Struggling....

[Hotsauce3mk]

So I've been reading some threads on here but this is my first post.

But anyway I was in a relationship with this girl for just over 2 years when about a month ago she out of the blue dumped me (I'm 24 she's 21). She said she needed "time to find herself" and she "had doubts about us" and didn't think I was "the one". Just 2 days prior she was trying to reassure that I still loved her and was extremely affectionate. She was like that throughout the whole relationship. She had even said multiple times that I would be the one to have to break it off with her. We had a few ups and downs while dating but nothing major and it really felt like we were constantly growing and becoming a better couple. We were each other's best friend. So I don't understand the sudden 180 on her part and it's bull **** after everything I've done for her but I know it doesn't matter anymore. But it doesn't help that she was the first girl that I truly loved, the first girl I was REALLY intimate with, and someone I thought I would marry some day. I did a little begging/pleading a few days after the breakup but since then I have not spoken to her, deleted her number, deleted her from all social media, deleted her friends, etc. I have been doing all I can to stay busy by working out, working, playing guitar, taking up a new hobby, and going out with friends. But she is constantly on my mind no matter what I'm doing. I don't know if it's because of the holidays or what but the pain is worse than ever a month later. It's been absolutely excruciating. I've never experienced a significant loss like this so it's definitely taking a toll on me. I guess my question is how do you stop the ruminating thoughts about what I could've done, what she's doing and who she's with? And how do you go about taking her off that pedestal and letting go of the lingering hope? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Logan oO]

I guess my question is how do you stop the ruminating thoughts about what I could've done, what she's doing and who she's with? And how do you go about taking her off that pedestal and letting go of the lingering hope? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

I can sympathize with the thoughts of 'what she is doing and who with' it's like Poison coursing through your veins, making you fall apart at the very thought.

 

You quite literally have to 'let go' accept that it is over, and you are not going to pursue or chase that relationship any further. Believe me it may sound hard, but i just got sick of 'wanting' and 'hoping' and on top of that, i got sick of my own voice re-telling my boring failed relationship story.

 

The world will always keep moving, even if you don't.

 

Anyone that can just turn off their feelings overnight is not someone you want to waste any more time on believe me! the past few years living like that with my ex.

 

I refuse to do it any more.

You need to find something that comforts you in this hard time.

For me it was 'How i met your mother' a US TV Show.

Then it moved onto an anime called 'Attack on Titan'

Then i started being able to watch films again, 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' and 'The Inbetweeners Movie' and 'Get Him to the Greek'

 

It's also important to see friends, especially a best friend who you can share your story with, who understand and can help you through it.

 

Don't go back, ever!

I will never be with anyone again that thinks it's fine and dandy to just 'i don't think we're right for eachother' over night.

[Hotsauce3mk]

Hey thanks for the response.

Unfortunately "how I met your mother" was something we watched together often so that's not an option haha. I've actually stopped watching certain shows because they are triggers and just remind me of her. The best comfort for me has definitely been hitting the gym hard. It makes me feel completely relaxed after I'm done for a couple hours.

 

And yeah the thoughts are the worst. I don't want to suppress the pain to only prolong the healing but I also don't want to constantly think about her and it's been hard to find that balance. It's like my mind will automatically drift to fantasies about a reconciliation or what she's doing and I literally have to smack myself and say STOP.

 

I am going to just keep reminding myself that anyone who says they love you and want to continue to grow with you one minute then says they want out suddenly after 2 years the next minute, isn't worth it. I deserve better than that. Hopefully that will knock her the hell off that pedestal I still have her on.

 

Thanks again.