MoooOinkBaaa Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 my ex left me on 13/09. i've been NC for about 60 days. not heard anything from her since. the break-up really hurt me. i've been trying to forget her, kill all hope of her coming back and move on. i've been working on myself a lot trying to meet new people and grow. i joined a chess club that i've been going to for a while and met a really nice girl there. we share the same interests and are always laughing together, she's really funny and a little flirty but sweet. i told myself i wouldn't even think about dating until at least over two years had passed. i thought it would be nice to have a female friend for once. but we've gotten pretty close and we really connect. we joke about meeting each other there as a nerd date and she said we should go on a real date. the problem is i'm not over my ex yet, i'm still dreaming about her even though i know she's not coming back now. it's already been three months nearly and she could of even met someone else by now. so i've been pulling back from this new girl because i don't want to get close with her and possibly hurt someone. it's just so confusing because i'm angry at my ex, she gets to move on and be happy but i don't. she's gets to have freedom but i don't. i would love to get closer to this girl but it's like my ex has my heart in a tight grip. i still feel like we are meant to be together even if we're apart right now. i'm almost determined to not meet anyone else all my life, just like i told her i wouldn't if i ever lost her. i don't know what to do. should i just tell her i'm not looking to date and stick to being her friend? isn't that how the best relationships start anyways? and maybe i'll be over my ex by then?
Mariposa10 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I hear you, I hate how my ex was able to move on so fast and start having a **** buddy when the thought of holding another guy's hand made me physically ill. I hate that. You were in a ltr, I don't think you should jump into another relationship just yet... This girl sounds great, but I don't know... Maybe she's looking for something serious you won't be able to give that just yet? I think you should take things really slowly... Keep learning about yourself, don't jump into another relationship so fast. Otherwise, things will only get super complicated, just be honest with this girl. Btw, I remember reading your posts when you recently started posting on this forum and let me congratulate you, you have evolved so much. I'm really really proud of you. 2
Kansas87 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Why don't you just tell her the truth? Since she's a friend, open up to her that you're having a hard time getting over your ex, but that you like her and really appreciate her friendship. See what she says. If she likes you, she might be hurt at getting "friend zoned," but it's better to know WHY. If she just likes you as a friend then she'll be happy to listen. Also, 2 years is a LONG time to not even date. By all means, wait until you're ready, but 2 years seems a little long. A LOT can happen in two years. 1
Mariposa10 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Why don't you just tell her the truth? Since she's a friend, open up to her that you're having a hard time getting over your ex, but that you like her and really appreciate her friendship. See what she says. If she likes you, she might be hurt at getting "friend zoned," but it's better to know WHY. If she just likes you as a friend then she'll be happy to listen. Also, 2 years is a LONG time to not even date. By all means, wait until you're ready, but 2 years seems a little long. A LOT can happen in two years. I think he said two years because I think if I'm not mistaken his relationship lasted 8 yrs... 1
lovecomesandgoes Posted December 5, 2013 Posted December 5, 2013 Hi, I'm sorry you are going through this pain, but it is quite normal. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3+ years during University because I gave into the temptation and I wanted to see what else was out there. I was losing feelings but he insisted on us staying together so we lingered on for another year. It was only until I found someone who made me feel super excited I realized I had almost 0 feeling left for my ex. Needless to say, he had a terrible time coping. Was I depressed? I cried so much, not because I broke up with him, but because I knew I hurt him badly. I couldn't forgive myself but I really couldn't force myself to see him the same way any more. After a month of trying to get me back, he stopped, and after parading to our friends that he was so over me and he had moved on, he came back crying again after 3 months. After that for the next almost two years, he never stopped trying, time after time, asking to hang out, messaging me random stuff, and I just decided to cut him off completely. I didn't want to lead him on b/c at one point I loved him. I don't think he ever fully got over me, every time he bumps into me he goes into a daze and goes quiet or leaves. Time does heal most of the pain though, I promise. You might always think of her, but when you finally accept in your head that she is long gone and never coming back, you will eventually open your heart up again. P.S. I also have a great guy friend who got dumped by his gf of 6 years, to say he took it hard is an understatement. After a year he still told me he missed her all the time and the more girls he dated, the more he missed her. He treated her pretty badly in the relationship not b/c he's a bad guy, but b/c he took her for granted and never thought she'd leave. Hey, learning lesson for us all.
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