Why am I so pathetic and still struggling?!?

[alexjames]

My ex left me about 2.5 months ago. Normally if it was a long term relationship then grieving over it still would be perfectly normal, the trouble is, we were only together 2 months!! Every moment of every day I think of her. How unbelievably beautiful and cute she was, how we spent really great times together, the laughs we had etc.

 

I'm not very experienced in relationships (2 and I'm 21) and both break ups have hit me hard (the first was back in February after 9 months together and I still think about her now (especially after my last GF left). I went out last night with a couple of mates, was having a great time, a few drinks and was feeling great for once, but then my ex's best mate was there and everywhere I went she was in the same place, and bang, all I could think about was the times I spent in there with my ex and it brought it all up again.

 

I'm trying to move on and have signed up to a dating site (I met my 1st GF online) and have sent loads of girls messages (all individual messages relating to their profile etc) and only one has replied (and I know they read them as it told me they looked at my profile). I just feel a bit stupid, like I won't find happiness again etc and that I should be well over my last gf by now! I'm not looking for a rebound relationship (the Only 1 girl that has replied we went on 3 dates, she said she really liked me etc, but it just never really went anywhere and I decided she wasn't really for me).

 

So that shows I'm not just going to get with anyone, but I can't see anyone wanting me haha! Sorry if this is a stupid post, just wanted to get my frustrations out somewhere, so decided to write on here!

Edited December 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[whichwayisup]

Every moment of every day I think of her.

 

And this is why you're not over her. You have to push her out of your head and do NC IN your mind as well. That means no more looking at old emails, stalking her facebook, twitter, etc..etc.. Block her!

 

Be tough on yourself! If you don't, then you're going to be in misery for a long time, missing and loving her.

 

Grieving the loss is so important, but living life and NOT having her in your head is just as important.

 

You will find love and happiness again, when you're ready to in the future. Right now you're not, so let yourself heal.

[alexjames]

That's the trouble though. She deleted me from facebook the day she ended it, and I have deleted all numbers, emails etc and deleted every message we exchanged between the 2 of us, aswell as removing anything from my room that she got me or what belonged to her etc. So I haven't had any contact with her for ages (I made the mistake of messaging her a week after the split, but that was the one and only time) so I've done all I can to not have any visual reminders etc

[r321148]

It's not stupid or pathetic. I don't think there's a lot of logic to it.

I'm in kind of the same situation. My longest relationships were 5 years and 2 years. My most recent was 7 months and this one seems to have hit me the hardest. It makes no sense at all so you're not the only one!

 

I wouldn't bother with the online thing right now. I have some friends who have done it and they all say the same frustrations as you have...it's a massive sausage fest and most girls don't reply! That's fine if you're in a strong place and can handle multiple rejections before you get a bite, but you don't seem to be there at the moment and I'd say it is doing you more harm than good right now.

 

I don't really have a lot of advice as to how to shake it because I'm still struggling a bit at the moment. Just focus on getting yourself back before you start dating again. Have some time to figure out what you want out of life and then set about getting it. Once you're in a place where your happy then you can work a girl into that as and when you feel ready. There is someone out there for you so don't worry about that!

 

Good luck

[mendsley]

Very well put whichwayisup! The mind will control your physical being. So if you can replace the toxic thought of your ex as soon as she pops in your mind, you will be on the right path.

 

Another suggestion, there seems to be a ton of negativity towards yourself. You need to work on that as well. You should only say great things about yourself... and that will change your outlook.

 

We all have our ups and down, but when those down moments happen you have to handle them in the best way you possibly can. It will get better... but you have to tell yourself that or it never will.

[whichwayisup]

It just takes time to grieve the loss, even if it was for a short time you two were together, your heart doesn't know the difference.

 

Keep busy, surround yourself around good friends and family. It makes a difference to be around happy and positive people who DO love and care about you. Stop beating up on yourself too, that serves no purpose and only makes you feel worse.

 

Just know that once your heart heals and the pain gets less, being proactive in pushing thoughts of her out of your head etc, you WILL feel better and happier. Time is on your side, though it helps to make the decision that since she has moved on, you need to as well. No point in staying in 'remember and missing her' mode for too long, it prevents you from healing and living your life.

[PS.chicago]

There's no sense in beating yourself up about the way you feel right now. You opened up to someone special and you felt something real as did I. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable and things didn't work out. 2 years or 2 months, your heart doesn't know the difference.

 

We share very similar feelings for our ex's. For me, It's been about 2 months since b/u from a 2 1/2 month relationship, it was long distance too (Chi/Ohio). Things ended amicably but she was the dumper. This break-up hurts more than any other one I can remember for me because I had such high hopes for it to work. I can go on and on about the story but I'll save it for my own thread if ever start one.

 

She's wonderful and possesses everything I'm looking for in a partner. Nothing can change that, meaning the way I feel about her as a person. I wouldn't have dated her otherwise. I still think about her every single day. BUT, I know I have to accept that she's not the one. It's a deeply painful realization that I have yet to come to terms with but completely necessary for me to move on.

 

I've been lurking on LS since my b/u and I found that this is a GREAT community of people who are here to listen and want to help. The majority of people on these threads have sound - solid advice, and others.. not so much.

 

Also remember be open to try new things and discard the stuff that you feel doesn't help you move on. Very few things in terms of advice are 'one size fits all'. It doesn't make it bad advice if it doesn't work for you.

 

You and I will make it through this!

 

p.s. here's something i read online that helped me:

Getting Over a Short Term Relationship with High Expectations

[plantsplants]

It has been more than 14 months and she has moved on yet I remain firmly in love. I have gone out with other girls and not had any contact, pushing her out of mind. But those feelings whether boxed, attacked, ignored, or whatever strategy employed won't go away.

 

I'm at my wit's end trying to figure out how stop feeling this way about someone that for all intents and purposes does not exist anymore. She seemed very different when we broke up and has probably changed in ways that accentuate her virtues as well as in some ways that would not appeal to me. I don't know and it doesn't matter to me.

 

I felt I had rid myself of the attachment, any idea of reconciliation, and such. I just can't help deep and profound feelings for the person I knew and spent a lot of time with in a year and a half.

 

Has anyone met a similar roadblock? What more could one do?

[PS.chicago]

oops repost. pls delete.

Edited December 2, 2013 by PS.chicago