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Pure honesty

Sparky9

By Sparky9
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Sparky9 Member

Sparky9

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I have been split with me ex for almost 4 weeks now. I've had a few females start to pursue me...one if them in particular, very strongly. I have enjoyed texting, and hanging out with her...helps ease the pain..lol.

 

I have told her I want to keep things on a strict friendship for quite some time, as I know I have a bunch of healing, and stabilizing to do. I really enjoy her company, and can see us dating seriously in the future...but for now...I just need a friendship.

 

She started to ask if there was anything I didn't like about her. I was 100% honest, and said something about her weight...she took it pretty badly. Was I wrong in doing this? I don't want to start out with any lies if it happens to develop in the future

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ShyGuy5 Established Member

ShyGuy5

Posted
Posted
I have been split with me ex for almost 4 weeks now. I've had a few females start to pursue me...one if them in particular, very strongly. I have enjoyed texting, and hanging out with her...helps ease the pain..lol.

 

I have told her I want to keep things on a strict friendship for quite some time, as I know I have a bunch of healing, and stabilizing to do. I really enjoy her company, and can see us dating seriously in the future...but for now...I just need a friendship.

 

She started to ask if there was anything I didn't like about her. I was 100% honest, and said something about her weight...she took it pretty badly. Was I wrong in doing this? I don't want to start out with any lies if it happens to develop in the future

 

I don't have a problem with being honest, but I don't think you should have brought up her weight. Now if she asked you about it, then it might be a different story. It's probably something that she is already insecure about and you might have made it worse.

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bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

Posted
Posted

Dude. Nothing like a first class dose of foot in mouth disease. I don't know how old you are or how many relationships you've been in but the first rule is never say anything about weight. Remember. "Honey does this pair of jeans make my butt look big?" It doesn't matter if her ass is a mile wide. THE ANSWER IS NO! NO! NO! Your lucky your alive.

  • Like 5
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

yeah bad move......honesty should be done in the spirit of compassion and acceptance..it would immediately turn me off.....a guy who said that ...if he didnt accept me now when i am not hot and fine lookin and getting ogled by half the population chances are....i wont accept him because he is part of the half population that ogles me only when i am hot lookin ....so nah .....not good..next..deb

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CherryT Established Member

CherryT

Posted
Posted
yeah bad move......honesty should be done in the spirit of compassion and acceptance..it would immediately turn me off.....a guy who said that ...if he didnt accept me now when i am not hot and fine lookin and getting ogled by half the population chances are....i wont accept him because he is part of the half population that ogles me only when i am hot lookin ....so nah .....not good..next..deb

 

This exactly. Now if she was to be honest, her perception of you now may be that you're shallow. You being honest about needing time to heal and stabilize is a good thing. You being honest about your thoughts about her weight… not so good. Why? because we all have bad days or phases. We're not always our idea of a "10" and you just made yourself look rude and shallow.

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Sparky9 Member

Sparky9

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I did have a chance to explain to her later...

 

In a previous relationship, my other half was overweight, which I had no problem with. It was her insecurities that I had a problem with. No matter how much I tried to let her know, or show her, that her weight was not an issue for me...she was always extremely insecure. Insecurity is a huge turn off for me.

 

I explained that it wasn't the weight that bothered me...but I had noticed some insecurities...and that's where my problem lies...then told her about my ex.

 

I am almost 36...she, almost 38. She is attractive, and very active which I like.

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

Posted
Posted

If you don't care about her weight, why would you choose that as an issue to mention?

  • Like 2
WhiteButton Member

WhiteButton

Posted
Posted

When you are talking about women appearance forget about the honesty is best policy. If she is askinga you if she is overweight say no - YOU HAVE TO LIE here. Thats just the way it goes. Women are very insecure about their looks and if they are asking you they want validation from you - so you have to lie and tell her she looks good so she can feel good about her self.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

As you have discovered, total honesty is not a great policy. It always needs to be tempered with tact

 

Moreover your issue wasn't with your EX's weight. It was with her insecurities. Yet because this woman was not slim you assumed that she was bothered by her weight. She may have been perfectly happy until you insulted her.

 

In your defense, she was kind of an idiot for asking the Q.

crederer Established Member

crederer

Posted
Posted

Total honesty is not wrong. But you could have been more gentle about it.

  • Like 1
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
Dude. Nothing like a first class dose of foot in mouth disease. I don't know how old you are or how many relationships you've been in but the first rule is never say anything about weight. Remember. "Honey does this pair of jeans make my butt look big?" It doesn't matter if her ass is a mile wide. THE ANSWER IS NO! NO! NO! Your lucky your alive.

 

 

 

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

Man...

 

It is the job of her girlfriends to be honest with her about how bad those high wasted shorts look on her jelly butt.

 

Guys are supposed to deny deny deny.

  • Like 1
gaius Established Member

gaius

Posted
Posted (edited)

It's good if you're not interested in a relationship nor want anything from her. :p If she's busy pursuing men who don't think much of her she probably knows she's overweight and is uncomfortable with it on some level. Saying it out loud though can sometimes be helpful. It might make her realize it consciously, and the humiliation of someone saying it to her face might stimulate her into taking action.

 

Again though don't expect her to give anything of value back to you for being honest though. At least in the near future. :p I've lost count of the people who have looked me up years later to thank me for being honest with them after they straightened themselves out. Boy did they dislike me at the time though. :o

Edited by gaius
Valen Established Member

Valen

Posted
Posted
Remember. "Honey does this pair of jeans make my butt look big?" It doesn't matter if her ass is a mile wide. THE ANSWER IS NO! NO! NO! Your lucky your alive.

 

Kinda ironic that girls would be offended by that. I mean because I find girls with a big butt quite sexy. JLo and Kim Kardashian are well known to have big butts. Guys in general prefer ass to no ass. Would you prefer us to say the opposite "Honey, those jeans make your butt look flat and tiny. I could see your tail bone sticking out"? That's worst isn't it? :laugh:

 

What I'm saying is for many men, it's a compliment if we acknowledge you have a big butt. This song here says it much better than me.

 

Valen Established Member

Valen

Posted
Posted

OP, it's important to be a honest person. But being an honest person doesn't have to mean you can't tell white lies. Imagine if you saw a family of Jews running away from the Nazis and hiding out behind some bushes. And the Nazi soldiers were to ask you if you have seen any Jews come this way? Would you have told them the truth and have that family capture and killed? Or would you tell that white lie that you didn't see anything and move on knowing you might have save a family? Does it make you a dishonest person for lying at that moment? No way, it makes you a brave honorable person. So it's important to know when telling such truths will hurt others, and be wise enough to refrain from revealing it.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
I did have a chance to explain to her later...

 

In a previous relationship, my other half was overweight, which I had no problem with. It was her insecurities that I had a problem with. No matter how much I tried to let her know, or show her, that her weight was not an issue for me...she was always extremely insecure. Insecurity is a huge turn off for me.

 

I explained that it wasn't the weight that bothered me...but I had noticed some insecurities...and that's where my problem lies...then told her about my ex.

 

I am almost 36...she, almost 38. She is attractive, and very active which I like.

 

Now who's not being purely honest....

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Sparky9 Member

Sparky9

Posted
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Thanks for the replies...definitely see the error in my actions. Feel bad that I hurt her feelings...but as of now, she is taking it fairly well.

bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

Posted
Posted
Kinda ironic that girls would be offended by that. I mean because I find girls with a big butt quite sexy. JLo and Kim Kardashian are well known to have big butts. Guys in general prefer ass to no ass. Would you prefer us to say the opposite "Honey, those jeans make your butt look flat and tiny. I could see your tail bone sticking out"? That's worst isn't it? :laugh:

 

What I'm saying is for many men, it's a compliment if we acknowledge you have a big butt. This song here says it much better than me.

 

 

Yeah but I'll bet if you said to J Lo or that other chick, "Hoo Boy, you already have a big ass but those jeans makes you ass look like a planet", you damn well better have a real good health insurance plan because your in for twenty minuets of a "You ain't seen nothing yet" butt whipping.

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