No contact sucks...

[greenfairie]

I miss him

 

It's been half a year this month with no contact.

It's BEEN SOO hard not to respond to any of his messages or to even start a conversation…

I don't know when I'm ever going to shake off these feelings and all these voices in my head, "I wish he would just tell me he misses me." "I wish he admitted he ****ed up." "I wish we could pick up on where we left off and just talk like we always used to."

I even feel at times that he's STILL my soul mate and I love him.

 

This sucks. NO CONTACT SUCKS.

[Phantomu]

yeah it's one of the hardest things ever. But you're doing well, keep it up! I know it sucks!

[greenfairie]

Yeah. Sometimes I really feel like I just wanna quit NC but no.... I cant.

[Phantomu]

No...Not until you feel better and he's ready to reconcile. Did you break up with him?

[Chris715]

Agreed, it ****ing sucks. I'm around 3 months NC now and ever since I started I haven't heard anything from her. No attempts to reach out, nothing. Not that I expected anything. You'd think it would make the whole thing easier but it really doesn't, just more painful knowing she's probably happy I've left her alone

Edited December 2, 2013 by Chris715

[greenfairie]

No...Not until you feel better and he's ready to reconcile. Did you break up with him?

 

Went on a break, then we mutually decided to quit it. Then he wanted to get back, I said no. Months later, I wanted him back and he rejected me.

It's tough... I dont feel like I can have a rational conversation without being rude or naggy which I dont want to have at all

[greenfairie]

Agreed, it ****ing sucks. I'm around 3 months NC now and ever since I started I haven't heard anything from her. No attempts to reach out, nothing. Not that I expected anything. You'd think it would make the whole thing easier but it really doesn't, just more painful knowing she's probably happy I've left her alone

 

It ****ing sucks. It's like I thought I was worth something for you to reach out and see how I'm doing… It's weird to think that your ex could be dead and you wouldnt even know about it. When we were in the relationship, we knew everything about each other.. what we were doing.. what our day-day schedules are like.. I just think the disconnection makes us feel like its not normal. Eventually… it'll all be the new norm and we'll meet someone else with a different kind of love

[elbe]

This sucks. NO CONTACT SUCKS.

 

You can contact me.. that would be acceptable.

[greenfairie]

You can contact me.. that would be acceptable.

 

Sure, I'll see you in New York soon.

[cavalier99]

It ****ing sucks. It's like I thought I was worth something for you to reach out and see how I'm doing… It's weird to think that your ex could be dead and you wouldnt even know about it. When we were in the relationship, we knew everything about each other.. what we were doing.. what our day-day schedules are like.. I just think the disconnection makes us feel like its not normal. Eventually… it'll all be the new norm and we'll meet someone else with a different kind of love

 

NC is how you break the emotional connection you have to them...forever YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE THEY ARE DEAD.

 

This is great. You are killing the connection and letting your brain purge them. Nobody said it is easy. It is a simple concept but hard to do. Anyway.. Good job. Keep on going. Cav

[RespectfullyAlone]

NC is how you break the emotional connection you have to them...forever YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE THEY ARE DEAD.

 

This is great. You are killing the connection and letting your brain purge them. Nobody said it is easy. It is a simple concept but hard to do. Anyway.. Good job. Keep on going. Cav

 

I've been NC over 11 months now. I guess maybe not pure NC in that I heard a few things about her, her moving into a new place with this guy of hers etc. But I havn't stalked her FB page, I havn't had any direct contact since the middle of January. A month after that she sent me a FB msg asking me and 10 other people for help in a project she was working on for her work. She ended it by saying "I hope you are keeping well." I never responded. I soon after that blocked her on FB. Deleted her off Skype, and have tried to let my body, my heart my brain let her go. I did well for awhile, then it just kept getting worse. The realization she was most likely never going to contact me again, that I had lost her forever caused my heart to fight back. NO I will not let you no.

 

(Heart!)Bismillah! No, we will not let you go

(Brain!) Bismillah! We will not let you go

(Body!) Bismillah! We will not let you go

(Hope!) Will not let you go

(Fear!.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

(Oh mamma mia, mamma mia) Mama mia, let me go

 

I want her more than ever, and love her just as much as I always have. I'm sure alot of that is from fear plain and simple fear. That I will never find someone that matches her. That I will again fail on my next relationship, and won't feel that attraction, spark, that drive to do everything I can to please and be the best that I can be.

 

That with reaching 40 next year, I will be over the hill, past it, and never given a second glance by anyone. That my experiences with online dating have been pathetic. Is anyone even real on those profiles? Right click, Google Image Search is the best way to find out. Apparently a French Porn star only lives 5km from you. ALL THE PROFILES ARE FAKE ON ZOOSK. No one ever replies. So I tried POF, no one ever replies.

 

All I get are middle aged women 40-50 who have had kids and they've left home most of them already. That's not what I'm after thank you ladies. I want my own family, to write my own history and lay down my own path. I know my ex had 3 kids from her previous marriage, but they were all under 4. I could cope with that because if she had stayed with me, I would have been the main male presence in their lives. I would have been there before the little ones personalities and traits came out. It also felt like I was making up for lost time. I mean all my friends have been married for years and have kids. Heck my best friend got married when he was 16. He's an amazing person. Still with his wife, and his kids are great. I wanted to get married around that age too. I just wanted one good woman to stick with me. I wasn't interested in sleeping around, playing the field. I turned down so many chances for that, because it wasn't what I was after.

 

So online dating has been a total bust so far. It seems all girls are just window shopping, or are lying about their age, or their weight, or just about everything.

 

The fear is very real, the eroding to zero self confidence has never come back. I'm finished basically, to life a life single, alone, crying inside, sad, pathetic. What's the point. My family, esp my Mom keeps telling me, you never know what's around the corner. My experience tells me I'm at least 10 years past being married, and I don't see any end to this. I'll miss out of having a family, a wife, and just get old bitter and more angry. There is no point living when you are faced with a future like that. It's not a future I want, but fate has determined time and time and time and time again that's what will be awaiting me.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

OI, there is hope. My aunt got married two years ago at age 51 to her husband aged 60. My friends dad's wife is 29 and he's over 40 they had a daughter together. Your mum is right you never now what's around the corner, keep meeting new people.

[RespectfullyAlone]

OI, there is hope. My aunt got married two years ago at age 51 to her husband aged 60. My friends dad's wife is 29 and he's over 40 they had a daughter together. Your mum is right you never now what's around the corner, keep meeting new people.

 

And I've been believing that since my early teens. NO more. It's not going to happen no matter how positive, or active in meeting people I've been throughout my life. I've had all the chances I'll get, and I got the short straw. That's what makes me so angry. I'm a great guy, but somehow ended up with toads and liars, cheaters and frauds for my entire romantic life. It sucks. I'm over it, life just doesn't want to let me catch a break. Fate hates me, that's ok, I now hate life, myself and many other things. FU FATE.

[cavalier99]

And I've been believing that since my early teens. NO more. It's not going to happen no matter how positive, or active in meeting people I've been throughout my life. I've had all the chances I'll get, and I got the short straw. That's what makes me so angry. I'm a great guy, but somehow ended up with toads and liars, cheaters and frauds for my entire romantic life. It sucks. I'm over it, life just doesn't want to let me catch a break. Fate hates me, that's ok, I now hate life, myself and many other things. FU FATE.

 

Sorry your having such a rough time. Im thinking that a lot of what your going thru isnt necesarily related to your RS. Have you seen a counselor? Youll recover form this BU no doubt. Give it some time but you also need to pick yourself up bro. Cav

[BOREDouttaMymind]

so you want to pick up where you left off so that he can do the same thing to you again?

 

get your butt up, go stand in front of a mirror, and say OUTLOUD "I deserve better than this". and then say it 10 times.

 

if you don't do this, the hurt you feel today.. that's your fault, not his.

 

now get up... and go.

 

now!

[penultimatethrow]

And I've been believing that since my early teens. NO more. It's not going to happen no matter how positive, or active in meeting people I've been throughout my life. I've had all the chances I'll get, and I got the short straw. That's what makes me so angry. I'm a great guy, but somehow ended up with toads and liars, cheaters and frauds for my entire romantic life. It sucks. I'm over it, life just doesn't want to let me catch a break. Fate hates me, that's ok, I now hate life, myself and many other things. FU FATE.

 

Wow, RespectfullyAlone, this and your other post remind me so much of how I feel it's incredible. Right down to the making up for lost time thing by falling for a woman with a kid already.

 

I do still have hope, but it's hope that goes against experience. I keep picking emotionally unavailable partners and getting burned, or just meeting people I like but no-one that gives me that passionate spark you talked about.

 

I have to believe they're out there, and that I have a lot to offer. And by the sounds of it you do too. Good luck man.

[RDawg]

Guys, there is only one solution to our problems: fat girls with low self esteem! They will never break your heart.

[greenfairie]

I've been NC over 11 months now. I guess maybe not pure NC in that I heard a few things about her, her moving into a new place with this guy of hers etc. But I havn't stalked her FB page, I havn't had any direct contact since the middle of January. A month after that she sent me a FB msg asking me and 10 other people for help in a project she was working on for her work. She ended it by saying "I hope you are keeping well." I never responded. I soon after that blocked her on FB. Deleted her off Skype, and have tried to let my body, my heart my brain let her go. I did well for awhile, then it just kept getting worse. The realization she was most likely never going to contact me again, that I had lost her forever caused my heart to fight back. NO I will not let you no.

 

(Heart!)Bismillah! No, we will not let you go

(Brain!) Bismillah! We will not let you go

(Body!) Bismillah! We will not let you go

(Hope!) Will not let you go

(Fear!.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah

No, no, no, no, no, no, no

(Oh mamma mia, mamma mia) Mama mia, let me go

 

I want her more than ever, and love her just as much as I always have. I'm sure alot of that is from fear plain and simple fear. That I will never find someone that matches her. That I will again fail on my next relationship, and won't feel that attraction, spark, that drive to do everything I can to please and be the best that I can be.

 

That with reaching 40 next year, I will be over the hill, past it, and never given a second glance by anyone. That my experiences with online dating have been pathetic. Is anyone even real on those profiles? Right click, Google Image Search is the best way to find out. Apparently a French Porn star only lives 5km from you. ALL THE PROFILES ARE FAKE ON ZOOSK. No one ever replies. So I tried POF, no one ever replies.

 

All I get are middle aged women 40-50 who have had kids and they've left home most of them already. That's not what I'm after thank you ladies. I want my own family, to write my own history and lay down my own path. I know my ex had 3 kids from her previous marriage, but they were all under 4. I could cope with that because if she had stayed with me, I would have been the main male presence in their lives. I would have been there before the little ones personalities and traits came out. It also felt like I was making up for lost time. I mean all my friends have been married for years and have kids. Heck my best friend got married when he was 16. He's an amazing person. Still with his wife, and his kids are great. I wanted to get married around that age too. I just wanted one good woman to stick with me. I wasn't interested in sleeping around, playing the field. I turned down so many chances for that, because it wasn't what I was after.

 

So online dating has been a total bust so far. It seems all girls are just window shopping, or are lying about their age, or their weight, or just about everything.

 

The fear is very real, the eroding to zero self confidence has never come back. I'm finished basically, to life a life single, alone, crying inside, sad, pathetic. What's the point. My family, esp my Mom keeps telling me, you never know what's around the corner. My experience tells me I'm at least 10 years past being married, and I don't see any end to this. I'll miss out of having a family, a wife, and just get old bitter and more angry. There is no point living when you are faced with a future like that. It's not a future I want, but fate has determined time and time and time and time again that's what will be awaiting me.

 

 

Please don't be like my father. He is pushing in his 70s and has been single for over 10 years. He was with my mother for about 20 years. He's had a chance to go out dating when he was still looking pretty young. He put on a lot of weight and he is depressed. He is super lonely, and it is really sad for me to watch and it makes me ache for me to be around him too long. If you don't snap out of that funk, I wouldnt want you to be like my father.

[RDawg]

Respectfullyalone: you need to downgrade your expectations. Give those middleaged single moms a try!

[RespectfullyAlone]

Please don't be like my father. He is pushing in his 70s and has been single for over 10 years. He was with my mother for about 20 years. He's had a chance to go out dating when he was still looking pretty young. He put on a lot of weight and he is depressed. He is super lonely, and it is really sad for me to watch and it makes me ache for me to be around him too long. If you don't snap out of that funk, I wouldnt want you to be like my father.

 

I am more aware of this outcome than you realize. That is what is so scary and I fear is going to happen. I don't want it to happen, but no matter what I do, I keep ending up alone not by my choice. I would have married at least half a dozen of the girls I have been in relationships with.

 

Why don't you and others realize this? I have tried tried tried my guts out my entire dating life. What more can I do? The realization is I cannot do any more than I have already done. So many of the relationships I have been in, could have had happy endings had my partners not been in secret relationships, cheated or just left without ever knowing why. There was compatibility, acceptance and even affection of ones faults, tons of passion and chemistry. But I guess they all thought they could do better and left.

 

Thus what is it that you think I am not doing, that I need to do? As I've said, it's clear to me fate has decided I will remain alone. I F'n hate this to the point I honestly do not want to live if that is my future ahead of me. No amount of positive thinking BS will make any difference. I will NOT happen when you least suspect it. Love will NOT come knocking when you're not looking. They my EX's have never come back, any of them, or contact me ever again, even the ones I am truly over and have no desire to get back with or feelings for.

 

I would give my damn life for even just one year of a relationship whereby you are not being used, humiliated or cheated on. I'm not looking for the most beautiful, wealthy, famous, amazing girl in the world, I only want to be with someone that on the things inside of me that one becomes attracted to, something happens.

 

I'm starting to understand more and more why people take their own lives. The feeling of pain, of utter helplessness inside of them, the crushing fear, it's so insurmountable that you cannot even describe it to someone. And if you do, they NEVER understand, and say you need to snap out of it, just move on, it'll all work out ok in the end. I'm done having the wool pulled over my eyes. I'm sick and tired of it. All the cliched sh*t about good things happen to those that wait, blah blah blah blah, none of it is true.

 

There are so many amazing people on here, who are going through breakups and trying to cope. There are many who have been wronged, dumped, cheated on or just left alone whilst the other runs off with no explanation. I understand what you are going through.

[CAdude82]

RA:

I am only 31 and I am feeling the same way you are. I think it is common to feel alone and scared of not finding anybody else after a break up. I feel like I am going to be alone forever. I'm already 31.I'm not getting any younger. Online dating SUCKS! Unfortunately, as a gay dude, I have no choice other than online dating, unless I met somebody at some gay event or gay club which isn't realistic because I am not into the gay scene. I just feel like I lost the chance at love, and now, there is nobody left that is truely worth being in a relationship with. All the dudes on the dating apps and sites are nasty, pretentious, stuck up perves. That is not my thing!