I read my MM's wife's recent letters to him about their relationship!

January 1, 2005

He has captured me intellectually and physically

ok you didn't say "emotionally" but none the less HE is still the one calling the shots....YOU wait for HIM, blah, blah, blah...this is really lame good point indigo!

January 1, 2005

Yes, he is very intelligent! Our conversations are very stimulating. And physically.......he "does it all" FOR ME!!!

You are just misunderstanding my writing.......

Oh, and yeah......I would drop to my knees at his command........especially in public (he knows I love that stuff!)

January 1, 2005

PW, I have read most of these posts and I am going to try not to judge u but give u advice as I see it.

It seems that this man cannot have one relationship with one woman. He needs many woman to make him feel better about himself.

My advice would be that you should leave him because you are not worth him. You need someone that can be totally devoted to you and you only. I know that I am young and have not been through everything you have and don't know your WHOLE story but you should do what makes you happy. If you feel that this man is what makes you happy then you should do what you want. If you feel that being with this guy it what makes youhappy then do it.

BUT my opinion is that you should not be with him. This guy seems like a jerk. I think you said he has a few other girls on the side which means that he is not ever gonna commit to you or his wife. Till he can get rid of his problems first.

January 1, 2005

So if you're so into the mentality of "it's all about the sex" then go ahead and continue to f*ck his brains out but when you end up old alone and extremely used up then I have a feeling you'll be looking back regretting your choices...but with this mentality I doubt that'll happen.. (the regret)

But then again maybe you know that your body is all you have to offer a man and maybe that's why you "settle" for being a side sex toy....??! Just a thought.

January 1, 2005

I am the only girl he is "involved" with, well besides his W of course. He has 2 other friends that he has had sexual type involvement with. One he had a 1 night stand with sexually, (met her at a start your own small business seminar) now they talk about business stuff occasionally and HER cheating husband. They meet on very rare occasion for lunch, like once a year. The other girl lives 3,000 miles away, is also married (apparantly to a real bastard, broke her arm once!). He has NEVER met her in person, only internet and phone sex quite a few years ago. They now maintain a casual e-mail friendship with communication every so often. Over the years, but not in the last 7 or so, he has had a few other one or two nighters, (convention related) and a one weeker when he was on a diving trip. She actually came out here to visit, stayed in a hotel. He saw her a couple times during her stay, but then she left and that was that. He is not friends with any of those women.

Between his W, his kids, his job and me, he's got his hands full! Plus I believe at this point in his life (mid 40's), he really is satisfied now. "We" are enough for him. Ha! you might say he has started to settle down!

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by Barby
So if you're so into the mentality of "it's all about the sex" then go ahead and continue to f*ck his brains out but when you end up old alone and extremely used up then I have a feeling you'll be looking back regretting your choices...but with this mentality I doubt that'll happen.. (the regret)

But then again maybe you know that your body is all you have to offer a man and maybe that's why you "settle" for being a side sex toy....??! Just a thought.

Right now, my body is all I want to offer. I have too many other things going on right now to give my full attention to an actual relationship. And guys, like babies.....need lots of attention as I have discovered. Hey, I like sex, better that I am doing it with only one guy (and his wife, if you want to get technical), while casually dating as well, than single guys who are sleeping how many others besides me????

January 1, 2005

You know, as long as you're happy with these choices that to many of us seem un-thinkable and sad and self degrading, and not only disrespectful, trashy, and disgusting then hey...more power to ya.

I always believe that a woman deserves more, maybe you really are happy with this or maybe you're deluding yourself into "thinking" it's all about the sex in order to avoid the inevitable ending knowing he won't leave his wife for you no matter how "incredible" the sex is....?!

Either way I hope that you don't screw other single men around the way your "MM" is screwing his wife around, no one deserves false hope and non-truthfulness. Karma can be a bitch so I hope you're ready when she comes calling on ya!

January 1, 2005

Yeah, I did get hurt in my marriage and my MM has hurt me too. Not denying it, you can read my whole saga here on LS. I am just saying that NOW I am seeing things differently. My ATTITUDE has changed. I could walk away from him if I really wanted to, just as I am walking away from my job of 14 years where a lot of my very close friends are. But I don't want to walk away from him (or my friends for that matter), I will still visit them often on my days off. But I had a great offer and felt it was in my best interest professionally to take it! I choose to remain with him because I want to, not because I need to (even though you may not believe me, it's true). For the reasons stated previously, I continue seeing him. End of story!

January 1, 2005

If you say so... but you're not the first person who I've heard take that position. Never seen this sort of thing turn out well either. Have you?

I really just feel bad for this guy's wife. She now has *two* people in her life continually disrespecting and humiliating her. What'd she do to deserve that? I'm actually amazed that you can ignore that side of it, seeing as you had the gall to read her private thoughts and you now KNOW that she was trying to fix things and also that this guy was lying about that as well. He was playing you both for fools, and continues to play her, and that's acceptable to you? As long as things "work out" for you, to hell with anyone else's life? Is that your line of thought? Or that "if it wasn't me it'd be someone else"? That's crap too if you believe it.

You could at any time *choose* to tell the wife what's going on, so she could get the hell out of the marriage and actually have the opportunity to be happy and with someone who actually loves her, but you *choose* to let her suffer? Why? What reason is making her life worthless to you, regardless that you both have screwed over. You say that this guy motivates you to be the best you can possibly be, but how good is that if you're now completely indifferent to this guy completely wasting her life and making a fool of her? That's the best person you can possibly be? You go right along with it, and help him out. How are you justifying all that? Her misery is completely worth it as long as you can get some immediate jolly time in the sack? Are you serious?

I'm not ****ing with you. I just would like to know why you feel that she deserves all that WHEN THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO YOU. Wouldn't you have liked someone to tell you ASAP so you could have gotten out sooner and not wasted another day of YOUR life? Why shouldn't she get that chance? You went through the same thing she did, you have the opportunity to *help* her...and you DON'T. It's a lie to say you owe her nothing in this situation. It's a lie to say it's not your place to tell her.

This is the ultimate karmic situation, you have to power to help this woman out of a terrible situation and you're *choosing* to do absolutely nothing for what couldnt be a more shallow reason. He's good in bed. That's certainly worth standing by and letting someone's life be ruined.

That's just terrible. The sad thing is if you DID tip her off and she left him, what would you lose? Nothing. You'd still be banging the guy and you know it. So why let her continue to be decieved? Because your pal with the golden dick says you should?

Brilliant. You choose what do you alright...and you've chosen to be a terrible and callous human being.

January 1, 2005

In one of her letters, she said she was "tired of being cheated on". I'm assuming she really does know in her heart, just hasn't actually seen proof of it. She has not chosen to leave him though. Maybe she is trying to convince herself that eventually he will grow out of it. He tells me her therapist told her that she should stay with him at least for the children's sake. Although she has written these letters, as a response to his (which I actually suggested he do!), apparantly no action has taken place as to what was laid out on paper. They are both very passive and just let things happen. I suppose if he leaves, the guilt will be on him for breaking up the family, not her. He says he doesn't love her, but is with her still for a variety of reasons. Children-had difficulty conceiving them, tried for many years, eventually used artificial insemination. Cannot fathom not seeing his kids every day, loves them to death! Has a "workable" relationship with her, just not excited by her (but will have sex with her if she lets him). She herself has admitted that she didn't give him much sex throughout their marriage. Family- they have been together for so long that he knows the family would give him hell if he left just for his own selfish reasons. Finances- they do have some money!! He doesn't want to lose what he has worked for all these years, wind up living in an apt. (he would give her the house which is worth about $800,000 or so)., And just general disruption of his current life. He fears change.

He says that his desire is to continue seeing me and not have her find out. That would be ideal (for him only of course!, not for her!) But, she could flat out ask him if he is seeing me and see what he says. He may say no, but she has my phone number, she could call me if she really wanted to know for sure. I would tell her the truth if she asked. I told him this as well. If he can keep it hidden and she takes no action on her suspicions, then I will not force the issue. She knows who I am, she knows I'm single, she's seen him on my balcony when she followed him one day. I really don't believe she would leave him even if she caught us right in the act. He however, may decide to stop seeing me out of sheer guilt and humiliation at that point. I really don't know for sure, guess only time will tell what the future holds.

Oh, and why do I choose to see him when it happened to me? Orig, I thought he was at the end of his marriage when we met, as I was. By the time I realized he really had no intention of leaving her, I was already caught up in the whole mess. He became too much a part of my life. I didn't want to give up what we had with each other. He had become my best friend, not just my lover.

And I do feel bad for her. But I believe she does know he is not faithful and chooses to stay anyway. I feel bad that SHE has no self respect. But.....she probably does really stay for the kids and I guess self sacrifice has it's merits when it comes to your children. I myself just couldn't deal with the lies all the time with my stbex H. It was affecting me in the way that I was a worse parent because I was so miserable. Who knows, maybe one day he will come around and be faithful. I think I will be his last OW. I think he is truthful when he says he wasn't expecting to have feelings for me, but now that he does he can't give me up. I think only me leaving him (and not responding to his pleas to see me) would set him straight. He tried to give me up before, he stopped calling me for a week, I never called him during that time. But I guess he couldn't handle it cause he showed up at my house after the week was over. I could have told him to go, sure.....but I like him! If he wants to see me then what's the point of turning him away if I enjoy his company as well. He would just be miserable without me and take out his misery on his family (as he said he did while we were apart that week). At least he is better to deal with at home if he continues to see me. I make him happy. At least that's one good thing that comes out of all this (besides the GREAT sex, ha!)

January 1, 2005

*doublepost*

January 1, 2005

I don't feel like making a huge post, I'm too tired. But I hope you realize a lot of what you just said was full of contradictions and lapses in logic...

-You assume his wife knows it all but just doesn't want to do anything. But you aren't sure. You believe what this man tells you about his wife, and the marriage....even though you know that he lies. A lot. Of course she'd be "tired of being cheated on". He seems to have done it enough in the past. Have you ever considered that the reason you believe that she already knows, is because you want to? Convincing yourself that she's aware of everything and just not taking action, convieniently takes any blame off of you. Wouldn't the most likely explaination be that her suspicions are likely just being explained away by her husband's constant and seemingly convincing lies? I mean...he's pulled the wool over *your* eyes before hasnt he?

- He says he couldn't bear to be away from his kids and loves them to death...yet he constantly jeopardizes the stability of their family and his ability to ever see them again. Not to mention providing them with the worst role model imaginable. A father who constantly betrayed their mother and lied with every breath that he took. Great job, Dad. If he really and truly cared about them that much, he'd put them above his desire for pussy, don't you think?

- He doesn't want to lose everything he's worked for...yet again he continues to do things to threaten that. On a philosophical note, why exactly should he get to keep it? He lies to the people who trust him most, you included, if I remember right, he's a lawyer and according to you he's not the most ethical in the world when it comes to that either. One would have to wonder how much of his money has come from lying... But in any case, he seems to have a lot. He has a wife who loves him, you as a mistress, kids, a good job, money, and a nice house. But from any angle you look at it, he seems to be a complete loser. I was just curious if you believe he deserves all that he has and why, if so. Just wondering.

- You say you would tell her the truth if she asked you. Really? After ranting for a half page about him being the best thing in the world, your best friend, your "master", etc, etc....if she simply asked you one day what was going on, and you believed it would compromise what you two "share"...could you really do it? Furthermore, if you're so sure she knows, and truly have no problem telling her if she asked...why not tell her now?

- You say that you feel bad for her...yet you're sleeping with her husband. Does not compute. Does not compute. By the way, that line about feeling bad that she, in your opinion, has no self respect?...Priceless. Let's say, worst case scenario, she knew the whole time, and was staying *only* for the good of her kids. How is that evidence of having low self respect? It's a crap situation, but it strikes me as pretty noble and selfless. I'm just talking here, but that, in comparison with having an affair with someone else's loser-at-life husband, for primarily sexual reasons and proudly proclaiming that you would blow him in public....um....I think you can see my point here. That's even beyond "pot calls kettle black"....that's more like "ink calls porcelain black"

- You're certain he's sleeping with no one else but the wife but you're privy to some important facts.

1) He has no problem with lying to you.

2) He's not exactly unfamilar with the concept of spontanious short term affairs and ONS.

Buhbye.

January 1, 2005

I know he is not sleeping with someone else for a fact! I just know. He is not a lawyer. I read her letters, she knows he cheats. I said she deserved merit for staying because of the kids.

Good point about risking everything on his part......I asked him the same thing! Let the cards fall as they may....he believes she will never really confront him as long as he keeps everything in check. She remains in denial mode.

I do feel bad for her. She is married to him. She deserves someone who would have been better to her as a husband. But it's too late, she already made her life with him. She will not leave him because they have kids.

I use him to satisfy my carnal desires, if she could find that in him maybe he wouldn't have strayed in the first place. she's not real big on sex. don't know for sure.

But, they met when she was only 17, him 19. She, a virgin and still never been with anyone else......

He has changed over the years, she has not even changed her hairstyle.

But, they will probably remain married until one of them dies. Happy or unhappy, there they will be.

I, hopefully will have moved on.

Oh, and yeah....I would blow him in public! In fact have.......awesome!!!

P.S. you are not a guy as your anime suggests, are you?

January 1, 2005

If his wife was all that bad and unfulfilling - he would've already divorced her. He's the ass playing you both against each other by sharing intimate letters. Would she write him these long letters if she wasn't willing to give him sex?

PLEASE - you certainly can't be that naive.

Also, don't say y ou are in it only for the sex. If you were - you wouldn't have made this post. You are hurting because you've gotten involved with a married man who you know is feeding you a pile of lies. There's no way around it or above it. That's as good as it gets.

I wouldn't write him any love letters though. It seems he forgot where being a Gentleman left off.

January 1, 2005

Also, don't say you are in it only for the sex. If you were - you wouldn't have made this post. You are hurting because you've gotten involved with a married man who you know is feeding you a pile of lies. There's no way around it or above it. That's as good as it gets.

well stated zoot.

the original post was because this sad excuse of a man let you go through his wife's personal belongings, and because you realised that he was lying to you as well as her.

she may not have changed anything since they met, including her hair, but thats what he fell in love with, thats what he married, and thats what he's telling you that he intends to spend his life with.

she's not staying with him just for the children, she's staying with him because he's feeding her all these promises that he may well be sticking to, he's already proved his astounding ability to lie to you so don't doubt that he isn't doing it with everything else too.

these relationships never end well, everyone involved will be hurt, one way or another.

he's a liar and is totally unworthy of a wife that, in her weakness, stays by his side, you, are just merely feeble.

its almost embarrassing to be associated with such a fellow female.

January 1, 2005

Oh, and yeah....I would blow him in public! In fact have.......awesome!!!

Ah, there really is a sucker born every minute. There is really nothing anyone can do to keep this chump from completing her quest to self-degrade.

Patiently Waiting, no matter how painful and transparent your bravado might be, I think it's interesting that you're writing this saga on New Years, alone. That's gotta suck, and I feel for you. May the coming years bring you more wisdom, joy, and self-reflection. Maybe try writing your own letters instead of defiling those of other women, if you are able.

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by PatientOne
Sounds like he's keeping his options open there...

PW, I'm not judging you here, just hoping to help you make a tough decision in your life. By the tone and content of your post, it's apparent that you've come to see the wife in a different light after reading her letters. Can you not see what a scumbag your MM is? He obviously doesn't have an ounce of respect for anyone else. Not his wife, not you- no one. I urge you to just walk away from him, ASAP. You owe this player nothing, not even a goodbye. You sound like an otherwise decent person caught up in a truly bad situation. Realize you're causing this poor woman great pain needlessly. I'm sure the right man is out there for you. Just have the courage (and class) to make the break and go out and find him.

Well, looks like I got that wrong.

January 1, 2005

Can you not see what a scumbag your MM is? He obviously doesn't have an ounce of respect for anyone else. Not his wife, not you- no one

ooooh no.....you got this bit absolutely spot on........un fortunately it seems to apply to more than one person in this little set up.

cant speak for the wife, but noone seems to have any respect for anyone, especially THEMSELVES.

January 1, 2005

Originally posted by _Saffy_

cant speak for the wife, but noone seems to have any respect for anyone, especially THEMSELVES.

Very true, Saffy. And therein lies the problem.

January 1, 2005

I KNOW HE IS GOING TO STAY WITH HER!!! THAT IS NOT AN ISSUE!!

He no longer has reason to lie (or withhold the truth) to/from me. I told him I didn't want to know anything anymore about his relationship with his wife because I am not interested in winning him over anymore. I am just enjoying the time we spend together as friends as well as lovers.

I believe he stays for the reasons he told me. We have been very blunt and honest with each other for the most part. The reason he was afraid to tell me about the sex with the wife (which has actually been rare by her own admittance) is because he knew it would have bothered me. I'm still not real excited about it cause I am human afterall, but hey, they're married and I accept that now. It would be great if maybe all 3 of us could get together so I wouldn't feel left out of the fun, but she wouldn't go for that! She has said she will try to give him more sex, but as of yet she hasn't according to him. Life and kids just get in the way (which is totally logical with 3 toddlers and a full time job)

We don't write love letters, we just e-mail fun stuff and general chit chat, like I said, we are friends too. We are not all mushy and lovey that way. Like I also said, we are now just "friends with benefits". I am satisfied with that. If I find a guy that I like in the future that I want to be serious with, I will no longer see my MM in a sexual way.

And he is the one who hurts her, not me. I am not the first person he has cheated with so I am not the cause of their marital problems. He has no desire to be faithful to her anyway at this point. Maybe one day he will. Maybe not.

January 1, 2005

11-15-04 Patiently waiting Writes: Now he tells me that how he wants to give me the money he had offered but is now making excuses like "oh, well, I don't know how much it will be after taxes are taken out and also I have to figure out how much I need for myself and how much i can viably get away with giving you. what a F-in a**h***. If I don't get my money, he' s done! He can go F himself or some other girl for all I care!!! I may be his whore, but I certainly will not put up with that **** for free!! I am a WHORE no more!!! F---- Him!!!!!

PW, I have hesitated to respond to your posts (although I have been quietly following) because I realized the level of your problems from the time your name (and story) first appeared. The issues you have are so deep-seeded that they require professional attention and not that from strangers on an anonymous forum.

It will be difficult for the folks here to remain objective in their responses and not take it personally if they do not realize the depths of your issues (For the sake of political correctedness, I hesitate to use the term 'psychosis'.) And I'm not just referring to your affair story…as a matter of fact, it's quite possible that little or any of it is true (although it could very well be…and that's even scarier) But what I'm referring to is the fact that you are in so desperate need for attention and validation that you would continue to nurture this little cyber drama in an attempt to insight people to respond to you - Even negative attention is better than none at all, am I right?

Sweetie…you're not well. And somewhere in the back of your mind you must know that.

Please, please log off and get yourself some professional help. I'm really, really worried for you.

January 1, 2005

Enigma, things have changed. I have come to a place now where I am no longer desperate for the love and attention I used to feel was the only thing that made it all worth while. As you know, I have only been out of my marriage for about 7 months, so my take on life was still quite messed up in the beginning. I am finally getting my self back on track and focusing on the real important things. My career (new job), my children, and myself. All my past posts have helped me to get to this point. But I am no longer in that state of mind. Thank you for your concerrn.

I still see my MM, but no longer request or require any commitment from him. Just friends, just sex. He is not the focus of my every move anymore. He's just a good friend. I now focus my energy in directions that are not "all about him". It was too exhausting beating a dead horse so to speak. I realized that I was burning myself out and now I am putting everything back in perspective.

January 1, 2005

You posted elsewhere in the thread Enigma quoted you from, as saying since your divorce, you were not accustomed to having to drop down in your living standards, and how there were certain things you would not live without....and then this bit about how your MM offered you money.........so is that money his payback for you giving him BJs in public? Sounds like prostitution more and more.

January 1, 2005

Nope, not asking him for money anymore! (that was a while ago) Got a new job, a great increase in salary! Even a free membership to an exclusive country club! Can't wait to start playing tennis!!! I bet my kids will love playing tennis with mommy!

January 1, 2005

Shew!... (wiping sweat from brow)

I was so worried that my response might offend you. I was preparing myself to be blasted…and was ready to humbly accept the backlash.

You are indeed a lady.

I'm glad you are starting to feel better these days. And I'll always remain concerned about your situation. I just want you to know that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can not always fix everything that goes wrong on our own.

If ever things become too much for you, please reconsider seeking help from someone who is qualified to address your underlying issues. Everyone needs a little real help every now and then, and there's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

Good luck, and please take good care of yourself.

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