I read my MM's wife's recent letters to him about their relationship!

January 1, 2005

Thanks enigma, as I said in the very beginning, I value your comments. Sadly, my story IS 100% true. I would never make anything up and post it for my own folly. I came here in a totally desperate state of mind, reading my past posts is even quite scary for me! But, I have worked through a lot of my issues. Not done yet....but much better!!!

January 1, 2005

crossposted reply to other thread

I swear on my own grave that I've never read the last page of this thread before today, and last night all through replying to her other thread I was just saying to myself over and over: "abused as a child by dad, without a single doubt". [i think i might have even said it in that other thread. i forget]

It's scary how predictable human psychology is. It's like some rigged game you can't beat.

PW, while the new self-confidence and non-dependant outlook is a good thing I suppose...in some assbackwards way, don't you think it's a bit unwise to continue indulging in self-destructive behavior that is more than often than not, cyclical in nature? Meaning that you get over this guy, la-dee-da, he means nothing, then along comes some other prick and you start falling down the same hellhole of chaos over him?

I'm glad that you have thought about your inner motivations for all this in the past, and I'm very sorry that your stepdad was such an utter piece of ****...but are you still seeing someone about treating these issues? I had completely forgotten about the fact that you have children. How old are they? If you aren't still seeing a professional about this, I'd strongly...strongly advise it. No kid deserves to grow up in a household where Mom is bouncing back and forth between over-zealous flings with screwed-up married guys, and crying her eyes out looking like she wants to slit her wrists.

I'm not trying to be the "bearer of bad dreams" or something, but have you ever considered that given your current pattern of choosing complete scumbags for bed buddies, the chances of you unknowingly bringing someone exactly like your stepdad into your own home are pretty good? Are you seriously willing to risk exposing your children to the same kind of trauma you went through?

Since you asked in the other thread, yeah, I'm a guy. That's me in my avatar. I hope I can at least draw myself the right gender . Let me be frank. I'm not into the idea of ever having kids, I don't even dig being around them that much, but I definately appreciate that wonderful care-free innocence of being a kid. I loved my childhood. Nothing is cooler than having absolutely no worries and only living in the moment and for the next spark of fun. They don't know pain, sorrow, or bitter regret like the rest the world does. Your job is to keep it from them for as long as you can.

I wouldn't have traded my happy years of being a kid, for the promise of being a billionaire right now. It would be a shame if they were robbed of it.

Just something to think about. Laters.

January 1, 2005

posted in both places as you had also posted twice....

My kids are very young (3 and 4), they do not see the guys I date other than the MM, but they only see him when he comes over to help me fix something. Otherwise they are asleep when he comes over. Plus, I really don't date all that much anyway. I do have guy friends, but not sleeping with them. We just go out and hang out together on occasion, just as I do with my girl friends.

I don't show my sadness to my kids (when it occurs), I get my sh** together and be mommy. They have been through enough already with all that has happened over the last year or so, no need to drag them down continuously. Luckily kids are resiliant (sp). Hopefully they won't even hardly remember any of this later on.

I really don't think I will ever marry again, and at least not until my kids are grown. I'm not planning on having any more kids so I don't really think actually getting married is necessary in a relationship anyway at this point. Probably wouldn't even think of living with another guy for another 18 years or so either. Since I DO have a daughter, not always real trusting of guys around her as she gets older. You never know what strange ideas may lurk in mens' minds until it's too late sometimes. I would like to say that I would think I would know the guy well enough that I would know he wouldn't be like that......but we all know that people can be very good at deception.....

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by Patiently waiting

We don't write love letters, we just e-mail fun stuff and general chit chat, like I said, we are friends too. We are not all mushy and lovey that way. Like I also said, we are now just "friends with benefits". I am satisfied with that. If I find a guy that I like in the future that I want to be serious with, I will no longer see my MM in a sexual way.

This really confused me. I mean you are letting him cheat on his wife with you. But if you find someone esle you would leave him. I mean you would not want to cheat on your man so why are you letting him cheat on his wife?

Originally posted by Patiently waiting

And he is the one who hurts her, not me. I am not the first person he has cheated with so I am not the cause of their marital problems. He has no desire to be faithful to her anyway at this point. Maybe one day he will. Maybe not.

Even if you are not the cause of the problem of their marital problems, I am sure you are not helping it any. I mean you seem to make the wife seem like she does nothing for her husband but he is with her for a reason. There is a reason he cannnot leave her. My advice he will not leave her for you and you seem to be okay with that but still you are part of the problem in their relationship.

January 1, 2005

All I have to say is "Big F*ckin deal"

He's ALREADY having affairs (emotional and physical) outside his marriage-her reading letters to their situation is not some big, new way of leaving a stinky coil on the dung heap that is their marriage.

You ARE deluding yourself a tad though PW. All I read is "I know he will never be mine and I know he'll never leave" but in the same paragraph state you can't get rid of him in your heart. And you want to keep him as a "friend with benefits?" I don't think so, Tim.

I wouldn't normally say to do this, but I think that you need to pull your socks up and tell his wife EVERYTHING. She deserves to know that she's trying to save a marriage that may be beyond repair. It needs to be done gently, tactfully, and in person. And you need to tell her EVERYTHING.

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by tigerskye

This really confused me. I mean you are letting him cheat on his wife with you. But if you find someone esle you would leave him. I mean you would not want to cheat on your man so why are you letting him cheat on his wife?

Even if you are not the cause of the problem of their marital problems, I am sure you are not helping it any. I mean you seem to make the wife seem like she does nothing for her husband but he is with her for a reason. There is a reason he cannnot leave her. My advice he will not leave her for you and you seem to be okay with that but still you are part of the problem in their relationship.

If he wants to cheat on his wife, that's his choice. I don't "let" him do it. And yes, if I found someone else that I wanted to be with on a regular basis, I would leave him (sexually). Because at that point he would be of no use to me. I would still want to remain friends if he could handle it. He even tells me how he fears the day will come when I won't want him anymore. He says he wishes he could keep me in a closet so no one else could have me (not literally of course!).

I agree I am not helping their marriage get any better, but it has been this way for so long that I really don't think I play a role either way. I'm just the "fun friend with benefits".

January 1, 2005

Wow! That wasn't too manic.

I hope you'll review this entire thread, PW. Either you've been "celebrating" the New Year and spent some time posting under the influence, or you're having a bipolar episode. Just remember, what goes up must come down.

This is the last time I'll post to you....you don't listen anyway, so I'm not going to waste my time.

You've had excellent advice. Enigma's posts stand out in particular, as does Grinning Maniac's last post. You're just not listening.

Unless you are a total fake, and posting here just for the sake of getting attention, you need to get some professional help.

The best line of defense a child has in this world is a loving, stable parent. Your kids need you to be healthy. They need your protection. They need your guidance. You can't do that when you're messed up in your head.

Further, unless you want to spend the rest of your life drifting in and out of defective relationships, you need to address your problems. Great guys don't want to be involved in the long term with emotional cripples. Sadly, this will include your current MM and every guy after him.

I'm sorry if that sounded mean.

Tell someone in your real life that you need help.

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by Mr Spock
All I have to say is "Big F*ckin deal"

He's ALREADY having affairs (emotional and physical) outside his marriage-her reading letters to their situation is not some big, new way of leaving a stinky coil on the dung heap that is their marriage.

You ARE deluding yourself a tad though PW. All I read is "I know he will never be mine and I know he'll never leave" but in the same paragraph state you can't get rid of him in your heart. And you want to keep him as a "friend with benefits?" I don't think so, Tim.

I wouldn't normally say to do this, but I think that you need to pull your socks up and tell his wife EVERYTHING. She deserves to know that she's trying to save a marriage that may be beyond repair. It needs to be done gently, tactfully, and in person. And you need to tell her EVERYTHING.

First of all, who's Tim? Also, when did I say that I can't get rid of him in my heart? Was this an old post? No fair going backwards if it is. You gotta keep up with the recent posts, they show my progression from what I felt before. I'm just leasing him now, no option to buy!

If I tell her everything, what will that accomplish? In the end, it will be the kids that suffer. He will hate me for telling her, she will hate me for actually making her face it. My gf recently got e-mails from her H's affair, she says she wishes she (the OW) would have kept it to herself. Now my gf has to deal with her husband cheating on her openly. She won't leave him, he won't leave the OW or her, at least when she didn't know it didn't bother her. Some people are just that way. If they don't see or hear any evil, to them it does not exist!

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by Ladyjane14
Wow! That wasn't too manic.

I hope you'll review this entire thread, PW. Either you've been "celebrating" the New Year and spent some time posting under the influence, or you're having a bipolar episode. Just remember, what goes up must come down.

Tell someone in your real life that you need help.

Many of the posts in the Infidelity and OW/OM forums belie the fact that extramarital relationships and the trauma that results therefrom is not healthy.

But, reading PW's posts...the entire thread read as a whole...wow. Train wreck. Bi-polar/manic at best.

I'm hoping, seriously hoping, that PW is just pulling our cyber legs.

In her defense, I can say that she and I have PM'ed on occasion, and under those circumstances, she always seems 100% sane. But in this thread...yikes.

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by Ladyjane14
Wow! That wasn't too manic.

I hope you'll review this entire thread, PW. Either you've been "celebrating" the New Year and spent some time posting under the influence, or you're having a bipolar episode. Just remember, what goes up must come down.

This is the last time I'll post to you....you don't listen anyway, so I'm not going to waste my time.

You've had excellent advice. Enigma's posts stand out in particular, as does Grinning Maniac's last post. You're just not listening.

Unless you are a total fake, and posting here just for the sake of getting attention, you need to get some professional help.

The best line of defense a child has in this world is a loving, stable parent. Your kids need you to be healthy. They need your protection. They need your guidance. You can't do that when you're messed up in your head.

Further, unless you want to spend the rest of your life drifting in and out of defective relationships, you need to address your problems. Great guys don't want to be involved in the long term with emotional cripples. Sadly, this will include your current MM and every guy after him.

I'm sorry if that sounded mean.

Tell someone in your real life that you need help.

I am stable. Just cause I am seeing a MM casually for fun and excitement and not cause I ultimately want him for myself does not make me unstable, in fact quite the opposite. Plus, I have even gotten a new job, no longer working in the same place as him, (would I do that if I was so "emotionally crippled"?) No, I would have stayed just to be near him at the expense of my own well being.

I like him, sexually and as a friend also. He is fun to be with and we get along great, so what the heck is the big deal??

January 1, 2005

I definately agree about telling her. She deserves the truth about this so SHE can make the decision about where the rest of her life will go. Not her husband. Not you. You two will still have each other on the same "level" even if she does leave. Who are either of you to decide this for her? PW, if you had not found out that your husband was cheating until you were in your 70's, I don't think you would have found it very fair.

What makes her less worthy of the truth?

By the way, I found this somewhat odd...

If I find a guy that I like in the future that I want to be serious with, I will no longer see my MM in a sexual way.

He's HOT, GORGEOUS, WILD, SEXY, AND THE BEST F*CK I HAVE EVER HAD!!!!! He's the ultimate "bad boy" wrapped in the businessman's skin! He makes me melt at the very sight of him! I would drop to my knees at any moment upon his command! Yes, he's that enticing!!! He has captured me intellectually and physically....he is my master and I am his very willing slave! Now, how can I just give that up?????

Oh yeah...there'd be no reason for that guy to worry at ALL...

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by Patiently waiting

I am stable. Just cause I am seeing a MM casually for fun and excitement and not cause I ultimately want him for myself does not make me unstable, in fact quite the opposite. Plus, I have even gotten a new job, no longer working in the same place as him, (would I do that if I was so "emotionally crippled"?) No, I would have stayed just to be near him at the expense of my own well being.

I like him, sexually and as a friend also. He is fun to be with and we get along great, so what the heck is the big deal??

I don't think it's the fact that you are seeing a MM that is what is the cause for concern so far as the accusations of instability are concerned. Plenty of us on here are OW, and yet while we're told we're being far from wise in our decisions to maintain the relationship and further cause ourselves more pain (including myself), others don't insinuate that we are a little...crazy. This is not so true when it comes to you.

After reading your posts, this entire thread, you really do go WAY up and then WAY down and then WAY...content. Affairs involve rollercoster-like emotions, obviously. But your emotions are SO high and SO low that it appears to us that you may have a chemical imbalance or something, to which you should seek help, if not for anything other than to be a fantastic mother to your children.

We are here for you. You HAVE received excellent advice from the likes of Enigma and a few others. Re-read JUST Enigma's posts, for example and just THINK. Don't react and re-post. Just think. Take a day off from here. THINK.

Do you think how you are feeling (NOT what you are doing, but how you are FEELING) is healthy? Do you think those ups and downs are characteristic of a stable, happy person?

Hun, we are worried about you, that's all.

January 1, 2005

"My gf recently got e-mails from her H's affair, she says she wishes she (the OW) would have kept it to herself. Now my gf has to deal with her husband cheating on her openly. She won't leave him, he won't leave the OW or her, at least when she didn't know it didn't bother her. Some people are just that way. If they don't see or hear any evil, to them it does not exist!"

How do you feel about your gf h's affair. Does your gf cry to you? Hate that OW? Does she know what you are doing? How does she feel about this and how can you sit and see your gf in pain and do what her h is doing to her and you are doing that to a wife with another husband? Look in the mirror. All I see is alot of OUCH everywhere and don't be fooled! Your children more than likely are aware something isn't right. Children listen and know alot more than they let on. Even at a young age. Your poor kids. Mommy's fun comes first.

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by Grinning Maniac
I definately agree about telling her. She deserves the truth about this so SHE can make the decision about where the rest of her life will go. Not her husband. Not you. You two will still have each other on the same "level" even if she does leave. Who are either of you to decide this for her? PW, if you had not found out that your husband was cheating until you were in your 70's, I don't think you would have found it very fair.

What makes her less worthy of the truth?

By the way, I found this somewhat odd...

Oh yeah...there'd be no reason for that guy to worry at ALL...

As I said if she wants to know the truth she can come to me, she knows who I am and where I live. And yeah, he is pretty hot, I wouldn't give him up unless I found someone who gave me that same "sexual charge". Yes, he will be a tough act to follow.

January 1, 2005

Just because I am not forlorn over my MM not leaving his wife does not mean I am crazy. Plain and simple....we like each other, we enjoy each others company, we have great sex. When we are together, we have fun! Just like girl friends do, we talk, go to lunch, discuss work issues etc. Only difference is we also have sex. Why does that make me crazy? I think that the ones who are crazy are the OW who hold that candle for their MM one day hoping he will leave his wife for them. Now that's REALLY crazy!!!

January 2, 2005

PW, can't you see that he is just using you? He doesn't love you. The only thing he loves about you is the sex. If he really loved you he would put you number one in his life and leave his W. His kids will adjust. Sometimes it's better to D than to have the parent's stay in such a bad marriage. It could be worse for his kids staying w/ his W. He likes his cake and eating it too. He has two women wanting him. He has sex w/ the both of you. He is a jerk!

As for telling the W, you have already posted she knows about you and your A w/ her H. I am shocked that SHE hasn't contacted YOU in some way. When I found out about my H's A I called the OW. I just don't think his W really cares or she is just too scared. She sounds like she must have some self-esteem issues to put up w/ his

s***.

January 2, 2005

Originally posted by Patiently waiting
Just because I am not forlorn over my MM not leaving his wife does not mean I am crazy.

I think that the ones who are crazy are the OW who hold that candle for their MM one day hoping he will leave his wife for them. Now that's REALLY crazy!!!

*Sigh*

You didn't get the point of my post or those from the others, I guess. It's not THIS that makes you crazy, my friend.

But on a side note, putting the above two statements together...well, maybe you're not crazy, but you're certainly not that nice, either. Frankly, I'd rather be the pathetic "crazy" one holding a candle for my MM and hoping he'll leave W for me (i.e., in LOVE) than one who's just in it for the FUN of it all.

January 2, 2005

Well, actually I was referring to the likelyhood of you just cheating on whichever guy you end up "getting serious" with due to your "connection" with this MM. Especially if you would still be attempting to "be friends".

What a joke.

January 2, 2005

I love the sex too! He does love me, I love him...AS VERY GOOD FRIENDS. I love my girl friends too, just not attracted to them sexually, but if I were, the situation would be the same way. I certainly don't expect them to leave their husbands cause I want to go shopping with them on a regular basis, or should I??? Hmmm......

Haha!

If he and his wife ever do divorce, yes it is possible that we may get together, not saying I wouldn't entertain the thought, but first of all I know that's not gonna happen and second of all knowing his need for constant distractions, it would never work out in the long run for us anyway. He would then probably need to find himself an other OW !! Or just spend a lot of time going on diving trips by himself!

January 2, 2005

Hm...I think we're heading for another manic "high".

You guys are right. Her posts do follow a pattern. I thought it was just me who saw it....

January 2, 2005

PW, sorry to get harsh here but you don't give a rat's a$$ about the W's feelings. You don't give a s*** how this could be affecting her. You don't care about her, or her children. All you care about is the hot, great sex you are getting from this MM. I know when sex is great it's hard to want to leave but damn, let it go. Life is not all about great sex. Find a single guy, I am sure there is one out there that can give you great sex, if not better. I have had some men in my past that I had great sex w/ but I surely wasn't going to stay w/ them if they were married. I found H and had the best sex of all. Thing is though, he WASN'T married. Sad to see you don't want to let this MM go b/c he is good in bed.

January 2, 2005

Just curious PW...But if he called you tomorrow and said "WE ARE OVER...Do not call me or contact me in any way whatsoever" how would you feel? Would you be completely devastated or would you think no biggie? Would your heart ache for him? Would you feel sad, alone and depressed?

January 2, 2005

Yep, you are right. I don't care about her and what she wants. Not anymore! I'm looking out for myself and my needs now. If he wants to be friends and have sex with me, I'm not gonna discourage it. I've tried to break it off before, he begged me to come back. And being that I like him, I did. Hey, I'm not with my H anymore and I survived. If she decided to leave him, she would survive too. But, knowing she won't, it's her own fault for staying with him and taking his crap. She has the power to get out, if she doesn't do it, that's her problem!

January 2, 2005

Originally posted by whichwayisup
Just curious PW...But if he called you tomorrow and said "WE ARE OVER...Do not call me or contact me in any way whatsoever" how would you feel? Would you be completely devastated or would you think no biggie? Would your heart ache for him? Would you feel sad, alone and depressed?

I would miss him. He is my best friend. I would also miss the spectacular sex life we have. But I would not be completely devastated. I would be happy for him that he was trying to work things out with his wife if that is what he wants to do. My love and friendship for/with him are unconditional. I want the best for him even if it does not include me anymore.

January 2, 2005

I would miss him. He is my best friend. I would also miss the spectacular sex life we have. But I would not be completely devastated. I would be happy for him that he was trying to work things out with his wife if that is what he wants to do. My love and friendship for/with him are unconditional. I want the best for him even if it does not include me anymore.

Good to hear...Just making sure because not many in your situation would probably feel that way.

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