OptimistPrime Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 After 22 years of marriage and raising three kids my wife and I divorced two weeks ago. We'd been separated for nearly two years with her moving in to her own apartment and leaving me at the house. I have had all kinds of emotions running through me from exhilaration and relief to sadness and grief over the past two weeks. I guess I'm just trying to figure out what comes next. Sometimes the sadness is too overwhelming and I find I look for my ex when I'm under stress from the job. I know I cannot find closure this way but my ex was my best friend for twenty years and I became co-dependent on her. Now I feel alone because not only did I lose my wife but also my best friend . . . hence, the reason I'm on a forum. Some friendly advice is needed.
keepontruckin Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 One man wolf pack, buddy. Learn how, understand and appreciate the benefits, and go with the flow... Whatever you want to give to her, you give to yourself instead. You do this from now on, and forever on from here on in.
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 If you've been separated for two years, wouldn't you have made a new life for yourself already? Unless you're still hanging on to memories of what was and could have been. I'd recommend creating a new community for yourself. For me, I started going to church. I joined a yoga studio. I consciously make new friends and reach out to them. I go to networking events and sign up free meetup events too! This has helped me relate to new people and get out of my head. It takes work though! But well worth the investment
Author OptimistPrime Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Thanks Keepontruckin. Sounds like I need to start thinking about myself instead of her... the hard part is I've been doing it backwards for most of the 25 years we were together.
Author OptimistPrime Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 If you've been separated for two years, wouldn't you have made a new life for yourself already? Unless you're still hanging on to memories of what was and could have been. I'd recommend creating a new community for yourself. For me, I started going to church. I joined a yoga studio. I consciously make new friends and reach out to them. I go to networking events and sign up free meetup events too! This has helped me relate to new people and get out of my head. It takes work though! But well worth the investment No. We were separated but 'together' for those two years. We spent our weekends together but weekdays were apart. It was more out of convenience since neither of us were looking for anyone else. I fully expected to make it work with her so I didn't push for a divorce until this summer when she made it clear she wasn't in love with me as a wife should be. We were both miserable these past three years together even after marriage counseling and separate counseling over that time. Creating a new community for myself is a good idea which I've started by getting on this forum and going back to school. I plan on getting back in church but feel awkward going to the same church that we went to together when we were married. Slowly but surely I'll get on with it.
Author OptimistPrime Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 You need to replace her once you are ready. Replace the companionship she provided- yes... the wife ...no. Not ready for either actually. But alas, it is a slow process and i do not know what the future holds for me.
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 Creating a new community for myself is a good idea which I've started by getting on this forum and going back to school. I plan on getting back in church but feel awkward going to the same church that we went to together when we were married. Slowly but surely I'll get on with it. I went to a new church today and am really hoping to fit in. My heart still aches too, but going out and getting fresh air, as well as making new friends definitely helps take the mind off of things. I'm sure that in due time, your heart and mind will quiet down and you'll be able to appreciate the silence that is around you. Right now, it's hard because you're accustomed to having her in your life. Know that this is a phase and it too shall pass. I guess I need to take my own advice... 1
Author OptimistPrime Posted December 5, 2013 Author Posted December 5, 2013 I went to a new church today and am really hoping to fit in. My heart still aches too, but going out and getting fresh air, as well as making new friends definitely helps take the mind off of things. I'm sure that in due time, your heart and mind will quiet down and you'll be able to appreciate the silence that is around you. Right now, it's hard because you're accustomed to having her in your life. Know that this is a phase and it too shall pass. I guess I need to take my own advice... You hit it right on! Right now I'm going through some stress unrelated to the divorce and guess who I look for to vent my frustrations?!! Yep, the ex...she was my wife and best friend for over 20 years and it is tough to lose both at the same time. Yes, the phase will pass ...just not fast enough!
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