Blastbeat Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 I am lucky I have such awesome friends. My ex dumped me a month ago. I have been using no contact well, broke it and she didn't reply. But just the other night I sent her a long message on FB asking her if she would consider having lunch with me at the end of it. (no begging, pleading). She replied saying: "Hi I didn't realise this was so difficult for you. I don't want you to feel stink but I never got the impression from you that you were that into me anyway" Me: I had such high hopes in a future together, it's just really hard. I love you, but I wouldn't want anyone to be with me if they didn't feel the same way. It's life. Her: "i'm sorry you're feeling to bad. i really didn't anticipate that it would be so difficult for you. i'm sorry to hear that you're hurting." Me: It's ok. Take care of yourself yeah Then the next morning I get a reply saying: "I dont want you to feel stink. I hope you are okay. X" The messages went on for a bit, she was wondering where this came from since she hadn't heard from me in a month. I told her I wanted to give her space and work on myself a bit. She thought about it for three hours then came back with this. "I'm really sorry to hear you aren't feeling good. Although I care about you Damien, I don't ever see us getting back together. Also, you shouldn't need to have to change yourself in order to please someone else. It only makes a person feel stink. The reason we broke up is because we are just massively different people. Plus we didn't really communicate very well. It always seemed as though you didn't really want to talk to me? That's the impression I got anyway." So I just told her I respect her decision and that was it. Now I feel like I'm back to square one. All I can do is accept closure and move on. I am gutted, but hopeful and positive for the future. I have awesome friends and great plans for the holidays. I just wish she was going to be with me
elbe Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Next time you miss her pick a different contact in your phonebook and tell it to somebody else. This chicky could care less. 1
Author Blastbeat Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Next time you miss her pick a different contact in your phonebook and tell it to somebody else. This chicky could care less. She definitely cares. I took her for granted and paid the price, if I wasn't a stink boyfriend she would still be here. I'll learn from my mistakes though. I should have supported her more, since she was always there for me. But yeah, won't initiate contact again. What she said is final.
Kermit76 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Hey at least you got a sincere response from her. Seems she cares just doesn't see a future. Mine could careless when I texted her after 2 months. I learned the hard way too. Breaking NC is a risk and I took a chance but now I know where I stand. So in that regards its helped me move on. I know I don't have a chance and don't want to feel hurt again from her so she won't be hearing from me again.
Author Blastbeat Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Hey at least you got a sincere response from her. Seems she cares just doesn't see a future. Mine could careless when I texted her after 2 months. I learned the hard way too. Breaking NC is a risk and I took a chance but now I know where I stand. So in that regards its helped me move on. I know I don't have a chance and don't want to feel hurt again from her so she won't be hearing from me again. Hope you're doing ok man. Yeah I have no hard feelings to my ex. We were only together 9 months, there was a few things she did that pissed me off, but nothing major. No one is perfect. If she loved me, I guess she would have talked to me instead of flat out dumping me
ks0985 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Sorry for your pain bro, but seeing stories like this on here all the time really helps me with not breaking the NC. 2
Am4Real Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Blast, I’m going to support you on your actions. Generally I would say once a person processes the b/u they need to move on and there is no going back from that position. --------------------------------------------------------------- I’m not familiar with your entire story so I may have it wrong in saying it appears you were not in total acceptance and without definitive closure – at least something had you reach out to your EX. You apparently mustered up the nerve to ask your EX for lunch which I presume was an attempt to reconnect or seek closure – which one was it? Anyway, through this series of text messages you now have total closure. Your EX sounds like a straight forward person, she certainly did not sugar coat her explanation and she did not play games. She appears to have shown sensitivity towards your feelings and yet had the decency to tell you why she thinks you and her are not right for each other. Many, many, never get such a straight explanation and wallow for weeks or months in bewilderment. Anyway to your credit you reached out and now know for sure where you stand. So as much as you might be at the beginning of the b/u stage again, you are fully aware of the reasons for her leaving and quite simply were not compatible with her by her standards. She has no blame and no ill will for you and the decency for explaining it. Not a bad deal my friend. Now onwards in the healing process and leave this experience behind you forever. I am lucky I have such awesome friends. My ex dumped me a month ago. I have been using no contact well, broke it and she didn't reply. But just the other night I sent her a long message on FB asking her if she would consider having lunch with me at the end of it. (no begging, pleading). (
Author Blastbeat Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Blast, I’m going to support you on your actions. Generally I would say once a person processes the b/u they need to move on and there is no going back from that position. --------------------------------------------------------------- I’m not familiar with your entire story so I may have it wrong in saying it appears you were not in total acceptance and without definitive closure – at least something had you reach out to your EX. You apparently mustered up the nerve to ask your EX for lunch which I presume was an attempt to reconnect or seek closure – which one was it? Anyway, through this series of text messages you now have total closure. Your EX sounds like a straight forward person, she certainly did not sugar coat her explanation and she did not play games. She appears to have shown sensitivity towards your feelings and yet had the decency to tell you why she thinks you and her are not right for each other. Many, many, never get such a straight explanation and wallow for weeks or months in bewilderment. Anyway to your credit you reached out and now know for sure where you stand. So as much as you might be at the beginning of the b/u stage again, you are fully aware of the reasons for her leaving and quite simply were not compatible with her by her standards. She has no blame and no ill will for you and the decency for explaining it. Not a bad deal my friend. Now onwards in the healing process and leave this experience behind you forever. That's a very enlightening comment, thank you. I think you have it right. Yeah our relationship was pretty straight forward, she dumped me for her own reasons which were good enough. And like you said, she was straight up. I asked her out in the hopes for reconcile but got closure instead which isn't a bad thing. She didn't feel like I appreciated her (she did a lot for me) and i think that led her to lose attraction for me and maybe gravitate toward someone else. She's hurt that I won't be friends with her, but she needs to understand that I don't see her as just a friend, so maybe we can hang out as friends in a year or so. We have some mutual friends.
BN1990 Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 this sounds like something im going through... although im not getting the full answer, im getting "i just dont want to be in a relationship now, but maybe in the future, you mean so much to me" to some it sounds like im being kept at the end of her line as an option but she wants to move on and avoid all her feelings and avoid greiving.. i broke 3mnth NC to ask for lunch too but ended up asking for another chance... Back to square one too and confused... i still love her thats the problem Hope your ok Buddy!
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