Slipping away...

[LindaMcGrath]

Let the storytelling commence...

 

I am an 18-year-old woman currently in a relationship with a wonderful, 21-year-old man named M. M and I met in early May of this year and dated for about 2 months before we decided to dub ourselves a couple. He is in his final year of Vocational University and, before we met, signed up for an internship abroad. He left early September for India, when our relationship was barely 2.5 months old, and won't return until early February. Luckily we've passed the halfway mark already.

 

As a part of his internship he has to work with and treat disabled children (he's studying to be a physiotherapist). He is a very sensitive man, tends to keep his problems to himself and feels as if he's a bother to those he shares them with. Most of the time I can convince him to talk to me about them, and even though he has a hard time doing it, he does. Expect for the last month or so.

 

We Skype about once a week. When I notice something is bothering him and I ask him about it, he keeps reassuring me that he's OK, even though I notice he's not. His smile over Skype is fake and his eyes have lost that sparkle I love. I'm aware he's homesick quite often lately too.

 

He didn't leave for India on his own; 3 other students joined him for the exact same internship. To make matters worse, those three other students are all females. I'm not the jealous type, not at all, but sometimes when I see them all together in a picture on Facebook, hugging and laughing, it can really get to me. It makes me feel very insecure. But even though that's a sensitive subject for me, I talked to him about it, which cost me quite a lot of effort and quite some courage.

 

And that is exactly my point. I feel as if I'm the one approaching him all the time. As if I'm investing more in this relationship than he does. I initiate messaging, Skyping and talking about personal matters most of the time. He used to be the talker in the relationship, but that's just not the case any more. He shuts me out, which makes me feel as if I need him more than he needs me. He's my first thought when I wake up and my last thought before I go to sleep, but I never get any indication that I might be his. I feel as if he's forgetting me even though he keeps reassuring me he doesn't and that he loves me a lot.

 

I'm not only sad, but I'm angry and fed up too. Little irritations pile up quite quickly now. For instance; Wednesday we had a small conversation over Whatsapp before he went to bed. He promised me he would message me first thing in the morning. We don't message that often, so I was really looking forward to it. Except when I woke up, it wasn't in my inbox. It completely ruined my day, and I was pissed at both M and myself. I felt angry at myself to for allowing it to get to me and I felt angry at him for forgetting me. I know the reception on his phone wasn't an issue neither was his schedule. He simply forgot me. I've been ignoring him since (not that there's something to ignore, he hasn't even contacted me since to apologise or even to ask how I'm doing).

 

I'm scared of confronting him about all of this. I don't want to offend him because he can't handle criticism very well; not at all actually. I'm not scared of telling him what I think of him and his actions face to face, but over Skype is something else entirely. I don't want to plant that seed of doubt that'll ruin everything over the next 2 months.

 

I feel as if he's slipping away from me, but I'm clueless as to what to do since I sometimes feel as if I barely know him any more. I have a friend who's been in a temporary LDR too and she assured me it would get easier with time. I can now conclude that is an absolute lie. It is certainly not getting easier. I feel as if I'm losing him and driving myself crazy in the process. I can't do this for another 2 months. What should I do?

Edited December 1, 2013 by LindaMcGrath

[justwhoiam]

Hi Linda,

 

I know the feelings you described pretty well. Two months is really a short time, but days without him might seem drawn-out.

 

I don't know what would be better in your case, I guess I would not confront him over Skype, for the same reasons you mentioned. I know what happens, he can misunderstand your words, it can make things even worse. There's a chance everything would be cleared up, but there'd be just as many chances of him getting uncomfortable, irritated, feeling accused, or (this would be the one I'd fear the most) trying to dismiss the matter in less than no time, which would belittle your feelings and make you feel terrible.

 

So, what to do? I don't know, unfortunately I don't have an answer for that. But just like you, I'd tend to switch to ignore mode, and probably not even willingly, rather it'd happen on its own, I'd get half-hearted if he seem to forget about me. And even if I don't do it on purpose, when something goes wrong, he usually notices. I guess things would be different if we were together in person.

 

Anyway, rationalizing, you should find some time to talk, when you're sure he has free time to talk to you for a while. But it could be like opening a Pandora's box. Be prepared.

[LLQ1986]

Well I suppose if you aren't ready to talk over Skype you can always write him an email. My bf and I aren't much of a talker so we text a lot and skype/FT once a week.

 

Things are better expressed when they are done in the form of writing. You get to express yourself better (without having to see and react to his responses) and he will have time to think thru and get back to you.

 

Good luck!