tigerdog Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 (edited) Okay this is a complicated situation. 1. I am dating my neighbor and 2. I am moving halfway around the world in about 3 months. My neighbor and I have been dating for several months and the first month was great, and the last 2 have been rocky. The rockiness is mainly because of me leaving. It's been a constant back and forth. Should we be together, should we not, should we just be platonic friends? We have not had sex yet because I've made it clear I'm not doing the FWB thing with him but I am falling in love with him (have not told him). He's expressed on several occasions that he's falling for me, but thinks this situation is stupid with me leaving in a few months. I told him earlier this month that I'd be happy to work abroad for just a year and come back (originally it was supposed to be 2 years; job relocation). He was thrilled about that and said he could easily wait a year for me and to let's do this, embrace falling in love and being together. After that things were pretty blissful and we spent everyday together. Then for a couple of days I had to do other things with friends and we didn't see each other. He didn't reach out to me and didn't respond to several of my texts. I knew he was home since he's my neighbor. This really hurt me and I knew he was actively pushing me away. Then a few days later we had a discussion where he said he doesn't want a relationship. Fine. So I said let's be platonic friends, and nothing more. I've treated him exactly like a friend. We saw each other twice for a week, didn't touch each other, nothing, although it was clear he really wanted to. I stopped texting and replied with brief texts. I'm not playing games either. I'm only here for a few months and with me being in love with him, it's not good for me to allow myself to get attached. Then we went a whole week without seeing each other where he sent passive aggressive texts asking if he was ever going to see me again. Then he said he was confused, has no idea how he feels or what he's confused about but would rather have me than not have me at all. He kept insisting I meet his family for Thanksgiving so the night before we had a long discussion which basically led to him saying he's still very confused, thinks I'm going to break his heart, always wants to see and be with me, etc. I went to Thanksgiving with him which was great. I even spent yesterday and part of today going shopping with his Mom (her idea). We didn't talk too much about him but she told me that it's clear he has deep feelings for me but is worried about the distance and holding me back from enjoying myself. She also explained that he has this habit of getting scared and nervous about things, and she thinks that he should just go with it and see what happens between us but knows it's up to him. I don't know what to do anymore. It's hard to cut off something that has the potential to be something really awesome, but I have 0 experience with a guy pushing me away to this degree and not allowing us to just enjoy this. We can go a couple of weeks in pure bliss and then the minute we don't spend a couple of days together, he seems to remember I'm leaving and freaks out! What to do? EDIT: Oh and last time we hung out one on one, he pretty much said he wants to go back to acting like we are in a relationship again. He wants to continue exploring his feelings, being physical and waiting to see what happens. But this doesn't seem fair or right does it? Edited December 1, 2013 by tigerdog
Author tigerdog Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Drop this guy now. He's playing head games with you. He says he can wait a year. Already telling you he is falling for you. Then, boom, "I don't want a relationship". People deserve better than that. But it's your life. I'm just giving my opinion. This might be a stupid question but this is my first time doing the dating thing (I've had the luck of starting relationships with close friends)... why do people play such games like this? I really don't see the purpose of it, it just adds more frustration and stress I feel.
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