Tokkinet Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 (**this has to deal with lesbian stuff so i mean, if that disgusts you please ignore) uh well okay so first of all, i guess i'll start off with some back story i met my BEST FRIEND(!!!forever ever ever) on myspace when i was like ten (lmao) and she was 11. how we met is really weird like. well her and this guy were kind of playing a prank and they pretended be this guy named jack and they like "dated me" or whatever for a year or so and then i found out it was a prank and we didnt talk for a bit, but then one day i got a message from her and then we've been talking really on and off for five years but whenever we talk, in my opinion we're pretty intense i think? sometimes she'll go for a few months (this has been such a huge issue, with her and her ex girlfriend and kind of me too, like her ex hates my guts so sometimes she's like "izzy we cant talk anymore" which is okay like i get it so yea!!) even though we're best friends we've always been affectionate (which i love love love) and we just have a weird friendship? she's my best friend but i'm pretty ~~IN LOVE~~ with her or whatever (oh god im sorry i feel so lame). i've been in love with her i'm pretty sure this whole time. like for all of the 5 years. but it's kind of easy for me to be like "i know she won't like you so when you guys talk just bury it" and it's so easy for me to bury it after all this time. like im not shouting pity me, but i DO think i've had to conceal a ton of my feelings because i really didn't want to stress her out and i didn't see the point (there have been a lot of reasons in the past where i've thought this way- seriously you have NO idea how weird our friendship has been). she knows i feel this way, and she knows (or thinks) i've felt this way off and on (it was really just continuous). but recently she told me a lot of stuff which eventually led to us talking about being soul mates, and we talked about how if we are soul mates then why doesnt she feel the same way about me? ugh im not explaining it right. okay so we've been talking about if we're soulmates, and how i love her so we've been talking about how in any given situation, it'd fall under romantic soul mates rather than friendship soulmates just because of how i feel. so we were talking about how if we ARE soulmates then why doesn't she feel the same way about me? the romantic part at least. i think we are soulmates for a lot of reasons, (one she pointed out is how come she just doesnt leave for good, and why she like. ugh its so hard to explain. ITS SO HARD 2 EXPLAIN HELP) but we have good reason to just be like "well we aren't soulmates" and i kinda wanna talk about how i feel about her for a bit so bear with me okay. uuuuh okay okay so we're really close and i feel like we've always been really close and our relationship has just been like. really affectionate and loving and things you'd normally see a couple do, like kind of like... baby talk and stuff? and sometimes she'll call me a puppy or we've always called each other "buddy" like, both affectionately and just as something we've generally called each other. and we do that thing where when you're tired, you make noises, like little whimpers? and its really affectionate!! oH i didnt mention but this is huge- we've never met (she lives really far away) BUT we're meeting this summer and when we talk about it we get really excited but nervous and we then we talk about how fun its going to be but if it's going to be awkward at first. im really excited. oh god haha im so pumped. oh!! okay i'm a pretty easy kid to make laugh but seriously i NEVER laugh like i do when im talking to her!! i think i'm just a generally really happy person when i talk to her and i feel really complete! i know that sounds dumb but it's true. we've both dated other girls but even while we've dated other girls we were still affectionate and i know thats bad but thats just how we've always been? even during her like, REALLY COMMITTED relationship. all of my relationships have been really like. "well she'll never like me back so i might as well try to date other girls" and it never works out because i just cant genuinely love anybody else like i love her, it feels super wrong. i'm literally so happy when i talk to her it's so hard to explain but i think since this is a love forum, you guys will get what i'm talking about? like i feel like it's WAY WAY WAY past what you see in movies and books and stuff like that. like it feels like, well i think she feels the same way about me other than the romantic part, so it feels like we're literally the only two people who feel that way at all. more than anything in the world i really want her to be super happy and stuff. i feel like i would literally. ugh like. UGH you dont know how aw oh god okay nothing im saying is making since but i just thought about how i want her to be genuinely so happy and its making me REALLY EXCITED thinking about her being really happy oh god im typing this in class and smiling and im overflowed with joy heck yeah. i would give so much to make her happy and i really like. god i want her to be super happy. i know i love her a ton and stuff and like. i'm really attached to her but i think that if she needed me to leave for good, if thats what she really really wanted, i would. i mean i'd be sad about it of course but like. i dont know. that means a lot more to me. she told me she really wants me to be happy too, like she told me she really cares about if i'm a good person and if i'm doing okay and if i'm happy. we kind of jokingly were like "i'm obsessed with you" like jokingly but i kinda felt like it was borderline serious tbh. but we if we are soulmates, and i really feel like we are, then how come she doesn't love me like that? i feel like one of us is wrong about her feelings and i'm scared it's me but saying that feels so wrong in a way where it feels untruthful and ugh. i dont know. okay okay okay i've typed so much. i feel like i could go on and on and onnnn forever but i guess thats enough. i kinda doubt anyone's gonna read this since it's so long but if you do THANK YOU!!! and maybe if you can/want to hand over some advice or anything.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 How old are you? By my count you are about 15. It wasn't the length of your post that made it hard to read but the style and the complete lack of any sort of adherence to the rules of grammer. Ugh, like well you know and then OMG, about the soul mates and all that and oh wow and I'm just so happy and I want the whole world to be happy you know. Yikes. Anyway, as I understand this you & your friend are lesbians. You two "met" on Myspace when you were 10 & 11 years old respectively but you have yet to meet in real life. You expect that will change next summer. You believe this girl is your soul mate & you want a romantic relationship with her but I can't figure out what her stance is. All I got from your rambling post is that she does not feel the same way. Very few people understand their sexuality in their early teens. Being a lesbian can only make that more challenging. Your friend may be struggling with her own identity. Do your parents know that you are a lesbian? Are they supportive? If they aren't, are the other adults in your life who do support you? talk to these adult who can help you deal with this. As for your friend, understand that soul mates is an overused term that sets up unreasonable expectations. It comes from Plato's Symposium, which I recommend you read. Many times it is a myth. It sounds good in theory but don't let it consume you or building something into more than it is. I find it highly unlikely that two pre-pubescent girls met their soul mates on Myspace as a result of a prank which tricked one of them into believing that she was dating a boy for over a year. Keep talking to your friend. Keep the faith but reel in your expectations. She may not be able to meet you next year. She may be reluctant to move forward until you two meet in real life. Good luck.
Author Tokkinet Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 How old are you? By my count you are about 15. It wasn't the length of your post that made it hard to read but the style and the complete lack of any sort of adherence to the rules of grammer. Ugh, like well you know and then OMG, about the soul mates and all that and oh wow and I'm just so happy and I want the whole world to be happy you know. Yikes. Anyway, as I understand this you & your friend are lesbians. You two "met" on Myspace when you were 10 & 11 years old respectively but you have yet to meet in real life. You expect that will change next summer. You believe this girl is your soul mate & you want a romantic relationship with her but I can't figure out what her stance is. All I got from your rambling post is that she does not feel the same way. Very few people understand their sexuality in their early teens. Being a lesbian can only make that more challenging. Your friend may be struggling with her own identity. Do your parents know that you are a lesbian? Are they supportive? If they aren't, are the other adults in your life who do support you? talk to these adult who can help you deal with this. As for your friend, understand that soul mates is an overused term that sets up unreasonable expectations. It comes from Plato's Symposium, which I recommend you read. Many times it is a myth. It sounds good in theory but don't let it consume you or building something into more than it is. I find it highly unlikely that two pre-pubescent girls met their soul mates on Myspace as a result of a prank which tricked one of them into believing that she was dating a boy for over a year. Keep talking to your friend. Keep the faith but reel in your expectations. She may not be able to meet you next year. She may be reluctant to move forward until you two meet in real life. Good luck. sorry for not using correct grammar and sentence structure on an internet forum! wow! but yeah i mean we're both pretty confident in our sexuality, you'd be surprised just how young teenagers are hitting puberty today and experiencing things ! crazy!!!! but yeah i mean we're both out and our parents are fine with it, it doesnt really matter at all to them. lol we're for sure not struggling with it. but she brought up the soulmate thing. she's reading that now i think. in her class or something.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I wasn't expecting the grammar to be perfect but the post was very hard to read. I'm glad you are both out & secure. On an internet message board I didn't want to inadvertently make anything worse. If she brought up the soulmates thing after reading Plato's Symposium, which many people read in high school, it's all the more reason for you to read it.
Author Tokkinet Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I wasn't expecting the grammar to be perfect but the post was very hard to read. I'm glad you are both out & secure. On an internet message board I didn't want to inadvertently make anything worse. If she brought up the soulmates thing after reading Plato's Symposium, which many people read in high school, it's all the more reason for you to read it. hey wait okay do you know how to delete this? i'm getting super paranoid howwww how how to delete how.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 At this point, I think you have to contact the moderators. FWIW, I don't think there's anything in here to be paranoid about (unless your English teacher is reading this -- j/k --as someone old enough to be your mom, I get to tease you about your grammar).
Author Tokkinet Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 At this point, I think you have to contact the moderators. FWIW, I don't think there's anything in here to be paranoid about (unless your English teacher is reading this -- j/k --as someone old enough to be your mom, I get to tease you about your grammar). you actually sound like my mom which is freaking me out a bit hah hah hi mom. but do i just like. whatever i'll leave this and hope it doesnt haunt me in 10 years.
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I promise I'm not your mom. I don't have kids. As long as Tokkinet isn't your real name, I think you're fine.
whichwayisup Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 It means you two were meant to be friends, the connection you have is real but it very well may be on her side, she feels it like a sister - She loves and cares about you but not in a romantic, fluttery heart in love kind of way like you feel towards her.
Recommended Posts