damien201 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 So I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 6 months now. Things are generally good. On Friday she called me mid day from work and asked me if I wanted to stop by her place to help her put up decorations, I said sure. Later on that night when she was getting off of work she called me again and said that instead of putting up decorations she wanted to go out for dinner and drinks. I didn't really want to but I figured we could make it an early night. And a burger sounded good. So we got to the restaurant. While we were waiting our food she gets a text from a friend of hers who lives out of town. Apparently he was in town for the weekend and was going out drinking with friends, and he invited her to go with. Without asking me she said "yeah that would be awesome!". When she got off the phone she asked if it was ok or not. I had to work early Saturday morning, and I didn't want to be out in the first place so I said no, I want to go back home. This totally bummed her out and she started trying to convince me to come with. I didn't want to at all so I told her I would just drive back to my place after we were finished at the restaurant. Obviously after this the mood of the evening was ruined - she thought I was being lame for not wanting to go with, I thought she was being inconsiderate for changing our plans and wanting me to go along with it. I ended up driving back home alone, frustrated and annoyed afterwards. We live 20 miles apart on the opposite side of a major city so the commute is kind of a hassle. I was pissed that I drove back and forth across town to take my girl out to dinner only to have her cancel our plans to hang out with some other guy. It feels disrespectful. She says I "could have gone with and gone with the flow", but I didn't want to and I expected her to put our plans first. Is that selfish? 1
GemmaUK Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 She could have arranged a catch up with him on the Saturday night instead if he was there for the weekend and she was actually out with you already so I think she really could have been more considerate and stuck to the plans you already had.
elbe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Relationships are all about compromise and you didn't budge. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet. I hope she forgives you for this mistake rather than view you as an intolerable fool with only himself in mind.
Author damien201 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Relationships are all about compromise and you didn't budge. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet. I hope she forgives you for this mistake rather than view you as an intolerable fool with only himself in mind. I guess I did feel like I was compromising already by going out in the first place. That was already a change from our original plans. So I was supposed to go in to work exhausted and hungover because she randomly wanted to hang out with someone else?
elbe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I guess I did feel like I was compromising already by going out in the first place. That was already a change from our original plans. So I was supposed to go in to work exhausted and hungover because she randomly wanted to hang out with someone else? You didn't have to get wasted. You do have to entertain your girl. If you continue to kill her spirit she will learn to hate you.
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 You were both wrong. Yes, it would have been nice if she didn't keep changing her mind but she did. Especially if this other person was only in town for Thanksgiving the gracious thing for you to do would have been to say, that you didn't mind if she went out to see him & you would just go home. I leave my own husband in bars all the time once I've had enough but he still wants to party. It's much better than having a fight about it. Also in the beginning, it's sometime hard for some people to adjust to having to check with somebody else before they make spontaneous plans. as you are together longer, you should get more used to saying, hold on let me check before agreeing to anything. especially with the holidays, I never agree to much without checking with my husband first. even if he doesn't want to go, that doesn't mean I can't. Sometime it means I even have a sober ride home because he'll pick me up, which he says is a small price to pay for not being dragged somewhere he doesn't want to go. 3
Author damien201 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 You didn't have to get wasted. You do have to entertain your girl. If you continue to kill her spirit she will learn to hate you. But I know if the reverse happened she'd hate me for it. That is to say, if I were hanging out with her and a friend of mine called and asked me to do something and I chose them over her, I'd never hear the end of it. Especially if it were a girl. I think most people would. Come on now.
Author damien201 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 You were both wrong. Yes, it would have been nice if she didn't keep changing her mind but she did. Especially if this other person was only in town for Thanksgiving the gracious thing for you to do would have been to say, that you didn't mind if she went out to see him & you would just go home. I leave my own husband in bars all the time once I've had enough but he still wants to party. It's much better than having a fight about it. Also in the beginning, it's sometime hard for some people to adjust to having to check with somebody else before they make spontaneous plans. as you are together longer, you should get more used to saying, hold on let me check before agreeing to anything. especially with the holidays, I never agree to much without checking with my husband first. even if he doesn't want to go, that doesn't mean I can't. Sometime it means I even have a sober ride home because he'll pick me up, which he says is a small price to pay for not being dragged somewhere he doesn't want to go. Thanks d0nnivain, that's helpful advice.
elbe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 But I know if the reverse happened she'd hate me for it. That is to say, if I were hanging out with her and a friend of mine called and asked me to do something and I chose them over her, I'd never hear the end of it. Especially if it were a girl. I think most people would. Come on now. She was your date. You should want to do whatever it takes for her to have a smile on her face at the end of the night. Instead you were more concerned about yourself; whining about how you didn't even want to take her out in the first place. That's a miserable stance you took and she won't put up with that for long. I imagine you were whining the entire time like a grown baby. See how long that lasts before she straight leaves you. Sorry if this is harsh.
Author damien201 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 She was your date. You should want to do whatever it takes for her to have a smile on her face at the end of the night. Instead you were more concerned about yourself; whining about how you didn't even want to take her out in the first place. That's a miserable stance you took and she won't put up with that for long. I imagine you were whining the entire time like a grown baby. See how long that lasts before she straight leaves you. Sorry if this is harsh. I was her date, she should do whatever it takes for me to have a smile on my face at the end of the night.
elbe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I was her date, she should do whatever it takes for me to have a smile on my face at the end of the night. hahaha lets see how long that lasts
Author damien201 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 hahaha lets see how long that lasts You sound just like her, hahahahaha Good to know there's plenty of that out there if I end up wanting more
elbe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 You sound just like her, hahahahaha Good to know there's plenty of that out there if I end up wanting more I guess if you like the D. I'm a straight male, brother.
Author damien201 Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 I guess if you like the D. I'm a straight male, brother. Sorry, I thought you were a woman. 1
Iguanna Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 When you are in a relationship you have to compromise of course BUT this doesn't mean you will change your whole attitude and perspective to the world and your actions and reactions in general. The girl had a plan the whole day, then decided she wanted to be fed, OP was kind enough to accept this, then her highness decide she is allowed not only to change his plans for the second time, not only to decide for him without asking but also to get mad when he kindly refused due to work the next day. This girl seems spoiled, she has learned to take everything she wants (I bet OP pays for everything also and he always drives to her part of the town to see her) and she is the kind of woman who just won't take no for an answer. Disrespectful and spoiled. Maybe you should start considering your relationship. This is one of the signs I so much insist on people having to read. 3
scorpiogirl Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 She was wrong. Putting a smile on her face doesn't mean you should allow her to be inconsiderate towards you. If this person who called was that good a friend that she just HAD to see him then surely she knew his schedule and had at least an inkling he'd want to meet up. It probably wasn't as spontaneous as it seemed. She could've given you a heads up. If this is her normal behaviour perhaps you need to talk with her about it.
runningfar Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Hmm who was right hmm I vote for whichever of you reales you can't always be worrying about right or wrong and fault and instead figures out how to make sure that you both don't feel hurt and fight like this again. Growing up and discussing it without fault but with how you felt and how that can be avoidednd realizing how the other was affected by your actions and how to make that better.
WhiteButton Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 OP i think you have a case here to sit down with her and explain yourself and let her know that a little bit more consideration from her would have been nice. Dont look at this as who is wrong or right whats the point even if i said to you - yes you are right at being mad. That is not going to solve your problem. I would talk to her and see how she responds. Having said that if your girl continue to do this all the time, i would not waste my time with her. I cant stand inconsiderate people especially if they girl i am dating.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I'm taking your side. You were nice enough to take her out for dinner and drinks, and she thanks you by ditching you to see some other guy? Then on top of that, she gives you crap about not wanting to go, when you had a legitimate reason - work in the morning? I can't imagine being so disrespectful to my man. She sounds unappreciative and selfish. 6
Author damien201 Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Thank you all for your input. I'm going to talk to her about it and I'll keep you all posted about what happens.
ChessPieceFace Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 I was supposed to go in to work exhausted and hungover because she randomly wanted to hang out with someone else? No. You did nothing wrong. She has no right to change plans on you twice and expect you to just ignore your work responsibilities while she ignores what you want. She isn't a very loyal or devoted partner. 1
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