Serial cheater and still BS is sticking to him...Why would BS do that?

[nicepuzzle]

My xMM was a serial cheater and was caught by his wife several times, but he denied each time and she accpeted him. I told her everythng and she still didnt leave him. What a desperate, needy woman. No wonder that the guy is having fun. I feel BS like that are equally responsible and they are more interested in the perks than the infidelty. If she leaves him she is going to loose status, money and will be considered a failure. However, MM is having his cake and eat it too since he can and he knows wife isnt going anywhere.

 

When I warned him to tell her he wasnt bothered to stop me since he didnt bother her knowing. not only MM are at fault but women who accept it fuel it more... and if they are staying for kids what a fake life for kids. One day they will find out whole foundation is fake. Not to mention one of the child is illegimate love child of wife, so herself had her share of fun. What a wonderful relatinship.

[GypsumSatellite]

They're both needy. It's not like he's leaving her, either. Whatever is between them is what keeps them together and perhaps they both don't value sexual infidelity as important in the end. Maybe the only thing they care about is the status quo they upkeep to family and friends.

[Goodbye]

She probably believes him over you. Rationalization? Who knows. Some women are very scared of being alone. Or maybe she loves him THAT much. These are questions without answers. All you can do is put it in the past and move on in your own life.

[nicepuzzle]

When I told wife, she sounded devastated and told me her life is ruined and also told me he wasnt going to accept, so she needed proof. She watched him like a hawk and he still manages to cheat. its like a cat and mouse game, catch me if you can. I told her to get out of the situation and was very guilty of hurting her, but they are back like nothing happened. he himself told me that she keeps an eye on him and he was xtremly careful about any physical proof. Thats so phethetic.

 

He is wealthy and social status is indeed a big thing, but at the same time whole town knows he sleeps around with coworkers and woo women everywhere he goes. So even social status is not working. Even his immahdiate family knows he sleeps around but they are happy that atleast he is not breaking the marriage. HA

[nicepuzzle]

She probably believes him over you. Rationalization? Who knows. Some women are very scared of being alone. Or maybe she loves him THAT much. These are questions without answers. All you can do is put it in the past and move on in your own life.

 

I actually left it all behind, but just wonder about it since I know them both. If she loves him than she wouldnt have cheated.. they are simply messed up.

[yellowmaverick]

My xMM was a serial cheater and was caught by his wife several times, but he denied each time and she accpeted him. I told her everythng and she still didnt leave him. What a desperate, needy woman. No wonder that the guy is having fun. I feel BS like that are equally responsible and they are more interested in the perks than the infidelty. If she leaves him she is going to loose status, money and will be considered a failure. However, MM is having his cake and eat it too since he can and he knows wife isnt going anywhere.

 

When I warned him to tell her he wasnt bothered to stop me since he didnt bother her knowing. not only MM are at fault but women who accept it fuel it more... and if they are staying for kids what a fake life for kids. One day they will find out whole foundation is fake. Not to mention one of the child is illegimate love child of wife, so herself had her share of fun. What a wonderful relatinship.

 

Pot, meet kettle.

 

You just started another thread about how you can't stop thinking about him. At least the BS has a history with him and her status with him is authentic.

[Popsicle]

The wife likes him a lot just like you do.

 

It's possible that wife cheated just to get back at husband. Like a dose of his own medicine...

[sweet_pea]

At this point, with y'all having a year of NC, and in general, it shouldn't matter to you why she stays. Trying to guess why doesn't really help you heal, does it? Did it ever occur to you that she still loves him, despite his cheating and that's why she stays? Being cheated on doesn't always make someone stop feeling love. I guess the bottom line is that they are staying married for whatever reason, neither of them want to split up. Focus on you and your healing and not on what BS is doing, and all of these theories you have on her and others.

Edited December 2, 2013 by sweet_pea

[sweet_pea]

Ps. Sorry honey, but BS isn't fault for you two having an affair just because she stays. The affair is on the people who had it.

[RickFox]

it doesn't and shouldn't matter to you..... Who gives a crap if she stays with him, that's her burden, not yours.

[Ladydrib]

My xMM was a serial cheater and was caught by his wife several times, but he denied each time and she accpeted him. I told her everythng and she still didnt leave him. What a desperate, needy woman. No wonder that the guy is having fun. I feel BS like that are equally responsible and they are more interested in the perks than the infidelty. If she leaves him she is going to loose status, money and will be considered a failure. However, MM is having his cake and eat it too since he can and he knows wife isnt going anywhere.

 

When I warned him to tell her he wasnt bothered to stop me since he didnt bother her knowing. not only MM are at fault but women who accept it fuel it more... and if they are staying for kids what a fake life for kids. One day they will find out whole foundation is fake. Not to mention one of the child is illegimate love child of wife, so herself had her share of fun. What a wonderful relatinship.

 

It's a dysfunctional dynamic but one that works for them. She gets to keep him and he gets to cheat.

 

My ex MM was in the same position, except he is not a known serial cheater. When I spoke with his wife I asked if she knew of any other times. She said no. In fact she believed the affair happened because of me. I'm certain he will do it again with someone else. He probably has before and just never got caught.

[Iguanna]

I'm trying to think what I would do if for instance in 10 years, having kids etc, my husband cheats on me, would I go? I would be devastated but I would think a million times to leave and I really believe I wouldn't. I would not want my kids to experience a divorce and me having to "confess" to the whole world, friends and relatives, that my H cheated so we separated. I am pretty sure I would try to work things out with my H instead. And I take it also in the way like, why should I let HER have MY husband? No. He committed, he will have to stay and fight.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Not sure why the focus on what the BS is or isn't doing. Nothing she does/doesn't do says anything about your own choices.

 

Keep the focus on you. Reel your resources inwards. Do not get distracted...its just a trick the mind uses to lessen our own issues.

[whichwayisup]

My xMM was a serial cheater and was caught by his wife several times, but he denied each time and she accpeted him. I told her everythng and she still didnt leave him. What a desperate, needy woman. No wonder that the guy is having fun. I feel BS like that are equally responsible and they are more interested in the perks than the infidelty. If she leaves him she is going to loose status, money and will be considered a failure. However, MM is having his cake and eat it too since he can and he knows wife isnt going anywhere.

 

When I warned him to tell her he wasnt bothered to stop me since he didnt bother her knowing. not only MM are at fault but women who accept it fuel it more... and if they are staying for kids what a fake life for kids. One day they will find out whole foundation is fake. Not to mention one of the child is illegimate love child of wife, so herself had her share of fun. What a wonderful relatinship.

 

Whatever her reasons are to stay married are hers, you may not like it and feel she should leave and divorce her husband - Obviously neither of them want to divorce, otherwise they would! Maybe she has someone on the side as well and doesn't care what he does. Just be glad you're not part of it anymore, you're free to fall for someone single who will love only you and treat you with care, respect and compassion.

[emotionlessbutalive]

Pot, meet kettle.

 

You just started another thread about how you can't stop thinking about him. At least the BS has a history with him and her status with him is authentic.

 

You are right... he must be somethin to keep OW, BS thinking of him and she keeping him. lol OR he does a very good job with women.

[emotionlessbutalive]

Whatever her reasons are to stay married are hers, you may not like it and feel she should leave and divorce her husband - Obviously neither of them want to divorce, otherwise they would! Maybe she has someone on the side as well and doesn't care what he does. Just be glad you're not part of it anymore, you're free to fall for someone single who will love only you and treat you with care, respect and compassion.

 

I am thankful, I am away from mess. Such a horrible experience.

[emotionlessbutalive]

The wife likes him a lot just like you do.

 

It's possible that wife cheated just to get back at husband. Like a dose of his own medicine...

 

 

She cheated first and he was heartroken and he started his life long cheating... What a couple and whats wrong with me to get involved...

[threelaurels]

Affairs, no matter how many there are, are simply not a dealbreaker for some people. If she is staying, she is getting something from the marriage that, to her, outweighs the bad--whether it is money, status, or even love. Staying with him does not make her pathetic. It just means that her priorities are different from yours.

[Fluttershy]

Instead of wondering about her and why she stays you should be focusing on why you did what you did. And why you are where you are.

[veryhappy]

We are all desperate, needy and pathetic at times, especially us who've been OW. Just because you were able to end the A with him it doesn't mean you have the moral upperhand in condamning the BW for staying.

 

She stays for her reasons and it's her life to live. For most, change is hard even when truly desired.

 

Also men with power tend to drill everything around. Who do you think consumes high end escorts? It's not the average guy affording them.

[thinkingofhim]

Could be as simple as she loves him

[bentleychic]

Because she loves him. It's kind of hypocritical to say those things about her staying with him when we ourselves have attached ourselves to a married man.

[ClemsonTigers]

She cheated first and he was heartbroken .

 

 

Have you verified that? A common MM lie.

[Quiet Storm]

Marriage is not just about sex & romance. It is much more than that. Some people value the other aspects of marriage- family, history, growing old together...more than the fidelity part of it. It is not worth it for some women to give up all that because their husband is unfaithful. Some women aren't into sex that much, and it is only a small aspect of their marriages. Others are genuinely heartbroken, and love him enough to give him lots of chances.

 

I think accepting that your husband is a serial cheater is like accepting your husband is an alcoholic. Many wives of alcoholics choose to stay married and live life using the "3 Cs"- they accept that they didn't cause it, they can't control it and they can't cure it. So these wives know their husband has a problem, but they do not want to leave their marriages. They find happiness in their lives, despite their husband's issues. They don't based their self worth on their husband's choices- so they are not pathetic. They are managing their lives based on the cards they were dealt.

 

Infidelity & lies do not make a marriage "fake". Their marriage is very real- to them, to their kids, to their family, to society, to the IRS, etc. Lots of marriages face infidelity and survive. I see nothing wrong with staying for the kids... I would take a bullet for my kids, so working though infidelity is not too much of a sacrifice, IMO. If a parent's goal is to provide their child with the most optimal environment possible for their child to grow, thrive & mature, then it is not surprising that many women choose to stay. As long as the home is not a war zone, trying to keep your child's family intact is not pathetic.

 

Many couples that face infidelity & are reconciling are able to shield their kids from the fallout. "Putting on a happy face" for a child's benefit doesn't mean the marriage is fake- it just means that the parents are mature enough, self aware enough and have enough self control to protect their kids from their personal problems.

[Journee]

It sounds messy for sure. There are millions of toxic, codependent, tit for tat relationships out there. Lots of times the participants are not even aware of the chaos they live. It's all they know.

 

Couples that have been together long term will more than likely have some skeletons in their closet. I think it would be on the rare side these days for an M to last many years, decades...and not experience a great trauma. I'd even venture to say that when some folks marry they may both have their own reasons for marrying. Their own agendas even. All the while thinking 'love will conquer all'. Add to that, how young some are when they meet their current spouses. Teenagers sometimes (raises hand). Imagine the maturing and growing that needs to take place before one jumps the broom.

 

In an ideal situation two people would come together of sound mind and body. Having all the communication tools and tactics ready for M. For those who base their marriage on religion, then having God at the forefront of their M is of top priority. There are lots of ideals for the billions of people on this earth but it just doesn't happen that way.

 

Two imperfect people come together and will stumble. Sometimes the whole entire way.

 

Just as people ,not just Ap's, wonder why a person would take back a cheater..there are just as many people wondering why a person would get involved with a MP. It's a fruitless debate on either end because there are just so many variables it would be darn near impossible to come to an agreement. A one size fits all/most answer.

 

I wish I did know why we all hurt one another so much in our lives. Why we create such destruction for even ourselves. We are all messes sometimes. Making decisions that we see fit for ourselves. Every now and again we get it right but in between those times? Lots of room for error.