Feeling insecure suddenly w/ my girlfriend

[TooPatient]

We've been dating for nearly 7 months now. Today's my girl's birthday. It started by her getting a voice mail from an ex she must not have heard from for a while. She listened to it and I noticed she had tears in her eyes. She initially just said some memories came up, I pressed and she eventually told me it was a voice mail from her ex wishing her a happy birthday.

 

Is this common with girls? Because this has happened with a girlfriend before, but that gf was a very emotional one. We were shopping and saw her ex (with a girl), and tears came busting out. I found it offending at the time, but we moved past it eventually. We'd already been dating nearly a year. Anyway, that relationship didn't work out for other reasons down the road.

 

Back to today. That v.m. came, she teared up but I really didn't think anything about it. That's not even what this post is really about...

 

Tonight she texts me to tell me she just had dinner with a friend. I immediately knew it was a guy because she said "a friend." She said her friend had gotten her some b-day gifts and took her to dinner. I asked who it was (still via text) and she kinda avoided answering. She called and we talked, I was quiet and distant but waited to see if she'd bring it up. She didn't. After we got off the phone, she eventually sent a text saying "btw it was Ken, a client and good friend of mine, nothing to be worried about." She probably sensed me being distant and was doing damage control.

 

I'm not the controlling/jealous type. She's a SUPER social business woman with tons of friends/clients and many of them are men, so going to dinner with a guy is nothing unusual. I believe she's more into this relationship than I am...I've been having doubts about our compatibility. Anytime it's came up, she just talks about working to make things better and never giving up on each other. We've yet to have a real argument, we really get along great.

 

Still, I'm bothered by today and can't help it. I honestly don't think she'd cheat on me...I know she didn't tonight b/c after her dinner we talked on the phone for a while and then she's been texting. Still...

 

I'm suppose to have dinner with her tomorrow, but I'm finding my emotions just boiling up. I really don't want to come off all insecure, but I have to talk to her about this.

 

Any ideas on how to approach this tomorrow when I see her? I'm only going to be stewing on this more and more until we finally have dinner tomorrow...I'm honestly leaning towards possibly breaking it off, but that may be my emotions going overboard...

Edited December 2, 2013 by TooPatient

[ChessPieceFace]

She likely had dinner with her ex. However, I wouldn't break it off without proof. See if you can get one of your trusted friends to follow her at an opportune time, like the next time she goes out with "a (nondescript) friend."

[crederer]

Why couldn't she tell you right away it was her ex that texted her? Why did she get so emotional?

 

My ex texted me when i was with my most recent girl all the time. I told her every time it happened and I sure as hell didn't get emotional.

 

I'd suspect she's not over him. Bad news bears right there.

[denxnis]

I personally wouldn't be too pleased about my girlfriend going on one-on-one dates with other men, client or not; besides isn't business usually conducted over lunch or breakfast?

 

If I were in your shoes I would try to focus on other aspects of my life and put some distance between you and this girl. Confronting her regardless of how you do it will only make you look insecure.

 

It might sound a bit childish but have you thought about going to dinner with another female friend of yours, maybe seeing how she feels about it?

[TooPatient]

ALL of her business is conducted via meals at all hours of the day. Girls, guys, it doesn't matter. She's self-employed and does consulting, always over breakfast, lunch, dinner or just a hot water...she doesn't even have an office. (She's Chinese, hence the hot water) This wasn't a business dinner tho, it was a dinner with a "close friend and client" ...specifically for her birthday. It's really not uncommon for her to have meals with guys, and most of her clients are friends also, or become friends. I guess you just have to know her to understand how she is and how she does business. She's just one of those sweet, naive, super friendly and super-social-talk-to-everyone types. So I've never really sweated it when she meets with a man. Maybe a guy might be into her, but I've never felt like she's a cheater. My gut feeling has been pretty accurate throughout my life.

 

Still, this one bugged me, so I'm with you guys for the most part. I'm not going to get someone to follow her or go have dinner with a girl, she has already gotten a little jealous at a female friend texting me, but she never made a big deal of it.

 

She'd been single for nearly a year, we've been dating 7 months, so the ex has been out of the picture for quite a while. I'm not sure if this was even her most recent ex and idk why she got teary eyed, but I'll def bring it up tomorrow.

 

I was thinking of asking for some space for a while. Maybe I'll break it off, idk. She leaves for China on the 10th...maybe I'll just tell her we can talk again when she gets back. She's coming back early on new years eve to spend the new year with me.

 

I need some sleep, I'll see how I'm feeling in the morning and what she has to say tomorrow evening.

[TooPatient]

I've definitely cooled off since last night. Also, I didn't sleep much so I'm too tired to be emotional. I don't even want to talk to her today, but I'll have to this evening.

 

I really don't think she'd cheat, but the two 'incidents' yesterday did leave a bad taste in my mouth. My plan is to just talk with her about it and see how her response leaves me feeling... idk what else to do.

[RiceaRoni]

Yeah, her tearing up over an ex? over a voicemail from him?

Def seems like she isnt over him.

Play it cool though. Dont break up yet without any proof.

If during the dinner she brings up the topic, then yes talk to her about it.

If not, I say wait and see if something like this happens again, if it does then you know something's up.

 

This is the first time this has happened right?

[RiceaRoni]

Oh sorry. I just read "two incidents " Yeah. I'd talk to her.

[MidwestUSA]

A 'client' who buys her birthday gifts AND takes her to dinner? I'm not buying it. Either 1) it was her ex, or 2) the client is a bit more than just a client. Two incidents, indeed. So sorry.

 

(Was this dinner on her actual birthday? As in, she opted to spend it with someone other than you?)

[Debanked]

OP, you're her boyfriend but her birthday starts with a text from her ex and dinner with a male client? Where are you in this picture? Step up your game, man!