vemberr Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 My boyfriend and I were together for 9 months. It was the most easy and perfect relationship I had ever had. We were so happy together and not once did we ever argue. But we were both facing university, and we knew there was a chance we wouldn't end up going to the same university, but we decided that our love was worth taking that risk. But then time came, and it turned out I didn't get into the same university, but we reassured each other we could make it work. But we were thrown into completely different lives. He was suddenly surrounded by dozens of people, everyday he was making new friends. And I didn't. I did my best but I just never found the courage or the strength. I found myself incredibly depressed and very lonely, and he was so happy. It drove us both mad. He became best friends with a girl, and I overcame my jealousy because I trust him, but I was still so unhappy and it didnt help that he was always busy, doing things and living his life. And then he would come home to me, and I'd be a wreck. He did his best to make it work, but we were no longer happy. We laughed together still, but he couldnt take it. I had become to dependant on him to make me happy and now he suddenly couldnt, and the pressure was awful, so he broke up with me. He came to see me for one last weekend together as lovers, and we said our goodbyes, and we promised each other that we didnt want this, we simply had to do it to try and force ourselves to find happiness in our independance. He made the right decision for us both, I have no doubt about that. But then we tried moving on whilst still being on speaking terms, but we were so foolish, we kept talking as if we were together, we spoke about getting back together in the summer and then we would take it back the next day, it was like we broke up over and over again but we couldnt resist, and it meant that I was dealing with a break up on my own in a strange city where I had no one, and he had, not exactly people to turn to, but people to distract him. And I still depended on him to cheer me up, and he did his best, but it was like we may as well have never broken up, so he started pulling away, and it kills me. I decided to cut all contact altogether, and I havent spoken to him for 3 days now, but I hate thinking about how he is in such a better position to move on than I am. I know that this new depressed person that I am makes him unhappy, and he cant help me and a lot of the time I feel resentful towards him even though all the awful things hes had to do he did with my interest at heart. I want him to move on and be happy, but I am left with all my thoughts occupied by him, questions I want to ask and the desperation to get back what we once had. I am certain that when we can be together again, we will, we were just so good for each other, but I want to move on all the same. I want us to reach a point where it wont matter if we get back together, because who knows what might happen, maybe he'll meet someone else, I am still tranferring because I hate my university and I would love to be his friend. This cutting contact thing I told him was only temporary until I was over him because when I next get to see him I dont want to be hurt if I find out he has a new girlfriend. But this is so hard, all my other break ups were bad enough but I have never been left because it was for my own good. It would be so much easier to get over him if he didnt care, but he does. He loves me immensely and I know he does, even now, when hes so well distracted by his friends, I know he still thinks of me. How do you deal with a break up that had to happen for the sake of both your sanities and not because you wanted it? I am not worried about him, he has friends to help him, but I feel so alone, and I am stuck on fantasising about either getting him back to reaching a point where I will feel confident enough to reject him. I just want to forget about him but how can I stop grieving over what really felt like something that was meant to be and knowing that I wasnt kidding myself, and that he misses and loves me too
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