Cream Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 i've been watching youtube videos, reading many articles and looked up on those ebooks on how to get back with ex. many of them say no contact is the best tool in getting back with ex. after going through everything, i'm starting to feel like everything i read is just a gimmick to sucker the broken hearted into buying their products. i'm not going to lie, there is some advice that seems logical, like better yourself to attract them, making your ex miss you, etc. but i've come to realise that maybe i'll never hear from my ex again, and i'm holding on to false hope. does anyone have any realistic tips on how they got a second chance with their ex?? 2
Mariposa10 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Time, you just gotta let time do its thing... I hate when people say this, but "if it's meant to be, it'll happen." But we have to first accept the breakup and imagine they are never coming back, I know it's hard but things do get better.... 3
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 but i've come to realise that maybe i'll never hear from my ex again, and i'm holding on to false hope. does anyone have any realistic tips on how they got a second chance with their ex?? Thing is all those videos and books and encouraging words only last for seconds until reality settles in again. Time is the only healer. You can do everything by the book, but only time will heal you. Each day look at it is you getting closer to indifference. You might hear from them again, but please don't hold onto that. Even if you do, nothing changes. That bond and trust was broken. I got a second chance with my ex a year ago. He came back after he left me. And then he broke up with me again. Repeat after me: MOVE ON. LET GO. You will be better for it. It's gonna hurt, but that pain is part of letting go. If you don't allow yourself to feel it, you will never move on. No expectations, got it? 2
Author Cream Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Time, you just gotta let time do its thing... I hate when people say this, but "if it's meant to be, it'll happen." But we have to first accept the breakup and imagine they are never coming back, I know it's hard but things do get better.... you know i told my ex, we're done forever, she told me "if we mean something, we won't be done forever. just trust this process and trust fate." ever since she said that, i've been holding on, not able to let go. 2
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Have u actually tried to get back with her? x
Author Cream Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Have u actually tried to get back with her? x i have, she said she's wishes she could but she no longer has the feelings she once had. i've tried to convince her to give me another shot, but it's just pushing her further away, she has been ignoring me for a while now.
cavalier99 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 The truth about getting your EX is.....It wont happen. Accept this now and kill ALL hope in order to receover. Now there could be some small minuscule chance in a year or so when you completly over her and she has dated and you have dated you might recconect. But at this point that is pure fantasy and specutaion to think ...and you wont even care about this remote possibilty after your next GF. So essentially your realtionship is dead and buried FOREVER. This is what you need to think to recover..not just NC. Cav 4
Robbyrob Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 The truth about getting your EX is.....It wont happen. Accept this now and kill ALL hope in order to receover. Now there could be some small minuscule chance in a year or so when you completly over her and she has dated and you have dated you might recconect. But at this point that is pure fantasy and specutaion to think ...and you wont even care about this remote possibilty after your next GF. So essentially your realtionship is dead and buried FOREVER. This is what you need to think to recover..not just NC. Cav its true. you gotta move on, date other girls and fall in love again. at some point your ex might step in your life again but most likely youll feel much stronger then and dont even want to get back with her, unless you broke up in a good and mutual way. but as she said she doesnt feel anything, let her go. in a few months youll back on these posts and think, damn guys you were right. but its normal cause we are all emotional influenced and not rational thinking cause we only want this one person. keep your head up, im in the same situation 1
Blastbeat Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 NC is there for a stalemate with the chance of getting her back. The reason being is psychologically she will miss you more if you're not around, but that doesn't mean she will want you back. She took the time to figure out that she doesn't want you any more. After the relief of breaking up with you it's going to be hard to change her train of thought. No contact is for you to move on. If she comes back then she comes back. But you shouldn't get your hopes up. I made that mistake and it puts you back to the start of the healing process, because if you are constantly hoping you ended up breaking no contact. Use NC to move on. 2
Author Cream Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 i really don't know what my ex is feeling. she first says she want's to be friends, then changes her mind. she says we're never ever getting back together then says, "who knows i might come back." telling me that there might be a chance in the future. its hard letting go, because some of the things she says. i just have to tell myself she's gone for good, but keeping the door open for the future.
Robbyrob Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 i really don't know what my ex is feeling. she first says she want's to be friends, then changes her mind. she says we're never ever getting back together then says, "who knows i might come back." telling me that there might be a chance in the future. its hard letting go, because some of the things she says. i just have to tell myself she's gone for good, but keeping the door open for the future. in a way she is playing with you or she is totally confused. seriously, go your own way without her. meet with people to get distraction and if all that she wants is you, then she will come back. there is no "maybe". let her fight for you and love this time, so better stay out of touch for now, itll help 1
travelonic Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 The truth about getting your EX is.....It wont happen. Accept this now and kill ALL hope in order to receover. Now there could be some small minuscule chance in a year or so when you completly over her and she has dated and you have dated you might recconect. But at this point that is pure fantasy and specutaion to think ...and you wont even care about this remote possibilty after your next GF. So essentially your realtionship is dead and buried FOREVER. This is what you need to think to recover..not just NC. Cav be I am misunderstanding something, but one extreme - holding on to that hope - is bad, but the other extreme - lying to yourself that [some outcome] is the only possible outcome, when to be honest nobody knows the future, and nobody can tell what will or won't happen, is perfectly OK? I thought both extremes were bad????
Author Cream Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 in a way she is playing with you or she is totally confused. seriously, go your own way without her. meet with people to get distraction and if all that she wants is you, then she will come back. there is no "maybe". let her fight for you and love this time, so better stay out of touch for now, itll help i've been meeting other girls, and people have been trying to hook me up. but honestly my heart is still with my ex, it wouldn't be fair to the next girl to try a relationship, because i can't give it my all. i'm most definitely going to stay out of touch, i had a problem with bothering her and forcing her to come back. i'm going to use NC for once, and see what happens.
LadyM Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I really understand why you have hope. Her words give you hope. But her words are also cruel, meant to keep you tangled in her toxic web. It is heartless of her to expect you to hang on, but that's exactly what she wants and you are falling into her little ploy. She is manipulating you beyond all belief. Her words are empty and meaningless. Spoken for her own benefit because it makes HER feel good, makes HER EGO inflate. Don't let her do this to you. Don't give her that power. Take back the power. It's time for YOU to take control of the situation. Be the strong, powerful man that you are. Don't let her careless words diminish you. 3
cavalier99 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 (edited) be I am misunderstanding something, but one extreme - holding on to that hope - is bad, but the other extreme - lying to yourself that [some outcome] is the only possible outcome, when to be honest nobody knows the future, and nobody can tell what will or won't happen, is perfectly OK? I thought both extremes were bad???? I lied to myself all the time to recover Do this until it is reality!!! From day one my ex was married with a kid and in love with her new husband!!!. Also i was fine and was doing great and indifferent (even in the midst of pure insanity) . The reality is it took me 7 months to reache indifference but that was my goal always!! then it became reality. It doesnt matter if there is a chance at reconciliacion (most of the time there isnt) I decided there wasnt any chance!!! wooo hoooo The funny thing is if i wanted back with my ex now i could probably. We are firendy. But i love my new GF. Huge upgrade over the ex!! Cav Edited December 2, 2013 by cavalier99 1
LadyM Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I lied to myself all the time to recover Do this until it is reality!!! From day one my ex was married with a kid and in love with her new husband!!!. Also i was fine and was doing great and indifferent (even in the midst of pure insanity) . The reality is it took me 7 months to reache indifference but that was my goal always!! then it became reality. It doesnt matter if there is a chance at reconciliacion (most of the time there isnt) I decided there wasnt any chance!!! wooo hoooo The funny thing is if i wanted back with my ex now i could probably. We are firendy. But i love my new GF. Huge upgrade over the ex!! Cav Wow! It's SO nice to hear of a happy ending! Congrats on being so happy with your new GF. 2
Meadowgreen Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 i've been meeting other girls, and people have been trying to hook me up. but honestly my heart is still with my ex, it wouldn't be fair to the next girl to try a relationship, because i can't give it my all. i'm most definitely going to stay out of touch, i had a problem with bothering her and forcing her to come back. i'm going to use NC for once, and see what happens. I agree, I don't think you're in the right place to start dating other girls. It's not fair on you because of how vulnerable you are right now, and it's not fair on them because they're likely to take your half-heartedness as a slight on them. Rebound dating can be a disaster for all concerned. My advice is to take some time to heal and really focus on being kind to yourself so you can stand tall. Only when you're in a genuinely good place should you entertain the idea of dating again.
Meadowgreen Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I lied to myself all the time to recover Do this until it is reality!!! From day one my ex was married with a kid and in love with her new husband!!!. Also i was fine and was doing great and indifferent (even in the midst of pure insanity) . The reality is it took me 7 months to reache indifference but that was my goal always!! then it became reality. It doesnt matter if there is a chance at reconciliacion (most of the time there isnt) I decided there wasnt any chance!!! wooo hoooo The funny thing is if i wanted back with my ex now i could probably. We are firendy. But i love my new GF. Huge upgrade over the ex!! Cav That's wonderful! I'm very glad you've found someone much more suited to you. What a great feeling to be free of your ex's hold on you! You should be proud too - no doubt the lessons you learned from your previous relationship meant that you were much happier this time around 1
cavalier99 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 This should make you guys feel better. Me last November. I never thought id get over it. Stay strong and stay NC and kill all hope. Cav http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357332-friggin-fed-up-sick-tired-recovery 1
Robbyrob Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 i've been meeting other girls, and people have been trying to hook me up. but honestly my heart is still with my ex, it wouldn't be fair to the next girl to try a relationship, because i can't give it my all. i'm most definitely going to stay out of touch, i had a problem with bothering her and forcing her to come back. i'm going to use NC for once, and see what happens. No definitely dont other girls, but see other girls or talk to them, just that you get the confidence that you are also wanted by others. for nor only NC helps and most importantly. love yourself and dont think you did something wrong. 1
cavalier99 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 That's wonderful! I'm very glad you've found someone much more suited to you. What a great feeling to be free of your ex's hold on you! You should be proud too - no doubt the lessons you learned from your previous relationship meant that you were much happier this time around Thanks Meadow. Yeah i feel much more centered in this RS. Youll get there in your recovery.. i promise!! By the way I appreciate your likes on my posts. Really nice to feel that some of what i say connects with someone on some level. Rock on! Cav 1
cavalier99 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 (edited) No definitely dont other girls, but see other girls or talk to them, just that you get the confidence that you are also wanted by others. for nor only NC helps and most importantly. love yourself and dont think you did something wrong. I say hook up all you want. Just dont go out again with them. IT IS AFTER THE SECOND HOOKUP THAT YOU GO HOME CRYING IN YOUR CAR AND COMPARE. LOL. You might after the 1st also but so be it. NO DATING..i agree. Cav Edited December 2, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 be I am misunderstanding something, but one extreme - holding on to that hope - is bad, but the other extreme - lying to yourself that [some outcome] is the only possible outcome, when to be honest nobody knows the future, and nobody can tell what will or won't happen, is perfectly OK? I thought both extremes were bad????
Author Cream Posted December 3, 2013 Author Posted December 3, 2013 love yourself and dont think you did something wrong. that's the thing, i'm always thinking i did wrong to my girlfriend. i can't stop thinking about all the times i made her cry and what i could have done differently. i told her i want to make it up to her and she just said learn and don't make the same mistakes the next time around. i'm living with so much regret and pain because i lost the love of my life.
Meadowgreen Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 Thanks Meadow. Yeah i feel much more centered in this RS. Youll get there in your recovery.. i promise!! By the way I appreciate your likes on my posts. Really nice to feel that some of what i say connects with someone on some level. Rock on! Cav I'm glad to hear that, and no worries, I love your insight on things! Have another like on the house Thank you for your support. Y'know I'm glad the issues I had kinda reared their head because I've been facing them head on and really analysing what they mean to me. I feel alot better after some perspective. Cheers!
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