Ignoring Me?? Can"t Tell Me She Wants To Break Up? Kick My Ass People!!!! Help Me

[timwilson]

Hi just wanted to hear all kinds of advice....here is the deal....I was dating this girl for about a 1 yr and half and then one day she decided she couldn't talk to me, and had no real clear reason why this was so. She said she was confused and couldn't explain why she was feeling how she was, etc..

 

So after the shock I finally tried to give her space...and i have sort of. It has been about FOUR months and our contact has been reduced to text messages and short talks on the phone. I have seen her a couple and times and been out with her recently in the last week or so. I don't have any clue what she is trying to do, everything seemed so great and all that.

 

The weird thing is I cant get over her, and to tell the honest truth this is the first girl i have really truly loved, and also been in a serious relationship with..she knew that and I am thinking she might have gone through this before in the past with other bf's and knows how it is tough it can be, but i should get over it???

 

Also she is really been busy at her new job, moved farther away to be close to that job (20 mins or so from me), and been going out alot with her work friends, just trying to do new things it seems like. She says she likes how she feels out when i am not around, but also has a great time with me...and almost that she is torn in trying to have to make a decision on me or that no commitment lifestyle...i don't know.

 

At her house she has a picture of her and me by the bed, and tells me things like she loves to wear my socks bc they are mine, and that she always sees things that remind her of me, and all that stuff. I don't understand how she thinks about it so much, but feels this is the way to handle it??? It seems odd to me that after dating for over a year and half that she could just do this....any one got any advice or a firm slap on my face with some sense. also she tells me i am her go to guy and not really looking for a relationship, but if she was to have one i would be her boyfriend. she also calls me and tells me she will call back or later, while later is days or a week later, just to postpone more things and make me wait longer. i dont know what to do sock it to me people.

 

anything would help i just i am so damn confused....any more details needed i can give.. thanks to all

[Merin]

Ugh!

 

You're her "Go to Guy" but she doesn't want a relationship..

 

Translates.. When things aren't working out for her, she's feeling lonely, needs a favour or someone to have her back and make her feel special.. she will call you.. BUT when things are going well, she doesn't need anything and she's seeing someone else, she wants you to leave her alone.

 

This is bullsh*t and a excellent example of someone using another.

 

I'm so sorry.. she is letting you know that she likes to go out and likes to be able to see who she wants, do what she wants without having to answer to you.. BUT she still wants you to hang around incase things don't work out for her.

 

My advice.. LEAVE HER ALONE.

 

She knows that you're a call away and IF or WHEN she wants you, you will be right there.. this isn't okay.

 

Stop all the contact with her and let her know straight up what she really is missing.. then IF or WHEN she decided to do the right things for YOU and not just HER than you will be in a better position to decide if that is even something you want with her anymore.

 

Good Luck

[snilljente]

I agree with Merin 110%.....you are being Mr. Nice Guy by making excuses for her (working 20 minutes away is not far!) and only hurting yourself by doing so.....I have learned the hard way, if someone wants to see/spend time with someone, they will MAKE time, no matter how busy they are....after all, we all lead busy lives and we make time for what is important to us. She is using you as an ego boost (i.e. I still have him hanging on/see he still cares), but she is being selfish. Look out for yourself...and move on. Sorry! I KNOW it's hard.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by timwilson

I don't understand how she thinks about it so much, but feels this is the way to handle it??? It seems odd to me that after dating for over a year and half that she could just do this....any one got any advice or a firm slap on my face with some sense.

 

Think of it as a pitcher with a slow leak. You may not notice the water level falling at first, but it slowly is. You'll watch it nervously unable to find obvious leaks. Then one day after a long period of slow leaking, you are left holding an empty pitcher. The water didn't just disappear - it gradually leaked away, so slowly that you didn't notice it.

 

Having someone fall out of love with you is exactly the same way. You generally don't hear about it or notice it until its too late though. It will seem sudden, but it never is. Your partner just failed to tell you about it as it was happening. Sometimes it is easier to just keep reassuring your partner of your feelings, even when you don't feel them anymore. Then you try to find a way that is convenient for you to ditch the person without making it look like they are being ditched in order to spare their feelings ("lets be friends"). The ideal is when you can ditch someone, make it seem like its not your fault, and get them to stick around as a fallback plan. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but I see a lot of people doing it. And I see a lot of people falling for it.

 

It sounds like this is what happened to you. She fell out of love with you, broke up with you in such a way that left you still desiring her, and she keeps you around as a backup plan. Devious. But typical. The best you can do is remove yourself from the situation.

[snilljente]

People often do what is easiest for THEM when ending a relationship......it's selfish, it hurts, but they are cowards and don't want to deal with the reality of the situation and aren't honest about what is really going on....

[XNemesisX]

Lucrezia,

 

GREAT POST!!

 

I think you nailed it right on the head.

 

timwilson,

I am so sorry. This girl is nothing but selfish. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. You really need to put a stop to this and stop letting her use you for a backup plan. Do you really want to be the one on the backburner? Stop calling her or accepting her calls...put her in her place. She's using you to boost her own ego. IF she does still have some sort of feelings for you she will never realize them until you stop being there. Let her see what she is missing. If after doing this, you still don't see a change in her then throw the towel in. She is preventing you from moving on and eventually finding someone else where you are actually a priority in their life.