Janni Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Yeah, well. I was doing really great. Being happy, no depression, no sadness really and just doing plain good. But today is a bad day. The first in three weeks. And I just want to check my phone to see if he's tried contacting me. If he really doesn't regret anything. But I know he doesnt and I know he could hav reached me somehow if he really wanted to. S why do I suddenly feel sad again, after not missing him, not thinking about him and feeling plain indifference for three weeks? Why do I suddenly wonder if he wants me back? I don't want him back and that's for sure. I want a live without him and these last two months have been so much calmer than the six years I had with him. So why?
d0nnivain Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 It's the time of year. If you check your phone & he hasn't contacted you that may make you feel worse. You are better off assuming that he didn't contact you & that he won't At least then you can move forward. 2
Author Janni Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 It's the time of year. If you check your phone & he hasn't contacted you that may make you feel worse. You are better off assuming that he didn't contact you & that he won't At least then you can move forward. I know you're right, I just, somehow, can't stop thinking "He must regret. Just like he panicked whenever we had a huge fight. He must. He can't be that indifferent. Can he?"
DarkestBeforeDawn Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I know you're right, I just, somehow, can't stop thinking "He must regret. Just like he panicked whenever we had a huge fight. He must. He can't be that indifferent. Can he?" Janni, Not sure if you are done with the other thread we were on, but I saw this and wanted to say that you definitely should not check to see if he contacted you. You said numerous times it's absolute best to have everything blocked so you could move on, and if you do check and see nothing or see anything that you DON'T want to see, that will put you back so far to where you've come and where you're at today. You said just yesterday that your therapist has noticed such a change, and so have I .. Don't give yourself a setback .. Sometimes you will have a bad day or something will occur that will bring you down and not feel so good, but you just gotta keep reminding yourself how far you've come and know you will get over these speed bumps. If you want to reply in the other thread, that's cool. 1
2fargone Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I know you're right, I just, somehow, can't stop thinking "He must regret. Just like he panicked whenever we had a huge fight. He must. He can't be that indifferent. Can he?" I don't see any relation between him possibly regretting anything and him contacting you. Perhaps you should start there, by seperating those two and not draw any conclusions that revolve around you. It's not about you. 1
Author Janni Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Janni, Not sure if you are done with the other thread we were on, but I saw this and wanted to say that you definitely should not check to see if he contacted you. You said numerous times it's absolute best to have everything blocked so you could move on, and if you do check and see nothing or see anything that you DON'T want to see, that will put you back so far to where you've come and where you're at today. You said just yesterday that your therapist has noticed such a change, and so have I .. Don't give yourself a setback .. Sometimes you will have a bad day or something will occur that will bring you down and not feel so good, but you just gotta keep reminding yourself how far you've come and know you will get over these speed bumps. If you want to reply in the other thread, that's cool. As far as I've seen, you haven't replied in the other thread, but I'll check. I am not done with it, since it's helping me (and you) so much. Yes, you are definitely right. I think I am just feeling lonely because I moved to my place and have been alone a lot of the time these last days. I don't see any relation between him possibly regretting anything and him contacting you. Perhaps you should start there, by seperating those two and not draw any conclusions that revolve around you. It's not about you. If he regrets (like he would panic when we were together) he'd beg and plead. And apologize. That's the connection. I'm not sure why you don't think there's a connection. Will you elaborate?
AllTooWell Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 If he regrets (like he would panic when we were together) he'd beg and plead. And apologize. That's the connection. I'm not sure why you don't think there's a connection. Will you elaborate? I think what the poster here was referring to is the fact that contact =/= a second chance. Contact =/= getting back together. Apologizing doesn't mean he wants you back, apologizing doesn't mean he really wants a second chance, apologizing doesn't even mean he is really, truly sorry. Contacting you doesn't mean he wants you back, contacting you doesn't mean he wants a second chance, contact doesn't mean he is truly sorry. And so on. Regretting his decision doesn't even mean he wants you back. Imagine how you would feel if he had contacted you with messages of love and regret... BUT STILL DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP. This happens allll the time, and it really hurts the dumpee and causes them to feel very confused and conflicted - if he loves me, why aren't we together? etc. That's why it's best NOT TO have any contact and have the person blocked. You spare yourself the pain and anguish of the breadcrumbs and the false hopes of the I love you's and I miss you's and I'm sorry - because if he is truly sorry and truly serious, he will find another way. Therefore there is no connection between him texting you and him wanting you back. Hope that makes sense. 3
Author Janni Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I think what the poster here was referring to is the fact that contact =/= a second chance. Contact =/= getting back together. Apologizing doesn't mean he wants you back, apologizing doesn't mean he really wants a second chance, apologizing doesn't even mean he is really, truly sorry. Contacting you doesn't mean he wants you back, contacting you doesn't mean he wants a second chance, contact doesn't mean he is truly sorry. And so on. Regretting his decision doesn't even mean he wants you back. Imagine how you would feel if he had contacted you with messages of love and regret... BUT STILL DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP. This happens allll the time, and it really hurts the dumpee and causes them to feel very confused and conflicted - if he loves me, why aren't we together? etc. That's why it's best NOT TO have any contact and have the person blocked. You spare yourself the pain and anguish of the breadcrumbs and the false hopes of the I love you's and I miss you's and I'm sorry - because if he is truly sorry and truly serious, he will find another way. Therefore there is no connection between him texting you and him wanting you back. Hope that makes sense. Thank you. I get it now and you're right. You both are. I also know in my heart, I shouldn't check. Last time, when he sent me an e-mail, because I've blocked him everywhere else, it just set me back for so long. So I shouldn't, but you all know how it is. You have that teeny, tiny hope. I don't get why I have that though, as I am 100% sure I dont want him back and I can see how good life is without him. Its confusing. 1
2fargone Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 As far as I've seen, you haven't replied in the other thread, but I'll check. I am not done with it, since it's helping me (and you) so much. Yes, you are definitely right. I think I am just feeling lonely because I moved to my place and have been alone a lot of the time these last days. If he regrets (like he would panic when we were together) he'd beg and plead. And apologize. That's the connection. I'm not sure why you don't think there's a connection. Will you elaborate? I'll counter the question: How many people do you think do not get back together because the dumper regrets but doesn't say anything because he/she is ashamed, feels guilty, doesn't want to get rejected/hurt, etc. ? That's why I don't see a connection between regretting something and speaking up about it.
Author Janni Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I'll counter the question: How many people do you think do not get back together because the dumper regrets but doesn't say anything because he/she is ashamed, feels guilty, doesn't want to get rejected/hurt, etc. ? That's why I don't see a connection between regretting something and speaking up about it. Okay. I didn't want a discussion or anything. Just an elaboration.
Brown-Eyez Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I think what the poster here was referring to is the fact that contact =/= a second chance. Contact =/= getting back together. Apologizing doesn't mean he wants you back, apologizing doesn't mean he really wants a second chance, apologizing doesn't even mean he is really, truly sorry. Contacting you doesn't mean he wants you back, contacting you doesn't mean he wants a second chance, contact doesn't mean he is truly sorry. And so on. Regretting his decision doesn't even mean he wants you back. Imagine how you would feel if he had contacted you with messages of love and regret... BUT STILL DOESN'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP. This happens allll the time, and it really hurts the dumpee and causes them to feel very confused and conflicted - if he loves me, why aren't we together? etc. That's why it's best NOT TO have any contact and have the person blocked. You spare yourself the pain and anguish of the breadcrumbs and the false hopes of the I love you's and I miss you's and I'm sorry - because if he is truly sorry and truly serious, he will find another way. Therefore there is no connection between him texting you and him wanting you back. Hope that makes sense. this ^^ is a beautiful post! you described the absolute awfulness of being dumped by someone who then may continuously send you mixed signals! happened to me! you describe well how they might say all this nice & loving things but still not really want you back... what i struggle with is "why?" just leave us alone! 1
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