Still fantasize about XMM, who I have been NC for an year. Is it normal?

[nicepuzzle]

Looks like I will never be over him... thinking about him is like escaping my problems and despite of bad break I had I still cherish the magical moments we shared. Its weired but true. I haven had a day that I didnt think of him. I want to forget and move on but looks like he set up a milestone for me. I closed it in such a bad way that I knew there wont be any third time and it was me who did all that. Than whats wrong with me, and looks like I will have to live with it. He was a serial cheater, liar and had multiple partners.. Still?

 

Anyone else with similar experience. How can someone has that power on us?

Edited December 2, 2013 by nicepuzzle

[wanting more]

He has that power over you, because you let him.

 

Why would you want a serial cheater??

 

When you decide you're over him and don't let him fill your thoughts, then he won't. It's a choice you make.

[Goodbye]

Have you dated anyone during that year or NC? Could help to think of other romantic possibilities...

[nicepuzzle]

I broke up with him since I couldnt be a man who sleeps with multiple pple, BUT I couldnt forget him and move on in real and is leaving with pain. Wonder what was worse, not having him in my life or sharing him with his other partners... Sucks...

 

In either way it sucks...

[Popsicle]

You are hooked on the feelings created from the A. A normal healthy relationship with a single man will create feelings for you too. You need to just move on to a healthy relationship with a single man.

[Realist3]

I broke up with him since I couldnt be a man who sleeps with multiple pple, BUT I couldnt forget him and move on in real and is leaving with pain. Wonder what was worse, not having him in my life or sharing him with his other partners... Sucks...

 

In either way it sucks...

 

Maybe you just answered your question in your other thread. You ended it a year ago and he still lives rent free in your head. I would have to imagine that with his wife and family and all that goes along with that the connection is much much stronger, cheating or not.

[Popsicle]

I replied assuming you are single. That was a mistake, perhaps you are married? If you are, then I think you should work hard on your marriage to make it better, or if you feel that is hopeless, then divorce.

[RickFox]

you put him on that pedestal, you can knock him off it too

[whichwayisup]

Looks like I will never be over him... thinking about him is like escaping my problems and despite of bad break I had I still cherish the magical moments we shared. Its weired but true. I haven had a day that I didnt think of him. I want to forget and move on but looks like he set up a milestone for me. I closed it in such a bad way that I knew there wont be any third time and it was me who did all that. Than whats wrong with me, and looks like I will have to live with it. He was a serial cheater, liar and had multiple partners.. Still?

 

Anyone else with similar experience. How can someone has that power on us?

 

Why do you let yourself fantasize about him? You not letting go and remembering the nice times with him just keeps your feelings fed and your heart wanting him. He is NOT the man you've made him to be in your fantasies!! He is flawed, a liar and a cheater.

 

You're doing this to yourself. He's moved on, living life. You must do the same otherwise you'll be in this misery pit for a very long time. What a waste of your life to still lust and miss him - Get pissed off and say F-U! I'm DONE with him and any thoughts of him. Ask yourself what purpose it is to hang onto someone who clearly did not choose you. If you cant' get over him on all levels, it's time to get help and speak to a therapist. I mean that respectfully - It sucks reading that you're still focused on him after a year and not really let go and grieved the loss. It seems by doing this you're giving yourself the green light to stay obsessed with him in your heart and mind.

 

Please, let go. do the final grieve, so you can heal completely.

[AlwaysGrowing]

What do you value?

 

By reading your post it looks like you value false love over someone treating you respectfully. A healthy person would be insulted and dismiss the other person without hesitation. They would view all those positive moments as being manipulated.

 

That issue lies within you. You will have to see where that is rooted. Until you are able to address....why you value that kind of love over a love that starts and ends with respect...you will continue to live your own misery.

[whichwayisup]

What do you value?

 

By reading your post it looks like you value false love over someone treating you respectfully. A healthy person would be insulted and dismiss the other person without hesitation. They would view all those positive moments as being manipulated.

 

That issue lies within you. You will have to see where that is rooted. Until you are able to address....why you value that kind of love over a love that starts and ends with respect...you will continue to live your own misery.

 

Great post.

 

I'll add too, in your other thread, you ask why his BS still stays married to him, yet here you are, holding onto the good times and good memories you used to have with exMM and you weren't married to him and not obligated to him - So to understand why she is still with him, apply that to how you still feel about him and can't let go.