WHAT DO I DO... I am dying inside about my ex girlfriend / girlfriend

[babyblue0902]

This is going to be long. I need someone to help me out. I have been with my "ex" girlfriend for 2 years before we broke up. I met her at the gym and she was going through a break up I was to scared to approach her so I had a mutual friend do it. We hit it off our first 6 to 8 months were like a fairy tale. She slept over every night we didn't even fool around. We connected on a different level. She had depression from her mother being an alcoholic and her dad being a recovering alcoholic and recovering drug addict. I tried to understand as best as I could considering I have an alcoholic for a father. Her parents are divorced and her mother didn't really mind that her daughter was sleeping over my place every night. Brittany my girlfriend said that I made her feel comfortable and safe. I supported her in every decision she made. and she supported me in every decision as well. After about a year of us going out things started to get really bad.. Like she wanted to go to parties, drink more, spend more time with her friends and without me. This was hard to deal with and she started getting more frustrated and irritated by more easier and easier. She started blaming me for the dumbest things in her life. She was saying that I was smothering her and becoming a burden.. I would get really upset and it would start a lot of fights. I am a jealous person. Well one day I walked into her living room to her on the computer with one of her "supposed friends" telling her how much he loved her and wanted to be with her. She acted as if nothing was the matter. I was very insecure with this friend because I knew what he wanted and she just didn't want to see it. Well one night i mistakenly signed on to the computer under her name because her password was saved on the sign on screen and just automatically signs on.. Well I immediately saw an IM pop up and it was her friend telling her how much he wants to be with her. I asked my girlfriend about it and she denied it. She said she didn't know what i was talking about and got really mad at me for "accusing" her of doing that to me. When I brought it up she started crying and saying she was sorry than immediately turned into anger telling me i was just like her ex boyfriend for snooping through her stuff. and she was glad that i found that out. Things got a little bit better after that whole insident suprisingly. She was acting more caring to me and seemed like she really cared. Than I find out from one of her friends she is supposed to meet this supposed friend at a dance and they were supposed to be each others dates. So without asking I accused. I was so mad because something like this has already happened in our relationship. Well I felt really bad because I guess from what she says that's not the truth at all. Than at a party some guy called her cell phone asking when they were going to hang out again (I answered the phone) I asked who it was and they wouldn't say they just wanted to talk to brittany. She said it was a joke and didn't know who it was at all and if I didn't believe her that she never meant anything to meand that I didn't really love her. So i believed her and just shrugged it off. When we were going up she told me that her and a friend were going to new york and than to her sisters aunts house. Well that turned out to us breaking up when she was in New York because she said i was a burden and she couldn't deal with me anymore. Than it ended up being that she went to her sisters college and got drunk drunk and went to a club and danced with a bunch of guys and took pictures. I just recently found out that she lied to me about it because she told me she just stayed in because she wasn't feeling that good. I was crushed. She is in Miami and I am in MA and we just broke up because we had a huge fight on the phone about her drinking and going to clubs and partying to much. We broke up and didn't talk for a few days and than I find out she has a nose ring, has been going to some parties which is fine but she tells me she just wants to be friends now but she is still in love with me and wants to marry me some day.. than on the other hand she tells me that if something happens down there she isn't going to fight it "whatever happens happens" i believe she said. Now she is back on winter break and we have been having sex and fooling around. But it's like she is giving me mixed signals about what's going to happen with us. I am dying inside. I love her so much and don't know what to do. I am giving her the space she wants so she can be independant but it's driving me crazy thinking that she might be with someone else. I still want to marry her someday. I am only 21 and she is 20 we have been together for 2 years feels like so much longer. I told her i didn't want to marry her until I was financially stable. and I wasn't planning on popping the question for like another 3 to 4 years. We are best friends but we both find each other irresistable and are still madly in love... WHAT DO I DO?? I am dying inside. Both our famlies love each other, we have planned a future together and everything now I am scared that what we planned won't happen. I need help

[johndoeboy]

well mate where do i start shes messing you about maybe you should show her wot you wrote, that may change her mind maybe if she knew how much shes hurting you she would snap out of her little phase shes going through.

 

honestly i think shes looking for love any kind of love, even through she knows you are a safe bet that may be not enouf for her

 

she seems to have had a hard childhood with her parents and all that now shes rebelling and she almost enjoys the fact that she has this power over you and shes hurting you i went through something similar the best thing you can do is to carry on with life and enjoy it with or with out her good luck friend i know break ups can be hard but sometimes i know it doesnt seem like this now but sometimes they are for the best

 

so if ever you wanna chat just let me know and i will send you my email adress good luck mate in what ever you decide

[babyblue0902]

Hey thank you a lot. I wouldn't mind talking at all.. My screen name on aol is [email protected] maybe we can talk sometime. Take it easy and thanks again.

 

Peter