DatingInYour40s Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 During a recent conversation with a 48 year old man I've been dating for a few months, he admitted he said he's never been in love and he's still looking for his princess and wants to be married, isn't afraid of commitment, etc. I find it interesting and unusual to have never loved someone. He's been in two long term relationships but knew it wasn't love. We get along great. He treats me amazingly and acts loving but says he's not in love. We are both emotionally healthy and independent. I would think this could only happen in someone with psychological issues but this doesn't seem to be the case. He's a sociable, successful man with good family relations and doesn't appear to have had any traumatic events or abusive relationships that may contribute this. Can anybody relate or understand how this could be? He seems to know who he is and what he wants but he said that maybe I can help him understand himself.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 "He seems to know who he is and what he wants but he said that maybe I can help him understand himself" Ha...still using that line at 48? guess some things never lose their charm. Rest assured that this guy has something going on with him in his life, don't think this guy is being transparent and openhearted like he may appear to be, he's selling you a story...men tell you what they want you to hear or how they see themselves not how things really are. But really, without even being judgmental...just go based on how you feel and use your head of course, just go with it at a steady pace and hopefully you also are a decent judge of character (crossing fingers) because the truth is going to come out if you keep your eyes open but if you just listen to the lip-service you'll never see things for what they may really be, you'll be like one of those young women who just always think back "but he said this and that in the beginning"...realize he's speaking from his perspective and not the whole truth...which like they say, there's two sides to every story. Maybe you should have a chat with one of his ex's to get the real picture. The fact that he hasn't been in love is extremely suspicious by 48..but he might just be used to and comfortable with women being more in love with him than he ever is...a way of maintaining control, some people date people who they feel they'll have the power in the relationship with. Otherwise, realize that what he is saying is that he was in two long-term relationships without being in-love...so remember when you're thinking about the long-term with this guy but chances are that's exactly what is going to happen to you...and I can just about guarantee you he didn't tell those women the complete truth about how he felt, men often don't...then they downplay the whole situation and their feelings to the new lady so she feels like the special one that's in the picture and he's trying to charm...some women are gullible and think men just need someone to show him how to love and all of that so they put on their game face and actually try to pull the weight of the relationship on their own...emotionally speaking. So it's basically a baiting tactic, just to get you over invested thinking you can be "that special princess that gets his hand in marriage" ...one of the oldest tricks in the book...being "in-love" isn't a choice like that, it's not something for you to earn it's something for him to give and be genuine and honest about...so don't believe the BS, don't think you have to show him what love is for him to open his heart to you...that's his choice. What do they say? if it sounds too good to be true...it probably is, but seriously this guys game already reeks, always comical to see men in their older age pulling tactics I'd expect men in their early 20's to be doing.
xxoo Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 During a recent conversation with a 48 year old man I've been dating for a few months, he admitted he said he's never been in love and he's still looking for his princess and wants to be married, isn't afraid of commitment, etc. A 48 year old looking for his princess? He's either BS-ing you, or he's living in a fantasy world the likes of which the real world (and a real woman) can never match. Unless you want to compete with fantasy, I'd pass on this guy.
northwildwoodnjman Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I would say give him a chance. If it doesn't work then fine, but don't give up on him without trying.
Author DatingInYour40s Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 The fact that he hasn't been in love is extremely suspicious by 48..but he might just be used to and comfortable with women being more in love with him than he ever is...a way of maintaining control, some people date people who they feel they'll have the power in the relationship with. Otherwise, realize that what he is saying is that he was in two long-term relationships without being in-love...so remember when you're thinking about the long-term with this guy but chances are that's exactly what is going to happen to you...and I can just about guarantee you he didn't tell those women the complete truth about how he felt, men often don't.. I agree - it is extremely suspicious but mostly I'm just curious how that can be. He did say he told the last g/f of 13 years he had no intentions of marrying her and that her response was he would change his mind and he said he wouldn't. He is not trying to lead me on either.
Author DatingInYour40s Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I would say give him a chance. If it doesn't work then fine, but don't give up on him without trying. I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Enjoy his company immensely but not setting expectations on us.
Author DatingInYour40s Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 A 48 year old looking for his princess? He's either BS-ing you, or he's living in a fantasy world the likes of which the real world (and a real woman) can never match. Unless you want to compete with fantasy, I'd pass on this guy. I'm leaning towards fantasy world. He's definitely not trying to BS me. But back to the main question. How can someone never have been in love? I just don't relate.
John316C Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 maybe he hasnt chosen to fall in love. maybe he doesnt know what love is. etc
xxoo Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I'm leaning towards fantasy world. He's definitely not trying to BS me. But back to the main question. How can someone never have been in love? I just don't relate. Very high walls? Fear? Fear of commitment is one thing. Fear of vulnerability is another.
Author DatingInYour40s Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Very high walls? Fear? Fear of commitment is one thing. Fear of vulnerability is another. I asked him what he's afraid of and he said he isn't afraid of anything and that he's looking. I'm not trying to talk him into loving me, though that would be great, but really just trying to understand this. He said he doesn't want to be a player, otherwise I'd think he's just lying. (love the avatar... you monsters must lead such interesting lives!)
FitChick Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 He probably thinks romantic love is supposed to happen like in films. He hasn't experienced that so he really doesn't know what true love is. Having an adoring girlfriend around makes his life easier. He doesn't want to get married regardless.
Recommended Posts