to be all alone. I didnt hear much from him for the rest of the day, quick one word answers to two texts I send. Why did you think he was lying? I don't think it's a good sign that he didn't make plans with you for Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Is this out of the norm? How often have you been seeing him and what has your communication been like? I text him to call me this was at like 5:00 pm, and NOTHING. Frankly, you should have just called him. He's your boyfriend, isn't he? Why do you need to text him to tell him to call you? at 11, I texted "starting to get worried" close to midnight, I sent something like " well I hope you are alive lol. Have a good night a text or call to the girl you tell you love must have been a little too much" NOTHING until 6:00 am the next day (sat morning) that said "nothing to worry . If you were so worried you know how to find me". Now this message honestly pissed me off, so I never replied, not all day. What was he doing on Friday night? He sent a text at 8:36 PM that said "nice to hear from you today. Hope all is well. Have fun tonite" ( u know the night I had asked him to hang out). Two weekend nights in a row...and he is not out with you. Who is he out with? I text back that we are having a communication break down and need to fix it. Almost 45 mins later, he sends nothing- I sent like two pics of myself out with my friend. Nothing so then I send a text that maybe we are both confused. We both dont want something serious? But want eachother? I said I have been drinking a taad but I know I dont want to share him". by 12:40 I still have no message, and I send him "u ****ed up" "u have a beautiful woman w/ men hitting no her n shes saying shes in love with you!!!" . 4:40 AM I get a message " how did I **** up. I didnt hear from you all day. You know where I am " 9:00 AM next morning I text " I think I deserve the respect of a phone call for the past few days. IF someting is wrongs lets discuss it before it gets worse. That was yesterday. So we are well over 24 hours - no good morning baby texts, no text at all, no call ..NOTHING. This is just too much. Do not launch into serious discussions about your relationship over text when you are drunk. That kind of behavior scares people away. Especially in the early stages of the relationship, it is easy to scare someone off if you start acting too nutty. You start adding all this up...your refusal to hang out with the adults on Thanksgiving day, getting blood all over his couch, sending him kooky texts about your relationship status and...well...you've heard very little from him over the past three days. This doesn't look good for you.
tlegend Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 Hi, I am sorry that your guy number 2 isn't responding to you and appears to be distancing himself from you. It does sound like he has different expectations for the relationship. This must hurt, I know. But what most confuses me, is how you started your post, like you are trying to convince us that you're not ugly, that men do desire you, that there's nothing wrong with you. What's this all about? It's a sign of low self esteem. I'm sorry, but it is. You needed to validate yourself in order for your post to sound credible. That was not needed, most people will operate under the assumption that you are telling them the truth from the get-go. As for the other replies, I think clia hit the nail on the head. For the past few days, week almost, you're behavior has reflected that of a woman who is demanding his attention, but not returning the favor. You make him look like an ass in front of his adult parents at thanksgiving. I would have dragged your ass up from the basement had you try to pull that with me. The blood on the couch.....well let's just say I doubt he cared that much. I sincerely think that point is irrelevant to any of this. Lastly, your last few texts to him were straight from the crazy train. You are not allowed to text like that unless you have known each other for an extended period of time, and even then, you must tread lightly. However, his actions also show red flags. Guys who are into you will try their hardest to spend time with you. However, after your .....debut to his family on thanksgiving, it could be very well that his family was asking what the **** is wrong with you and why you were avoiding everyone. Considering this seems to have taken you by surprise, I am beginning to think the two events are connected. Tread lightly. You are so close to losing what you want.
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