jomaniura Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 new to this site, no idea of where to turn so thought of coming on here, i was married for 8 years, then on my 30th birthday holiday in india my husband told me that he had been with another woman and 2 prostitutes to cut a long story short, i tryed for a year but just couldnt look at him, i divorced him and have had a few failed relationships since, only now has it hit me! but i dont know why? my stomach aches, tears roll down my face everyday, i recently looked on his fb and see that he is with a girl 10 years younger than him and they are having a baby.. he looks so happy, but i cant be happy for him, i still love him and always will, but i cant cope with this, why now? after all this time..can anyone help me
Nyclovin Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Take solace in knowing that you most definitely did the right thing leaving him and feel bad for the new wife he will undoubtly be cheating on. You deserve better , and you will find it one way or another . He is not worth your tears . 2
Mario79 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Your problem really is that mentality, you love him and always will. That is obsessive not really love. Seems to me, that what you want is what he has for yourself. And since you can have him as well it makes you want him even more. You have to realize that your happiness should never depend on anyone but yourself. You made the decision because staying with him wouldve just been reminder of betrayal and for an 8 year marriage it mustve been one of the hardest things to do in your life. I think you feeling like this is more than likely cause of other issues going on in your life that made you turn focus into this, would have could have been scenario. 2
Author jomaniura Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 thank you guys and yes mario, i was told on my 30th birthday and it will soon be my 40th , my 30's have been hell on earth and i am worried about turning 40, maybe this has triggered all of this off? thanks again , i appreciate your advice..
Mario79 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I am getting to my mid 30s and am getting worried about this as well. I had deposited my hopes on this girl, and it blew up in my face. I fear I may think of her as the one that got away. You had an idea of what your life would be at this point. That is frustrating for anyone. You have to shake those expectations away, and realize you arent alone, so many men and women took the same gamble you did and lost it all. But better to be alone then miserable with someone. Talk with family and friends, and talk to yourself as if you were talk to your best friend. What would you tell yourself? Keep posting here. Keep going. Realize that at least you are at a day an age where you can meet a lot more people because of technology. These are just things I say, but you do have to seek your own happiness and not let it depend on anyone. 1
Author jomaniura Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 i'm sorry it all blew up in your face mario, but i guess when we really love someone we take chances, ie let our guards down and trust, i know its not my fault my man strayed but i cant help blaming myself time and time again.. looking on a more positive note, life may really begin at 40??? although being 40 will be upsetting as i/we had planned so much to have when we reached 40 ie 3 children (that i will never have now) but i guess 40 can be a new start/fresh start? i cant really talk to anyone about this, i was so ashamed when my then husband told me about the prostitutes..i only told my best friend but she was dieing of cancer at the time so my problems were irrelevant..she took it to her grave with her my emotions seemed to have shifted now, i started the day off in tears then anger came ??? i was thinking all kinds or terrible thoughts, one being to tell his pregnant gf how he slept with prostitutes when we were married, he destroyed my life/plans so why not do the same? i know non of his family and friends know about what he did, i can only assume he made up some story and blamed me for the failed marriage as non of them want to speak to me weirdly, but!!!! i cant lash out at innocent people just because i am going through this hurt..
Mario79 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 I dont know if life begins at 40. You are alive now, and have survived some of life worse experiences. Anger is good to feel. This wasnt something you chose and it was two people in that relationship. But telling his girl all that stuff will only make you come out as a jealous ex, maybe he told her already maybe he can deny it as well, and whatever he speaks of you, that conversation is only in your mind. In the end it doesnt change your situation. Sorry to hear about your friend, but she would want you to live happily, and what a better way to honor her memory. I still insist that you have to be happy for yourself, for if you were let someone else back in and decided to leave it would hurt you as well. I hope that what you are going through is just a phase, and that it will be over soon. 1
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