Breaking up and Kids

[laddie]

Well it's been around 6 weeks since she said it was over, said the spark was gone and wanted her own place.

 

I accepted it and have been NC apart from arranging to pick up my child weekly.

 

The thing is I'm finding it really hard to keep on top of my feelings, my emotions seem to be all over the place. Feeling better one day then feeling pain the next.

It's hard getting used to not seeing my child all the time and wondering what she's up to.

 

When I don't have to see my ex for a few days it's fine but finding it really hard having to interact with her picking up my child. I have a feeling of anxiety/dread when it comes to picking up my child and seeing the ex.

I put on a friendly face and act happy but it's tearing me up inside. I feel like breaking my LC to talk about trying again but don't think it would be appreciated as she's not held any olive branches, don't want to be rejected again.

 

Is it normal to feel like this and does it get easier?

 

There's lots of threads on breaking up but not many with kids involved.

Anyone going through the same situation feel free to post..

 

Thanks

[headinthecloud]

The rollercoaster of emotion is completely normal. Your world has been turned upside down. It will take at least 6mos just to regain some stability because you will always have contact with your ex. Be patient. And be kind to yourself.

 

The pain is real. Here's a guide that helped me overcome the bad days...and there will be many more. Just try not to dwell on the hurt....try to let it go.

 

Topics of Breakup Recovery Guide

 

This will pass but you have to start moving forward. Read Barky's post on the broken hearted. It's good advice, I will bump it.

 

You must start moving on. Get healthy. Go to the gym. Set some goals for yourself. It will feel like an act at first - emotionless, no joy, going through the motions. This is part of the process. It will pass in time. Just keep working on yourself.

[laddie]

Maybe I'm being too impatient with my feelings wanting to feel normal too soon and have to realise these things take a lot of time to process and recover from.

 

When I'm missing my child and feelings are low, my heart tries to over rule my head, wondering if I should try to get us back together even when I know it's the wrong thing to do and will probably end in rejection and cause more hurt. Suppose it's natural to have these thoughts and realise I do have to be patient and kind to myself and let time heal things. I know LC as far as possible with a child involved is the best protection.

 

Thanks for the advice.

[Canadiangirl78]

Hi Laddie! I know exactly what you're talking about with regards to having a little one and having to see the ex. It definetly makes it more difficult when you have to see them doesn't it? I know sometimes when I look at my little boy I wish his dad and I could have made it work for him. I work every weekend and my ex has our son, he's 2 and when we leave our apartment to go to daddy's for the weekend, we turn down the street we used to live on together and my little man always says mom we go home. He knows this is where we all used to live together as a family just a few short months ago. It tears me apart every single time. It is harder with kids because you do not have the ability to be NC under any circumstances. My ex and I still see each other, spend time together as a family with our son taking him to the park, dinner etc, which I know is a huge mistake but we keep doing it because it feels comfortable (silly I know) and we both just can't fully let go yet. I know the day is coming where my choice to hang on is going to explode in my face. I just dread the day that I go to drop my son off and there is another woman at the door with daddy to greet him. Ugh, the thought of it makes me ill. I don't have any great advice to offer, I'm knee deep in my own crap but just want you to know that yes it is harder when you can't just let go and never see them again. Hoping the saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is true! If you need to vent/talk, I'm here! Take care of yourself!

[laddie]

Hi Canadiangirl,

 

I can totally understand how you feel it's really difficult. My daughter says the same thing when she sees my house, saying it's her house too even though she doesn't live there anymore. It's little things like that that make it painful.

Suppose it get easier with time.

 

Like you said it might not be the best for you and your ex to still do things together unless there's a chance you might be able to resolve things. It may keep your emotions raw for longer.

 

I'm trying to keep as little contact as possible unless it's to do with our child.

 

Hope your situation gets better and things improve for you.

Good luck!

[Canadiangirl78]

Isnt that the worst when they say home when it's really not anymore? What do you even say to that? It just tears me apart. Spending time with my ex has made it harder for me to move on emotionally but I have a tendency to make things harder for myself than they need/should be. I'm one of those people who everyone comes to for advice, and I'm pretty good at it, except in my own life. You'd think at 35 I would have learned by now but of course, I do things the hard way. Listening to my inner voice more is something I need to work on because it never lies to me.

 

I hope everything works out for you aswell laddie!

[laddie]

Yep it's not so easy doing everything the right way when you're in the middle of the situation.

Emotions cloud the decisions you might make and the way you respond to things.

 

Talking to a close friend of mine helps me, it's good to get a different perspective from someone on the outside and to get a handle on the situation. Even though all the advice is stuff I already know. It helps hearing it from someone else who's not got the emotions.

 

Maybe talking to a friend or family member might help you see things clearer as well.