Instead of contacting him: the truth about my mistakes...and his

[KelC411]

Ok, so these are things I keep hashing over in my head that are making me want to call my ex (it feels so weird to say ex) and argue with him, so I am going to put it here instead. I am going to be totally honest so I hope you dont judge me for my past mistakes.

 

When my ex and I had the closure convo, he primarily blamed me. He brought up how at the beginning of the relationship, I had discouraged his fitness and now he had led a "sedentary lifestyle" for 3 years. Its true that he was fit and i was not when we started dating and I felt somewhat worried about it. I am recovered from an eating disorder and felt insecure. I remember telling him I worried I was too fat for him.mThat was a mistake i admit. I know insecurity is no attractive and think I have matured since then. However, we hiked and walked and took up kayaking together. We did become couch potatoes in the last year but he we bth had harder and later work schedules (sometimes not getting home until 730 or 8) and he was just as likely ti want to sit on the couch.in fact last time we were going to go walking, he was the one who backed out and wanted to just relax.

 

He also said he had had to give himself up for me. He told me I hadnt even tried to get into his activities. When we first started dating he was primarily iinto reenactment and I had never done it. Is true I was hesitant, but onlynbecause it was made up of his ex gf and their mutual friends. Also, its not so cut and dry because he told me he wasnt sure he wanted to keep doing it because of the drama in it and he felt like he had grown out of it. He says this was meforcing him to give himself up. He also says I didnt try with his best friend, and says I said he was his friend not mine. i dont remember saying that but if I did that was obviously wrong if me. However, again its not so cut and dry. His friend had secretly dated his ex after their break up and still was when we got together so he didnt even like him when we first got together. He talkd about what an ******* h was, etc. i definitely. Looking back, should have made moreof an effort with these things, but I feel like he is making it seem more black and white and extreme than it was. Especially becase throughout the relationship I did many things I didnt necessarily like at first for him. I watchedshows which ai dont like and discussed them in depth with him. I played MMORPG games with him whcih I hadmnever been into.played card games with him even though it wasnt my thing. He says I discouraged him from doing that because I didnt want to do it competitviely and I made him feel guilty when he went to tournaments. But if I did , he read into that, because i was always fine with him going to those without me. Yet, all he could bring up was those mistakes I had made in my insecurity within the first 3 months of our 3 year relationship and act like I had made him give himself up formme.

 

Keep in mind that most of these things happened at the beginning of our 3 year relationship. After he already knew/saw my mistakes he still decided to move in withme, to tell me we were soul mates, to say he wanted to get married and have kids. We hardlyever fought and were best friends n addition to partners. Heck even this year he wanted to combine our phone contracts and wante dme to stay close when I went away for my graduate internship (though now he says he never asked me toplan that aroundnhim).

 

He was always telling me how imprtant it was to be open, to not keep score, and to take what he said at face value. So understand how over the years, i believed him when he said he was happy and not bored and there was nothing he would want me to do differently. I was shocked when he brought up all this and made it seem like, I had been this terrible controllling person who had forced him to "be my chameleon." When I tried to argue hesaid he was sorry if what he said hurt me but those are his thoughts to have. I know thats true, but I am just reeling. I have definitely made mistakes, but I had no idea he had all these resentments.

Edited December 2, 2013 by KelC411
Took out some details