jaguar Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Ugh..I hung out with this bunch of people over the weekend. There were a couple of girls. We went to a couple of clubs and so on. Fun weekend. But time and time again, I saw how some guy who is more charming was able to pick the girl I was interested in. I could see how alive she was when a charming guy was able to flirt with her. I tried my best but I am just not used to doing these things. It was like watching evolution in action. How the fittest survive and how the rest just die out. I am just not that fun. In my head, I am but when it comes to real life, there is a disconnect. I tried to be as friendly as possible but the spark is missing. I could see that myself. Couple of times I was alone with the girl but I couldn't make it fun for her. I tried to make her laugh, but I was too shy to do it continuously. I was often at a loss for words. Anyway so now what? What do I do? I am old enough, I can't be like this forever. That sucks. And that is not a life that I want. That is not what anybody wants. 1
ShyGuy5 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Ugh..I hung out with this bunch of people over the weekend. There were a couple of girls. We went to a couple of clubs and so on. Fun weekend. But time and time again, I saw how some guy who is more charming was able to pick the girl I was interested in. I could see how alive she was when a charming guy was able to flirt with her. I tried my best but I am just not used to doing these things. It was like watching evolution in action. How the fittest survive and how the rest just die out. I am just not that fun. In my head, I am but when it comes to real life, there is a disconnect. I tried to be as friendly as possible but the spark is missing. I could see that myself. Couple of times I was alone with the girl but I couldn't make it fun for her. I tried to make her laugh, but I was too shy to do it continuously. I was often at a loss for words. Anyway so now what? What do I do? I am old enough, I can't be like this forever. That sucks. And that is not a life that I want. That is not what anybody wants. I feel your pain man. I am the same way.
vanek26 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Try online dating. It's a great way to build your confidence with women. Picking up chicks at nightclubs is a daunting task.
pteromom Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I am just not that fun. In my head, I am but when it comes to real life, there is a disconnect. I tried to be as friendly as possible but the spark is missing. I could see that myself. Couple of times I was alone with the girl but I couldn't make it fun for her. I tried to make her laugh, but I was too shy to do it continuously. I was often at a loss for words. Anyway so now what? What do I do? I am old enough, I can't be like this forever. That sucks. And that is not a life that I want. That is not what anybody wants. Just keep practicing. Don't just talk with cute girls - talk with people you see in the grocery store, people on the bus, etc. Practice making eye contact, smiling, asking them questions about themselves, etc. You don't have to make things fun for someone at all times though. Just relax. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I am just not that fun. In my head, I am but when it comes to real life, there is a disconnect. I tried to be as friendly as possible but the spark is missing. I could see that myself. Couple of times I was alone with the girl but I couldn't make it fun for her. I tried to make her laugh, but I was too shy to do it continuously. I was often at a loss for words. Don't worry. I'm a young and attractive female, and if a guy came up to me in a bar for a normal conversation, asked me how my night was, talked a bit about himself, asked questions about me I'd likely be a bit more interested than I would be if someone else came up and started cracking tonnes of jokes, trying to impress me, etc. I'm out with friends, I don't need a guy to be making me laugh every minute! The spark will be missing with plenty of women, the spark is missing between me and plenty of guys. I'd say that's more to do with the compatibility of your personalities/attraction levels for each other than it is to do with anything the guy is doing. I'm sure you're doing great, you're already making the move to talk to women when you're out even though you're doubting yourself, you are already way ahead of the men that are too shy to even walk up to a girl. 2
regine_phalange Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Not all people have the same levels of chemistry together! And flirting should not a one-sided thing (with this I mean you should not be the only one trying anyway!). With the right girl you would both have a blast! Believe in your self. There are people who are very attracted to us just the way we are. Shy, loud, awkward, cool, bubbly, serious. This other guy had nothing more than you have, really.
regine_phalange Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 And sure, some people will have more charm than you. But don't forget, there are also positive traits YOU have in bigger amounts than they have. Don't underestimate your personality.
Mr.Mango Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Don't let it bother you too much. If you need to pull of an entire act to get a girl's attention, it's usually not worth it. Having the confidence to approach and flirt with girls is a valuable skill, but it remains a skill. It would actually do a lot of guys better if they focused on finding better matches than trying to flirt with every attractive girl they see. If you want to get better at the skill, then practice, just like you're doing. If you want a decent girlfriend no manner off flirting will help unless you consider how compatible you are. So if you notice you're not clicking, don't be bummed, it's just a friendly reminder to try somewhere else.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 And maybe you're putting these women on a pedestal a little bit, if you feel as though you're not doing good enough and you should be making her laugh the whole time... be a little more restrained, remind yourself that she has to impress you too and assess what she does to make sure YOU have a good time, to talk to you and ask you about yourself. I'd have more attraction towards a guy like that than a guy who acted like he was desperately trying to charm me or kiss my ass buying me drinks and making jokes.
40 Fonzarelli Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 It's all in your head that you are not good enough which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Some people find certain comedians funny, while others find the same comedian not funny at all. Everyone is an individual and you too have your own uniqueness and style, just like that "charming" guy. Stop thinking about it so much and just let your true personality come through. You fear saying the wrong things which causes you to become stifled. Take action and think later. The more you do this, the less time you will spend thinking negative thoughts. You will find yourself "in the zone" much more often.
SJC2008 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Don't worry. I'm a young and attractive female, and if a guy came up to me in a bar for a normal conversation, asked me how my night was, talked a bit about himself, asked questions about me I'd likely be a bit more interested than I would be if someone else came up and started cracking tonnes of jokes, trying to impress me, etc. I'm out with friends, I don't need a guy to be making me laugh every minute! The spark will be missing with plenty of women, the spark is missing between me and plenty of guys. I'd say that's more to do with the compatibility of your personalities/attraction levels for each other than it is to do with anything the guy is doing. I'm sure you're doing great, you're already making the move to talk to women when you're out even though you're doubting yourself, you are already way ahead of the men that are too shy to even walk up to a girl. I'm not a woman OP but she's right. When conversing with a woman it's better to be intrested than interesting! Most guys wanna start doing some comedy skit etc...
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