JDPT Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I don't think I've ever posted my "official BU thread" but most of you have an idea who I am. Brief background, I was dumped off a 4.5yr relationship roughly 7 months ago (I stopped counting months, not sure anymore.) For the first two months post BU I was literally mentally, emotionally and physically paralyzed, trying my hardest to come to terms and at times I still think I struggle with this. After that I started to take charge of my life, started vigorously working out, back to work and school and my life appeared to have purpose and a sense of direction once again. Fast forwarding to roughly 2 months ago, I caved in and broke NC several times, not by direct contact but by wanting to know about her, it was mostly curiosity. I stopped coming around LS and attempted to find comfort in other activities which were only digging me in a deeper hole. So for a while I feel as if I've been running in place going nowhere fast. I can't concentrate in school, I have zero interest but amazed at how exceptionally well I've been doing. I can't wait for this semester to be over and even contemplating the thought of taking next semester off because mentally I'm quiet not there. I feel that I've developed anxiety and can't even sit down for 20 minutes to get school work done without being distracted by any mundane activity. I've become a façade, emotionless and detached, just going through the motions of life, I'm really not sure where I went wrong. I guess I needed to vent and acknowledge the fact that I'm not alright 7 months after the fact. At times I wonder if she struggles as much as I do but quiet honestly that's irrelevant to me or my recovery. I thought that by keeping busy with work and school things will clear up for me but apparently I've bitten off more than I can chew. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and thankfully do not expect her to contact me, matter of fact I honestly hope she doesn't and I really mean that. I sprained my MCL a few days ago which will put me out of the gym for a few weeks, hopefully not too long because the gym has been so therapeutic to me. Well guys this is my update whether right or wrong, I come across as giving great advice to others in times of distress, I just wish I can internalize my own words one day.
Mariposa10 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 You were in a long term relationship, time will do its thing. I do think you should give yourself a break... I'm with you that maybe you should take a semester off, working should be enough. I couldn't concentrate this semester and for the first time in my life I had to drop a class, the most important class I needed to take... I just couldn't do it, but it helped me. My ex and I broke up in July... I'm only giving myself this last month before the new year starts to mourn the relationship. After this month, hopefully I will be done feeling ****ty. I still have ups and downs but nothing like the first two months. My breakup stages went like this: denial, depression, anger and finally acceptance. Hang in there buddy, we'll get out of this breakup mourning alive!! 1
BC1980 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I hate to see you like this. I know the feelings well. I was a basket case at times. I have recently found acceptance that my relationship is over, and it took me 7 months. I can't even stand to think back on those months. I've finally been able to exhale and realize that it is over. It has been bittersweet but peaceful. I really think the turning point was facing it head on. No more distractions, trying to fill the void with other things. Just getting real with myself and realizing he isn't coming back. This has been my reality for the past 7 months, but now I am fully accepting it. I actually broke NC, which was awful but made me see reality. It has also helped me to come onto LS and give others advice. I think that the advice I have received was very good for me, but I also want to pay it back to everyone else. 1
StyleOnEm Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Yeah, just to add something else to the advice-- I definitely think you should start meeting other women. Even if you think you're not ready to. Getting to know someone attractive makes you focus, at least temporarily, on someone else. You need to start making memories with new people. It's what helped me tremendously move on. You can work on yourself all you want and get other areas of your life handled, but the main void you have is in the relationship, or a better phrase: a great girl in your life. Don't worry about jumping into a relationship. Most girls I date don't expect that at first anyway. You need to get out there brother. It will help push you out of this runt quicker. Sure, at first you'll be comparing them to your ex.. it's impossible not to. But eventually you'll meet someone who's spontaneous and fun enough that you'll realize you're thinking about your ex less and less and actually getting excited about spending time with this new girl. Give it a shot, it's helped me a couple times move on from a long breakup. 4
Author JDPT Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I acknowledge now where I went wrong. I thought I was ready and prepared emotionally to break NC and, thought "what's the big deal, I know it's over" and decided to act on impulse trying to know about her. I'm glad I never texted her or emailed her to give her a piece of me, quiet honestly she doesn't deserve to know about me at all, she just doesn't deserve to know if I'm suffering or if I'm smiling anymore. If I can compare myself now to a few months ago, I can honestly say that I am a new man, oh was the pain beyond excruciating, I just wanted someone to put me out of my misery already, I was just a walking joke. I understand I've come along way but there is still tons of way to pave. This is undoubtedly on of the hardest things I've had to deal in my lifetime as I truly thought she was it for me and I was ready to grow old with her but hey it's time to improvise and she is no longer part of MY life. I'm all that matters and it's time to keep pushing forward, as long as this will take me I will succeed. 1
cavalier99 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 (edited) Keep on going! Thats it. Simple. Time and NC will take care of it along with the other things your doing. You will get tired of it eventually and give up the internal fight. Its pretty hard to mess up your recovery if you follow this formula. Recovery over time is the natural outcome of things so it is actually pretty hard to stay messed up forever (even though it doesnt feel that way) . Cav Edited December 2, 2013 by cavalier99
Author JDPT Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 Keep on going! Thats it. Simple. Time and NC will take care of it along with the other things your doing. You will get tired of it eventually and give up the internal fight. Its pretty hard to mess up your recovery if you follow this formula. Recovery over time is the natural outcome of things so it is actually pretty hard to stay messed up forever (even though it doesnt feel that way) . Cav Spot on Cav, I'm at the "getting tired" phase. I just hope to take advantage of this momentum to ride along with it.
cavalier99 Posted December 2, 2013 Posted December 2, 2013 Spot on Cav, I'm at the "getting tired" phase. I just hope to take advantage of this momentum to ride along with it. I remember 1 specific moment 1 day. Maybe 5 to 6 months into my recovery. I was really really down most of the day. Just defeated after months of suffering and trying to feel good and working out and meditating ecetera. I rolled into a bar for a drink and just gave up. It was complete surrender. Just coudnt keep on fighting anymore. I had lost the war. From that day foward it was much better and by month 7 NC i was over it. 1
Author JDPT Posted December 2, 2013 Author Posted December 2, 2013 I remember 1 specific moment 1 day. Maybe 5 to 6 months into my recovery. I was really really down most of the day. Just defeated after months of suffering and trying to feel good and working out and meditating ecetera. I rolled into a bar for a drink and just gave up. It was complete surrender. Just coudnt keep on fighting anymore. I had lost the war. From that day foward it was much better and by month 7 NC i was over it. Oh spooky bro, I'm starting to feel the exact same way, is it the 7 month blessing? I'm just tired and meaning not emotionally tired or in pain but rather wanting to try something new. I'm tired of the old and somewhat ready for the new. My old habits are starting to become boring. It's almost as if there has to be more to life than this. There was life before her so there is certainly life after her as well. 1
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