SarahKSunshine Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Has anyone else ever been in a relationship with someone and you felt like this person wasn't who you thought you'd end up woth? How did it work out? I juststarted dating this guy and he's certainly not who I pictured myself with and I'm beginning to wonder if that means it won't last or I was just wrong in picturing my type of person.
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 It could mean either. As long as you are having fun, just go with the flow for now. A few dates is not yet a lifetime commitment.
Milad Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 There are people out there surrounded by firewalls(im one of those). its way harder to know and understand these people. they may be good, verygood, or even bad or very bad people. It just takes more time to know them. How many times did you meet? do you think you know him enough to judge whether he is the one for you or not? If not, date more, give him more time. If you still have the feeling you have now, do not start a relationship. It will not last. Believe in your senses. Good luck
oldshirt Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 This is why we date people. We date people to spend time with them and do a variety of things with them to get to know them to determine if they are compatible with us to determine if they are the ones we want to marry and have a home and family with. This is done without commitment and either party is free to stop the dating process (think of it like an interview process) at any point without any foul. Dating is a relatively new concept. In days of yore almost every culture practiced some form arranged marraiges where either your parents or your community or church leaders told you who you were going to marry and produce a family with. As people wanted more freedom in picking their own mates, the concept of dating was developed. So yes, people are often different than what we first thought. That's why we spend time with them and do things with them to get to know them and quite often it takes quite awhile before we get to know the "real" them. 1
Author SarahKSunshine Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 We've hung out as many times as we can for the past month, and we call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but that's a recent thing. It may be too late, but I want to figure out things before it goes way too far. But being bf/gf may already be too far. It's just we're very different in some ways, he's very outgoing and talkitive whereas I'm the total opposite and won't speak unless I have something important to say. I feel like I'm the problem here and I'm just so particular about what I want in a relationship and he's not meeting my ridiculous standards so I'm not happy, if that makes sense.
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I would think a shy person would prefer a guy who carries the conversation so you don't have to. What "ridiculous standards" of yours isn't he meeting? Have you told him some of your expectations?
Author SarahKSunshine Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 It is nice, but sometimes I wish he could just tone it down. Just a mental picture of who I thought I'd be dating, like someone who can be mature when necessary but also knows when they don't have to act like an adult. He's on child mode almost 24/7 and I feel bad that I kinda want him to class it up sometimes because, trust me, mature adult I am not but I like to think I have a good grasp on when I need to act like an adult. Like his idea of a date is going to the arcade and playing games, which is fine sometimes but all dates seem to center around something like that. I'm prbably not making much sense but that's the thought process going on in my head and that's why I'm so confused. Reading over what I wrote it sounds like I'm dealing a man-child all the time but it's not that bad, he's just a nerdy guy which is okay because I'm just as nerdy as he is but still, you need to know when to tone down the talking and be an adult, right? That's not ridiulous, is it? 1
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 No it's not ridiculous. It's OK to want a real dinner date with nice table cloths etc. Can you take him on the kind of date you'd like & see if he learns by example?
Author SarahKSunshine Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 No it's not ridiculous. It's OK to want a real dinner date with nice table cloths etc. Can you take him on the kind of date you'd like & see if he learns by example? I could do that, I just have a very strong feeling that he's not that kind of person. But maybe I should try that and see what happens..
veggirl Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I could do that, I just have a very strong feeling that he's not that kind of person. But maybe I should try that and see what happens.. Well, you aren't into arcades and childish dates every time, but you go on them for him. He should be willing to compromise, why should you be the only one who does so? He's not "in charge" of your relationship, if you want to do something else for dates and whatnot, absolutely suggest it. If he shoots you down, he should be nexted.
Author SarahKSunshine Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Well, you aren't into arcades and childish dates every time, but you go on them for him. He should be willing to compromise, why should you be the only one who does so? He's not "in charge" of your relationship, if you want to do something else for dates and whatnot, absolutely suggest it. If he shoots you down, he should be nexted. You're right, I should do that. But I feel like he is under the impression that I'm the same way he is because I showed my sort of nerdy/childish side but like I said, I'm not like that all the time. I just got back from hanging out with him and it was on my mind the whole time, he's just not on the same maturity level as me, not that I'm super mature, but he isn't at all. And I don't want to turn into the bitchy girlfriend who tries to change him.
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Sarah -- Most people on these boards would classify me as high maintenance. I don't want to debate that but before he started dating me my own husband probably would have used that same label. What he came to understand is that while I have certain expectations, I simply meet them myself. I don't expect some guy is going to give them to me. I bought my own house, sports car & fur coat. (For those who want to debate me about the merits of fur, start a new thread, don't jack this one) That said, when I date a man, I certainly don't think he's going to treat me worse than I treat myself. I want him to open doors, hold out chairs etc. For our 1st date, my now husband took me to a tacky low end Mexican restaurant. I like Mexican food as much as the next person but this was one step above a Taco Bell, only because it had a bar. In my younger days, I may have suggested a different restaurant or at least never gone for the second date but I was trying to turn over a new leaf & not be so aggressive in my romantic relationships. As most people of my close friends & family put it, I was trying to learn how to be the girl, instead of the guy. So I ate my dinner, didn't say anything about the place, then suggested a more upscale place when he called for a lunch date later. Well into our relationship, DH asked me why I didn't freak about the restaurant choice. I said I honestly didn't know but it must have been because something told me to give him a chance. I'm open to all sorts of new things. I'm willing to eat out of a vending truck / roach coach if the food is good & have taken my husband to one or two I like. I can do a football tailgate or a black tie in the same day if I have to but there's a time & place for everything. Liking arcades doesn't mean you don't like fine dining. If you do it gently you may help your new guy to discover different sides of himself. 1
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